The Five-Minute Forums  

Go Back   The Five-Minute Forums > FiveMinute.net > News

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 07-25-2010, 09:25 PM
Zeke's Avatar
Zeke Zeke is offline
The lens that flares in the night
Administrator
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Ottawa, ON
Posts: 3,405
Send a message via ICQ to Zeke Send a message via AIM to Zeke Send a message via Yahoo to Zeke
Default July 25: TJI (XAW, Day 9)

Day 9 is Sunday, and that means it's time for This Just In! Today's issue is notable for two reasons: it's the first normal issue of TJI since '06 (since then it's been Briefs and whatnot), and it marks the long-awaited return of IJD GAF. With breaking news straight outta San Diego Comic-Con 2010 -- or was it 1865? -- here's IJD with TJI #51: Abrams' Lincoln shot by Joan Wilkes, booth babe.

No ten connection, you say? Take note of the time of "impact". And then be here for Day 10 (which won't take as long as Day 9; this week was my most exhausting math camp ever, and I really had no time for anything else).

__________________
FiveMinute.net: because stuff is long and life is short

[03:17] FiveMinZeke: Galactica clearly needs the advanced technology of scissors, which get around the whole "yanking on your follicles" problem.
[03:17] IJD: cylons can hack any blades working in conjunction
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 07-26-2010, 12:05 AM
Derek's Avatar
Derek Derek is offline
Dean of misderektion
Senior Staff
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Sector 001
Posts: 1,106
Default

Quote:
As of yet, there is no evidence of any Con-Federation conspiracy.
Though, no doubt, rumors of it shall rise again.

Hilarious from start to finish, IJD! The puns were superb. Is Gerardo's Ford a reference to Ford theater?
__________________
"Please, Aslan," said Lucy, "what do you call soon?"
"I call all times soon," said Aslan; and instantly he vanished away and Lucy was alone with the Magician.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 07-26-2010, 12:23 AM
NAHTMMM's Avatar
NAHTMMM NAHTMMM is offline
Noodles And Hot Tofu! MMM
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: St Louis, MO, USA, . . .
Posts: 2,973
Send a message via Yahoo to NAHTMMM
Default

Funny stuff, IJD.
__________________
My 5MV webpages My novel fivers list

Yup

“There must have been a point in early human history when it was actually advantageous to, when confronted with a difficult task, drop it altogether and go do something more fun, because I do that way too often for it to be anything but instinct.” -- Isto Combs
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 07-26-2010, 01:28 AM
evay's Avatar
evay evay is offline
But if you put the hammer in an elevator...
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Deck Four, Section Seven
Posts: 523
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Derek View Post
Is Gerardo's Ford a reference to Ford theater?
I was thinking more of this guy.

nice job.
__________________
Any truth is better than indefinite doubt. — Sherlock Holmes
"The Adventure of the Yellow Face," Arthur Conan Doyle
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 07-26-2010, 01:41 AM
Sa'ar Chasm's Avatar
Sa'ar Chasm Sa'ar Chasm is offline
Our last, best hope for peace
Staff
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Sitting (in Ottawa)
Posts: 3,425
Default

Quote:
"She never trusted Abrams, and she never will," suggests an anonymous friend. "She'll never forgive them for the death of Spock's mom."
*snigger*

Quote:
Is Gerardo's Ford a reference to Ford theater?
I also thought he meant [s]Gerald Ford[/s] what evay said.

Quote:
When reached for comment, Anton Yelchin was found wearing dark sunglasses and a baseball cap with the price tag still attached. Visibly shaken, he offered, "I'm terrified that there's still a crazed woman out there, gunning for Abrams' navigators."
BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

IJD, there are enough atrocious puns in there that I'm seriously considering flying to California, working out exactly who and where you are and visiting grievous bodily harm upon you with an assortment of novelty inflatable hammers.
__________________
The first run through of any experimental procedure is to identify any potential errors by making them.

