June 15

[Zeke]

So happy splucking birthday, FiveMinute.net. Have a total lack of updates.

I'm not quite as annoyed as I sound, actually. Readers with good memories will recall that while June 15 is our official anniversary, it may not actually be our anniversary. Probably isn't, in fact. I don't remember what day I created the site, and the News page wasn't there to keep track till August. June 15 is a more or less arbitrary date I chose. But it still bugs me that we're not in a position to celebrate properly... in fact, the site's position during this server move is best described in terms not suitable for younger audiences. (Fiver discretion is advised.)

However, technical difficulties doth not a site death make. I should have FTP back in a few days at most, and then it's catch-up time. First up are the two June subsite anniversaries we missed during this move. I haven't forgotten that we already have a huge subsite anniversary event in progress -- the 5MST conclusion -- but that's still not ready and these two anniversaries are, so they'll come first. The site's sixth-birthday celebration will be pushed back at least a month; I'll try to make it no later than that. It'll be lower-key than last year (it would pretty much have to be), but still plenty of fun. Against all odds, we came up with another theme that actually works. Something to look forward to.

Another priority will be getting things back to normal around here. The forum doesn't look like home yet; I have no clue how you customize a vBulletin, but I intend to learn. Our hitcounts have understandably sunk, so we'll work on pulling them back up. And I'm not just talking out my thermal exhaust port about getting 5ME back on track. (Honest!) This downtime was unavoidable, but it's almost over. Please bear with us.

[PointyHairedJedi]

Against all odds, we came up with another theme that actually works. Something to look forward to.

And I for one am really looking forward to "PointyHairedJedi Is Great" Day too. It's about time people realized just how super I am!

I think how you should explain it is to use an analogy about the Queen's actual birthday and her official one, because as we all know you're a big fan of the British monarchy. Still, happy birthday to us, and what better present to have than a board that isn't crappy and full of holes?

[Derek]

Originally Posted by PointyHairedJedi

And I for one am really looking forward to "PointyHairedJedi Is Great" Day too. It's about time people realized just how super I am!

And it'll be a great event too.

Five-Minute "Balance of Terror"
Kirk: Who is this ship that eludes us every step of our pursuit? Spock, can you patch us in to their viewscreen?
Spock: I believe so, Captain.
PointyHairedJedi: Mwahahaha!
Kirk: We're doomed.

Five-Minute Wrath of Khan
PointyHairedJedi: I've done far worse than kill you. I've hurt you. And I wish to go on hurting you. I shall leave you as you left me, as you left her: marooned for all eternity in the center of a dead planet, buried alive.... Buried alive....
Kirk: JEEEEEEEEEDIIIIIIIII!
PHJ: Oh just wait until the next movie. I've got that one down to five minutes.

Five-Minute "Where No One Has Gone Before"
PointyHairedJedi: (materializing like the Traveller does) Hey, guys! Just a sec.
(ZAP!)
Wesley: GAK!
Picard: Oh my gosh! He killed Wesley!
Riker: You b-- Actually, I'm pretty okay with that.
PHJ: Now set a course for Risa, Warp 11!
Geordi: Aye, aye, sir!
PHJ: One "aye" is sufficient, ensign.
Picard: Why, you, try to steal command of my ship, will you? I'll show you --
Riker: Worf, Tasha, help me hold him back, he's trying to hit the new captain!

Five-Minute "Q-Less"
PointyHairedJedi: (PUNCH! PUNCH! PUNCH!)
Sisko: (PUNCH!)
PHJ: You hit me! Picard never hit me!
Picard: That's just because it's been very hard tracking you down. (PUNCH!)
PHJ: I don't like this episode so much.

Five-Minute "Endgame"
PHJ: I have returned at the turn of the tide. The great storm is coming, but the tide has turned.
Janeway: Wait a minute, shouldn't this have been my future double? Will I grow up to be PointyHairedJedi?
PHJ: Pfft. You should be so lucky.

Five-Minute "These are the Voyages"
Villain: We kill the Captain now.
Tucker: No! You have to kill me instead!
PointyHairedJedi: Get out of the way. Let me do that.
(BOOM!)
Tucker: Oh no! Now I don't have a noble sacrificial death!
Archer: Neither does he! How did he stay alive?
PHJ: I'm PointyHairedJedi. I'm just that great. Now let's get to Earth so I can form the Federation.
Archer: Wait, you form it! But I thought --
PHJ: Yeah, we all know what you thought. Now let's get to Earth.

[Zeke]

Oh sure, post it all here. Now what do we do for the event?

[e of pi]

Pie? :P
Hey! Why not?

[MaverickZer0]

I, for one, can't wait. For now though, I'll add it to the big old list of stuff I'm waiting for. Page 247.

Seriously, should be awesome. An entire week devoted to PHJ? We'll all be dead by the end of it.

[Celeste]

Well, PHJ is hot. I mean, just look at that tail. hubba hubba.

[Chancellor Valium]

GAH!

Pointy, couldn't you just use a Time Ring like a normal bicardiovascular, telepathic, transtemporal extraterrestrial Force user?

:P

[mudshark]

Originally Posted by Celeste

Well, PHJ is hot. I mean, just look at that tail. hubba hubba.

Speaking of tails, what happened to yours? Used to have something of a hypnotic effect, as I recall.

[Celeste]

I haven't figured out how to do the animated .gif thing yet. And besides. I found that I was getting too many zombie-like people standing outside on my lawn. It was killing the grass.

[PointyHairedJedi]

If you stab me in the eye, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine. MWAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAetc.!

Derek, you are awesome. But not as awesome as me, obviously.

[Zeke]

Ah, so you did notice the June 9 newspost.

[PointyHairedJedi]

Twice, even (though I bungled my reference the first time round, now corrected).

*Squeezes again*

[Zeke]

Ah. Missed that.

You know, C&H didn't invent eye-stabbing...

[PointyHairedJedi]

Oh, I expect the Romans got there first.