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Five-Minute "A Time to Stand"

by Andy Taylor

O'Brien: (sigh) Three months of war and we've got nothing to show for it. Three months -- three months I tells ya!
Sisko: Do you have to keep saying that?
O'Brien: Well if I didn't, certain things wouldn't make sense.
Sisko: You're not making sense though.
O'Brien: Shut up.

Bashir: Ooh, look at me, I'm all bitter and twisted because I've been tending to injured soldiers for three months --
Garak: All right, we get the exposition already!
Bashir: Oh. Want some weird calculations to show I haven't forgotten I'm genetically modified?
Garak: Not if it's all doom and gloom.
Bashir: Awww, you're no fun.

Worf: Argh! I've been gagging to say this for three months!
Jadzia: Three months? What is it?
Worf: We have to kill the food before we eat at our wedding!
Jadzia: Three months for that?
Sisko: That's it, shut up! It hasn't even been three months, now you're just annoying me!
Bashir: Care for a change of pace sir?
Sisko: Always.
Bashir: The seventh fleet's nearly been wiped out.
Sisko: Sorry -- three months? Wow...

Permanent Documentation File, Dukat S.G.: I'm the king of the castle and you're the dirty rascals! Erm, I mean, lookie, I can have a funky captain's log too!

Weyoun: Bajorans are returning to the station; it seems life is returning to normal after three --
Dukat: Don't even think about it!
Kira: Just for that, I want Bajoran security officers on the station.
Damar: We're not that dumb. Just for that, we're doubling security.
Kira: Aw, bite me!
Weyoun: Oh, by the way, Odo's great, I miss him, yadda yadda.
Kira: What?
Weyoun: Do Vorta need a reason to pointlessly praise?

Admiral Ross: Hi, I'm your new recurring character.
Sisko: I didn't order one of those.
Admiral Ross: How odd. Like my old admiral uniform?
Sisko: No, it clashes with everything.
Admiral Ross: That's it -- you're relieved of command.
Sisko: Hey! I definitely don't like you!
Admiral Ross: Oh shut up, I'll be marrying you next year.

Joseph Sisko: So what brings your first communication with me in months?
Sisko: I left Jake on an occupied DS9.
Joseph Sisko: Okay... I'm liking you a little less now.
Sisko: Awww, Dad, c'mon, it's only Jake.
Joseph Sisko: Oh, Jake! Sorry, I thought you mentioned someone useful. My bad.

Jake: Hi! So what do you think of my news reports?
Weyoun: Rule number one of journalism: don't insult the person who reads and submits your articles.
Jake: Oops.

Admiral Ross: We've found the Dominion's main ketracel white facility.
Jadzia: But I thought they got that from the Gamma Quadrant?
Admiral Ross: Shut up. Anyway, if we destroy it, all the Jem'Hadar will die eventually.
Bashir: Isn't that genocide, though?
Admiral Ross: Shut up!
Sisko: And how do we get there if I'm not in command of the Defiant?
Admiral Ross: Shut up! Er, I mean with the Jem'Hadar ship you captured last year.
Sisko: Wow, cool beans! Sorry for hating you....
Admiral Ross: It's okay, I marry you next --
Sisko: You know, the more you say it, the less it sounds good.

Nog: GAH! Why no chairs in here?
O'Brien: I believe it's a time to stand, cadet.
Nog: Phaser please, that was just too bad.
Bashir: Give over, at least you don't have Sickbay in your quarters.
O'Brien: You're sleeping in Sickbay? Such dedicated professionalism from --
Bashir: Kill him.

Dukat: Whoa, look at me, sitting at Sisko's desk, playing with his baseball.
Kira: Are you trying to seduce me?
Dukat: Yeah. Guess my lines need work, huh?

Sisko: Argh, my eyes! My beautiful eyes!
Bashir: What?
Sisko: Okay, I have a headache then. Make Garak wear the stupid viewscreen.
Garak: That's something I thought I'd never hear you say.
Nog: We're being attacked by a Federation starship!
Sisko: Right back at you, Garak.

Garak: Shall we fire back?
Sisko: Whilst the obvious answer is no, the obvious answer is yes.
Garak: What cunning logic.
Jadzia: Never mind, some other Jem'Hadar ships are coming.
Sisko: Phew! Er, no, that's not right...
Jadzia: Shall we leave?
Sisko: Well, since it's a time to stand against the Dominion --
O'Brien: Sir, we already did the title thing.
Sisko: Awww.

Kira: Hey, Odo, Weyoun thinks you're a god. Make him do stuff.
Odo: Hmmm...

Odo: ...Walk like an Egyptian!
Weyoun: Okay!
Odo: Make like Porthos!
Weyoun: Ruff, ruff!
Odo: Reinstate the Bajoran security officers!
Weyoun: Done. Now your turn...

Odo: ...I'm on the station's ruling council.
Kira: So you're one of them now?
Odo: For the sake of argument I'll say no. For now -- MWAHAHAHAHA!
Kira: Well, this better not come back and bite me on the @$$.

Sisko: So we beam down a bomb in the form of a ketracel white canister? Won't they detect it?
O'Brien: Don't be so negative.
(The canister beams down)
Jadzia: They just raised the perimeter shields. I think they found the bomb.
O'Brien: Oops.
Sisko: So when the facility goes boom, we go boom too?
Jadzia: Well, we could surf the shockwave out of here.
Sisko: That's too ridiculous not to do.

Ketracel White Facility: And down I go... GAK!
Defiant: Cowabunga!
All: Wheeeeeeee!
Jadzia: We're out!
O'Brien: Ahem. We have no warp drive, though.
Garak: All right, brainiac, how long till we reach the nearest Federation outpost?
Bashir: Eight years, seven months, 16 days, four minutes, 22 seconds --
Garak: Far too long...
Sisko: What?
Bashir: Sorry. I meant 17 years, two months and three days.
Sisko: Oh yeah, much better. WAH!
(Sisko cries at Ludicrous Speed)


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This fiver was originally published on June 26, 2005.

DISCLAIMER: A lot of stuff in here is copyrighted by Paramount Pictures. My intent isn't to infringe on that; I and those like me are just having a little fun in the universe Gene Roddenberry created. I don't think he'd mind.

All material © 2005, Andy Taylor.