May 13

[Zeke]

Hey all. Zeke here with a very special update. This, at last, is the TJI special I've been working on since friggin' February! Not one, not three, but six brand new articles await you in This Just In WUXTRY #1: Enterprise Cancellation Spectacular. Today, of course, the last two new episodes of Enterprise air, so there can be no better day for this update. This is my parting salute to a brilliant series that went before its time -- and not just the cast and crew, but also the many people and websites which have so enhanced my enjoyment of the show. Enterprise has been a great way to spend four years, and this is my lovingly vicious thank you to the whole community.


And that's not all! I have two other pieces of good news. One, these articles should be appearing shortly as a special feature at TrekToday. Two, believe it or not, having to work on fivers offline has been exactly what I needed -- I've written three since the ban, two of which are Enterprise fivers from Season 3! That's right, I've finally sat down and written what I always meant to write for "Azati Prime" and "Damage." When I finish the other two, I'll publish S3's Final Four in a four-day event, and then get started on S4. Today's update is the beginning of our ENT coverage in the weeks to come.


(Just for the record, though, I'm not technically back yet. Kira's still in charge till Tuesday or so.)

[Ginga]

YES! A TJI! And a day before my birthday, too! Best early birthday present I could ask for. :wink:

[mudshark]

Just a few bits, among many:

Moonves on Enterprise, future of UPN, pet care

Moonves: ... but our agenda is just what you'd expect: to make UPN the number one network in America. To do this -- are you all right?
TJI: (gets up from the floor, catches breath) Sorry. Uncontrollable laughing fit.
Moonves: Anyway, ...

Trek writers move on up long ladder

One Enterprise writer who has already moved on is André Bormanis. "I've decided to return to my first love: science," Mr. Bormanis explained. "Over the years, I've had many revolutionary ideas that have had to wait because Star Trek needed me. Now I can finally bring them into being.

Webmasters seek new niches to niche

... continued Mr. I'm Not Digging Up That ASCII Code Again... " There may also be one in there for Andromeda. I honestly can't remember."

*snicker*

Reviewers review reviewing options

FirstTVDrama reviewer Richard Whettestone declined to give any printable comments, but did scream obscenities in Enterprise's general direction.

*snort*

TrekUnited stands, falls

... continued Mr. Brazeal "... I'll make sure they all get their money back. Well, most of it. I'm skimming a penny off each contribution so I can buy some punctuation keys for my keyboard."

Heeheehee.

[MaverickZer0]

...Wow.

I'm in shock. Not one, but six articles? At once?



:lol:

That was a true piece of awesomeness.

[Nan]

"Welllll," Ms. Park replied, "I have been getting some attention from Michael Rosenbaum lately. We met at a convention a while ago and really hit it off. He says I appeal to his animated side, whatever that means." This reporter chalked it up to some obscure in-joke and moved on.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAH!

*gasp*

AHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Good times.

Awesome, Z!

[evay]

:lol: :lol: :lol: Zeke, you rock! I so totally needed that laugh this morning. You're a peach. And I'm really impressed that you spelled my name correctly. You have no idea how the telemarketers screw it up.

To explain about, uh, that other site: We host six or seven websites, but we only own one IP. So we use software to create virtual domains. That other site belongs to a coworker of hubby's. It's the most recent site we added, so for some reason if you don't use the WWW, the triphammered name defaults to that one. It's amusing in an annoying sort of way.

[Sa'ar Chasm]

And I'm really impressed that you spelled my name correctly. You have no idea how the telemarketers screw it up.

They're obviously not fans of classical music...or bumblebees.

That Wowbagger guy, on the other hand -- we totally made him up," added Mr. Brazeal. "And I'm amazed how many of you bought it. Come on."

Zing!

We even plan to change our name to reflect that policy. We're considering various possibilities, including "United Paramount CHannel of Unrestrained Can-Kicking" and "United Paramount 18-Year-Old Underwear-Revealing Skanks."

*snicker*

Not many people know this, but my real accent is Scottish. I also have an extra finger on my left hand, they just film around it.

Excellent reverse reference.

This reporter beat a hasty retreat, stopping only long enough to observe a certain woodenness in Ms. Blalock's pose.

I'm not touching this one.

(At press time, The Coterie had accumulated an estimated 3000 members, none attractive.)

I want a fan club. I'll call them the Chasmatics or something. It's almost like Charismatic, but missing a couple of letters.

When his current project is complete, Mr. Bormanis plans to find a cure for DNA.

I want to arrange a meeting between myself, him and a really really heavy science textbook. We'll see if he can absorb knowledge by punctuated osmosis.

Well done on all counts.

[mudshark]

Originally Posted by Sa'ar Chasm

They're obviously not fans of classical music...or bumblebees.

Clearly not (and never underestimate the ability of telemarketers, yea, and utility-company representatives too, to mangle things far simpler.)

... punctuated osmosis.

