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Old 11-05-2007, 06:21 AM
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Default Altfiver: Thirty-Eight Line "Thirty-Eight Minutes"

Well, I was going to post Thirty-Eight Line "Thirty-Eight Minutes" today, but, reading it over again, I realized that the only part that was remotely amusing was that it was exactly thirty-eight lines. So you're out of luck. Sorry.
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Old 11-05-2007, 02:47 PM
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Yeah, length constraints to that degree are almost never conducive to proper fiving. The only advice that Zeke, Marc, and Derek usually give is "try to keep it around twenty scenes of four or five lines each on average." And make sure it's funny, of course.
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Old 05-14-2010, 06:49 AM
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Screw it.

Thirty-Eight Line “Thirty-Eight Minutes”
By Wowbagger

Ford: If you make a mistake, we all die instantly. No pressure or anything.
Markham: That’s okay; none of us are title-screen characters anyway.
Ford: Well, that’s reassuring. And--hey! I’m in the title credits!
Stackhouse: Yeah, but you’re black. I mean, would anyone notice if Travis Mayweather died? Or Uhura? Or La Forge?
Ford: You’ve made your point.
Stackhouse: Or Mace Windu? Or Mamie from Holiday Inn?...

Meta-Ford: Hey! He’s right! I’m not in the title credits! Well, I am, but I’m listed as a supporting actor! What’s up with that?!
Meta-Weir: It’s probably because you’re such a perv.
Meta-Ford: For the last time, slash fiction is non-canon! *exhale* Where’s Paramount’s licensing department the one time you need it?

Puddlejumper: You ever have one of those days when you’d rather jump in the puddle than over it? That’s today.
McKay: Told you we should have called it Gateship-1.

Sheppard: ARRRGG! OH, THE HUMANITY!
McKay: What’s up with him, anyhow?
Teyla: Meh. Flashback time.

Past-McKay: Well, looks like nobody’s home. Think we can steal their muffins?
Past-Wraith Troops: No! Muffins are more wonderful than walruses in top hats!

Weir: Well, that was enlightening.

Station Commander’s Log: In an effort to improve my character development, I have just thrown Dr. Kavagnah in the airlock until he tells me the real reason he warned us that the Puddlejumper might explode, kill us all, and destroy mankind’s best hope for a better future.

Sheppard: Cogito ergo sum.
Teyla: *gasp!* Oh no! It’s the legendary Philosopher’s Bug! Well, at least we can be thankful he’s still on Descartes’ Meditations on First Philosophy.
Weir: What’s so wrong with questioning one’s reasons for existence?
Teyla: Overthinking St. Anselm’s Ontology is very, very fatal.

Beckett: The only way to save Major Sheppard... is to kill him.
Weir: YES! I call dibs on his appliances!
Beckett: We do revive him, ma’am.
Weir: Too late. I’ve already unplugged his microwave.

McKay: Hm. Everything becomes obvious when you realize the Stargate runs off antimatter radiation. You just have expose it to the square root of minus-1 grams of “soon.”
Weir: Because that’s the only thing in the universe that means less than “antimatter radiation.” Brilliant job, Rodney! (pause) Wait. This means I have to return Major Shepperd’s flat-screen plasma TV, doesn’t it?

(Sheppard, having seen the light while under the influence of the Philosopher’s Bug, reveals at Ludicrous Speed that there is a God, but that he’s made of green cheese)

THE END

DISCLAIMER: Atlantis (c) Plato, circa a very long time ago.

DISCLAIMER-II: A lot of stuff here is copyrighted by Canadians. My intent isn't to infringe on them or their exosites; I and those like me are just having a little fun in the abbreviated version of the universe Zeke created. I don't think he'd mind. Especially not after the pecan pie bribe.
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Old 05-14-2010, 08:17 AM
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Yeah, um, I don't have very much good to say about this altver. Better to say nothing, then.
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mudshark: I don't expect Nate to make sense, really -- it's just a bad idea.

Sa'ar Chasm on the 5M.net forum: Sit back, relax, and revel in the insanity.

Adam Savage: I reject your reality and substitute my own!

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Old 05-14-2010, 11:57 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nate the Great View Post
Yeah, um, I don't have very much good to say about this altver. Better to say nothing, then.
Wow. That... wow.

In other, unrelated news, I was recently surprised to learn that you're actually older than I am, Nate. For some reason, I had always assumed you were in high school. If you don't mind my asking, what do you do for a living? I'm very frankly curious.
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Old 05-15-2010, 01:53 AM
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High school? I've been around since at least 2004, and I'm pretty sure I had another account before that. Would a junior high student be able to write that Inner Light fiver?

Actually, I do mind. My current job is quite frankly none of your business. I'm giving out too much personal information about myself as it is. Besides, my online persona is quite different from my RL one. I hesitate to use the term "secret identity," but there you go.
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mudshark: Nate's just being...Nate.
Zeke: It comes nateurally to him.

mudshark: I don't expect Nate to make sense, really -- it's just a bad idea.

Sa'ar Chasm on the 5M.net forum: Sit back, relax, and revel in the insanity.

Adam Savage: I reject your reality and substitute my own!

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Crow T. Robot: Oh, stop pretending there's a plot. Don't cheapen yourself further.
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