Audiofivers

[Nate the Great]

This is a combined poll/discussion. As usual I'll have to go by way of Jupiter to reach the point, but...

A long time ago, when dinosaurs ruled the earth, life was wild, rich, and on the whole, tax-free. In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were real men, women were real women, and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were REAL small furry--oh, yeah, the point.

It was once suggested by someone at 5MSG that it'd be fun to make audiofivers. The term was coined by us as a neat idea to do. Reading a fiver aloud with a full voice cast comprising (of course ) of the fivists of 5MSG. Of course these would be freely downloadable. The idea was actually the simplification of a more advanced idea called "videofivers," which would be a lot more complicated (and possibly illegal) to do. Turns out none of us had the equipment or knowledge to start Photoshopping hundreds of images or the ethics to start ripping footage off of DVDs (were the DVD sets out back then? I can't recall). However, most of us should have a barebones Sound Recorder in the Accessories menus of our Windows taskbars, right? Record a line at a time and let the technowizards among us string them together with basic sound effects.

What are your feelings about reviving the idea?

So, you can see the poll options yourself. Please comment.

[Nate the Great]

By the way, I ain't a technowizard. Basically I'm just stirring up trouble again.

[Zeke]

I still have a copy of the audiofiver test run you guys did. I don't think the idea is worth reviving unmodified -- an audiofiver takes longer than a fiver, you can't delineate scenes, and let's face it, we're not voice actors. What I have been considering is the possibility of doing Flash videos à la Newgrounds.

[whoiam]

I'd be happy to contribute my monotonous English accent to the cause. I'm also fairly adept at .wav editing, so I'd be happy to do the stringing together of completed files.

As to Zeke's objection about being unable to delineate scenes... my (admittedly sketchy) knowledge of actual audiobooks indicates that a pause usually suffices... but that in the interests of time, we could just use a stock beep to indicate scene transitions.

It may not make perfect sense, but then, fivers have always implied the plotline, rather then stated it. So a slightly insane audio recording would fit rather well, I think...

[Nate the Great]

Erm, which audiofiver test? There was no "complete" audiofiver in any form, ever, at least as far as I remember. I have a sound test file for myself and one for Hejira. That's it, right?

I agree that a simple beep would be fine, maybe a quick audio cue to indicate whether we're onboard ship or on a planet.

As for the length of the fivers, why not five the fivers? With the correct editing I'm sure a handful of scenes would be fine. We all know the plots, so basically we'd be doing what Monty Python did to turn their sketches into a movie.

Hey, a flash movie (videofiver) is fine, too, but would it be the "powerpoint presentation" format or the "mystery science theater 3000" format? I mean, snapshots or actual motion?

It's just that if writing a fiver is a one, and audiofivers are five, videofivers are like thirty. A lot more work, a lot more time, a lot more bandwidth, and way better odds that people will give up when Real Life rears it's ugly head. I think we really do need to tiptoe into this.

"We're not voice actors?" Hey, we may not be professionally trained, but we have moxie, spunk, and enough cheesy geekitude to choke a cat!

[Chancellor Valium]

I can do a mean Palpatine impression, if that helps...

re: beeps. Beeps are annoying. Pauses aren't. Catch my drift?

As for fiving fivers, why? The term is a relative one. Most certainly don't take five minutes to read...

[Nate the Great]

Sorry, I didn't mean fiving the published fivers. Those take "five" minutes to read. Zeke was insinuating (at least I think he was) that putting on what is essentially a radio show of a five minute read will take more than five minutes to listen to and will take a LONG time to download. Okay, let's use THE EXAMPLE FIVER OF SCIENCE! (Go Bill Nye!)

Here's a sample "fiver" paragraph. How long does it take you to read (at the normal rate):

Picard: Space, the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship--
Data: Uh, sir, it's time for the plot.
Picard: And what's our plot this week?
Data: We get to rescue a race of sentient Marshmallow Peeps from an unholy alliance consisting of the Frumious Bandersnatch and The Great and Everlasting Know-It-All.
Picard: I quit.

