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Five-Minute "Blink of an Eye"


Paris: Approaching a planet that looks like a bead.
Janeway: Why does it look so funny? It's got a hole running through it.
Chakotay: Maybe that's where you thread the string through.
Paris: Anyway, let's move a little closer and...oh no, we're stuck in orbit!

Primitive Guy 1: Oog! Booga Boog-
Primitive Guy 2: Stop that!
Voyager: Pardon me...
Ground: Rumble rumble
Voyager: Shiney shine shine!
Primitive Guy 2: It appears that new star is causing unwanted personifications!
Primitive Guy 1: Better give it that fruit that causes heartburn....

Seven: My analysis shows that this is one fff-*BEEP*-ed up planet. For every five minutes that take place here on Voyager, an hour takes place there.
Janeway: So this is how Zeke sees the world...

B'Ellana: Basically we're screwed till the second to last scene.
Chakotay: Oh well, lets watch them ominously till then.

Young Less-Primitive Guy: I've got an idea. Let's send the Personification Star a letter!
Old Less-Primitive Guy: Very nice. You dictate, I'll write.
Young Guy: *ahem* Stop shaking the ground and personifying things. It's gonna get real old real fast.
Old Guy: Isn't that a little demanding?
Young Guy: Meh.

Personification Star: (through telescope) SHINE!
Astronomer Guy 1: Time sure flies...can we talk to them yet?
Astronomer Guy 2: Not yet...just about...all right, we're advanced enough now.
Astronomer Guy 1: Excellent. *ahem* Please bring us a character with a name not ending in a number some time....
Personification Star: I can do that, just wait a few scenes.
Astronomer Guy 2: While you're at it, could you stop this personification nonsense?
Personification Star: Nope. Sorry!

Paris: We've gotta get outta here. The damage to their planet is pretty devastating, not to mention the damage being done to the humor.
Janeway: We better find out more first. Let's send them the Doctor!
Tuvok: Woah, hold it! They haven't attacked us with anti-matter missiles yet.

Doctor: Ready to go. So I just ask them how we leave? I thought they were supposed to be primitive.
Janeway: Just do what you're told. Later!
Transporter: Beam.
Janeway and B'Elanna: One...two...buckle my shoe....
Transporter: Bea--cough, cough. Oops.
Janeway: Uh oh.

Harry: I can't find him!
Chakotay: Just listen carefully for annoying singing.
Harry: (puts hand up to ear) Ah, there he is. Stand by for the coordinates.

Doctor: La la laaaa...oh, Captain! Good to see you!
Janeway: Icheb?
Doctor: Huh? Oh, no. Just unoriginal make-up. Besides, this is before "Collective."
Janeway: Oh...so what did you learn?
Doctor: Stuff. I'll elaborate off-screen.

Naomi: Hey Seven, what should I call my report?
Seven: How about " Why I Only Age Off-Screen "
Naomi: That works.
Janeway: (over comm) Here we go, let's break orbit!
Orbit: Ouch....
Voyager: WHEEEE!
Everyone: Hey! That's my line....
Janeway: Ok, we better stop before we screw everyone over down there too bad...

Turina: Orbital One to Houston, we have a problem!
Launch Control: static static
K'Tana: That's funny...
Turina: Thanks, I have another one. Knock Knock..
K'Tana: No no, that was terrible. I meant Launch Control's not responding.
Turina: Oh well, I guess the only option is to board the skyship.
K'Tana: Agreed.

Turina: There's something wrong with this. Everyone here is lifeless, still, and unanimated.
K'Tana: And we haven't even come across Chakotay yet.
Turina: Uggh! I'm feeling sick now. GACK!
K'Tana: Me too. Like I said, we haven't come across Chakotay yet. There is something wrong with this! GACK!
Janeway: Beam them to sickbay. They've been laying here for days now, and they're starting to smell!

Janeway: Gimme a report in five words or less.
Doctor: Chick's dead, guy's alive. Revive?
Janeway: Please.
K'Tana: I'm confused! What is going on?
Janeway: You're more primitive than us, but for some reason we think you can help us. 'Kay?
K'Tana: 'Kay. You know we have folk songs about you? La la la, shine shine shine, Personifi-
Janeway: That's beautiful.

K'Tana: You were on the planet?
Doctor: Yep.
K'Tana: Well, your favorite team sucks now.
Doctor: Here, let me rant...

Seven: Uh oh. We're being attacked by anti-matter missiles.
Tuvok: I warned you not to send down the Doctor!
Janeway: Well, there's only one thing to do. Let's send back K'Tana in his ship. That way we save the day and get rid of loose ends.

Doctor: Before you go, find out about my son. This is the only time I plan to ever bring him up.
K'Tana: How'd you have a son?
Doctor: I had a son?

K'Tana: Launch control? Do you read me?
Guy on Radio: Got that, one supersized burger meal.
K'Tana: Umm...just tell everyone that Orbital One is coming home!
Guy on Radio: Make that one with cheese then.

Voyager: Ow...ow...ow....
Janeway: Wow, it stopped.
Paris: And here come a couple of ships to help us out!
Harry: And here comes K'Tana!
Neelix: But first here comes my line...ok, done.
K'Tana: Here I am, but I can't stay long.
Janeway: S'okay, just one question. How'd you go from having dinky missiles to more tech than us so fast?
K'Tana: Well, we just...oops, outta time, gotta run!
Janeway: Oh well, time for business as usual.

Personification Star: Shine, shine! Hmmm....bye old K'Tana!
Old K'Tana: See you around!
Personification Star: No you won't, you're already dead by now anyway. (The personification star disappears at Ludicrous Speed)


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This fiver was originally published on July 1, 2001.

DISCLAIMER: A lot of stuff in here is copyrighted by Paramount Pictures. My intent isn't to infringe on that; I and those like me are just having a little fun in the universe Gene Roddenberry created. I don't think he'd mind.

All material © 2001, IJD GAF.