30th Anniversary TNG Episode Discussion Marathon

[Nate the Great]

DATA: The area around the duck blind exhibits Karst topography. Sinkholes, underground rivers, and caverns. And the rock strata contain a high concentration of thallium compounds which may be obstructing our sensor beams.
PICARD: So if Palmer, in his delirium, fled into a cave, we may be unable to detect his life signs?



Thallium is Element 81, and toxic when dissolved in water. Not something you'd want near underground rivers. Oops.


First officer's log, Stardate 43174.2. Counsellor Troi and I are beaming down to Mintaka Three to locate Doctor Palmer and to determine the extent of the cultural contamination. Doctor Crusher has temporarily altered our features and skin colour. She's also implanted subcutaneous communicators so that any transmissions we receive will be inaudible to the Mintakans.



I think subcutaneous communicators only appeared once in TOS, it's a shame that Kirk and company couldn't disguise themselves as natives more often.


TROI: Mintakan women precede their mates. It's a signal to other women.
RIKER: This man's taken, get your own?
TROI: Not precisely. More like, if you want his services, I'm the one you have to negotiate with.
RIKER: What kind of services?
TROI: All kinds.
RIKER: They are a sensible race.



This must've been racy for 1989.



OJI: My father and I both witnessed these beings.
TROI: If you are father and daughter, you may well have shared the same dream.



A disturbing idea, although it would be an interesting idea for an alien race. Everyone's conscious thoughts are their own, but they form telepathic links while asleep to have the same dream.


PICARD: Doctor Barron, I cannot, I will not, impose a set of commandments on these people. To do so violates the very essence of the Prime Directive.


Exactly. How often has pretending to be a god for a less-advanced civilization led to disaster?


PICARD: Please, get up. Get up. You must not kneel to me.
NURIA: You do not wish it?
PICARD: I do not deserve it.



To quote SFDebris' version of Janeway, "I do!" Hehe...

[Nate the Great]

NURIA: That is my home?
PICARD: Seen from far, far above.
NURIA: Yet we do not fall. I never imagined I would see the clouds from the other side.

We don't have room for the whole conversation, just watch the scene.

TROI: Liko, you don't want to kill me.

"I don't want to kill you." "You want to go home and reevaluate your life." "I want to go home and reevaluate my life." Yeah, the prequels are awful, but there are a few good lines in them...

The Fiver

Data: Apparently the holographic duckblind they are using to observe the natives covertly is about to fail.
Picard: What do we know about the cause of the malfunction?
Data: Only that I had nothing to do with it, sir.

Have I mentioned lately that I prefer Insurrection to First Contact?

Riker: I'd rather go alone on this kind of undercover mission.
Troi: And I want to make sure you don't make first contact with anyone under any covers, if you catch my drift.
Riker: You think I'd do anything like that? Deanna, I'm shocked!

"First Contact" isn't until next season, but since when has that stopped a good joke? The interesting thing is that in the actual show Riker has been a lot more jealous of Deanna's boyfriends than she has been of his girlfriends.

Riker: Ironic, isn't it? Sophisticated humans from a ship called Enterprise rubbing shoulders with a group of primitive Vulcans.
Troi: If Ambassador Soval were still alive today, I bet he'd be spinning in his grave.

Not that it matters, but the Vulcan ship at First Contact was named T'Plana-Hath.

Riker: Dressing a psychologist in a catsuit would be a regrettable case of shrink-wrapping.

This pun is painful.

Riker: You think that providing them with a codified faith will prevent future religious violence?
Barron: It's always worked on Earth, hasn't it?

Yikes, that's dark.

Nuria: (to Picard) You could not save her? You are not all-powerful?
Picard: No. The best we can do is build ships that spend seven years under attack on the far side of the galaxy without ever showing damage from one week to the next.

You mean you don't have to be all-powerful to do that? Everything I know is a lie!

Memory Alpha

* The crew returned to Kirk's Rock for this episode. One wonders if the Overseer was a Metron...

