Voyager Week Redux

[PointyHairedJedi]

For Voyager Week (hey, remember that sucker?) I actually wrote three Top Ten lists, not two - the third, however, wasn't finished in time, and has been languishing unfinished on my hard-drive ever since. Today, however, I stumbled across it, and decided that it was high time that I actually completed it. So, without further ado, I present:

Top Ten Plot Twists That Might Occur if Jack Bauer was the Captain of Voyager

10. Following a run in with the Borg, a secret subroutine in the EMH’s programming is accidentally activated, but gets corrupted in the process. Subsequently he tries to gain control of the ship by mercilessly singing Gilbert & Sullivan operettas at the crew, a tactic that proves surprisingly successful.

9. One of the Maquis crew members turns out to be a deep-cover Cardassian double agent, and…. erm, perhaps we’ll skip this one.

8. The Talaxians, who for the fist half of the show seem harmless enough, actually turn out to be bent on galactic domination. Jack is forced to shoot Neelix, who was a sleeper agent, on the bridge in a dramatic showdown after it is revealed that he really was trying to poison the crew.

7. Single-handedly taking down 47 Hirogen with his trusty phaser-rifle, Bertie, Jack learns that they were actually working for a shadowy organisation intent upon... well, something sinister, anyway. He might actually decide to find out later; for the moment he's just enjoying shooting things up.

6. Voyager itself is afflicted by a strange temporal anomaly, resulting in the crew losing fifteen minutes of every hour.

5. All the shuttles are replaced with very large black SUVs. Chakotay initially objects, but later withdraws that objection when he discovers that they are much more satisfying to crash than the Type-12s ever were.

4. After being drawn into a convoluted plot to assassinate the Borg Queen, Jack discovers that the whole thing is actually a cover for a secret plot to assassinate the Borg Queen.

3. Jack, ignoring all that wimpy Starfleet claptrap about being nice to people, actually gets the ship back home in the middle of the fifth season, and spends the rest of the show trying to out-macho Benjamin Sisko.

2. His daughter, Kim, who is on board when Voyager is pulled into the Delta Quadrant, doesn’t get kidnapped every other week or end up getting tangled up in ongoing events in any way shape or form. She does however take up stamp collecting.

And the number one plot twist that might occur if Jack Bauer was the captain of Voyager:

1. In the series finale, we discover that, though it had been previously intimated, Jack hadn't actually been on a super-secret undercover mission to the Delta Quadrant (to locate an antidote to a genetic plague that was sweeping the Federation) under the guise of being totally lost; he actually had been lost, and just really, really hated stopping to ask for directions.

[danieldoof]

OMG that has to be the greatest crossover ever :P

very cool list pointy
btw I am just watching the 4th season of 24 here

6. Voyager itself is afflicted by a strange temporal anomaly, resulting in the crew losing fifteen minutes of every hour.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA

damn I would have to quote the whole list :wink:

[e of pi]

6. Voyager itself is afflicted by a strange temporal anomaly, resulting in the crew losing fifteen minutes of every hour.

Indication that this drone had wondered about that.

[Zeke]

Heheh. Nice list, Jedi. I'll post it next time I need a quick update, if that's okay with you.

[PointyHairedJedi]

Sure! One thing though - you've gotta think up a disclaimer for it. It just wouldn't be the same otherwise. :P

[mudshark]

Liked these:

5. All the shuttles are replaced with very large black SUVs. Chakotay initially objects, but later withdraws that objection when he discovers that they are much more satisfying to crash than the Type-12s ever were.


3. Jack, ignoring all that wimpy Starfleet claptrap about being nice to people, actually gets the ship back home in the middle of the fifth season, and spends the rest of the show trying to out-macho Benjamin Sisko.

[Derek]

Originally Posted by PointyHairedJedi

10. Following a run in with the Borg, a secret subroutine in the EMH’s programming is accidentally activated, but gets corrupted in the process. Subsequently he tries to gain control of the ship by mercilessly singing Gilbert & Sullivan operettas at the crew, a tactic that proves surprisingly successful.

He is the very model of a photon individual?

[NeoMatrix]

Awesome Top Ten List. 24 is my favorite show

[PointyHairedJedi]

Originally Posted by Derek

He is the very model of a photon individual?

In the end they stopped him only by locking him in the holodeck with a recreation of Captain Picard. After fifty straight hours of singing parts from The Mikado at each other, the EMH was forced to concede defeat in the face of a superior opponent.

[Andy Taylor]

Originally Posted by danieldoof

btw I am just watching the 4th season of 24 here

Stop about halfway through, trust me! :?

This was v. v. funny, Pointy!

[e of pi]

My Mom and Dad, who followed 24 for the first two seasons, found it very funny. Read it to them yesterday.

[PointyHairedJedi]

I made someone's parents laugh? Well, now I know I've hit the big time!


(No, I've got no idea what I'm on about either.)

[e of pi]

Yep. Dad just absoulutly cracked up. Anyone see yesterday's FoxTrot?

[PointyHairedJedi]

I've heard of it, and that's pretty much the same thing, right?

[e of pi]

Not really. It was related to 24.

[PointyHairedJedi]

Link, man, link! We're not all as non-lazy as you, you know. :P

[e of pi]

I don't know where to find it. It was in the paper. Hang on.

[e of pi]

Found it!

http://www.ucomics.com/foxtrot/2006/01/16/

[PointyHairedJedi]

Heheheheh.

Also, good gravy! The have comics on the Internet now? Zeke, why have you never ever told us of this?

[e of pi]

Yeah. Dilbert, FoxTrot, the one with Bush as a little * thingy (Doonsberry, that's it!), they're all around these days. Just a Google search away...