February 16

[Zeke]

We do a lot of events here at 5M.net. Usually they're based on either launching a new subsite or significantly expanding the content of an existing one. But there's another kind of event we've never done, and which by definition we had to do sooner or later.


The end of a subsite.


In four years of operation, IJD GAF's Five-Minute Star Trek subsite has been one of our most popular and successful. But with only three seasons of content (four counting TAS), it was bound to run out faster than the other Treks. And so with 21 episodes left as we approached the fourth anniversary, IJD decided it was time to finish them off and make an event of it.


For the next seven days, we'll be publishing three fivers a day, leading up to the fourth anniversary on February 22. There'll also be Top 10 lists, TJI articles, and of course one of our trademark panel discussions. So without further ado, here's the beginning of the end....

[*]Five-Minute "A Private Little War," by IJD;[*]Five-Minute "The Empath," by Kristina;[*]Five-Minute "That Which Survives," by Derek;[*]The Top 10 Rejected Plotlines for a Star Trek/Smallville Crossover Episode, also by Derek;[*]and Minutemen, Part 1: "Bad Dudes", by me.[/list]

[Alexia]

And the number one rejected plotline for a Star Trek/Smallville crossover episode....
Clark and Lex fight Kirk and Spock with swords; needless to say, there's lots of slashing

*GROAN* xD

[Sa'ar Chasm]

Tyree: I will explain. Our friend was healed by my wife. She is a witch person of the Kahn-ut-tu.
Kirk: KAAAAAAAAHHHNNNNN...
Tyree: Come, let us speak of current events.
Kirk: ...NUUUUUUUUUUUUUU...
McCoy: Better wait until he's finished.
Kirk: ...TUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

*hysterical giggliing*

Chapel: Spock's readings are fluctuating!
M'Benga: That may or may not mean he is close to regaining consciousness. If he wakes up and makes a request, do whatever he asks.
Chapel: Huh? Why?
M'Benga: (shrugs) Maybe he has some idea how to heal a Vulcan gunshot wound.

*Still laughing at the previous scene. I am way too fond of that joke.*

Nona: Behold, this ceremony will cleanse your captain of the poison!
McCoy: Technically it's venom. Poison is excreted or --
Nona: Habookalakabookalaka!
McCoy: ...of course, I wouldn't expect you primitives to --
Nona: Poison, be-GONE!
(pause)
McCoy: Just what the hell happened?

*znerk*

Apella: ACK!
Klingon: Heh. Ack-appela. ACK!

*snicker*

Spock: Nurse, hit me!
Chapel: But I can't! I'm not much of a sadist....
(SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMA--)
Spock: That'll be quite enough, Dr. M'Benga. I'm quite fully healed.
M'Benga: Hooray! I helped! I'm helpful!
(SMACK!)

I'm getting Zoidberg vibes off this guy.

Kirk: Good work, Tyree. But next time, try aiming above the construction worker's waist.
McCoy: Just what in the hell do you think you're doing?
Kirk: Teaching them to fight back against the village people.
McCoy: First, they're villagers, not village people.

Arrrrgh!

Kirk: Pretty witch lady... must undress... not hard with skimpy clothes....
Tyree: Look! He has been stupefied by my wife's spells!
McCoy: Huh? No, he's always like that.
Kirk: My id hurts.

Ahhh, that Kirk.

Nona: Huh? No, that's not what I had in mind.
Tyree: Noooooooooo! Na!

*snicker*

McCoy: Looks like we've reached a spare room.
Kirk: Spare Oom? Strange name for a strange place. We should be watching out for war drobes.
McCoy: Which wardrobe? Next you'll be telling me you saw a lion.
Kirk: Honest, Bones, I ain't a-lyin'. Hey, a babe!

I always approve of geekish references.

McCoy: She's an empath, Jim. I know that's a concept you may find hard to grasp.

Oh, that Kirk...

Rahda: Sir? According to the position of the stars, we're 1000 lightyears from where we were!
Scotty: Time for you to give a big inspiring speech, Spock.
Spock: No.
Rahda: Oo, I'm so inspired.

Toy with my expectations, why don't you.

Kirk: Look T'omato, or whatever your name is, I'm the Captain here and if I say it's a Genesis planet, then it's a Genesis planet, understood?

Oh, that Kirk...

Also, T'omato. Hah!

