The Five-Minute Forums  

Go Back   The Five-Minute Forums > > Miscellaneous

Thread Tools Display Modes
Prev Previous Post   Next Post Next
Old 07-12-2010, 11:08 PM
NAHTMMM's Avatar
Noodles And Hot Tofu! MMM
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: St Louis, MO, USA, . . .
Posts: 2,874
Send a message via Yahoo to NAHTMMM
Arrow Eighth Novel Fiver: The Devil's Heart

This is a really good read. So if you haven’t read the book and there’s a chance you might, don’t read this fiver yet. In any other case, enjoy!

This being another large novel (you’d think I would know better by now), I have of course left lots of stuff out.

The Devil's Heart by Carmen Carter

It keeps going on. So does Celine Dion’s heart. Coincidence?

Kanda Jiak: I, the Bearer of the Gem, take this moment to bewail the destruction of our beloved planet Iconia in this nightmarish flashback. If only we had had some sort of non-interference directive to keep us from befriending the barbarians around us . . .
Ko N'ya: Whatever, just step through the portal so I can redirect you to where
I want to go.
Kanda Jiak: As if I care where I end up. *zwip* ACK! How'd I travel to a desert?! Okay, I'm caring, I'm caring!
Ko N'ya: Woohoo, tanning time!
Kanda Jiak: Save me, strange little rock we built our civilization on!
Ko N'ya: Pbbbbbt!

T'Sara: In my capacity as the senior archaeologist on this expedition, I hereby declare this strange little rock to be not only the Ko N'ya but also "like, totally fascinating".
Other Vulcans: In our capacities as the orthodox archaeologists present, we hereby declare you to be out of your Vulcan mind.
T'Sara: Seriously, I get the wildest dreams whenever I sleep with this thing in my arms.
Other Vulcans: Suuuure. You're as loony as a time-worn Tuvok.
Orion Raiders: In our capacity as the guys with the guns, we declare you all to be dead and the Ko N'ya to be ours.
Other Vulcans: We are NOT dead and that rock is NOT the Ko N—GAK!

Commander Miyakawa: As the woman in charge of Starbase 193, I reflect on how hopelessly backwater this place is. I'd say we were the plankton of the Starfleet food chain, but we don't even photosynthesize diddly-squat.
Camenae: Cheer up, Estrella, you do have the most mysterious woman in all the galaxy as a local attraction!
Commander Miyakawa: Meaning you, right?
Camenae: It would be out-of-character for me to confirm or deny your guess for free.

Crusher: They're dead, Jean. Except for T'Sara, who's going to wake up just long enough for a few dramatic last words.
Picard: Bummer.

Grede: In my capacity as a morally weak communications officer, I hereby leak the news that the Ko N'ya has been found.
Camenae: Thanks. Now scram while I get you out of the way.
Grede: GAK!
Camenae: Not like that.

Camenae: Hello, Mister DiWahn.
Reyjadán: UnDiWahn. When Iconia died, our ancestors remarried. Some of us are still not on speaking terms with our step-planet.
Camenae: Um, right. Note to self: This guy has serious issues.

Riker: (over the comm) We found the Orions' ship and the remains of a Ferengi ship. The Orions are all dead and their ship is in a very dangerous state of—
Picard: Ooo! Dibs on the away mission!

Picard: As the resident dabbler in archaeology and a fan of T'Sara's work, I declare this strange little rock to be the “Ko N'ya”, “Devil's Heart”, “Mithrandir”, “Catamount”, and all its other names.
Worf: In my capacity as the resident Klingon, I call that rock the “Pagrashtak” and declare that it is now a VERY good day to die.

Ko N'ya: Give in to your anger. Strike them down, and your journey to the Dark Side will be complete.
T'Sara: No. Gak!
Ko N'ya: Fine, whatever. Toodle-oo!

Picard: (waking up) Whoa.

Crusher: I don’t understand all the interest in that rock.
Picard: What, you expected it to look like the artist’s rendering on the cover?

Picard: (over the comm) All ship personnel are hereby restricted from the starbase. There's a woman in the bar there who'll read your minds and sell all your embarrassing secrets and passwords to others.
Guinan: She used to be a very close friend of mine. I wanna go see her.
Picard: Wait, you mean she's Delcara in disguise? This changes everything—
Guinan: No, no, this is a different very close former friend of mine.
Picard: Oh, fine then. She probably already knows all your embarrassing secrets anyway.

Data: This little rock is strange.
Picard: How so?
Data: Standard dating techniques yield erratic results. The rock may have been created at any point from one Redshirt half-life ago to long before Strom Thurmond was born.
Picard: Data, Data, Data. Your relationship skills are still terrible. Never ask a lady her age, especially not while you're dating her. I'd better take the Ko N'ya now so we don't risk offending it any more.

Kruger: The Pagrashtak has been found! We must seize it for the glory of our house! I know, I'll send my grandson to fetch it.

Diat Manja: T'Sara found the Gem! I must see to it that everyone recognizes her achievement! I know, I'll write to my Congressman. Or Warden, whatever.

Emperor Vitellius: Look on my works, ye pathetic blue aliens, and desp—GAK!
Telev: We're already despairing, thanks. How about the opposite?
Ko N'ya: Sure, I've got nothing better to do.

Picard: I wuv you, strange little rock. You tell the best bedtime stories!
Ko N'ya: *mysterious glow*
Picard: And you serve as a portable nightlight, too! How handy is that?
My 5MV webpages My novel fivers list


“There must have been a point in early human history when it was actually advantageous to, when confronted with a difficult task, drop it altogether and go do something more fun, because I do that way too often for it to be anything but instinct.” -- Isto Combs
Reply With Quote

novel fiver

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On

Forum Jump

All times are GMT. The time now is 11:42 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.2
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.