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Five-Minute "Muse"

by Zeke

Kelis: B'Elanna Torres got lost. I found her. To Be Continued.
Patron: Nice play, Kelis. Do another in a week.
Kelis: That's not enough time!
Patron: Meh.

Lanya: Now that that's over with, wanna get it on?
Kelis: Sorry, I have to go meet with a mysterious woman.

Torres: Who the heck are you?
Kelis: A poet. I read your diary and turned it into a play.
Torres: Good for you. Now go away.

Kelis: Here's some food. Now tell me everything you know.
Torres: Only if you steal one of these for me.
Kelis: But that could cause death. My death.
Torres: So could I.
Kelis: Yeah right. Whoa! Did you make that thunder?
Torres: Uh -- yeah!
Kelis: I'll be right back.

Paris: But we have to rescue them faster than that!
Janeway: If we did, the episode would end too early.

Kelis: Okay, now kiss Tom.
Seven Actor: Aww, do I have to?

Kelis: What's with this Tuvok guy?
Torres: Shut up! By the way, would you mind blowing all your money on a sheet of metal?
Kelis: Later. What's with this Tuvok guy?

Neelix: What's with you? You haven't been sleeping.
Tuvok: Sleep is for the weak.

Tuvok Actor: It's my part and I'll cry if I want to!
Kelis: Tuvok never cries.
Tuvok Actor: What's with this Tuvok guy?

Messenger: There's a war coming!
Kelis: Ooh good, a plot twist!

Torres: I can't help you.
Kelis: At least tell me what you think of my Voyager fanfic.

Kelis: Everybody say hi to this foreign poet. The jury will disregard the ridges on her forehead.

Torres: Why not end the play with my rescue?
Kelis: I need to throw in a lot of contrivances and eye candy.
Old Guy: You new poets suck.
Kelis: Don't take his word for it -- watch this scene so I can prove it!

Janeway Actor: Kiss me, you fool.
Chakotay Actor: Okay.

Janeway: Found them yet?
Chakotay: Nope.
Janeway: Nuts.

Torres: You're having Janeway kiss Chakotay?
Kelis: What, aren't you a J/Cer?
Torres: Nobody plays the field in the middle of Borg attacks!
Kelis: Borg, eh?

Lanya: Stay away from my Kelis, you evil poet-stealing weird-foreheaded Eternal-type person!
Torres: Um, yeah.

Kim: Anybody home?
Torres: Hey, a transmitter! Excellent! Oh, and it's okay that you're alive too.

Actor: This ending sucks!
Kelis: Best I could do.
Actor: Then you suck too.

Paris: Tuvok!
Tuvok: Wha--? Um, I wasn't asleep! No one can prove I was asleep!
Paris: Look, they're alive.
Tuvok: Cool. But I wasn't asleep! No sirree, not me!
Paris: What's with you, anyway?

Seven Actor: I'm the Queen. Janeway sucks.
Janeway Actor: Seven's the Queen. I only sort of suck.

Torres: Uh oh, Kelis plans to kill me.
Kim: Cool.
Torres: You do know I'm talking about the play, right?
Kim: Um...yeah!

Seven Actor: Wanna kill me?
Janeway Actor: Nah.

Tuvok Actor: Your ending still sucks!
Torres: Mine doesn't. Let's go!

Torres: Hi, everybody!
Lanya: She's B'Elanna Torres!
Chorus Guy: Don't listen to her!
Patron: Okay.

Kelis: Stay here.
Torres: No.
Kelis: Okay, but I'll miss you.
Torres: You too. Bye!
Kelis: And the moral of this story, folks, is War Is Bad. Did that rock or what?
(The cast bows at Ludicrous Speed)


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This fiver was originally published on September 21, 2000.

DISCLAIMER: A lot of stuff in here is copyrighted by Paramount Pictures. My intent isn't to infringe on that; I and those like me are just having a little fun in the universe Gene Roddenberry created. I don't think he'd mind.

All material © 2000, Zeke.