Five-Minute "Sic Transit Vir"
by Thinkey

Crew: (gawks)
Ivanova: What? You've never seen God naked before?

Ivanova: AHHH!
Computer: Wake up, sexy.
Ivanova: Didn't I tell you once before? It's GOD!

Regent: When I read you report all I see is Londo this, Londo that.
Vir: Was it that apparent?
Regent: Better question is, were you even there to write it?
Vir: I knew I couldn't cover up my trip to Risa with a Minbari diplomatic mission.

Ivanova: I've been having these dreams.
Sheridan: You know, they say that dreams are the answers to questions we haven't yet figured out how to ask.
Ivanova: Since when has this turned into an X-Files episode?
Sheridan: Since you dreamt that you showed up to work naked.
Ivanova: What's next? Earthforce abducts you, straps you to some chair and tortures you?
Sheridan: Susan... you know it's bad to spoil the audience.

Mollari: DIE BUG DIE!
Thinkey: Oh wait, this is the B5 fiver now.
Mollari: MUWHAHAHHA! I am God!
Ivanova: Sorry -- that title's already taken.

Sheridan: Hi Delenn. (wink wink nudge nudge)
Delenn: Is this another one of those human sayings?
Sheridan: Well...not really. (wink wink)
Delenn: Well, if you say so.... (wink)
Sheridan: (wink)
Delenn: (wink)
Sheridan: (wink nudge)
Delenn: (nudge) You got a deal.
Sheridan: Woohoo! And I'll be the king!
Ivanova: Okay, I'm claiming that title as well, just because it's another X-Files reference.
Sheridan: Aw, shucks.

Mollari: Hi Vir, had a nice trip? Good. Here is your wife.
Vir: Um....
Lindisty: Hi Vir, my little snuggle bunny!
Vir: Er....

Lindisty: Vir, you seem to be ascending to the stars!
Ivanova: If The X-Files enters this one more time....
Mollari: Oops! Seem to have broken the computer while hunting this BUG!

Zack: Looking at the stars like this makes me feel naked.
Ivanova: Don't start with me.
Zack: Anyway, I came to talk to you about this baddie Centauri I found right here.
Ivanova: M. F. Luder?
Zack: No, the one below it.
Ivanova: You expect me to believe this ISN'T an X-Files reference?

Lindisty: You're... you're... you're....
Vir: Um....
Lindisty: You're a GOD!
Vir: Er... I'm telling Ivanova about this.
Ivanova: Good boy, Vir.

Ivanova: I am God. Bow before me, M. F. Luder.
Vir: Um... don't you mean the name below that?
Ivanova: Oh, right. That Abraham person. What the hell were you thinking?
Vir: An ambassador of his status had a better chance of vacationing on Risa?

Sheridan: Beware of the bunt roast -- er, flarn. Right.
Delenn: Do all sci-fi captains have the bad cooking gene?
Sheridan: What we lack in the kitchen, we make up for in the bed -- in command, I mean.

Lindisty: Vir!
Vir: Not her again....
Lindisty: AHH!
Vir: Oh! A chance to be heroic!

Sheridan: Was it as good for me as it was for you?
Delenn: Well, with a few added spices....
Sheridan: Oh, I have no trouble being spicy. (wink)
Computer: Hey loverboy, there's a fight going on under your behind.
Sheridan: Shucks, gotta run.

Lindisty: AHH!
Vir: Being a hero is fun.
Sheridan: Now let me come in and put an end to this before it all starts going to HER head.

Ivanova: And Vir has no clue?
Sheridan: Yeah. He claims that whatever it was, he was certainly on Risa at the time.
Ivanova: Great. Just great.

Lindisty: You're so brave, my love.
Vir: I don't take well to praise.
Lindisty: And I can't say anything else put praise, dear.

Ivanova: You're in trouble, Vir.
Vir: Uh oh. Let's change the subject.
Ivanova: To?
Vir: I need advice. Dating advice.
Ivanova: You're asking me? That's like the blind leading the blind.
Chris Carter: One more "Rain King" reference and I'm suing JMS.

Delenn: Hi, John.
Sheridan: Hi, Delenn. I have a boo boo.
Delenn: Aww, come here cutie and let me fix your shirt.
Sheridan: Whatever you say, dear. Do I get a kiss?
Delenn: Maybe.
Ivanova: Not on my watch!
Sheridan: I have to go.
Delenn: Me too.
Ivanova: And next time, I'm sending the bees!

Ivanova: Now back to your bad habits, Vir.
Vir: I promise not to leave the toilet seat up anymore, Commander.
Ivanova: Er... yeah that should take care of it.

Mollari: Woohoo! Go Vir!
Mollari: Just when I was getting optimistic....
Ivanova: Hey, watch my b--
Mollari: Amazing... they seem to be growing wings.

Lindisty: Vir! This is where you're hiding!
Vir: A five mile long station and I still can't hide. Maybe I should go back to Risa.
Lindisty: I have something for you.
Vir: I have a bad feeling about this.
Lindisty: HERE!
Vir: I was right.

Mollari: That's it. No more Risa for you, Vir.
Vir: Can I go back to Minbar, then?
Mollari: Only if you bring me back some wine.
Vir: But they don't drink.
Mollari: That's what they want you to believe.

Sheridan: Get out of my office.
Ivanova: How many times do I need to tell you? I'm God.
Sheridan: Yes... um... why am I a Centauri?
Ivanova: It's this new program. Adobe Photoshop v. 47.2 build 1013. I'm playing pin-the-head-on-the-Centauri.

Vir: Finally!
Lindisty: What, my love?
Vir: I get rid of you.
(Lindisty's transport returns to Centauri Prime at Ludicrous Speed)


Previous fiver: Ceremonies of Light and Dark
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This fiver was originally published on March 25, 2002.

DISCLAIMER: A lot of stuff in here is copyrighted by Babylonian Productions. I doubt they'll mind, but if they do, I'll just sic Alexander the Great on 'em.

All material © 2002, Holly Simon.