Various Fiver Inspirations

[richardson]

While offline due to my wireless reciever being alergic to my cell phone, I was watching the Lord of the Rings (Return of the King). I knew I couldn't make the whole fiver, but I started coming up with some interesting jokes for various scenes.
So, I got to thinking, why not make snippits for use in fivers? In theory, it should work out, and they're generally hilarious all around, so here goes.

Return of the King

(Aragorn pulls out the sword scene.)
Elrond: Here you go, the flame of the west!
Aragorn: Hey, cool, shiny AND pointy!
Elrond: Careful. I can't heal stupidity wounds.

(Crowning Scene)

Aragorn: You foru don't bow to anybody. (You're short enough already.)
Frodo: I heard that!

Alternate:

Aragorn: You bow to nobody.
Frodo: You're just trying to make me feel tall, aren't you?


(Final Debate scene.)
Aragorn: To divert Sauron's attention, we shall attack the black gate!
Gandalf: Say WHAT? Are you nuts?
Gimli: Small chance of success, certainty of death? What are we waiting for?
Legolas: You're just agreeing with him so you can even the score....

(Opening of the black gate)
Aragon: (Thunk-thunk.) Hey, sauron! Open up!
Gandalf: Don't use a hammer of smiting, ring the doorbell, he hates that.

(The kick-butt trio in the Battle of Minas Tirith)
Aragorn: Come on, we've got 'em now!
Gimli: HAH! Dwarf 50, Elf 20!
Oliphant: Charge! Again!
Aragorn: Legolas, if you will?
Legolas: Let's see.... (Smite!) Thats...
Oliphant & it's Crew: Holy- GAK!!!!
Legolas: Elf 100, Dwarf 50.
Gimli: That still only counts as one!

(The passes of the dead)
Ghost King: Hey! No tresspassing! Wait, I'll just kill you!
Aragorn: (Poke) Care to try that again?
Ghost King: Crap.
Aragorn: You owed my ancestor money, and I've come to collect! You're to help me kick butt at Minas Tirith!

(Meeting Denathor)
Gandalf: Oh, Denathor, I've been look-
Denathor: Yeah, I know, and while you were oogling those girls, you let Gondor fall to pieces.
Gandalf: (Have not) Look, I came with this lit-
Denathor: And you got my son killed!
Perigrin: Um... actually that was my fault. He GAK-ed trying to save my butt. If it's any consolation, he killed at least a hundred men in the process.
Gandalf: (It was more like 25 at the most.) Um, c-
Perigrin: Could I do anything to help?
Denathor: You can join the National Guard.
Perigrin: Deal!
Gandalf: Nobody listens to the wizard, nope, not until mordor's army is at their door....


(I'll put more as I remember/think of them.)

[richardson]

Matrix Reloaded (Not sure if someone has done this fiver yet, but here goes.)

(1st smith scene)
Neo: I split you!
Smith1: Nope, you just used up my extra life and put me into multiply mode.
Smith2: No, actually Smith1, we have Morpheus to thank for giving us the force multiplication mode.
Smiths 3-40: Why are we arguing, we have him 40 to one!
Neo: (SMITE!) Still not enough. You'd need an entire matrix! Up, up, and away! (Flies off.)
Smiths: Not a bad idea.....

[richardson]

hmmm.... in response to myself, some ideas for the two game series that I have suggested...

Ratchet & Clank (#3)
(Start scene)
Ratchet: Blargian Snagglebeast puts you in check! Hah! I am illogical!
Clank: And I just won. You forgot again about that disablement...
Ratchet: *Groan* Please tell me there's something other than one of your new movies on...
Clank: Infomerical, Infomercial, Velden in danger of annialation, McMarks wins again...
Ratchet: Velden in trouble! Grab the guns, we just got a job!

(Spaceport...)
Clank: But we'll never make it in time! I'm a robot, not a miracle worker!
Ratchet: Forget my new toy?
Clank: Oh no... not the gravimetric warp drive you built out of scrap metal! What are you thinking? We'll get GAK-ified!
Ratchet: Coming?
Clank: Doomed...

(10 minutes later...)
Starexplorer: De-ludicrous!
Ratchet: Told you so...
Clank:Fine... *Prepares* Ratchet is more knowing than me. He is the single Ninja-est guy in the universe, and Ratchet is a chick magnet...
Ratchet: Finally, something to listen to!

(More to come!)

[richardson]

For Ratchet & Clank 2 (Going Commando)

Opening Scene:
Clank: Meh, this is just about the good life.
Ratchet: Meh, I'm bored and want to start blowing things up again.
'Fizwidget': I can help both of you with cool uber training (Including knitting).

(Just after Retrieving the Proto-pet)
Ratchet: Yo, fizwidget. We got it.
Clank: *GLOMP!* Mrrhspshshso!
Protopet: *Munch-munch*
Ratchet: Um, sir, better hurry. It seems to be hungry....

[ualleverybody]

in the latest BSG, when she just leaves the bathroom

Ellen; Time to test my three most important functions, surrendering, abusing my position at the XO's wife and whining at people

[richardson]

SW-Battlefront II

Corousant battle (Campeign)- (Log before)
Log: Dammit, we're Clones, not Jedi! How in the heck are we supposed to take down super-cruisers with cheap cardboard look-alike X-wing spinoffs? We don't even have torpedos, for Yoda's sake! And don't get me started on the whole 'gotta save the chancellor' bit. If you really knew what he did in his spare time, you'd want to hand him righ- wait, oh, scratch that.

(After)
Log: Well, alright, so it wasn't THAT bad. Luckily, we've got about 5 million of me in reserve. So, a few GAK-ed by those tin cans isn't that bad of a loss. Checklist for today: Brush teeth: Check.
Rush to Corusant: Check
Go on Suicide mission, save chancellor personally: Double- heavy duty check.
Gripe about that jedi, Anakian taking all the credit: Hey!