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Old 06-26-2006, 03:34 PM
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Default June 26

DS9 time! Slightly delayed due to the server move and the usual Zekenical difficulties, we now bring you Five-Minute Deep Space Nine's third-anniversary celebration. Get ready for three days of suspense, intrigue, and a better name than "three-dayge." Here's the first batch....
  • First up is a very early one I'm surprised wasn't hit sooner: "Past Prologue," the show's first regular episode and the debut of Garak. The fiver's by Derek, who will unfortunately have to be killed for the Dunar scene.
  • Next is one of my all-time favourites, "Visionary." This one's also by Derek, and yes, the opening scene is correct as written (it's a reference).
  • Rounding out the first day with something later in the series, here's Nate with "Statistical Probabilities." You might think that's my kind of title, but while I like probability fine, I hate stats, so it's sort of a wash.
Be here tomorrow for more wacky wormhole hijinks! (If you can't find them, hire a wormholistic detective agency.)
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Old 06-26-2006, 07:05 PM
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You know, rereading some of my recent fivers, it occurs to me that I'm a little odd for always using "ultra" instead of "uber" as an amplifying prefix. Ultrahyper, ultracool, etc. This has been happening even as far back as my Stargate fivers, so it's nothing new. Any comments? Anyone like the fact that I'm not using the "cliched" uber? I just think that "ultra" is a bit more Dax-ish. I do tend to use Dax as a slang scapegoat, don't I?

Anyway, hope you enjoyed Statistical Probabilities.
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Old 06-26-2006, 07:21 PM
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Quote:
Sisko: Oh please, you should know you can't strong-arm me into giving you the vaunted Bajoran terrorist.
Dunar: Something tells me I should be killing you for that last line.
If only I knew what it was. Hint, please?

Quote:
(WHOOSH, in the background!)
Kira: Quick! Get him medical attention.

Bashir: I bet I grow up to be a spy! I'm so good at figuring out what's going on!
I'm the same way.

Quote:
Kira: Los, we need the Federation because they provide wormhole protection, and they've got a great insurance plan for it with the optional Occupation rider.
Los: So selling out to them is all about money?
Kira: When it comes to the wormhole, we don't want to do anything that will hurt our prophets.
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH! That's even worse than all the times that joke has popped up in the series itself.

Quote:
Garak: No reason, no reason. Now off you go.... So, Doctor, how do your clothes fit?
Bashir: Garak, you gave me a dress.
Garak: A very becoming one, I might add.
Cross-dressing is only funny when it happens to someone else.

Quote:
Bashir: What's bilitrium?
Garak: Like any unheard-of chemical substance, it's a highly volatile explosive. All Los would need to make a bomb would be a toothpick, a rubberband, and an old sock.
MacGyver called. He wants his schtick back.

I think the reason all these imaginary chemicals are so unstable is because they can't possibly exist in reality.

Quote:
Sisko: So, how do we stop Los?
Odo: Unfortunately we can't arrest him since he hasn't actually done anything, so that basically just leaves one option.
Kira: Yeah, I'll have to take a shuttle and go along with him until he actually does something illegal.
Odo: I meant summary execution.
I love Odo. So straightforward.

Quote:
Los: Shut up, I've reached over-the-top-villain status, my motivations aren't important anymore! And besides, you'll be responsible for their deaths since you forced me to detonate the bomb.
Kira: Why do villains always use this logic? Why does it always work?


Quote:
Los: Next stop, the wormhole, where I intend to explode the bomb and seal the opening! Mwahahaha!
Kira: Well, we can't have that! I must keep you from the wormhole by... going inside the wormhole! That'll stop you!
Los: Huh?
Quit pointing out the plotholes. It's too easy. *g*

Quote:
O'Brien: I'll beat you two apart. I'll take you both together!
Bashir: (to Sisko) I guess not very long.
O'Brien: What happened? Why I am on this wall? Why is my hair falling out?
Bashir: Let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up. You got radiation when that conduit blew up in your face.
O'Brien: At least opening a conduit didn't kill me.
Sisko: Yet.
Incon---tinent. Thank you, Google.