Nitpicker's Guide

* Why is Liko left in the main medical ward? Phil mentions using the holodeck, but I think reliable sedation and and some futuristic blindfold/earplug would do just as well.
* Shouldn't the Mintakans have green blood and be confused at the red blood?
* Picard's Stargazer model has "NCC-7100" on it. The Stargazer's actual registry is NCC-2893. To quote Rick Sternback:
"It's like Camelot, it's only a model. Pretend the NCC-7100 isn't there, and it's exactly like a corporate desk model of, say, an F-22 with generic markings and no specific tail number. Yes, the model represents the USS Stargazer, and if we knew back in early 1987 what the actual reg number would turn out to be, we would have used that. Just keep saying: 'There is no 7100... there is no 7100'."

[Flying Gremlin]

The Mintakans being the "proto-Vulcans" they were quoted as being, there actually could have been some truth to that. As Vulcans do have a form of telepathic abilities, if the Mintakans did have something similar the most likely people these connections could be made with would be family, due to relative proximity (unintentional pun) while sleeping. Troi would also be the one to see it, as no other observer is noted as being anything other than admittedly really dumb humans.

...I could also be justifying for one of my favorites.

[Nate the Great]

Hey, I like the episode, too, but I had to raise the question. I suppose you could argue that if the Preservers' primordial seeds created so many human-identical races, there's no reason why they can't create Vulcan-identical races as well.

[Nate the Great]

October 23rd, 1989, "The Bonding"

Another episode ruined by Gene. I refer you to SFDebris.

No Fiver
Transcript
Memory Alpha

The Episode

PICARD: What do we know about them, Data?
DATA: The Koinonians were an intelligent culture which became embroiled in a war that lasted for several generations. Our best evidence indicates they destroyed themselves.

Why wasn't the background of this mission covered in a Captain's Log? Why make Picard look stupid like this?


WESLEY: How do you get used to it? Telling them?
RIKER: You hope you never do.

A sad fact. Getting desensitized to such things is a step on the way to numerous psychological disorders.

PICARD: I've always believed that carrying children on a starship is a very questionable policy. Serving on a starship means accepting certain risks, certain dangers. Did Jeremy Aster make that choice?
TROI: Death and loss are an integral part of life everywhere. Leaving him on Earth would not have protected him.

Having families on board only makes sense if the Enterprise is going to be away from known space for years on end, which is obviously not the case. Personally I place some blame for this on Marla. After her husband died she should have refused starship duty. Aren't there long-term missions fit for an archeologist on a planet where she could still serve Starfleet?

RIKER: Do you remember how we all felt when Tasha died?
DATA: I do not sense the same feelings of absence that I associate with Lieutenant Yar, although I cannot say precisely why.

While I don't doubt Data is telling the truth, I wonder why he doesn't mention at least one story about her. As science officer he should be her boss, right?

DATA: But should not the feelings run as deep regardless of who has died?
RIKER: Maybe they should, Data. Maybe if we felt the loss of any life as keenly as we felt the death of those close to us, human history would be a lot less bloody.

This may be a bad episode, but this is still a good message.

DATA: They employ a subspace proximity detonator. A normal tricorder would never detect it.

People don't emit subspace signals. Did Koinonians carry communicators that operate on a similar subspace band as Starfleet commbadges?

TROI: A person died under your command. It may happen again. If you can't learn to release the anger and the guilt, to talk about it
WORF: A leader must stand alone. As Captain Picard does.

Where did Worf get the idea that Picard can deal with his emotions alone?

WORF: Then may I seek your counsel about my plan to make the R'uustai with the boy.
TROI: The Bonding.
WORF: It is my right.

Why was Worf in charge of this away mission anyway? Why wasn't Riker or Data down there?

TROI: Right now, there isn't much he can understand. He's holding all his feelings inside. Children often feel they must be true to the memory of a lost parent. If you offer affection to them too soon they can feel guilty returning that affection. As if they're betraying the love of the parent.

Another good message.

JEREMY: We studied about Klingons in school.
WORF: What did they teach you about us?
JEREMY: You used to be our enemies.

This doesn't seem to be a good time for this kind of message. Dredging up old prejudices for no real point...why? Furthermore, getting rid of this exchange would free up screentime for more important stuff.

[Nate the Great]

JEREMY: I understand death. They teach us all about it.
WORF: Jeremy Aster, we may both understand it, but we must bring meaning to your mother's death. Perhaps we can do it together.

