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Five-Minute "The Sound of Her Voice"

by Nate the Great

Odo: These new barstools are a menace. Replace them.
Quark: Well, um -- hey, isn't that Kira over there?
Odo: You think you can distract me that easily?
Quark: Pretty much, yeah.

Yates: I hate filling out all these forms.
Sisko: Don't look at me; I'm just the middle management drone.
Yates: Aren't you going to do something about it?
Sisko: I would, but for middle management drones, resistance is useless.

Cusak: Hey, I'm trapped on a planet and I need help!
Sisko: Just what I need, another demanding woman.
Worf: We are the only ship in range, sir.
Sisko: Oh well, at least this'll keep me away from Kasidy. Set a course.

Bashir: Have you figured out a way to respond yet, Chief?
O'Brien: She's rotating her frequency. At least I can listen to her prattle while I drive myself crazy trying to figure it out.
Cusak: By the way, I hate rations!
Bashir: She sounds like a wonderful person, even if she is a whiner.
Cusak: Oh, and I hate rain, too!
O'Brien: She's nothing special. Where I come from, whining about the food and the weather is an art form.

Quark: You're not getting her an anniversary present?
Odo: No, why?
Quark: Hey, your funeral.
Jake: Do you mind if I use you as a character study?
Quark: You think readers would like to read about a charming businessman?
Jake: No, they like charming and bumbling crooks, but if you know any charming businessmen, be sure to introduce us.

Yates: Do you mind having me aboard? I am a civilian, after all.
O'Brien: Not at all, it's just --
Cusak: Hey! Would you two stop prattling and help me?
O'Brien: Yes, Keiko! Sorry, conditioned response.
Yates: No apology necessary, I've had Ben trained for months.

Cusak: My ship crashed while we were studying a random energy phenomenon.
Sisko: How unusual.
O'Brien: You'd be surprised.
Bashir: You say you're running out of oxygen?
Cusak: Oh yeah, I'll be seeing pink elephants before you get here.
Sisko: I'll make sure someone stays on the line all the time.
Cusak: Okay, but you better not be calling collect.

Cusak: From the way you talk you're more comfortable talking about the war than your relationship.
Sisko: I guess I am.
Cusak: Well, we have to fix that. Want to hear the story of my Andorian stalker?
Sisko: Do I?
Cusak: Oh yeah, he was cool. He has a blue house with a blue window. Too bad it ended with him dumping me to sign a contract with a record company.

Quark: I'm going to distract Odo with this anniversary stuff and make a killer profit behind his back.
Jake: Cool.
Odo: I think I'm ready for my anniversary.
Quark: No, you're not. You need a holosuite program to keep you occupied for a whole night.
Odo: Vulcan Love Slave Part Two: The Revenge?
Quark: Hey, it's more romantic than you'd think!

Cusak: Hey, are you listening to me?
Bashir: Of course.
Cusak: (deep voice) I ate Captain Cusak. She tastes like chicken.
Bashir: Huh? Medical textbooks say that people taste like --
Cusak: Man, you're clueless.
Bashir: That was mean.
Cusak: I'm a starship captain. Misleading doctors is what I do.

Odo: Sunday is gonna be a night to remember.
Quark: You mean Saturday, right?
Odo: No, our first date was a fiasco. Read the fiver if you want the details. I'm going to celebrate our first kiss instead.
Quark: But... but... please go away so I can go into hysterics.
Odo: Not a chance. I'd pay to see you go crazy.

O'Brien: This war is really depressing me. Why a Starfleet veteran of twenty years should be panicked by a war is beyond me.
Cusak: You really need a counselor.
O'Brien: The castaway is saying that the hero needs help. That's even more depressing.
Cusak: I'm a starship captain. Burdening engineers is what I do.

Bashir: Captain Cusak is going to die faster than we thought.
Sisko: How much time do we need?
Bashir: More time than we can safely get, but less than would be impossible.
Sisko: Sounds like you have a typical engineering miracle ahead of you, Chief.
O'Brien: Yup, oh nine hundred, right on time. And I thought I'd actually be able to sleep today. No matter, you can just hypo the caffeine directly into my bloodstream, can't you, Julian?
Bashir: Oh, yeah. I built this prototype for Kathryn Janeway but she said it didn't work fast enough.

Worf: We shouldn't drain the phaser reserve to get more speed.
Sisko: Since when do we have a phaser reserve that's compatible with the warp engines?
O'Brien: Oh, I keep that in my magic hat with the rest of my engineering tricks. Sometimes it can get heavy, but with the right tux I look awesome in it.

Sisko: I'm having a problem with having Kasidy on board.
Cusak: You're hardly the first captain who couldn't balance career and relationships when on duty.
Sisko: That wasn't at all comforting.
Cusak: Look, I'm dying and your crew is even more depressed than I am. I'm not sure it was meant to be comforting.
Sisko: You don't have any advice?
Cusak: I say that your crew needs to get away from all this depression, and get a counselor! I'm a captain, not a shrink!

Quark: I can't believe this deal is going to go awry. I've had such terrible luck these last few years.
Jake: Things aren't that bad. You might pull it off.
Quark: Yeah, right. After all the things I've done for Odo, you'd think by now he owed me a favor.
Jake: Odo? Favors? Now that's crazy talk.
Quark: Right now insanity is sounding good.

Odo: It turns out Nerys would rather celebrate tonight. I'd like that program now.
Quark: Oh, yeah, sure.
Kira: I knew I loved you for a reason. You're actually helping Quark. If I didn't know any better I'd call that a sign of the Apocalypse.
Odo: Oh well, I owed him one. Besides, you mean more to me than Quark ever will.
Kira: No, I don't, but it's a nice sentiment anyway.

O'Brien: We're here, but we can't use transporters and taking down the ship will make us crash.
Bashir: She's dying! We have to act now!
Sisko: We'll take a shuttle! Sure, it's smaller than the ship and will probably make us crash faster, but what else is new?

Bashir: She died three years ago.
O'Brien: The atmosphere must have time-shifted the signal both ways.
Sisko: We're taking her with us to be buried. She doesn't deserve to stay here. I hear those imaginary monsters are ravenous.

Yates: Are we okay?
Sisko: You were always okay. It was my fault.
Yates: Of course, you're the man. It's always your fault.

Bashir: I'm sorry for acting like a pompous jerk. I promise to act more like an ordinary fallible human.
O'Brien: I'm sorry for feeling lonely even when surrounded by friends. I promise to act more like a friend.
Sisko: I'd rather you act more like an engineer who can detect time shifts in a more timely manner.
O'Brien: Yes, sir. Next time --
Sisko: And no time jokes!
(The station turns at Ludicrous Speed)


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This fiver was originally published on April 23, 2006.

DISCLAIMER: A lot of stuff in here is copyrighted by Paramount Pictures. My intent isn't to infringe on that; I and those like me are just having a little fun in the universe Gene Roddenberry created. I don't think he'd mind.

All material © 2006, Nate Grant.