Last edited by Sa'ar Chasm; 07-26-2010 at 01:44 AM.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 07-26-2010, 01:53 AM
Derek's Avatar
Derek Derek is offline
Dean of misderektion
Senior Staff
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Sector 001
Posts: 1,106
Default

Duh. Gerald Ford. Never mind.
__________________
"Please, Aslan," said Lucy, "what do you call soon?"
"I call all times soon," said Aslan; and instantly he vanished away and Lucy was alone with the Magician.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 07-26-2010, 04:41 AM
ijdgaf's Avatar
ijdgaf ijdgaf is offline
Unabridged
Senior Staff
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Hurricaneland
Posts: 791
Send a message via ICQ to ijdgaf Send a message via AIM to ijdgaf Send a message via MSN to ijdgaf
Default

Also ten-jentially related:

-the number of letters in "This Just In"

-The number of years since the assassination of Abraham Lincoln (in a roundabout way).

Thanks for the comments, one and all!
__________________
YOU READ IT...

...YOU CAN\'T UNREAD IT!
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 07-27-2010, 12:32 AM
Tate's Avatar
Tate Tate is offline
Infinitely prolonged
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Folsom, California
Posts: 131
Default

Not often that a title of a work is enough to make me laugh.
Quote:
It is suggested by some that she utilized transwarp beaming technologies to return to Vulcan itself. It is suggested to some that they kindly resume consumption of doctor-prescribed medication.
Great TJI, IJD.

By the way, I like the new member titles, Zeke. Although I suddenly feel a strange urge to insult everyone I know. In alphabetical order. Are you bovvered?
__________________
“Allow me to show you the door!” (Points) “Look. The door. It’s the wooden thing with the knob.” –Pancho, The Asparagus of La Mancha , VeggieTales

Candace: (gasp) The square root of 'soon' is 'never'!

The Doctor: It was all in the job title: Head of human resources.
Lance: This time, it's personnel.

To God be the glory. ><>
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 07-30-2010, 05:43 PM
PointyHairedJedi's Avatar
PointyHairedJedi PointyHairedJedi is offline
He'd enjoy a third pie
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: The Scotlands
Posts: 4,354
Send a message via ICQ to PointyHairedJedi Send a message via AIM to PointyHairedJedi Send a message via Yahoo to PointyHairedJedi
Default

Well that was pretty funny.

Also, red matter, fech.
__________________
Mason: Luckily we at the Agency use use a high-tech piece of software that will let us spot him instantly via high-res satellite images.
Sergeant: You can? That's amazing!
Mason: Yes. We call it 'Google Earth'.
- Five Minute 24 S1 (it lives, honest!)

"Everybody loves pie!"
- Spongebob Squarepants
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 08-25-2010, 12:18 PM
Nate the Great's Avatar
Nate the Great Nate the Great is offline
You just activated his Trek card
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 5,007
Default

Erm, Day 10?
__________________
mudshark: Nate's just being...Nate.
Zeke: It comes nateurally to him.

mudshark: I don't expect Nate to make sense, really -- it's just a bad idea.

Sa'ar Chasm on the 5M.net forum: Sit back, relax, and revel in the insanity.

Adam Savage: I reject your reality and substitute my own!

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Crow T. Robot: Oh, stop pretending there's a plot. Don't cheapen yourself further.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 08-26-2010, 05:26 AM
Zeke's Avatar
Zeke Zeke is offline
The lens that flares in the night
Administrator
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Ottawa, ON
Posts: 3,405
Send a message via ICQ to Zeke Send a message via AIM to Zeke Send a message via Yahoo to Zeke
Default

Right, sorry. It's coming. I hit a patch of inertia there.
__________________
FiveMinute.net: because stuff is long and life is short

[03:17] FiveMinZeke: Galactica clearly needs the advanced technology of scissors, which get around the whole "yanking on your follicles" problem.
[03:17] IJD: cylons can hack any blades working in conjunction
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 08-26-2010, 02:04 PM
Sa'ar Chasm's Avatar
Sa'ar Chasm Sa'ar Chasm is offline
Our last, best hope for peace
Staff
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Sitting (in Ottawa)
Posts: 3,425
Default

I live in fear of the atrocious Day Ten/datin' pun you're about to inflict on us.
__________________
The first run through of any experimental procedure is to identify any potential errors by making them.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 08-26-2010, 02:52 PM
evay's Avatar
evay evay is offline
But if you put the hammer in an elevator...
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Deck Four, Section Seven
Posts: 523
Default

