Five-Minute "Booby Trap"

Wesley: This debris field is all that's left of those two ancient civilizations?
Data: (switches several chess pieces while Wes is looking out the window) Yes. Checkmate.

Riker: Data, decode the signal coming from that derelict warship.
Data: It says: "Abandon all hope ye who enter here."
Picard: Must be a translation error. I'm beaming over there.

Riker: Sir, it's my duty to go on these hazardous missions for you.
Picard: If I die on one, you'll get to replace me as Captain.
Riker: Have a good trip.

Worf: Those lucky devils died at their posts. I hope we will too.
Picard: I'll arrange for it as soon as I can.
Worf: Thank you.

Guinan: How did your date with Christi go?
La Forge: It was a flop. She said I'm a klutz with women.
Guinan: Maybe you'd have better luck with those twin cadets who came aboard last week.
La Forge: The Delaney sisters? Hmm....

Picard: The alien captain's last log entry praised his dying crew.
Riker: Any idea what killed them?
Data: Uh...perhaps the lethal radiation field that has just surrounded us.
Worf: Excellent.
Riker: So who are you gonna praise first, sir?

Picard: How long do we have before our shields fail?
La Forge: Just three hours.
Riker: I hope you've started working on that speech, sir.

La Forge: Computer, I need a little engine room simulation.
(An engine room and a naked Leah Brahms appear on the Holodeck)
La Forge: Whoa! Computer, I said simulation, not "stimulation."

Leah: Greetings Commander La Forge. I am Dr. Brahms.
La Forge: Computer, make her more realistic.
Leah: Hi Geordi! I'm Leah! I bet you're a real klutz with women.
La Forge: Computer, on second thought....

La Forge: Leah, is there a way for us to generate more energy?
Leah: Take off your clothes.
La Forge: I meant for the shields.

Leah: A lot of me is in here.
La Forge: Inside any particular panel?

Picard: You've been romancing a holographic woman in the middle of a crisis?
La Forge: Hey, it works for Barclay.

La Forge: Let's escape by using plain old thrusters.
Picard: Why didn't we think of that? Geordi, you're a genius.
Riker: Either that or the rest of us are morons.

La Forge: I hope I can meet the real you someday.
Leah: I hope I can meet the real me someday too.
La Forge: If that happens, could you sorta not mention the kissing part?
Leah: Why not? I'd love to see the look on my face when I do.
La Forge: Computer, end program and replicate me some aspirin.
(The Enterprise sails away at Ludicrous Speed)

THE END

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This fiver was originally published on September 5, 2001.

DISCLAIMER: A lot of stuff in here is copyrighted by Paramount Pictures. My intent isn't to infringe on that; I and those like me are just having a little fun in the universe Gene Roddenberry created. I don't think he'd mind.