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  #61  
Old 02-07-2004, 01:07 AM
Artanis Artanis is offline
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[color=#000000ost_uid0]Top Ten Changes Once the Borg Run Hogwarts


10. Robes abolished and replaced with more form fitting clothing. Like catsuits.
9. Quidditch now played with torpedoes and shields, the purpose to convert all other players to your side.
8. No house cup. We don't compete against ourselves.
7. Snape teaches every class. Why? Because he's evil (MWA HA HA HA!)
6. Owls are unnecessary due to the collective mind.
5. Feast days are changed to celebrate Wolf 359, the day we assimilated Picard, and the day we kicked Janeway's butt.
4. Everyone realizes Harry is really a whiny git and they deactivate him.
3. Hermione self-destructs when she realizes everyone knows the answer the instant she thinks it.
2. New spell: Betsyius-destroyomious
1. Everyone who is bald or redheaded is forced to buy a hairpiece or change the color.

Top Ten 10 Secret Ambitions of Malcolm Reed[/colorost_uid0]
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  #62  
Old 02-07-2004, 06:10 AM
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[quoteost_uid0="Zeke"][color=#000000ost_uid0]"MaverickZer0"? Cool! Another Mega Man X fan![/colorost_uid0][/quoteost_uid0]
[color=#000000ost_uid0]Of course.

Just think...what would happen if Zero went Maverick?

Top Ten Secret Ambitions of Malcolm Reed:

10. To install something called a selfdestruct sequence on Enterprise.
9. To star in the next version of Terminator so he can watch the world being destroyed without it actually blowing up this time.
8. To get Future Guy to send him back in time so he can watch the first and biggest explosions ever.
7. To get Future Guy to send him back in time so he can[iost_uid0]cause[/iost_uid0] the first and biggest explosions ever.
6. To figure out how to say 'explosion' in fourteen different languages to impress Hoshi.
5. One of those launguages will be Vulcan to impress T'Pol.
4. To finally look up the old code for a tactical alert in the database sometime.
3. To figure out if you really can make T'Pol's catsuit any tighter
2. To try and push a new mendment that all female officers have to wear more revealing clothing.
1. To decorate his entire room in hot pink.

Next: Top Ten Ways To Get Archer To Act Like A Captain

(So sue me. I'm tired and I couldn't pass up the Malcolm one.)[/colorost_uid0]
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  #63  
Old 02-07-2004, 08:25 AM
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[color=#000000ost_uid0](My talent comes in creating lists to make up, not the lists themselves. So sue me, too )

10. Have him deeply want the highest ranking officer besides himself.
9. Threaten him with actually turning Porthos into chilli until he stops watching water polo during First Contacts.
8. Give him a love interest in every episode.
7. Give him the catchphrase, "Live Long and Engage"
6. Let him install his own pool in the cargo bay.
5. Kill T'Pol. She's taking all his comanding style.
4. Three words: More green aliens.
3. Threaten him with letting Mayweather be captian if Archer doesnt clean up his act.
2. Stop sending him fanmail!
1. Let him have Porthos be First Officer.


Top Ten Things That Would Make DS9 more Trek-like[/colorost_uid0]

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  #64  
Old 02-07-2004, 06:13 PM
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[quoteost_uid0="MaverickZer0"][color=#000000ost_uid0]Just think...what would happen if Zero went Maverick? [/colorost_uid0][/quoteost_uid0]
[color=#000000ost_uid0]Heheh. I have a funny feeling what would happen is one of the endings of X5.