Kirk: What's all this -- hey there, baby. You new here?
Losira: I need to touch Sulu.
Kirk: I'll do you one better: I'll let you touch me. But watch out -- I touch back.
Losira: I'm leaving now.

*znerk* Oh, that...you get the idea.

Good work, all.

[e of pi]

Finally! I can tell! Cool! It's a TOS event with panel! There. Oh, and good work. Nice fivers.

[Derek]

McCoy: Jim, you can't just drink away team your problems.

Captain's Log: After much deliberation, Dr. McCoy and I have finally beamed down to the surface. Jack Daniels is otherwise occupied.
Chapel: Poor Spock! Hic.

Great gag!

Dr. M'Benga: Don't be too worried, Nurse. Spock is simply using self-hypnosis to heal himself. He's actually quite conscious.
Chapel: You haven't the faintest idea how hypnosis works, do you?
M'Benga: If you'll excuse me, I'll be in the other room treating my acne with leeches.

A graduate of the Phlox medical academy, I see.

Kirk: Good work, Tyree. But next time, try aiming above the construction worker's waist.
McCoy: Just what in the hell do you think you're doing?
Kirk: Teaching them to fight back against the village people.
McCoy: First, they're villagers, not village people. Second, that's the single worst violation of the Prime Directive I've ever heard.
Kirk: We're merely keeping the balance as nature intended. With guns, germs, and steel.

Village People. Heh. And I remember Guns, Germs, and Steel as a book I was supposed to read, but never finished.

On to the next fiver....

McCoy: Looks like we've reached a spare room.
Kirk: Spare Oom? Strange name for a strange place. We should be watching out for war drobes.
McCoy: Which wardrobe? Next you'll be telling me you saw a lion.
Kirk: Honest, Bones, I ain't a-lyin'. Hey, a babe!

Heh.

McCoy: She's an empath, Jim. I know that's a concept you may find hard to grasp.

Heh again.

Nice fivers, IJD and Kristina, and nice Panel, Zeke.

[e of pi]

Clark and Lex fight Kirk and Spock with swords; needless to say, there's lots of slashing

Heh.

Do I get in the panel for not telling til now?

[Chancellor Valium]

Kirk: Space... the final --

(The DVD stops, ejects itself, and catches fire.)

(Derek shows the others the DVD set... which is now completely blank as well. For good measure, it catches fire.)

Hallowed are the Pah Wr- uh, Ori.

[e of pi]

[Chancellor Valium]

Originally Posted by e of pi

Now *that* is a super-protonic auto-masher if ever I saw one :P

[e of pi]

*Bows*

[KillerGodMan]

Good stuff

I also noticed that the disclaimer is lacking it's disclaimer-ness in the panel, Zeke, you never miss the details!

Also, e of pi: Blackmail will get you nowhere, Zeke doesn't HAVE to put you in the panel. Heck, he could ban you at any time!

We must live in fear of Zeke and the Hammer of Smiting!

Also, we must give him pie!

[e of pi]

Notice it was phrased as a request for a reward, not as a threat to travel back in time by spinning the plane....wait, this is Trek...slingshoting around the sun and talking about it in a mildly diffent alternate timeline.

[KillerGodMan]

he still doesn't have to even CONCIDER it, unless Zeke is feeling extra awesomer that how awesome he already is

[MaverickZer0]

Of course! There's no way you can waste time playing video games!

...Unless said video game is played with a Power Glove. Then there's something wrong with you.

[e of pi]

I didn't say he had to. Hence, the throwaway mention. I don't acctually believe it'll happen.

[Chancellor Valium]

Originally Posted by e of pi

I didn't say he had to. Hence, the throwaway mention. I don't acctually believe it'll happen.

Besides, if you did, you'd have to constantly make at least one irrelevant comment in each scene before trying to make another :P

[evay]

Spock: It's life, Jim, but not as we know it.

hee hee hee

These were just packed with jokes. Awesome job!

IJD: What the...? Oh, come on! That cost a hundred bucks thanks to Paramount's price-gouging ways! And I paid it gladly!

Dude, eBay!

the guilt is like a crushing weight.
Derek: In this case, so is the contributor.
Guardian: IT IS GLANDULAR.

:lol: I didn't get this until the second reading. The Guardian of Forever is embarrassed about its weight, poor thing?

Very clever!

[Nate the Great]

Aw, Star Trekkin'. A true classic!