Ugh. This is one part of Klingon philosophy that I don't care for. I didn't like that "get Jadzia into Sto'vo'kor by killing a bunch of people in her name" bit either. While dying with honor can be seen as preferable, it shouldn't be seen as necessary. Furthermore, Marla died in the line of duty, isn't that enough?

PICARD: Come. Counsellor, how's the boy?
TROI: He's being very brave.
PICARD: Good.
TROI: No, he has to get past brave. He's very angry and he has to learn how to express that anger before he can really say goodbye to his mother.

Troi is being useful again! Although I would've said "acting very brave", not "being very brave"...

TROI: Sir, I', sensing a presence on the planet. Very vague.
PICARD: Life form?
TROI: I can't be sure. The emotions of the crew are particularly strong right now. It's difficult to filter them out.

I don't like this idea. The emotions of the crew are particularly strong a lot, furthermore Marla can't have made friends with that many of the crew. If a few dozen people feeling grief dampens Troi's powers, they'd be cutting out all the time. And what about during the Borg invasion? She'd be in Sickbay with a splitting headache! Isn't it enough to say "I can't be sure, it's too far away right now"?

WESLEY: What am I going to tell him?
CRUSHER: It would help him to talk with someone who's been through this. We had each other, Wes. He doesn't have anyone to lean on right now.

Another good moment.

WESLEY: Do you ever think about him, Mom?
CRUSHER: Your father? Sure I do.
WESLEY: Sometimes I can't even remember what his face looks like. It scares me.

So ask the computer to show you a picture of him! I hope after "Family" he put a snippet of Jack's holographic message in a Tasha-style holopedestal.

Nitpickers Guide

* Crusher declares Aster dead relatively quickly. Phil doesn't mention how long Beverly tried to resuscitate Tasha, but I will.
* Why was Jeremy left alone in his quarters? Shouldn't he be placed with another family until arrangements can be made? Shouldn't Troi be with him a lot more?
* How can a child repeat a Klingon phrase after only hearing it once?

[Nate the Great]

With this post I should be caught up for now...

Oh, and I'm going to be nitpicking the Treknology a lot more this episode, since it's such a big part of the episode. You've been warned.

October 30th, 1989, "Booby Trap"

Fiver (by Marc)
Transcript
Memory Alpha

The Episode

CHRISTY: I just don't feel that way about you.

So why'd she accept the date in the first place? I get it that Geordi was trying too hard, but he was trying to make her feel romantic, not trick his way into her pants. Furthermore, if humanity is so perfect these days, I'd think accepting date offers through pity would be against the ethos.

WESLEY: This was the final battle, wasn't it?
DATA: Neither side intended Orelious Nine to be the decisive conflict.

That's not the question Wesley asked, Data. The appropriate answer is "yes."

WESLEY: Geordi had a big date with Christy tonight. He spent days putting together the perfect programme.

Really? It was a beach with a musician. That shouldn't've taken more than five minutes to make. If anything he should've hand-made a gift for her that took days to do.

RIKER: We're picking up a signal, coordinates two one one mark six one.

I hate it when coordinates are given using only two dimensions. Another instance where there should've been a science advisor around to fix the script before filming.

PICARD: Indulge me, Number One.
RIKER: I would prefer it if Lieutenant Worf and I were able to a security sweep of the ship first.
PICARD: No. Captain's prerogative. This one's mine. We have examined every conceivable risk.
RIKER: The risks on a ship this old and fragile are inconceivable, Captain.

Every conceivable risk? I hope that includes the subspace detonators that killed Marla Aster last week. Riker should've used "incalculable" or "impossible to completely mitigate", not "inconceivable". I do like it when Picard insists on taking command of an away team, but I wouldn't blame Riker for complaining to Starfleet Command on this one.

DATA: There is adequate oxygen for life support, Commander.

I despise when the Trek writers think that life support is just air. Is the artificial gravity functional? How warm is it over there? Just based on the possible structural deficiencies, I'd still wear a space suit, wouldn't you?

O'BRIEN: I did. I really did. Ships in bottles. Great fun.

As one Trek reviewer (who I can't remember the name of at the moment) responded to this line, "Don't be a suckup, Chief."

WORF: Admirable. They died at their posts.

