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Five-Minute "Repression"

by Zeke

Teero: Hmm...what to do today? I know, I'll start a Maquis rebellion 35,000 light-years away.

Torres: Geez, this movie is worse than "Threshold"!
Paris: That's a bit extreme. Hey, look, a comatose Maquis! You may remember him from "Nothing Human."

Chakotay: What's the diagnosis, Doc?
Doctor: He's unconscious.
Chakotay: Brilliant.

Tuvok: Can I conduct the investigation? Pleeeease?
Janeway: Okay, but don't you dare become Evil Tuvok again.

Jor: It was not me. I'm way too cute to be evil.
Tuvok: That's what Ensign Kim thinks every week, and where does it get him?

Chakotay: You've made Jor a suspect? Why?
Tuvok: Mainly to annoy you. Is it working?

Jor: Hmm...the plot's not thick enough yet. Would you mind getting brutally attacked, Yosa?
Yosa: Okay, but only if you get attacked right afterwards.

Chakotay: Why are all the victims Maquis? This sucks!
Janeway: If it'll make you feel better, let's arm all the other Maquis. Just in case they want to, you know, take over the ship or something.

Maquis: You know who sucks? Tuvok sucks. Boy, does he suck. I mean, he really--
Chakotay: Shut up and take your gun. Don't forget, guys, no shooting major characters.
Everybody: Awww, not even Neelix?

Paris: According to my new holo-gizmo, the killer was roughly Tuvok-size.
Tuvok: That's a pretty vague clue.

Chell: Hi, B'Elanna! You may remember me from "Learning Curve."
Torres: The annoying Bolian?
Chell: You betcha!
Torres: Aw, geez. I'd rather be attacked by Evil Tuvok than put up with -- hey, that could work!

Kim: You read my mail?
Tuvok: And poked through your diary, and reorganized your CD collection...and don't get me started on your sock drawer.

Chakotay: Somebody attacked B'Elanna! Give me a hand, Tuvok!
Tuvok: I've got a better idea: how about I beat you up?
Chakotay: Okay, but first let me inflict a bruise for you to recognize later.

Janeway: More victims! Do you know yet who did it?
Tuvok: Some guy.
Janeway: Oh, go meditate, you moron.

Tuvok: A bruise? Oh no, it was me!
Teero: Darn right.
Tuvok: Who asked you?

Tuvok: Bad news, Captain -- it's me.
Janeway: I told you not to go evil again! Just for that, I'm reading your mail.

Janeway: This Bajoran was hidden in Tuvok's message. It must all be his fault.
Chakotay: You mean I can't blame Tuvok anymore? Aw.

Teero: Come on, do bad stuff!
Tuvok: No!
Teero: Please?
Tuvok: Okay. Hey Chakotay, it's evil time!

Janeway: Hey! What do you think you're doing?
Chakotay: Taking over the ship. Don't worry, you'll have it back in five minutes.

Captain's Log: Chakotay 1, everybody else 0. BWAHAHAHAHA!

Chakotay: Hey Tuvok, wanna kill Janeway?
Tuvok: Okay. DIE! DIE! DIEDIEDIEDIE--hey, it isn't working.
Chakotay: It isn't? I'll have to look into that. OW!
Tuvok: That's my Extra-Pain nerve pinch. Like it?

Chakotay: Time to give the ship back, guys.
Torres: That was short. Maybe they should've made this a two-parter.

Chakotay: I'm really sorry I hijacked your ship, Captain.
Janeway: Eh, no big deal. Happens all the time.

Tuvok: ....and so Good Tuvok saved the day for once. Impressive, don't you think?
Janeway: Yeah, whatever. Let's just put on these 3D glasses so we'll look ridiculous.
(Voyager heads off at Ludicrous Speed)


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This fiver was originally published on October 27, 2000.

DISCLAIMER: A lot of stuff in here is copyrighted by Paramount Pictures. My intent isn't to infringe on that; I and those like me are just having a little fun in the universe Gene Roddenberry created. I don't think he'd mind.

All material © 2000, Zeke.