Five-Minute Sid Meier's Civilization III
DAWN OF CIVILIZATION. Your ancestors were nomads. But over the generations, your people have learned the secrets of farming, road building, and irrigation, and they are ready to settle down. Alexander, your people have invested absolute power in you, trusting that you can build a Civilization to stand the test of time!|
Player: Wait a minute. Wasn't Alexander the Great a Macedonian? Why am I king of the Greeks?
Can you think of a better choice for a Greek king?
Player: Sure: Pericles, Alcibiades, Themistocles...
Player: ...Lysander, Agamemnon, Menelaus...
Player: Abraham Lincoln? But this is 2000 BC! How can you be here?
Military Advisor: Our war against the Romans goes well. We have recaptured our city of Delphi, but the citizens there are unhappy with you.
Domestic Advisor: President, our citizens are (sob) happy.
Military Advisor: The loyal citizens of Orleans have overthrown their oppressors and have pledged allegiance to us!
Foreign Advisor: The Romans and the French have signed a trade embargo against us. Didn't I tell you they were evil?
Player: I've won the game by building a spaceship to colonize Alpha Centauri. All that's left is to give a speech. (ahem) As we send Captain Garland and his intrepid crew off to explore a strange new world, our only desire is that they won't be killed by the mindworms.
Player: As I watch my spaceship soar off to Alpha Centauri, I turn to hear the praises of my adoring rivals.
Bonus: Five Minute Civilization III: Play the World
Player: Let's see how this works.
Bonus: Five Minute Civilization III: Conquests
Player: All right. I've got the lighthouse, the colossus, the pyramids, and the hanging gardens. I just need three more wonders and my collection will be complete.
Rise of Rome
Player: Wait a minute. My capital city is called "Roma"? Why not "Rome"?
Fall of Rome
Player: And now, having built the Roman Empire to its finest, I'll have the fun of tearing it down... with the aid of thousands of barbarians! Charge!
Player: I hope my civilization can last through these Viking invasions long enough for me to establish it as the dominant nation in Europe.
Pachacuti: Welcome to Mesoamerica. I'm going to win a cultural victory by killing your workers.
Age of Discovery
Player: Great! I get to colonize America, hoard up treasure, and send it back to my capital. I'll win this conquest easily, especially because nobody else is interested in winning.
Sengoku: Sword of the Shogun
Player: Ooh, Sengoku! I love this game. Now, where should the nine go in column five? Row seven?
Player: Hear ye, oh Europe. We must band together to fight the onslaught of Napoleon.
WWII in the Pacific
Player: Hey, did you know that "pacific" means "peaceful"?
Sid Meier: Congratulations! You won every single conquest! That means you're the King of --
Sid Meier: Well, since I can't finish that speech now, I might as well try out my stand-up comedy routine. How many Civilization players does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one, but first he needs to play one... more... turn. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!|
Sid Meier: What? Don't you get it?
Got a comment on this guest fiver? Contact the author, Tate.
DISCLAIMER: A lot of stuff in here is copyrighted by Sid Meier. Well, that one was easy to figure out. See why? Because his name's in the title. There it is. Yep.
All material © 2006, Tate Chamberlain (although he actually wrote it like 50 years ago).