Welcome to the boards -- always good to get a new member, especially one with such excellent taste in video games. [/colorost_uid0]
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  #65  
Old 02-07-2004, 06:54 PM
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[color=#000000ost_uid0]10. Get rid of all those story arcs. I mean, it's not like they make the show [iost_uid0]better[/iost_uid0] or anything.
9. Make the characters basically two-dimensional, with the occasional half-assed attempt to flesh them out.
8. Include at least half a dozen episodes featuring Q.
7. Have the station actually fly around in space and do stuff instead of just sit there, 'cos that's just boring.
6. Kill off a number of un-named characters every week so that the fans can make a running joke out of it.
5. Have Sisko moralize about the Prime Directive and its sanctitiy half the time, then have him break it the rest of the time.
4. Swap around the characters birthplaces, so that their accents in no way sound anything like they're supposed to.
3. Include a cold, locigal character who is either a Vulcan, an android, or an ex-Borg drone.
2. Why have the same old boring wormhole all the time, when you could have a different spacial anomaly every single week?
1. Give Sisko a caffiene addiction.

Name the Top Ten Reasons why the Borg went from being Menacing and Scary to just Plain Lame.[/colorost_uid0]

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  #66  
Old 02-07-2004, 09:02 PM
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[color=#000000ost_uid0]Name the Top Ten Reasons why the Borg went from being Menacing and Scary to just Plain Lame.

10. Janeway went back in time and taught them a lesson in manners.
9. They assimulated porn
8. They assimulated Chakotay, big mistake
7. Well, they assimulated a virus that crashed the main computer
6. Seven was the main reason why they were menacing
5. The new Borg Queen was lazy
4. Q Jr. made a few changes
3. They forgot to go back in time to assimulate Kirk
2. They learned Shakespeare when they assimulated Picard
1. They made the mistake of Assimulating Janeway after she had coffee

Next: Top ten things to add to a chili mix[/colorost_uid0]
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  #67  
Old 02-07-2004, 09:08 PM
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[color=#000000ost_uid0]Top Ten Things to Add to a Chili Mix:

10: Guano and copper...no, wait, that's a Chile mix.
9: The obvious: Chili powder.
8: Ice cubes...no, wait, that's a chilly mix.
7: Kraft Powdered Instant Chili Mix (now with 50% more sodium benzoate)
6: Port holes.
5: Capsacian (sp) oil antidote (for nebbishy Yankees, Canadians and other such wimps)
4: SPAM (Squirrel, Possum and Moose)
3: Mystery Meat (first one to guess doesn't have to eat it).
2: Fire alarms.
1: A blue ribbon for anyone who doesn't use the obvious in-joke.

Top Eight Fates of the Deep Space Stations Built Before DS9[/colorost_uid0]
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  #68  
Old 02-07-2004, 09:46 PM
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[color=#000000ost_uid0]Top Eight Fates of the Deep Space Stations Built Before DS9

DS1: Fate of this early prototype, consisting solely of jettisoned bag of Pringles, remains unknown.
DS2: Prototype enhanced, now consisted of bag of Pringles which occasionally goes 'beep.' Station declared a success, retrieved, contents eaten
DS3: First and last space station to be designed by Malcolm Reed. We apoligize for chain-reaction supernovas.
DS4: Dismantled following claims that space not really all that deep
DS5: Project discontinued before construction, to relief of pets galaxy-wide, upon discovering the typo "Deep Spays 5
DS6: Deed of purchase still in possesion of Starfleet Headquarters. Has prompted suspicion of all Ferengi merchants claiming to have a space station to sell you.
DS7: Destroyed by Klingons. Last known communication a forwarded e-mail, linking to known Sev strip.
DS8: Closed down after repeated malfunctions of Federations space station technology. Resolution made to just steal somebody else's space station next time.

