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Old 01-14-2007, 09:30 PM
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Default Fiver Punchlines in Real Life

A simple game: what fiver punchline(s) would you use in Real Life if the other person had the (magical) ability to actually get the joke?

For example, if I was in a grocery store I'd use the punchline "Who cares? We've got salami!"
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Old 01-15-2007, 12:46 AM
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I must admit, I have used the:
'Close your eyes. What you see is how much sympathy I feel for you. '
A few times.
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Old 01-15-2007, 05:11 AM
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Okay, we're gonna have to add fiver titles and authors to these, 'cause I don't remember that one. It's a great punchline, though.

A fiver punchline of my own that I'd dearly love to use is "It's always time for sarcasm!" It's from an upcoming fiver, but it's not like that punchline will spoil anything, will it?
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mudshark: Nate's just being...Nate.
Zeke: It comes nateurally to him.

mudshark: I don't expect Nate to make sense, really -- it's just a bad idea.

Sa'ar Chasm on the 5M.net forum: Sit back, relax, and revel in the insanity.

Adam Savage: I reject your reality and substitute my own!

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Crow T. Robot: Oh, stop pretending there's a plot. Don't cheapen yourself further.
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Old 01-15-2007, 06:12 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Infinite Improbability View Post
A fiver punchline of my own that I'd dearly love to use is "It's always time for sarcasm!" It's from an upcoming fiver, but it's not like that punchline will spoil anything, will it?
Hah? Who? Someone call me?

I've quoted my own fivers at people in chats, to general confusion and bewilderment 'cause they don't know what B5 is.
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Old 01-15-2007, 06:30 AM
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We all know what B5 is. It comes after B4 (never saw the sun shining so bright) and before B6 (half of Riddler's favorite vitamin).
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mudshark: Nate's just being...Nate.
Zeke: It comes nateurally to him.

mudshark: I don't expect Nate to make sense, really -- it's just a bad idea.

Sa'ar Chasm on the 5M.net forum: Sit back, relax, and revel in the insanity.

Adam Savage: I reject your reality and substitute my own!

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Crow T. Robot: Oh, stop pretending there's a plot. Don't cheapen yourself further.
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Old 01-15-2007, 08:13 PM
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I don't know. I'd probably end up using the panel discussion quotes more than fiver quotes. For some reason they strike me as more quotable.
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Old 01-15-2007, 11:07 PM
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I sometimes use fiver jokes in RL conversations just because I know the people I'm talking to won't have heard them before. It's cheating, I suppose. But not as much as using the same joke on multiple family members, or even the same one twice once they've forgotten... which I also do. Hmm.
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Last edited by Zeke; 01-16-2007 at 12:38 AM.
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Old 01-16-2007, 12:02 AM
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Do they look at you in bewilderment when you keep saying "Hah! Me 1, Chakotay 0!"?
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Old 01-16-2007, 12:50 AM
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Heh heh.
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Old 01-16-2007, 02:47 AM
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I dunno about 5MV in-jokes, but I'm definatly still the prettiest.
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Old 01-16-2007, 03:32 AM
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Your precious Cassandra Claire abandoned you, you fools! Everyone worships flames that burn so hot they vanish into nothingness! And here I am, keeping at it year after year, and after all this time I'm still not King!

...Yeah, I'm still bitter about cleolinda getting that book published.
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[03:17] FiveMinZeke: Galactica clearly needs the advanced technology of scissors, which get around the whole "yanking on your follicles" problem.
[03:17] IJD: cylons can hack any blades working in conjunction
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Old 01-16-2007, 05:07 AM
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Okay...once again my precious thread is getting mutated before its time. It's to be expected, but let me lament over me poor bairns just the same...
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mudshark: Nate's just being...Nate.
Zeke: It comes nateurally to him.

mudshark: I don't expect Nate to make sense, really -- it's just a bad idea.

Sa'ar Chasm on the 5M.net forum: Sit back, relax, and revel in the insanity.

Adam Savage: I reject your reality and substitute my own!

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Crow T. Robot: Oh, stop pretending there's a plot. Don't cheapen yourself further.
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Old 01-16-2007, 05:13 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Infinite Improbability View Post
Okay...once again my precious thread is getting mutated before its time.
Is it really, though?

OT: "Bite me."
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Old 01-16-2007, 08:21 AM
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Does any thread on these forums ever stay on topic, really? I recall that we've mutated spambot threads into discussions.
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Old 01-16-2007, 02:55 PM
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Then to bring us back.....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Burt View Post
I must admit, I have used the:
'Close your eyes. What you see is how much sympathy I feel for you. '
A few times.
Terra Nova
Captain Archer to Travis

Near the end...
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Old 01-16-2007, 04:54 PM
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Was that "bite me" punchline from my OOT fiver? I'm not sure where that came from. Was I suggesting that a ten-year-old who's had little contact with the outside world would've never heard of any "witty" retort other than "bite me?" Must've picked it up from The Great Mido.

Thanks for the info, Burt. I agree that it's a great punchline, but if used in real life I'd get so many evil eyes that I might actually wither away to nothing.
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mudshark: Nate's just being...Nate.
Zeke: It comes nateurally to him.

mudshark: I don't expect Nate to make sense, really -- it's just a bad idea.

Sa'ar Chasm on the 5M.net forum: Sit back, relax, and revel in the insanity.

Adam Savage: I reject your reality and substitute my own!

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Crow T. Robot: Oh, stop pretending there's a plot. Don't cheapen yourself further.
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Old 01-16-2007, 05:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Infinite Improbability View Post
Was that "bite me" punchline from my OOT fiver?
No offense, Nate, but I've been using "Bite me" in fivers since your grandfather was in diapers.
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[03:17] FiveMinZeke: Galactica clearly needs the advanced technology of scissors, which get around the whole "yanking on your follicles" problem.
[03:17] IJD: cylons can hack any blades working in conjunction
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Old 01-16-2007, 07:06 PM
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So I'm blatantly arrogant when it comes to my work. What else is new?

It suddenly occurs to me that a "random fiver" option would be a neat feature here. We can enjoy a "new" set of punchlines every day.
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mudshark: Nate's just being...Nate.
Zeke: It comes nateurally to him.

mudshark: I don't expect Nate to make sense, really -- it's just a bad idea.

Sa'ar Chasm on the 5M.net forum: Sit back, relax, and revel in the insanity.

Adam Savage: I reject your reality and substitute my own!

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Crow T. Robot: Oh, stop pretending there's a plot. Don't cheapen yourself further.
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 01-19-2007, 03:22 AM
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Actually I invented the phrase "Bite me" nigh on twenty years ago. It was part of a high-larious THREE-LEVEL PUN.

Also, I invented the three-level pun way before that Ryan North guy.
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Old 01-19-2007, 01:14 PM
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Truly great puns don't need three levels, just a good setup line. I have a soft spot for the puns that take a second or two to sink in and then your brain flips inside out. For me the classic example of this kind is the mice screwing in a lightbulb joke/pun.
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mudshark: Nate's just being...Nate.
Zeke: It comes nateurally to him.

mudshark: I don't expect Nate to make sense, really -- it's just a bad idea.

Sa'ar Chasm on the 5M.net forum: Sit back, relax, and revel in the insanity.

Adam Savage: I reject your reality and substitute my own!

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Crow T. Robot: Oh, stop pretending there's a plot. Don't cheapen yourself further.
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