Five-Minute "The Parliament of Dreams"
by Taya17

Garibaldi: Since I have this scene's only line, I will gripe about this religious ceremony observance event, notice Sinclair's ex and looked disgruntled all in quick succession. How lame can this get?

G'Kar: (singing) ...and really bad eggs, drink up, me hearties, yo ho!
Tu'Pari: Sorry to interrupt the cacoph-- sorry, reverie-- but you have a really important message from Homeworld.
Councillor: (on viewscreen) Hello G'kar, my old love! I have good news and bad news. One part consists of me being dead when you see this, and the other consists of you dying very soon therafter! Ha ha! Well for you the good news would the first half and the bad news the second, but for me the --
G'Kar: Shut up, you old windbag -- wait, did you say I was going to die?

Sinclair: Michael, I can't find my communicator!
Garibaldi: You put it in your pants pocket. By the way, one of your exes is on board.
Sinclair: What do you mean? All my axes are always on board with me. Dorso-ventral, anterior--
Sinclair's Pants: Commander Sinclair, this is Ivanova. You're late for the ceremony.
Sinclair: Whoa! My pants are talking to me! Do you have a name?
Sinclair's Pants: Call me Susan.
Sinclair: Sweet!

Londo: Wombatty cricketry! Stone the crows! Eat vegan meals! Wear more chartreuse! Nuke the Whales! I am the lizard queen!
Garibaldi: He's drunk.
Sinclair: I'm leaving before the embarrassment kills me.
Londo: Delenn, will you marry me?
Delenn: Later, perhaps.

G'Kar: Ahhh! You're the new aide sent to kill me!
Na'Toth: How do you know that?
G'Kar: Because you have the words "Kill G'Kar" tattooed across your chestplate!
Na'Toth: What? But it's written in Tu'Pari's handwriting!
G'Kar: I don't care! I don't trust you!

Sakai: (SLAP!) You're an idiot!
Sinclair: I'm happy to see you too. Want to have dinner later, which will eventually lead to a completely pointless escapade in bed which will lend absolutely nothing of substance to the plot?
Sakai: Are you insane?
Sinclair's Pants: Commander, where are you?
Sinclair: Not now, Susan!
Sakai: Talking pants named Susan? You're definitely insane -- dinner it is, then!

G'Kar: Zzzzz... Grunt... Zzzzzz....
Black Flower: Peekaboo!

Na'Toth: So you want me to find this suspicious-sounding guy whom you've only met once to help you solve the mystery of who's going to kill you just because a secret admirer left you a black flower on your pillow?
G'Kar: That's just right!
Na'Toth: You know, I heard that Delenn plans to turn the Advisory Council into her own personal harem.

Sinclair: I'm beginning to regret this dinner which will eventually lead to a completely pointless escapade in bed which will lend absolutely nothing of substance to the plot.
Sakai: Want to jump into bed now?
Sinclair: Show me a million dollars and I'll think about it.

Lennier: Hi, I'm Lennier. I'm your aide and the new geek on board.
Delenn: Hello, Lennier. You're cute. Come on, I'm conducting a ceremony to add the advisory council to my harem. You can help.
Lennier: As you wish, Satai.
Delenn: Call me Delenn, honey.
Lennier: Yikes, I think I'm in love.

G'Kar: Quick! I need fearsome bodyguards to protect me!
N'Grath: I have a couple of rabid fangirls on board. Will they do?
G'Kar: Oh, perfect!

Delenn: This is a Minbari marriage ceremony. When you eat the little red fruits that I've handed out, you'll all officially be part of my harem.
Sinclair: Roih. Thash my shighnal to gah outch.
Delenn: Too late, loverboy!
Sinclair: Ewp.

G'Kar: Why weren't you at that Minbari ceremony? I could have DIED!
Rabid Fangirls: GAK!
Na'Toth: I guess they'd rather die than be part of Delenn's harem.
G'Kar: Stop laughing and get me Tu'Pari, now!
Na'Toth: What, the guy who's been giving out anti-G'Kar leaflets in Down--
G'Kar: Yes, you moron!

Sakai: I have to tell you, I'm anti-game show.
Investors: We know. Now pick one of these planets.
Sakai: This one.
Investors: Is that your final -- er, I mean, are you sure?
Sakai: Yes!
Investors: Congratulations, you've just won a million dollars!
Sakai: I said I was anti-game show!
Investors: This isn't a game show.
Sakai: Then explain the cheesy synthesizer music!
Investors: That's the Vorlon over there. Ignore it.

Tu'Pari: You called, dearest?
G'Kar: Yes I -- hey! You're pointing a gun at me! Is this a game? I love games!
Tu'Pari: You're awfully slow on the uptake, boy.

Sakai: All right. We've had the pointless dinner. I've got the million dollars. Will you jump into bed with me now?
Sinclair: Me and my big mouth. Absolutely not!
Sakai: Why not? It's because those rumors that you're going to sleep with that Minbari ambassador tonight are true, isn't it?
Sinclair: WHAT? Oh God! Get into bed, now!

G'Kar: So it was YOU all this while!
Tu'Pari: Yes. I was sent to inhume you... slowly and painfully.
G'Kar: What's this television set doing here?
Tu'Pari: You see, the Assassin's Guild teaches us a variety of … interesting torture methods. Like endless re-runs of reality TV shows, or worse…
G'Kar: The run-up to the Californian elections?
Tu'Pari: Worse.
G'Kar: Not... not Titanic?
Tu'Pari: Hey, count yourself lucky. I could have broadcast endless repeats of that Madonna/Britney kiss.

Sakai: You know, I could really get used to this.
Sinclair: So could I... if my blood turns fuschia, the sea turns pink, and Delenn turns purple and floats to the ceiling.
Sinclair's Pants: Commander, where are you? It's your turn tonight.
Sinclair: Not now, Susan!
Sinclair's Pants: It's Delenn.
Sinclair: GAH! My pants have multiple personality disorder!

Celine Dion: Near... far....
Na'Toth: For G'Quan's sake, turn that hideous thing off!
Tu'Pari: NOOOO! What are you doing here?
Tu'Pari: AWK!

Ivanova: This is a completely pointless filler line.

G'Kar: Wakey wakey, sleepy bones.
Tu'Pari: Wha--? What happened?
Na'Toth: Oh, nothing except you missed the deadline for killing G'Kar and we made it look like we bribed you into not doing it.
G'Kar: And oh, we made sure the flight we booked back to Homeworld will be playing endless reruns of Keanu Reeves' old movies.
Na'Toth: To summarize: You are majorly screwed.

Sakai: Well, I guess it's time for me to leave. Hey, you look glum.
Sinclair: Yeah, there's the good and bad. The good thing is, I've found my missing communicator, it was in my pants all along!
Sakai: And the bad?
Sinclair: My pants aren't talking to me anymore.
Sakai: I think I'm reconsidering that return flight I just booked.

Sinclair: I was supposed to demonstrate Earth's major belief system to you, but since showcasing religious beliefs would probably start terrorist attacks or gratuitous wars, I've decided to focus on some other equally gruesome aspect of Earth culture: inexplicable late twentieth century entertainment fads.
Celine Dion: Near... far... wherever you are....
(Everybody gets the hell out at Ludicrous Speed)


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This fiver was originally published on October 4, 2003.

DISCLAIMER: A lot of stuff in here is copyrighted by Babylonian Productions. I doubt they'll mind, but if they do, I'll just sic Alexander the Great on 'em.

All material © 2003, Taya17.