Lieutenant Kwan: Don't come any closer or I'll jump through this forcefield!
Riker: Don't be ridiculous. Nobody can jump through a forcefield.
Kwan: Oh yeah? We'll see about that. Yeaaaa--
(KA-ZAP!)
Riker: Wait, that's not how reverse psychology is supposed to work.
Riker: I feel so guilty.
Picard: And so you should... but on the plus side, it looks like we've got a good old-fashioned murder mystery on our hands.
Troi: But, sir --
Picard: You heard me. Get cracking.
Data: Geordi, I fail to understand why Lieutenant Kwan would take his own life.
La Forge: Some people have trouble dealing with problems. Human error, Data.
Data: A strange choice of words.
Ensign Calloway: Dan was never depressed or anything. He was a very talented empath, though.
Troi: Yes, yes, that's very nice. Where were you yesterday at 1800 hours?
Calloway: I was... wait, is this some kind of interrogation? I thought you just wanted to know more about Dan.
Troi: I did, until you started praising his empathic abilities. I get jealous easily.
Calloway: I'll keep that in mind.
Troi: Did you notice anything unusual about Lieutenant Kwan's behavior?
Lieutenant Nara: No, except he kept going around muttering "Empathic echos in the nacelle tube make Dan something something."
Troi: Kill himself?
Nara: Don't mind if you do.
Empathic Echo: Simba, you must avenge my death.
Troi: What?
Empathic Echo: Er... Luke, trust your feelings.
Troi: Huh?
Empathic Echo: Dammit, I got it right on that other guy....
Troi: ...and as I was standing there, I could feel a presence. But there was nobody there!
Riker: You mean....
Troi: Yes. I sense dead people.
Crusher: My expert medical opinion is that you shouldn't try to sense the dead people again.
Troi: Try sensing the dead people again? Thanks, that's a great idea!
Riker: You'll need people of intelligence on this sort of mission. Quest. Thing.
Worf: That rules you out. Where are we going?
Troi: The empathic echo was forged deep in the nacelle tube, in fires of the plasma vents. Only there can it be destroyed.
Worf: I'll go, but only if it won't take very long.
Riker: Just a minute or two, but don't tell Deanna.
Captain's Log: Worf and Troi, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I--
Riker: Sir, I've asked you to stop rubbing it in.
Worf: Have you found anything in Lieutenant Kwan's personal logs?
Troi: Not really, and -- hey, wait a minute. Since when do you stop by my quarters late at night?
Worf: All the time, Imzadi.
Troi: I thought I told you to stop calling me that. You're not Will Riker.
Worf: Have you ever kissed me with a beard before?
Troi: Well, no....
Worf: I rest my case.
Worf: Commander, I have a hypothetical situation for you. If a Klingon security chief wished to mate with a Betazoid counsellor --
Riker: Stay away from my girl, Worf.
Worf: If she were your girl, you wouldn't have to tell me that. Besides, you know what they say about all good things.
Riker: You're just asking for an insurrection, buster.
Worf: You leave me no choice. (ahem) Worf and Troi, sitting in a --
Riker: Okay, okay, you can go out with her. I just hope you're not too attached to your beard.
Troi: Open the doors, Worf, so I can sense the dead people agai-- hey, who moved the stairs? Hello? Anyone? When I'm up I can't get down, get my feet back on the ground....
Woman: Do you mind? We're trying to make out here.
Man: Yeah, enough with the Great Big Sea lyrics. Snap out of it already and leave us alone.
Worf: Or at least, think you've snapped out of it.
Troi: What?
Worf: Nothing.
Riker: Give it up, Deanna. There's no way that in all these personnel files you'll actually find the man you --
Troi: There he is! Ha! In your face!
Riker: That was surprisingly convenient.
Troi: What are you suggesting, that this is all a carefully contrived hallucination or something?
Riker: No, of course not. Carry on.
Lieutenant Pierce: What can I do for you, besides act creepy and suspicious?
Worf: Actually, that will do just fine.
Troi: You know, Lieutenant, I can tell when people are lying.
Pierce: And I can tell when people are bluffing.
Troi: Dang.
Troi: Hm... it's odd that I couldn't sense anything from Pierce. Does this all seem a little off to you?
Worf: Not at all. Now let's have sex.
Crusher: This telepathic technobabble should let you go into the nacelle tube without going all berserk.
Troi: Thanks, Beverly. Worf, are you coming?
Calloway: He's busy.
Worf: Yes. Very busy. (to Calloway) So where exactly is this tattoo of yours?
Troi: There's something behind that bulkhead.
La Forge: Let's see what the scanner can -- whoa. I see a dead people.
Body: I'm not dead.
Troi: Yes, you are. You're in a bulkhead.
Body: I feel better. I think I'll go for a walk.
La Forge: Data, you're not fooling anyone. Stop throwing your voice.
Data: Aw.
Troi: Worf... are you sorry you slept with me?
Worf: (making a notch on his belt) Sorry, what?
Troi: I said --
Worf: I'd love to stay and talk, but I've got to go make out with Ensign Calloway. I mean, not go make out with Ensign Calloway. I mean, go interrogate Lieutanant Pierce. Yes, that will do.
Pierce: Behold my creepiness.
Troi: Gasp! What have you done with Worf? He was supposed to be interrogating you!
Pierce: He said something about needing to perform a thorough search of Ensign Calloway's person.
Troi: That two-timing low life! I'll show him....
Pierce: Hey, come back! I'm not done being creepy!
Troi: You cheating scumbag!
(ZAP!)
Worf: GAK!
Calloway: Oh my God! You've killed Worf!
Troi: That bastard.
Computer: Warning -- the forcefield that doesn't actually do anything will fail in 90 seconds.
Troi: Goodbye, cruel world.
Computer: Are you really sure you want to go this way?
Troi: Well, no....
Computer: But then again, you are dating Worf. You're bound to die sooner or later, so you might as well just do it.
Troi: I guess....
Computer: Unless, of course, you end up with Riker again or something.
Troi: That's it, I'm jumping!
Worf: Counsellor!
Troi: Worf! You're alive! You saved me!
Worf: Look, is this going to take much longer? I've already been waiting here over a minute.
Troi: ...so when Pierce murdered the other two and then killed himself, he left an imprint in the corridor that made me and Kwan hallucinate.
Worf: That doesn't make much sense.
Troi: Not at all. Now let's have sex.
Worf: Counsellor?
Troi: I mean, not have sex. I mean, foreshadow the finale. Yes, that will do.
(The W/T suspense builds at Ludicrous Speed)
THE END | 
