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Five-Minute "The Game"

by Kira

Etana: Want to try my mind-controlling game of evil?
Riker: Um... that doesn't sound like fun.
Etana: I wasn't giving you a choice. I was just being polite.

Picard: I've got good news and bad news. Wesley Crusher is coming for a visit.
Riker: What's the good news?
Picard: You get to be in charge of the usual arrangements. We'll need some kind of ship-wide crisis for him to tackle.
Riker: Will a mind-controlling game of evil do?
Picard: Nicely.

La Forge: Commander, I'm sure you know Ensign Lefler here. Her work is outstanding.
Riker: Hmm... a good-looking, intelligent young female ensign whom we've never seen before....
Lefler: I know, I know. I've got "love interest" written all over me.

Wesley: Where's my welcome home party? Isn't everyone glad to see me?
O'Brien: (rolling his eyes) Yeah, who wouldn't want an annoying prodigy around to show us all up?
Wesley: Good point. They must be planning a surprise party.

Wesley: This is going to be such a nice relaxing vacation.
La Forge: Yeah, but wouldn't you rather show off what a nerd you are?
Wesley: That is tempting....
La Forge: I'll throw in a hot ensign and a chance to save us all from imminent doom.
Wesley: See you in Engineering.

Wesley: One of the cadets tried playing practical jokes on me, but I got him back good.
Data: What did you do?
Wesley: I made him my roommate.

Wesley: That's odd... how come I can't get the computer to work?
Lefler: Here, let me fix it effortlessly.
All: GASP!
Wesley: I don't believe it! Someone who's my intellectual superior! Wanna go out?

Crusher: (over the comm) Data, can you come to Sickbay?
Data: Certainly.
Riker: (over the comm) Mwahahahaha!
Crusher: Quiet, idiot!

Lefler: Want to spend the rest of our date analyzing that game everyone seems to be addicted to?
Wesley: Wow, you are a nerd!
Lefler: Oh, like anyone normal would be interested in you?

Lefler: Looks like this game is some kind of mind-control device.
Wesley: (sniff) I knew they would put together some kind of crisis for me.

Wesley: Captain, I think the crew is under the influence of an addictive mind-controlling game.
Picard: Good thing you brought this to my attention. Now if you'll excuse me, I'll go back to playing this addictive mind-controlling game.

Wesley: I can't get Data reactivated.
Lefler: Did you check the "off" button?
Wesley: Don't be ridiculous. As if Data has an "off" button.

Picard: Only Wesley stands in the way of our evil conspiracy. There's no way this can fail.
All: Mwahahahaha!
Riker: Actually, sir, Wesley usually manages to stop this kind of thing against unthinkable odds.
Picard: Don't interrupt the evil cackling!

Wesley: How's that whole "foil the conspiracy" thing coming, Robin?
Lefler: Join us, Wesley. Mwahahahaha!
Wesley: Crud.

Riker: There are over a thousand people on this ship. He's just a kid. How can he avoid us so easily?
Worf: I think it's in his contract. The standard "escape and evade" clause.

Picard: We've got you now, Wesley.
Wesley: Is there even a point to this stupid conspiracy?
Picard: Quiet! Here, play the game.
Data: Watch my magic strobe light cure you all.
Riker: Hey! When did you get reactivated?
Data: I call it "deus ex Data."

Wesley: Ha! Wesley Crusher saves the day again!
Data: Ahem.
Wesley: Right. Wesley Crusher saves the day by reactivating the incredibly gullible Data!
Lefler: Ahem.
Wesley: Sorry. Wesley Crusher saves the day and gets the girl!
Lefler: Don't call me, you putz.
(Wesley's love life sails off at Ludicrous Speed)


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This fiver was originally published on May 2, 2002.

DISCLAIMER: A lot of stuff in here is copyrighted by Paramount Pictures. My intent isn't to infringe on that; I and those like me are just having a little fun in the universe Gene Roddenberry created. I don't think he'd mind.

All material © 2002, Carolyn Paterson.