September 27th, 1993, "Liasons"
Fiver by Wade
The Episode
RIKER: If I didn't know you better, I'd say that you were procrastinating.
WORF: Klingons do not procrastinate. It is a tactical delay.
He learned from the best. "There is no delay, it is the time that I have chosen."
WORF: I do not see why it is necessary to wear these ridiculous uniforms.
RIKER: Protocol.
WORF: They look like dresses.
RIKER: That is an incredibly outmoded and sexist attitude. I'm surprised at you. Besides, you look good in a dress.
I never understood the skirted dress uniform. Good punchline, though.
LOQUEL: You have no food on your plate. Are you going to eat?
TROI: Oh, well, actually, I was waiting until we got to the desserts.
Ugh. You can't make a meal out of dessert, no matter how nutritionally balanced the replicator base material is.
TROI: Oh, well, let me introduce you to some of my favourites. This is peach cobbler with whipped cream. Tarvokian powder cake. And this is my favourite. Ktarian chocolate puff.
"Tavorkian powder cake" must've been a typo, since we encountered Tavorkian POUND cake back in "The Game."
I was surprised to see "Ktarian" appear since I thought that was introduced for Voyager, and I doubt that Samantha Wildman was part of the series bible.
Then again, we encounter two completely different alien appearances both called Ktarian (the other variety was also seen in "The Game"). I wonder if this is a Rigelian or Xindi thing, where multiple species share a name.
BYLETH: This is unacceptable.
WORF: I am sorry you do not care for our
BYLETH: Bring me new food. I require a higher protein and enzymatic content.
If you want more enzymes look toward honey, tofu, or certain tropical fruits. Add in the protein requirement and the safest bet is probably tofu.
WORF: The Engineering sections encompass twelve decks of the secondary hull.
Well, that's unexpected. Although I suppose it depends on what you call "Engineering sections", as it would be more than just the warp engines.
BYLETH: I wish to see the Bussard collectors. Take me to them.
WORF: This way.
"Don't mind the two skeletons that have been baked into that bulkhead. I'm fairly certain that won't happen to you." Hehe.
TROI: Next we're going to go to deck eight, which is interesting because it's not really finished. It's sort of a multi-purpose deck. Sometimes when we need an extra lab or...
This is a surprise. Even if I'll accept that certain nonessential sections were unfinished at launch while people decided what to do with it, I'm fairly certain that all sections were completed in the refit during "Family".
ANNA: I knew from the moment I saw you that you were here to save me. I'll do anything you want. Just don't leave me. I don't ever want to be alone again.
(Anna kisses Picard)
ANNA: I love you.
The first line is fair enough. Any castaway who's been alone for seven years would be a little warped and needy. It's the second line that bugs me, that's blatant emotional manipulation. I'm reminded of "Groundhog Day" when Phil is desperately trying to recreate his successful date with Rita, looking absolutely ridiculous in the process.
PICARD: Anna, I'm grateful to you for saving my life, and I think that you are a warm and compassionate person, and I feel a great sympathy for what you've been through alone here on this planet, but I don't think that you can really be in love with me.
ANNA: How can you say that? Of course I love you.
PICARD: No, I'm the first person you've seen in seven years. I'm bringing you the hope of leaving this place. Don't you think that you could possibly be just a little confused right now?
ANNA: So you're not attracted to me.
Anna just jumped to a completely different topic. Or maybe it's just that annoying cliche that emotional affection requires physical attraction or vice-versa.
PICARD: You don't have to do this. I found Voval, the shuttle pilot, he's still alive. He can help us get away from here.
ANNA: I don't care. I'll jump unless you promise to love me.
Oh boy, is this pathetic at this stage.
VOVAL: In the logs, she described many concepts we found difficult to understand. Pleasure, antagonism, love. These were alien to us. We wished to experience them for ourselves. Ambassador Loquel was sent to experience pleasure. Byleth was sent to experience antagonism. And I was sent to experience love. Was this wrong?
My problem is that in all three cases the aliens focused on the most superficial aspects of these emotions without considering the possibilities of their true depth and range.
BYLETH: Lieutenant Worf was kind enough to engage me in eleven hours of holodeck battle exercises.
RIKER: Eleven hours.
BYLETH: Yes, I learned a great deal about the concept of antagonism.
After eleven hours of battle I think you've gone beyond "antagonism" into "stubbornness." Furthermore, I don't think even Klingons can battle for eleven hours straight.
VOVAL: I am sorry if our diplomatic methods offended you.
PICARD: No, on the contrary, I found your approach intriguing.
I find it interesting to contemplate how Kirk and crew would react to this scenario.
The Fiver
Captain's Log: Diplomacy time! As a precaution against plot twists, I've ordered all technobabble protocols disabled. La Forge and Data are already going through withdrawal symptoms.
"And Starfleet Academy has informed us that Wesley suddenly went catatonic at the same time."
Byleth: And I will condescend to accept the big one in yellow -- the color of cowardice.
Worf: Definitely feeling aggressive tendencies, Captain.
This is a rather clunky Insurrection reference. I wonder what Klingons consider the color of cowardice, it's probably not yellow.
And if you're wondering why "yellow" means "coward", the
Straight Dope has multiple possible explanations, I think I prefer the yellow bile theory.
Picard: Shuttlepod One, Shuttlepod One. Hoshi, can you hear me?
Voval: Who are you talking to?
Picard: I'm just trying every possible option, that's all.
That Enterprise joke seemed a little crowbarred.
Troi: They're just different, Worf. For instance, Loquel is seemingly preoccupied with my figure.
Worf and Riker: Hey who isn't?
Troi: Why do I even bother?
Obvious joke is obvious.
Picard: Anna, please hand me one of your emery boards.
Anna: What for, sugarplum?
Picard: I'm trying to make a battery for us. I saw MacGyver do it.
This never happened.
Picard: Let me get this straight. You wanted to study human emotions, so your test subjects were a Klingon, a Betazoid and a man brainwashed by the Borg?
Voval: Would that skew our results at all?
Picard: Accuracy is futile.
A good point.
Nitpicker's Guide
* Phil has a speech about how little these dress uniforms look like dresses, especially compared to earlier dress uniforms as seen in "Manhunt" and similar. At least this time our crew is wearing pants and not pantyhose.