Mario: Wait a minute! Mushrooms to make you grow big? Flowers to give you fire? Stars to make you invincible? When was this game made?
Luigi: 1985.
Mario: I would've sworn it was from the 60s.
WORLD 1
Mario: Hey, these levels are easy!
Goomba: Hello, I'm insignficant and easily killable. GAK! See?
Mario: Heh heh heh. Oh no. Not a tree level! So hard!
Mario: Ha ha! Now I've got you, Bowser!
Bowser: You only think it's me! GAK!
Toad: Sorry, but our princess is in another castle.
Mario: Crap!
WORLD 2
Mario: Oooh! Water world!
Luigi: Isn't that World 3?
Mario: You're thinking of Super Mario Brothers 3.
Luigi: Oh.
Bowser: This time I've put some bricks in the way to stop you from jumping, Mario!
Mario: Too bad I only have to bust the first one and run over you.
Bowser: D'oh!
Toad: Sorry, but our princess is in another castle.
Mario: Again?
WORLD 3
Mario: Dark World? That's it? Just Dark World? Couldn't you have come up with something more creative?
Para-Troopa: No, I was too busy playing with my new wings.
Mario: That doesn't make you hard.
Para-Troopa: Maybe not, but I'm still the prettiest.
Bowser: All right, now I've put bricks in your way and you can't exploit them so easily.
Mario: Too bad you're still an easy kill. Especially when I have fireballs.
Toad: Sorry, but our princess is in another castle.
Mario: Why do I keep thinking that you would be the princess in the first place?
Toad: (shrugs)
WORLD 4
Mario: Hey! There aren't any enemies on the ground. This should be easy!
Lakitu: Heh heh.
Mario: (shrinks) D'oh! I like SMB 3 better when I don't go from fire Mario to little Mario with one hit.
Luigi: Ahem, you could warp here.
Mario: No way. I'm beating this game straight through.
Luigi: Oh come on! Just let me play once! Need I remind you that the B stands for Brothers?
Mario: Need I remind you that the M stands for Mario?
Bowser: Now I've made my castle all twisted!
Mario: I never liked that episode-- Hey! There's a fire rod! And a fireball jumping out of the lava!
Bowser: Like I said, I've made my castle all twisted.
Mario: That's not all that's twisted.
Toad: Sorry, but our princess is in another castle.
Mario: I'm really starting to dislike hearing that.
WORLD 5
Mario: This tree level looks like the tree level from World 1!
Cannon: THUD!
Mario: Crap! Bullet bills! And they have a high interest rate!
Luigi: That was your worst joke yet.
Mario: Hey, this castle is just like World 2's. Yikes! A massively long firerod! GAK!
WORLD 1
Luigi: You mean I actually get to go? Hurray! Wait a minute! I'm still on World 1!
Mario: Well, of course you are. You haven't beat it yet!
Luigi: But you did! Shouldn't I move with you?
Mario: You'd think that, wouldn't you?
Luigi: This sucks. I think I'll just kill myself. GAK!
Mario: Well, you could've warped, but thanks!
WORLD 5
Mario: Ha! This time I beat your stupid firerod!
Bowser: Yes, but there's still a whole rest of the castle.
Mario: Oh, like that's hard.
Bowser: GAK!
Mario: Don't tell me, the princess is in another castle.
Toad: Sorry.
WORLD 6
Mario: Well, this world is unexciting. Now I just need to beat the Tree Level! ACK! Cold! Brrr!
Luigi: Ha ha! You didn't see the sign saying "Ice World"!
Mario: Just shut up and hand me a parka.
Luigi: What's the matter? Chilly?
Mario: Do I look like Porthos?
Mario: This castle is like World 1's!
Bowser: Why mess with what works?
Mario: Um, because it doesn't?
Bowser: GAK!
Toad: Sorry, but our princess is in another castle.
Mario: Must... control... fireballs... of... death....
WORLD 7
Bowser: Ok. Maze time again. Let's see you get through this time.
Mario: Ha! Nailed it!
Bowser: Then I'm sure you won't mind some hammers!
Mario: Eep!
Bowser: GAK!
Toad: Sorry, but our prince-- OW!
Mario: This had better be the last time I see you.
WORLD 8
Bowser: Ha ha! See my castle this time? Even more twisted and confusing than ever before!
Mario: You're right. It is pretty tricky.
Bowser: I doubt you'll ever figure out that all you have to do is go in the first pipe after each pool of lava!
Mario: Um, no. You're right. I'm sure I never will....
Bowser: Crap, you made it here! Oh well, you still have to get past me!
Mario: Too bad you haven't changed your tactics.
Bowser: But, but, I added hammers! And have fireballs coming out of the lava and stuff!
Mario: Yeah, but you still jump around like an idiot and breathe fire every so often just like you did in World 1.
Bowser: Crap! GAK!
Princess: You saved me!
Mario: Ugh! You look absolutely awful!
Princess: It's the poor graphics. In Mario 2 and 3 you'll see just how beautiful I am.
Mario: You mean I have to wait even longer? Argh!
(Mario bangs his head against a wall at Ludicrous Speed)
THE END
WORLD 1
Luigi: Crap.
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