EDIT: Silly me, I forgot to add the next list topic.
What Happened to the other 358 Wolfs
Top Ten Song-And-Dance Numbers in "Star Trek: The Musical"[/colorost_uid0]

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  #69  
Old 02-08-2004, 12:48 AM
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[color=#000000ost_uid0]Top Ten Song-And-Dance Numbers in "Star Trek: The Musical"

10. SPOCK, TUVOK and T'POL: "The Second-Banana Vulcan Blues" (rousing vaudeville)
9. WORF and MALCOLM: "Kill! Crush! Destroy! Incorporated" (warning: audience members in the first row should take adequate precautions)
8. PHLOX, McCOY, CRUSHER, BASHIR, and DOC: "A Smile, An Aphorism, and a Jab in the Arm" (featuring the We're Dead, Jim Dancers)
7. JANEWAY: "Bewitched, Bothered, and Caffeinated" (with a special surprise wardrobe malfunction)
6. ODO: "My Pail and Me" (single-spotlight tearjerker)
5. KIM: "To Be a Lieutenant (Just For an Hour)" (fantasy sequence)
4. REDSHIRT SQUAD: "GAK! (We're Back! )" (reprise)
3. TROI: "I'm Not Wearing Any Underwear (But Then, You Knew That)" (Gershwin-esque ballad)
2. DATA: "Bite Me, Moriarty!" (with tap interlude featuring B4, Lore, and Dr. Soong)

and the Number One Song-And-Dance Number in "Star Trek: The Musical":

1. KIRK: "It Was ... Fun" (free-form ballet)


Next:

Top Ten Little-Known William Shatner Singles[/colorost_uid0]
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  #70  
Old 02-08-2004, 01:16 AM
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[color=#000000ost_uid0]^BWAHAHAHAHA! Those are great! Especially numbers 4-2.[/colorost_uid0]

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  #71  
Old 02-08-2004, 01:39 AM
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[color=#000000ost_uid0]Brilliant, Scooter
Great work![/colorost_uid0]
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  #72  
Old 02-08-2004, 03:25 AM
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[color=#000000ost_uid0]Top Ten Little-Known William Shatner Singles

10. We dont need no Prime Directive-backup by Pink Floyd
9. Hit Me Alien One More Time- duet with Britney Spears
8. Starseeds are Evil- Our Lady Peace was blackmailed into this
7. 99 RedShirts (German Version: 99 LuftSchiffs)-Nena needed another North American hit
6. Blood Sugar Sex Technobabble- RHCP were drunk at the time
5. Shake It Like a Paranoid Vulcan- Actually, OutKast stole this from Shatner
4. My Heart Will Go On- Duet with Celine Dion
3. Yellow SubwarpShip-Beatles tried to sue Shatner for this one
2. When I'm 69-See above
1. Alien Woman- Randy Bachman met Shatner in pub, did Karaoke, was suprised to hear it on the radio the next day

Top Ten Lost Star Trek eps that were too controversial to air in the 1960's[/colorost_uid0]

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  #73  
Old 02-08-2004, 03:47 AM
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[color=#000000ost_uid0][quoteost_uid0]Top Ten Lost Star Trek eps that were too controversial to air in the 1960's [/quoteost_uid0]

10: The Zombie Boxes: Episode in which the Enterprise discovers a planet on which everyone communicates via glowing screens on their desks rather than in person. Dismissed as too far fetched.
9: The Hyperactivity Disorder: Episode in which the Enterprise discovers a planet on which secret government tests have left all the children with attention spans measured in nanoseconds. Supressed by men in black suits and black helicopters.
8: The Libido Challenge: Episode in which the Enterprise discovers an entire solar system of planets with absolutely no life. Universally denounced by Trek geeks, who protested that every other planet the Enterprise discovered was populated by nubile green women in scanty clothes.
7: The Void: Episode in which the Enterprise doesn't discover a planet. Written by Gene Roddenberry's 8-year-old nephew under a pseudonym.
6: Sweeps Week 1966: In which the Enterprise discovers a planet populated by sexy women, lots of action and violence and Coke.
5: Ship of the Valkyries: Chronicles the voyages of the Enterprise's sister ship. Intended to start a new spinoff series, but was canned by NBC execs, who said that nobody wanted to watch a show about a woman captain.
4: Wagon Train to the Stars: Denounced as being too derivative of something else, but I can't quite put my finger on it.
3:Star Trek: The Pepsi Generation. Episode in which the Enterprise discovers a source of cool, refreshing beverage and brings peace and prosperity to the galaxy at large. Universally condemned as an hour-long commercial.
2: Karaoke Night: Uhura sings. For 48 minutes. Never broadcast, as the editors couldn't finish assembling the episode.

