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Five-Minute "Sons and Daughters"


Worf: Jadzia, can I ask you a ques--
Jadzia: It's about the wedding, isn't it?
Worf: Well....
Jadzia: Jeez, it's always about the wedding with you. "Jadzia, when will you challenge the 'Maid of Honor'?" "Jadzia, hunt for your wedding pelt." Don't you think about anything else?
Worf: But this is important! You haven't made preparations to join the House of Martok!
Jadzia: Of course I have. I've listened to "Jump Around" nonstop since last season.
Worf: I meant social preparations, not mental ones.

O'Brien: (singing) We salute ye dead with honor, as we slash our palms with knives!
Bashir: (singing) Which we use on Jem'Hadar throats to take Dominion lives!
Sisko: Ugh. That wasn't stuck in my head before you two started....
Martok: I've got the whole musical on DVD if you'd like to borrow it. It's the R'awdjers and Ha'marrs'tok version.
Sisko: Thanks but no thanks. Except of course for the thanks for rescuing us. So thanks.
Martok: Uh, right.

Worf: The replacements are here, General.
Martok: Tell Keanu Reeves and that "Make 7-Up Yours" guy that we don't need their help.
Worf: General, these are five new Klingon recruits from the dishonourable escape pod of some doomed ship or another.
Martok: Bah, send them in.
Replacements: Yo.
Martok: Ugh. These replacements are a joke.

Worf: Unfortunately, not enough of a joke to end a scene with.
Martok: Right, sorry. (ahem) "Sons and daughters of the Empire: may you Klingettes grow both the skills and the beards you lack."
Worf: New recruits, speak your names!
Alexander: Won't this scene drag on too long if we do that?
Martok: He breaks the fourth wall as you do, Worf! I conclude that the two of you are related.
Worf: Not so! I swear in the name of The Reader that -- aw, crud.

Jake: I want in.
Odo: In what?
Jake: La résistance!
Odo: First, no. Second, be quiet; the Cardassians will hear you.
Jake: Relax, I doubt they speak French.

Dukat: Why, if it isn't my good friend Nerys.
Kira: I'll be damned if I'll let a Cardassian call me by my last name.
Ziyal: Nerys! It's me!
Kira: Wow! I'm so happy to see you!

Martok: Good news: we've been given a suicide mission. But more importantly, you need to talk to your son for Kahless' sake.
Worf: Aw, but I've spent years perfecting the "disregard the continuity of your son" approach to parenting.
Martok: Talk to him as a Klingon! That's an order!

Worf: Grunt.
Alexander: Huh?
Worf: That's Klingon for "I expect more from you than everyone else on the ship put together."
Alexander: Sure, no problem.
Worf: Argh! Be less agreeable!
Alexander: Don't worry, I let my actions do the disagreeing.

Alexander: Can I sit here?
Ch'Targh: Only if I get to beat you up and steal your bloodwine money.
Alexander: Deal.

Ziyal: What a lovely dinner to share among friends.
Dukat: Huh?
Kira: Excuse me?
Ziyal: You're right. I probably should've cooked this longer.

Martok: Your son is a wuss. Stop sidestepping the problem and do something about it.
Worf: I can't help the weakling. He was cursed with brains, not muscle.
Alexander: (from the bridge) Ahhh! Rogue battle simulation! Save me!
Martok: Apparently he was cursed with neither.
Worf: Shut up.

Dukat: Did you hear the good news?
Kira: Sisko? Where?
Dukat: Er, I meant that the Cardassian Institute of Art is accepting three of Ziyal's paintings.
Kira: She paints?
Dukat: Yeah, I guess we kinda skipped over that part.
Kira: Right... Are we supposed to be pretending we don't hate each other with this light-hearted banter?
Dukat: I dunno, I was kinda confused about that myself. Just go with it.

Worf: This weapon is called a kar'takin. You'll notice the Jem'Hadar use the same random apostrophes in their weapon names as we do. The mark of a true warrior.
Alexander: I call my bat'leth "Pokey".
Worf: That will not do. How about "Poh'ki"?
Alexander: That works.

Kira: Ooo, what a lovely dress!
Damar: It's for you, from Dukat.
Kira: Yuck, give it back.

Ziyal: Yuck, what an ugly dress.
Dukat: It's for you, from me, dear.
Ziyal: Ooo, gimme!

Martok: What the hell?
Alexander: I'm practicing.
Martok: Practicing what, ballet?
Alexander: And fighting. Killing two birds with one stone, really.
Martok: Alexander, your father told me to kick you off the ship. But had he not, I still would have after viewing this shocking display.
Alexander: Wanna see my rendition of "Targ Lake"?
Martok: No.

Worf: I thought I told Martok to tell you to scram already.
Alexander: He did. I'm here to guilt-trip you into letting me stay.
Worf: Nothing will alter my decision. Nothing will stand in the way of my denying your existance.
Martok: (over the comm) All hands, report to battle stations!
Worf: Crap.

Martok: The Jem'Hadar ship has disrupted our phase combobulator! Whoever goes and fixes it will probably die.
Alexander: I'll go!
Worf: Ch'Targh, go and fix it!
Ch'Targh: Isn't Alexander going?
Worf: Who?

Ziyal: I've noticed that you and Dukat haven't been getting along lately.
Kira: Lately?
Ziyal: Jeez. You two go back to being at each other's throats. I'll be hanging out with my father and his friends.
Kira: Watch your back.
Ziyal: What was that? I couldn't hear you over Damar's sneering.
Kira: Meh, nothing.

Alexander: Wahoo! I was brave just now.
Worf: Did you hear something, Martok?
Martok: Jeez, Worf. Acknowledge him already.
Worf: Fine. Good job, son.
Alexander: Can I be in the House of Martok now?
Worf: Sure, kid. I'll even teach you to be a real warrior.
Alexander: Really?
Worf: Probably not. I've got enough to juggle between this show and random appearances on the Enterprise.
Alexander: You broke the fourth wall again! Won't people catch onto that sort of gimmick?
Worf: Not likely. Watch this.
(Nobody catches on at Ludicrous Speed)


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This fiver was originally published on June 27, 2005.

DISCLAIMER: A lot of stuff in here is copyrighted by Paramount Pictures. My intent isn't to infringe on that; I and those like me are just having a little fun in the universe Gene Roddenberry created. I don't think he'd mind.

All material © 2005, IJD GAF.