Quote:
Kira: So then the Romulans insinuated that you were attracted to me!
Odo: How perspicacious of them.
Kira: Prespicacious? Let me use your computer to look up the definition.
Odo: I'd rather you didn't....
Kira: What's this on your computer? "The Odo/Kira fan fiction archive"?
By sheer coincidence, I just watched the episode with the scene wherein Quark catches Odo reading trashy romance novels.

Quote:
Odo: So those Klingons on board are actually spies.
Sisko: A Klingon spy? Aboard a space station? This sounds really familiar.
Odo: You mean you haven't placed all the references? Wow... just wow.
Apparently he *still* hasn't seen the episode.

Quote:
Sisko: We've discovered all your secrets.
Ruwon: Including how they get the caramel into the Caramilk bar?
Sisko: Yes, it sucks.
Enzymes, actually.

Nicely done, looking forward to more tomorrow.
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Old 06-26-2006, 07:57 PM
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"Bashir: Let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up. You got radiation when that conduit blew up in your face.
O'Brien: At least opening a conduit didn't kill me.
Sisko: Yet."
From Visionary

LOL I now have Princess Bride in my head. Love the fivers guys!
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Old 06-26-2006, 08:02 PM
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Nice set of fivers there! Here's some of my favorite lines:

"Jack: If you only had five minutes, why'd you meet us now instead of tomorrow?
Bashir: Hey, some people can fit an entire movie into five minutes! Why shouldn't I be able to cure you in that time? "

"Dunar: (over the comm) Commander, I must insist that you hand over the Bajoran at once. He has bombed our cities and stolen a sacred relic. In short, he is a terrorist.
Sisko: Well, of course, he is; he's a Bajoran.
Kira: I think I speak for all Bajorans when I say, HEY!"

"Dunar: We Cardassians demand Los and the revered symbol he stole from our people!
Sisko: Wait a second... Admiral Forrest? I thought you were dead!
Dunar: I don't know what you're talking about. Just hand over Tahna Los!"

"Los: Have you got the bilitrium?
Lursa: Yes, we accept payment in gold, latinum, or trilithium.
Los: PayPal?
B'Etor: NEVER!"

Nice set of...whoa! Deja vu!
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Old 06-26-2006, 09:53 PM
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I'll red herring you! Sigh now I want to watch Clue and Princess Bride. :P
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Old 06-27-2006, 12:45 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sa'ar Chasm
Quote:
Sisko: Oh please, you should know you can't strong-arm me into giving you the vaunted Bajoran terrorist.
Dunar: Something tells me I should be killing you for that last line.
If only I knew what it was. Hint, please?
The actor who plays Admiral Forrest and Dunar is the same person. Figure out who, and then read the line again.

While you do that, I'll go into hiding.

Oh, and a note for all you fiver historians out there: I originally wrote "Visionary" back in 2002 when I was first writing fivers, but wrote it before finding out someone else had called it. Within the last few months, I found some old fivers on a server, including this one and since the caller no longer wanted it, I was able to publish it. So if the humor feels different than my more recent fivers, that'd be why.
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Last edited by Derek; 06-27-2006 at 12:51 AM.
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Old 06-27-2006, 02:24 AM
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oooooOOOOOOOoooooo I get it....

HA! lol strong-arm!
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Old 06-27-2006, 02:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zeke
First up is a very early one I'm surprised wasn't hit sooner: "Past Prologue," the show's first regular episode and the debut of Garak. The fiver's by Derek, who will unfortunately have to be killed for the Dunar scene.
Heh heh. Yes, I suppose so. :lol:
Quote:
The crew get their introduction to a terrorist who can't move foreword. Bashir's overtures leave Garak unimprefaced.
But then, who gets to be killed for this one?

Back to read the other ones a bit later ...

Edit:

Quote:
Odo: You mean you haven't placed all the references? Wow... just wow.
Hee.

Nice R&A, Derek.

Quote:
Bashir: Great. Now go away so someone else can take over the important responsibility of fulfilling General Order 47.
Jack: "Once per week a senior officer must create a huge moral crisis for the other members of the staff?"
Bashir: That's the one.
Heheh, righty-o.
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Last edited by mudshark; 06-27-2006 at 05:10 PM.
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