Of course, if you're counting in binary, it's only Day 2...
__________________
Any truth is better than indefinite doubt. — Sherlock Holmes
"The Adventure of the Yellow Face," Arthur Conan Doyle
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 08-27-2010, 08:29 PM
PointyHairedJedi's Avatar
PointyHairedJedi PointyHairedJedi is offline
He'd enjoy a third pie
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: The Scotlands
Posts: 4,354
Send a message via ICQ to PointyHairedJedi Send a message via AIM to PointyHairedJedi Send a message via Yahoo to PointyHairedJedi
Default

You know what they say, there are only two kinds of people in the world... and I'm not either of them.
__________________
Mason: Luckily we at the Agency use use a high-tech piece of software that will let us spot him instantly via high-res satellite images.
Sergeant: You can? That's amazing!
Mason: Yes. We call it 'Google Earth'.
- Five Minute 24 S1 (it lives, honest!)

"Everybody loves pie!"
- Spongebob Squarepants
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 08-27-2010, 08:44 PM
NAHTMMM's Avatar
NAHTMMM NAHTMMM is offline
Noodles And Hot Tofu! MMM
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: St Louis, MO, USA, . . .
Posts: 2,973
Send a message via Yahoo to NAHTMMM
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sa'ar Chasm View Post
I live in fear of the atrocious Day Ten/datin' pun you're about to inflict on us.
Could be worse. He might go for a geographical pun instead.
__________________
My 5MV webpages My novel fivers list

Yup

“There must have been a point in early human history when it was actually advantageous to, when confronted with a difficult task, drop it altogether and go do something more fun, because I do that way too often for it to be anything but instinct.” -- Isto Combs
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 09-13-2010, 07:38 PM
Nate the Great's Avatar
Nate the Great Nate the Great is offline
You just activated his Trek card
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 5,007
Default

Cough.
__________________
mudshark: Nate's just being...Nate.
Zeke: It comes nateurally to him.

mudshark: I don't expect Nate to make sense, really -- it's just a bad idea.

Sa'ar Chasm on the 5M.net forum: Sit back, relax, and revel in the insanity.

Adam Savage: I reject your reality and substitute my own!

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Crow T. Robot: Oh, stop pretending there's a plot. Don't cheapen yourself further.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 09-16-2010, 10:46 AM
evay's Avatar
evay evay is offline
But if you put the hammer in an elevator...
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Deck Four, Section Seven
Posts: 523
Default

<--hands Nate a cough drop
__________________
Any truth is better than indefinite doubt. — Sherlock Holmes
"The Adventure of the Yellow Face," Arthur Conan Doyle
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 09-16-2010, 09:18 PM
Nate the Great's Avatar
Nate the Great Nate the Great is offline
You just activated his Trek card
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 5,007
Default

Cough drops are awful. I prefer hot liquids. Cider and Tang particularly.
__________________
mudshark: Nate's just being...Nate.
Zeke: It comes nateurally to him.

mudshark: I don't expect Nate to make sense, really -- it's just a bad idea.

Sa'ar Chasm on the 5M.net forum: Sit back, relax, and revel in the insanity.

Adam Savage: I reject your reality and substitute my own!

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Crow T. Robot: Oh, stop pretending there's a plot. Don't cheapen yourself further.
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 09-16-2010, 10:53 PM
Sa'ar Chasm's Avatar
Sa'ar Chasm Sa'ar Chasm is offline
Our last, best hope for peace
Staff
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Sitting (in Ottawa)
Posts: 3,425
Default

Fuming sulphuric acid? You'll never have a sore throat again.

(It's hard to feel pain when your pain receptors have dissolved)
__________________
The first run through of any experimental procedure is to identify any potential errors by making them.
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 09-16-2010, 11:51 PM
Nate the Great's Avatar
Nate the Great Nate the Great is offline
You just activated his Trek card
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 5,007
Default

The Question: Okay, bored now. Good-bye.

Moving on...
__________________
mudshark: Nate's just being...Nate.
Zeke: It comes nateurally to him.

mudshark: I don't expect Nate to make sense, really -- it's just a bad idea.

Sa'ar Chasm on the 5M.net forum: Sit back, relax, and revel in the insanity.

Adam Savage: I reject your reality and substitute my own!

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Crow T. Robot: Oh, stop pretending there's a plot. Don't cheapen yourself further.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
"our vulcan cousin", tji, xaw

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 06:34 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.2
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.