Top Ten Signs You've Been Hanging Around 5MV Too L - ong. C'mon, everybody have a go. S'fun

[taya17]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Space shuttle. [/colorost_uid0]

[Nic Corelli]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Actually, a standard class-5 Starfleet shuttlecraft, specially enhanced with the Chakotay Detector - if it detects him at the helm, it automatically shuts down all propulsion systems,

The detector locates him by scanning for wood, btw... [/colorost_uid0]

[catalina_marina]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]That Chakotay detector, is that standard too? I mean, maybe that's exactly why he keeps crashing all the time. You see, if it shuts down the propulsion systems, that would mean the shuttle crashes. They ought to enhance it so it automatically turns on the auto-pilot and instructs it to land [iost_uid0]safely[/iost_uid0] at the nearest available landing space.[/colorost_uid0]

[Nic Corelli]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Amazing...

I have just read the Shockwave, Part I fiver (since I`ve only seen the episode for the first time last week), and came across a - chakotaymeter! According to Zeke, it`s a device in Enterprise`s shuttlepods that detects pilot errors. Very curious indeed how I thought of the Chakotay Detector just a few hours before I completely accidentally went reading the Shockwave fiver.

Still, about the Chakotay Detector... it scans the passengers BEFORE the shuttle takes off, And if Chakotay is one of the passengers, it freezes. This came after Voyager returned home in Endgame. The first thing that happened was the ship crashing in the Pacific Ocean, since the First Officer was at the helm. The second thing was the immediate invention of the Chakotay Detector. [/colorost_uid0]

[PointyHairedJedi]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]10 years after "Endgame" - Chakotay, having been forced out of Starfleet due to the number of complaints about him shedding leaves, turns to politics. After a hard fought election, he becomes governor of the lunar settlements (after his opponents in the race all mysteriuosly disappear). The day after he takes office, the entire moon mysteriously begins to plunge towards Earth.

As opposed to Janway of course, who would merely lose it in the Gamma Quadrant for seven years.[/colorost_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Well, it could be worse.
He could have taken charge of all [iost_uid0]Martian[/iost_uid0] colonies.

And Mars is more than ten times as massive as the moon (6.42e23 kg as opposed to 7.32e22 kg).

Aren't we all glad there are no Jovian colonies for Chakotay to be governor of?[/colorost_uid0]

[PointyHairedJedi]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Well, there's always Jupiter Station.

One thing though - what would happen if Chakotay became the UFP President?[/colorost_uid0]

[Nic Corelli]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]All Federation starships would start crashing down, until there would be none left. The Romulans would then move in and peacefully take control of the entire Federation. The former capital of the Federation would be renamed into San Romulanisco. Romulan-style hairdo would become a smash hit. Picard and Janeway would probably discuss resistance actions. He`d propose talk and diplomacy, while she`d take out compression phaser rifles. They would eventually find a compromise - compression phaser rifles. But it wouldn`t work. Seven of Nine would modify a few nanoprobes, and while the Romulans are distracted by Kira Nerys screaming, a powerful substance known as The Coffee, Black, would be Borgified into something even more powerful. A battle for independence would begin.

It`s 2008. So begins [iost_uid0]Star Trek: Series 6. [/iost_uid0][/colorost_uid0]

[PointyHairedJedi]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Shhh - don't say such things! You might give Berman and Braga ideas.[/colorost_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Don't talk about Berman and Braga-- he's giving ME ideas.

[iost_uid0]For the love of all that is good and sane in this world, kill Nic before he has the opportunity to get this down in writing.[/iost_uid0]

Something like that.[/colorost_uid0]

[Nic Corelli]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Well, it already IS in writing, You wouldn`t have been able to read it if it wasn`t...

The main character of the series would be a female Cardassian captain played by Jennifer Aniston. Her first officer would be a Breen. [/colorost_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]And the (weapons officer? chief of security? resident ambassador?) would be a Ferengi a.k.a. The Show's Official Comic Relief And Instigator Of Half The Plot Devices.


Ferengi Security Chief: Grrr! You killed my pet [iost_uid0]brungal[/iost_uid0]! :crying:
Generic Guest Star Villain: Don't forget I screwed up half the ship's systems too and am now on my way to Engineering to blow the ship to bits.
Ferengi: Oh yeah, that too. Anyway, prepare to die like the scum you are, worm! I'm going to blast you full of holes for sure! :madder: Never mind that we still have ten minutes to go in the show!
Villain: I'll give you twenty latinum bars to let me live. Thirty to let me by you into Engineering.
Ferengi: Thirty? Ooo. Make it sixty and we have a deal.
Villain: And a way to fill out the episode. Muahahaha!
Captain: (over the comm) Remind me why we keep you on the ship, much less in such a sensitive position, again?[/colorost_uid0]

[PointyHairedJedi]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Oh, and [iost_uid0]of course[/iost_uid0] the Chief Engineer would have to be someone from the same species as Morn.

Captain: So, chief, how long until the repairs are complete?
Chief Engineer:
Captain: Oh, I forgot. Here's a pen and paper.[/colorost_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]OMFG, what have we done? What have we done?[/colorost_uid0]

[catalina_marina]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]We can always blame subspace.[/colorost_uid0]

[mudshark]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]100. A thread which has been dormant for many weeks suddenly comes back to life and promptly veers off-topic for two pages. You don't find this in any way strange.[/colorost_uid0]

[Opium]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]101. When your Art Hist prof shows a painting of a man in a top hat, you suddenly get the urge to kill anyone named John, to get a big ice-cream, some pudding, and to sit and watch LOTR and POTC while saying "Cryptic. Obscure. Looks like a baguette 47 times.[/colorost_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]102. You laugh at the obituaries of anyone named "John" in the papers.[/colorost_uid0]

[Katy Jane]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]103. You have no clue where this "man in a top hat" thing came from, yet you don't find it strange that everyone is mentioning it all the time :lol:[/colorost_uid0]

[catalina_marina]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]104. You actually do know in which thread he was first mentioned, by who, and approximately, when.[/colorost_uid0]