A more specialized application of the RCA treatment, I'd presume. :wink:

[Xeroc]

Great stuff Zeke!


No wonder it took so long, that much humor doesn't just appear out of thin air!

[Wowbagger]

"That Wowbagger guy, on the other hand -- we totally made him up," added Mr. Brazeal. "And I'm amazed how many of you bought it. Come on."

Curses. We've been found out by ourselves. I suppose now is a good time to tell you that we were also behind the so-called "Richard Nixon." Seriously, you guys believed anyone's jowl could naturally shake that much?

[Anonymous]

sorry for being dense but WUXTRY?

[Derek]

^ Yeah, I had to Google that, since I didn't know either. Apparently it is newsboy slang for Extra, as in "Extra! Extra! Read all about it!" Apparently as the word was said it sort of morphed into Wuxtry, so the cry would be "Wuxtry! Wuxtry! Read all about it!"

That's my half-remembered, 5-second Googling of the word, I'm sure someone more knowlegable will jump in soon and supplement my information.

[mudshark]

^ I had run across it before (turned up in a Pynchon novel) but I had to Google it as a memory-refresher. From what I recall, it was in use during the 1940s, probably (my speculation, here) filtered through a strong Noo Yawk/Joisey accent.

Ah, here we go:

... the archetypal newsboy’s cry: "Wuxtry! Wuxtry! [Extra! Extra!] Read all about it!" The spelling was commonly used in the 1940s: Jack Kirby’s Boy Commandos, or The Newsboy Legion; a painting by Albert Abramovitz (at the Harn Museum of Art); and articles in Time and Newsweek, among others.

(Quoted from here)

[Sa'ar Chasm]

And all this time I thought they were saying Extry.

[Zeke]

May 19



So indeed, I am back. And guess what? I got not one, not twelve, but five fivers done on paper while I was gone. I'm in gear again! Hail to the king, baby!


Anyway, here's a link for today. Over at TripHammered, evay is conducting a survey on what readers want her site to do from now on. (5MV will be doing something like this soon, so take notes.) Let her know what you want!

[mudshark]

Heh. True to form, Whettestone blew a gasket. :lol:

He seems to be better now.


Looking forward to new ENT fivers.

[Zeke]

Originally Posted by mudshark

Heh. True to form, Whettestone blew a gasket. :lol:

Yeah, but this time I think he had a point. Having him scream obscenities at ENT is one thing -- it's funny and, frankly, realistic. But using him (slightly disguised) as TJI's dimmest reader? That was a little below the belt. I should've used a totally random name like I originally planned, and I've now done so.

Anyway, if I'd been on the ball, I would have turned "Wyoming, IL" into "Illinois, WY."

[mudshark]

I wouldn't worry about it too much, if I were you. Whettestone (like James Dixon) is always looking for an excuse to spew. If he can't find one convenient, he'll just spew, anyway. As I said, true to form.

[Sa'ar Chasm]

Whettestone (like James Dixon) is always looking for an excuse to spew.

*staggers backwards*

There's a name I haven't seen in a while. I knew James Dixon back when he was a malcontent back on Fidonet. Does he still hate Okuda and every form of Trek after 1978?

[NAHTMMM]

Furthermore, Enterprise is one of UPN's strongest series. Like WWE Smackdown, it's well-written and well-acted.

ROFL! :lol: :twisted:

I've always liked it personally, especially the episodes where Moesha fights the Ewoks.

TJI: Any comments on the report that the replacement show will be a reality series about pig farming?
Moonves: Oh, that's just because we hate the viewers.

*snort*

Jonathan Archer is like a close friend to me. We don't always get along perfectly -- I'm still mad about that time he nerve-pinched me, stole my wallet, and bought front-row tickets to the water polo finals.

LOL!

Not many people know this, but my real accent is Scottish. I also have an extra finger on my left hand, they just film around it

Berman not only wrote the final scene, he actually directed it, built the sets, and played the alien Nazi. The whole time I heard him muttering to himself 'This time I'll finally destroy Star Trek forever!' And then he bit me!

Hilarious! :lol: :lol: And the part following too!

"We have to accept what's happened," said Mr. Berman. "We're all disappointed that UPN chose not to renew Enterprise. But what can we do? Pitch the show to other networks, as Joss Whedon did with Buffy ? Go into syndication, which worked so well for TNG and DS9? Put our support behind the large, enthusiastic fan campaign? All of these options have a fatal flaw: they require effort.

...
What sold us on Brannon was his understanding of biology. Our show is all about aliens altering human DNA, and who could understand that better than the writer of episodes like 'Threshold' and TNG's 'Genesis'?

:twisted:

"I've already begun work on a faster-than-light propulsion system, capable of taking a ship to the Sun and back in a single week. It works by harnessing the electrical energy of neutrons.

Neutron-based propulsion system, eh? Heheheh.
*goes back and rereads the previous sentence*
*rereads the second sentence*
Bwahahaha!