And the Number One Controversial Star Trek Episode From the Sixties (or whatever it was)

1: The Potemkin Syndrome: Chekovs revolts and takes from Kirk the two things he most holds dear: his ship and his screen time. The master tape was burned by a mysterious intruder who left only a hairpiece as a clue.[/colorost_uid0]

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  #74  
Old 02-08-2004, 05:06 AM
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[quoteost_uid0="Opium"][color=#000000ost_uid0]3. Yellow SubwarpShip-Beatles tried to sue Shatner for this one[/colorost_uid0][/quoteost_uid0]
[color=#000000ost_uid0] :lol:

Sa`ar, you forgot to write an idea for the next list.

So I`ll do it,

The Top 10 Birthday Presents Odo Hated The Most[/colorost_uid0]
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  #75  
Old 02-08-2004, 05:08 AM
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[quoteost_uid0="Zeke"][color=#000000ost_uid0]That's impossible. If he'd seen the Ring, he would have died seven days later.[/colorost_uid0][/quoteost_uid0]
[color=#000000ost_uid0]Is this [iost_uid0]The Ring[/iost_uid0] reference? I wouldn`t know, I`m too scared to watch it, [/colorost_uid0]
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  #76  
Old 02-08-2004, 05:51 AM
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[color=#000000ost_uid0]Yes.[/colorost_uid0]
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  #77  
Old 02-08-2004, 06:11 AM
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[color=#000000ost_uid0]The Top 10 Birthday Presents Odo Hated The Most

10. Harry Kim: Clarinet
9. Seven: Lifetime Supply of Nanoprobes
8. Paris: A collection of his favorite programs for the holodeck
7. Q: A job on a moving starship
6. Doctor: A collection of opera...sung by the doctor himself
5. Borg Queen: An offer to become the Borg King
4. Data: A slightly used emotion chip
3. Kirk: A ticket to Risa bought from priceline.com
2. Janeway: Coffee made by Nelix
1. Picard: The Entire data base on Shakespeare

Next: Top 10 ways a nebula can affect Voyager[/colorost_uid0]
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  #78  
Old 02-08-2004, 06:43 AM
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[color=#000000ost_uid0][quoteost_uid0]7: The Void: Episode in which the Enterprise doesn't discover a planet. [/quoteost_uid0]

:lol:[/colorost_uid0]
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  #79  
Old 02-08-2004, 02:33 PM
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[color=#000000ost_uid0]Top Ten Ways a Nebula can affect Voyager

10. All coffee turns to tea, earl gray, hot.
9. What appears to be a brain sucking alien comes aboard but then turns out to just want all of the leola root. There is much rejoicing when janeway gives him all of it.
8. The entire crew passes and wakes to find they ALL have Chakotay's tattoo.
7. Causes a malfunction which accidentally adds part of an old television show to the doctor's program: Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.
6. Warps the command system so Harry is in charge of the ship.
5. After watching "Fair Haven" reprograms the computer so that no holograms can ever be Irish.
4. Swaps Chakotay and Seven's conciousness. No one notices.
3. Makes everyone addicted to caffiene... Oh wait...
2. Posesses Be'lanna and has her tell Tom that she'd rather just be friends.
1. Causes strange hair growth in Vulcans; Tuvok ends up with a mullet.


Top ten ways Porthos can take over the ship[/colorost_uid0]
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  #80  
Old 02-08-2004, 06:14 PM
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[color=#000000ost_uid0][quoteost_uid0]Top ten ways Porthos can take over the ship[/quoteost_uid0]
Oh dear... Hope nobody was planning on having chilli for dinner... I look forward to this one. :eyeroll:[/colorost_uid0]
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