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Five-Minute "Qpid"

by Silvia and Gwen

Picard: Here's the speech I'll be giving. What do you think of it?
Troi: That depends. Do you want an honest answer?

Vash: Hello, Jean-Luc.
Picard: Vash? How did you get in here?
Q: Hello, Jean-Luc.
Picard: I withdraw my question.

Q: I'm here to grant you anything you wish.
Picard: I wish you'd disappear.
Q: I mean almost anything.

Picard: Q was just here.
Riker: What did he want?
Picard: He wants to do something nice for me.
Riker: (tapping combadge) Red alert! All hands to disaster-control stations!

Picard: Now to begin my brilliant, but boring, academic speech.
Audience: (falls asleep)
Picard: Well, what were you expecting? A recital of "Robin Hood"?
Q: What a splendid idea!

Data: If this is Sherwood Forest, then I must be --
Picard: -- Friar Tuck.
Data: Hmm. I seem to have misplaced my hair.

Q: Your girlfriend is in danger, Picard.
Crusher: No I'm not.
Picard: He means Vash.
Crusher: Hey!

Sir Guy: Marry me!
Vash: Never!
Sir Guy: And if I threaten to kill you?
Vash: When's the wedding?

La Forge: (singing) La-la la-la-la....
Worf: (destroys La Forge's mandolin)
Tree/Mandolin: OWWWWW!
Worf: NOT sorry.

Picard: I'm here to rescue Maid Marian!
Sir Guy: Good. Double executions are so much more fun.
Picard: Rats.

Riker: To the rescue, Merry Men!
La Forge: (kicks butt)
Data: (kicks butt)
Worf: (kicks butt)
Crusher: (hits guard over the head with a bowl of chips)
Troi: Twelfth-century potato chips?
Crusher: If you don't tell anyone, you can have the other bowl.
Troi: Deal.

Q: Okay, you rescued your girlfriend, so kiss already before I take her away.
Picard: (sarcastically) Yes, Q, omnipotent ruler of the universe.
Q: Don't get smart, or I might just forget you when it comes to finding a god-parent for my child in the future.
Picard: Please do.

Picard: Why are you going with Q?
Vash: He made me an offer I couldn't refuse.
Picard: What's that?
Vash: Free internet, cable, and phone service for the rest of my life.
Picard: Wow! That is good.
(The Enterprise blasts off at Ludicrous Speed)


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This fiver was originally published on December 2, 2002.

DISCLAIMER: A lot of stuff in here is copyrighted by Paramount Pictures. My intent isn't to infringe on that; I and those like me are just having a little fun in the universe Gene Roddenberry created. I don't think he'd mind.

All material © 2002, Silvia and Gwen.