June 29

[Zeke]

Here's day two of the DS9iversary event, with another triad of fivers.

• First up is Derek with "Armageddon Game," where O'Brien first begins to wonder if he liked Bashir better when he hated him.
• Derek also provides us with "The Quickening." Remember how I said he would have to be killed? You're about to find out why we should have done it quicker.
• Finally comes the "Inquisition" courtesy of Nate. Wonder if we can get it translated into Spanish?

As you can see, this was the most Julian update since Pope Gregory. Stay tuned for the conclusion of the anniversary. What'll it be? Let's just say I'm leaving it in the hands of the Prophets.

[Sa'ar Chasm]

Medical Log: I've been trying to destroy this virus called the Harvesters for some aliens. It's slow going, but at least it allows me more time to spend with Chief O'Brien.

Chief's Log: Kill me now.

*snicker* Careful what you wish for.

O'Brien: I have to stay here longer? With him? Kill me now!
O'Brien: Sigh. Kill me now.
O'Brien: Kill me now.
O'Brien: ...Kill me now.
Harvester Virus: I'm working on it, I'm working on it!

Hah!

Bashir: Chief, you're just disagreeing with everything I say!
O'Brien: No, I'm not.

Look, I only came in here for an argument.

Keiko: He's drinking coffee! Miles never has a second cup of coffee at home!

I like where this reference is going.

O'Brien: MmmmRRGle.

Mrph.

O'Brien: Those aliens infected me with the Harvesters, tried to kill me, and stuck me with the Doctor for over a week! As far as I'm concerned they can kiss my sickly, white, Irish --
Sisko: Chief, please! No one needs to see your Harvesters moon.

Speaking as a sickly white Irishman...ARRRRGH!

E'Tyshra: Yes, look! You can still see blobs of raspberry jam floating around where their shuttle used to be.
Sharat: Rasp-- ...You idiot!

Hah! Yes! Go Spaceballs.

O'Brien: Yeah, about that. I'm not sure I should've had that second cup. (vomits)
Keiko: (to self) Miles never vomits at home...

And Airplane.

Man: Must be an alien.
Woman: Why?
Man: He hasn't got lesions all over him.

*grins*

Bashir: We can treat your illness. We're from Starfleet and we're main characters; that makes us smart, charming, and invulnerable.
Trevean: We were once all those things. Then the Dominion came...

...and relegated you to background roles and cameos?

Ekoria: Sorry about the crowd. This blight has made my people worship death. When I was young, I drank chocolate milk every night, hoping to find the next morning I had Quikened.

*twitch*

Ekoria: What's Kukulkan?
Bashir: A giant winged snake, but that's not important right now.

It is, too, according to Wikipedia. And I see we've revisited Airplane.

Bashir: They're all dead. Trevean came in and poisoned them all. Just giving the quickened a quick end, I guess.
Dax: And was it right for our patients to have taken the poison?
Bashir: Meh. Who are we to judge the quickened dead?

*TWITCH*

Ekoria: Yes, this combined with my pregnancy makes me double-quick.

Bashir: Geez, even my victory comes with a swift quicken the teeth!

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH! That's it! I'll grab the Nerf bats, the rest of you bar the exits.

And to whoever takes his head, remember...there can be only One.

[Zeke]

Originally Posted by Sa'ar Chasm

It is, too, according to Wikipedia.

And TAS, but you have to be sharper than a serpent's tooth to pick up on that.

[Sa'ar Chasm]

Or just read to the bottom of the article.

[mudshark]

Sisko: So you're saying that O'Brien and Bashir are...
Dax: Not. Dead. Yes, sir.

Hee hee hee.

Julian: Oh no! The electrical fields are causing the virus to mutate and quicken faster! Of course "quicken faster" might be redundant....
Dax: Julian, this is shocking! How do we halt the virus?
Julian: Maybe if we switch to static electricity. Quick, rub this balloon on your head!

Aaarrrgh!

Originally Posted by Zeke

Remember how I said he would have to be killed? You're about to find out why we should have done it quicker.

Aarg-- *coughcough* er, yes, you're right.

Bashir: You're crazy. No more questions without a lawyer and a formal charge.
Sloan: You're on awfully thin ice, Doctor.
Bashir: I'm sleep-deprived, beach-deprived, and scone-deprived. Have you any idea what a scone-deprived Englishman is capable of doing?
Sloan: Point taken.

Heheheh.

Julian didn't expect that, did he?

*snicker*

[Nate the Great]

You can thank Derek for forcing me to come up with a better joke. The previous draft was great and all, but it wasn't until like the third draft that the running scone gag occured to me.

Of course, I can't believe I didn't put a Monty Python/Spanish Inquisition gag into the fiver of an episode called "Inquisition." I'm not sure where I'd put it, but it'd have been great. Any ideas where such a gag could fit in?

[mudshark]

Originally Posted by Infinite Improbability

Of course, I can't believe I didn't put a Monty Python/Spanish Inquisition gag into the fiver of an episode called "Inquisition."

Ah, but everyone would be expecting that, wouldn't they?

[Tate]

Originally Posted by mudshark

Ah, but everyone would be expecting that, wouldn't they?

Incidently, this reminds me of something I wrote last week. I was planning on posting it in the 'Holy Question' thread to lighten up the conversation, but, for various reasons, I chose not to. I suppose here is as good a place to post it as any:

This Just In:

Robert ‘Pinocchio’ Beltran, in a surprising move, has enlisted the aid of the Spanish Inquisition in his crusade against FiveMinute.Net webmaster Colin ‘Zeke’ Hayman. “These people have great experience in dealing with people like Zeke,” Mr. Beltran said. “Once they arrive, I’m sure they will quickly convince Zeke to renounce his heresies.”

Beltran denied claims that this move was revenge for the many times Zeke had made fun of him on his website. “This isn’t about me,” he said. “It’s about truth, it’s about justice, it’s about…alright, it is about me. But it’s also about Zeke. He’s a heretic, a HERETIC, I say. Just look at some of the statements he’s made: ‘The earth is pie-shaped,’ ‘The moon is made of green cheese,’ ‘The world is hollow and I have touched the sky.’ It’s HERESY!” This reporter could not recall Zeke making any such statements, but didn’t say anything because he didn’t want to sound stupid.

“I didn’t expect this,” said a dumbfounded Zeke upon hearing the news.

Attorney Jeice O. Garricker plans to sue the Inquisition for abridging Zeke’s religious freedom. “If Zeke thinks the world is a hollow pie filled with green cheese, then LET him believe that,” Mr. Garricker said. “It’s his right.” The first element of Garricker’s defense involves Zeke moving to the United States so that the First Amendment applies to him. “I’m pretty sure Canadian law has something that protects religious liberties, but I don’t know what it is. And, frankly, I don’t care.” This reporter couldn’t agree more, but you didn’t read that here.

Be sure to keep reading This Just In for more news on this developing story.

By the way, great fivers, guys. Keep up the good work; I look forward to the remaining fivers in the event.

[Chancellor Valium]

Originally Posted by Zeke

And TAS, but you have to be sharper than a serpent's tooth to pick up on that.

That's all in the eye of the beholder.