Okay, to be kind let's say ten seconds. Now read it aloud, at a reasonable dramatic and humorous pace.

"SPACE! The final ... frontier! These ARE the voyages of the starship...," etc. Okay, I got ... twenty seconds. Multiply that by twenty scenes in an ordinary fiver and that's over six minutes. Erm, I'm sure there was a point in there somewhere...

Uh, backup anyone?

[Chancellor Valium]

^Only! IF....youuse! Kirkspeak!

[Nate the Great]

Use Kirkspeak for what? Saying the fiver so that it takes longer? Is that the point? Expand the fiver so you have to cut out more so that it doesn't take more time to download. Reminds me of Eschers impossible continuous waterwheel.

[Chancellor Valium]

No, I was just saying that if you speak normally you should be able to get through it in five minutes fairly easily...

[Nate the Great]

Okay, here's the kicker. Which of the following should be the priority that determines audiofiver length:

1. Takes five minutes to listen to.
2. Takes a reasonable amount of time to download.
3. Contains all of the fiver that can be tranlated into an audio format.

This is really an important point that needs to be consistent.

As of right now, the consensus seems to be for uniform voice casts. I'm not going to open the kettle of worms of "auditions," "saving," and so on, mainly because:

1. Zeke has yet to authorize the creation or posting of audiofivers on this site, nor has he authorized anyone else to post copyrighted 5M.net material on another site. A very important first step.
2. No one has volunteered to take over the jobs of editting, directing, and creating sound effects for them. I can't do any of these things.
3. A system must be established for deciding in what order they would be created. Probably some sort of poll thread, or even the order that the original fivers were posted, although I'm fond of the notion of having the movies or the animated series being first, if only to finish them and hosting completed zip files.

[whoiam]

I'm sure I offered to edit... well, if you missed it before, it's here again. I'd be perfectly happy to edit audiofivers.

[Nate the Great]

Thank you. That's one domino down, only (whips out binoculars) ten million to go.

So, Zeke, what's it gonna be? Are all our dreams gonna come true, or are we gonna be shot down like that Duck Hunt dog that we all hate?

Pretty pretty please with a cherry on top. Or maybe you'd like this vial of top-of-the-line Borg nanoprobes. They were only used by this little old lady from Pasadena who used them to buff the wax in her super-stock car.

[PointyHairedJedi]

I'm neither for or against the idea particularly, but as an aside if it were seriously considered one-time member SCMoll would be a useful person to get in toich with - he, along with some friends, produced several Doctor Who fan audio adventures, so I'm sure at the very least he'd have some advice even if he didn't want to get directly involved.

[Nate the Great]

Hey, if you find him send him over. I really REALLY want Zeke's blessing before I start hiring people.

I was thinking that the best bet would be to set up a YahooGroup devoted to the audiofiver creation. We can post our soundbites and worry about direction and so forth there without cluttering up the forum or revealing our Evil Master Plan. Mwahahahahahaha!

Hey, maniacal laughter can be refreshing.

[mudshark]

Hiring? Hmmmm...

*begins setting up really complicated KB&R-type billing scam*

[Nate the Great]

KB&R?

Of course I mean hiring in its most abstract, economical sense. Economical as in "good luck getting any money doing this," of course.

Anyone else notice that I've become something of a smiley addict lately? Can't imagine where it came from. As long as I have the habit, though, only knowing how to make a smile and a wink is getting dull. What other smileys will automatically transmogrify into graphics in here?

[whoiam]

Transmogrify? *finds himself experiencing visions of the curry monster*

[Nate the Great]

Curry monster?

Transmogrify is a Calvin and Hobbes term. Basically it just means tranform, but with funnier implications.

[mudshark]

Well, yeah, Calvin & Hobbes, of course, but the word is a wee bit older than that.

Edit:

Okay, *ahem* Curry Monster: Sad as it may seem, there are those of us who have had, even at this late date, next to no exposure to Red Dwarf, a condition I intend to rectify at some point (for myself, at least -- the rest of you may be on your own.)