July 10

[Scooter]

July 10

Hello. My name is Romanadvoratrelundar, and I've been asked by 5MDW section head Scooter of Erthagen to host tonight's installment of the Five Minute Doctor Who Anniversary Special. Honestly, I can't think why I've agreed. Though I will admit that the episodes
featured tonight do showcase some of my better successes at putting that blustering blowhard we all know as the Doctor in his proper place. I may have another peek at them myself, actually. While we're here.

Now, I've been told that the Time Lords are all dead, and that I've regenerated already and am presumed to be off gallivanting around something called E-space, but fortunately as this is an anniversary special none of that matters. You can think of me as reporting from an interstitial synergized emergency vortex cavity reinforcement module if — what? yes, yes, "one of those Time Lord pyramid paperweight things" — if it helps you to relax.

Tonight's episodes were all fived by a fellow named Curt Rozeboom and constitute the first half of the quest for the Key to Time, a nasty affair which I was tricked into and about which I was told nothing. And whose fault is that? Well, I'm sure I'm too polite to say. Anyway tonight's fivers are:

• "The Ribos Operation," in which I must say I make rather more of a first impression on the old Doctor than he's prepared to admit;


• "The Pirate Planet," the only broadcast episode by Douglas Adams, in which K-9 and I foil a vile scheme to use up whole planets while the Doctor just stands around gossiping with his psychic friends network like the useless duffer he is; and


• "The Stones of Blood," in which, if you'll believe it, he actually lets me dangle off a cliff for ages even though as it's the hundredth Doctor Who serial he ought to be at least feigning some modicum of respectability for the occasion.

Apparently there are a fair number of you who are not familiar with the Doctor, despite the fact that he talks about himself at every opportunity. Here are some links which may help you:

• Alan Kistler's Monitor Duty has charming and helpful "newbie" introductions to each of the Doctors, starting with the first one.


• Doctor Who's Tragical History Tour has some great images of each story if you want to see what we look like.


• The Doctor Who Reference Guide gives very detailed plot recaps.


• Doctor Who news can be found at Outpost Gallifrey and at the BBC.

That's all from me, but I'm sure others will guide you just as ably through the rest of this week's anniversary special, which I'm told will be ever so thrilling.