There's a line between a reasonable line of dialogue and a cliched line of dialogue for a specific character, and this one is straddling that line.

LAFORGE: Don't you have anything stronger than this, Guinan?
GUINAN: Yes.
LAFORGE: Would it help?
GUINAN: No.

Good exchange. It's a shame how often I wonder if Guinan is stealing a scene that Troi could do instead.

[Nate the Great]

LAFORGE: As a woman. What's the first thing you look at?
GUINAN: His head.
LAFORGE: His mind. Of course.
GUINAN: No, his head. I'm attracted to bald men.
LAFORGE: Seriously?

First, I expect that Guinan is speaking English right now, so there shouldn't be Universal Translator issues to create confusion here. Seconds, as SF Debris put it, being attracted to bald men isn't a kink deserving more than a "huh."

LAFORGE: Why?
GUINAN: Maybe because a bald man was very kind to me once when I was hurting. Took care of me.

Alternate universes aside, there has never been anything romantic between Picard and Guinan. Her line earlier is a little bit icky to me. Or rather, it will be icky once the creators repurpose it for "Time's Arrow."

LAFORGE: I'd like to do that.
GUINAN: I take care of myself these days.

Oooo, burn!

LAFORGE: Why can't I make anything work with a woman like Christi? It's like I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say.
GUINAN: You're doing fine with me.
LAFORGE: You're different.
GUINAN: No, you're different.
LAFORGE: But I'm not trying now.
GUINAN: That's my point.

Nice message.

PICARD: Mister Worf, be sure we get tricorder images of their tactical display.

Okay, the ship is in bad shape and they don't want to hang around long enough to make a full-block computer interface (the tricorder bit Data does later was for one console and one task, it would take forever to set up tricorders at every computer console and interface for full interaction). Even so, there has to be more that they could do than taking pictures of console displays.

DATA: Captain, I believe this is an information storage device. A crude analogue of our isolinear optical chip.

This would be a great place to plug the duotronics of the TOS era instead of isolinear circuitry, but whatever.

GALEK SAR [on monitor]: I am Galek Sar, Captain of the Promellian cruiser, Cleponji. I wish anyone who finds this record to know my crew has behaved courageously. I want it recorded for all time that I, alone, am responsible for the fate that befell us. I have failed as a captain, and as the man responsible for all the souls aboard my ship.

It's nice that this message pleased Picard, but to me it seems rather hamfisted and preachy. He could've included more details about the ship's current condition (i.e. move the later recorded message to this point), perhaps the message could've started as just to Picard on the tricorder screen, then cut to the senior staff watching it in the conference room.

LAFORGE: Matter-anti matter mixture ratio settings at optimum balance Reaction sequence corresponding to specified norms. Magnetic plasma transfer to warp field generators per programmed specs. Commander, we should be going like a bat out of hell.

Would people PLEASE stop using matter/antimatter ratios other than 1:1? Pretty pretty please? And Geordi does use other engine components to describe how warp should be available, couldn't they use something besides the ratio? Here's one right off the top of my head: "warp field stability optimal."

DATA: Power loss now at twelve percent, Captain. PICARD: Red alert.

Earlier five percent power loss justified Yellow Alert. You gotta wonder if there's an official scale of power loss vs. alert level. I'd have any uncontrollable power loss beyond the noise/random fluctuation level go straight to Red Alert, this is a big deal!

LAFORGE [OC]: We'd better slow these engines down before we burn out the reaction chamber.

What? The plasma is leaving the warp core just fine, it's the warp coils that aren't able to turn it into propulsion! "We have to slow these engines down before we burn out the warp coils." Treknobabble isn't hard, people!

COMPUTER: Affirmative. The opposing force grew in direct proportion to the power output of the Enterprise. LAFORGE: So it kept us from forming a subspace field for the warp drive? COMPUTER: That is correct.

So the warp coils aren't being burned out, they're creating a warp field just fine, it's just that the booby trap creates a counterfield to negate it. So why are we feeding plasma to the warp coils right now if all it's doing is bleeding into space?

LAFORGE: Computer, who is this L. Brahms?

This whole premise seems strange to me. Brahms only designed the warp engines, if she input information about how the warp drive works that is inaccessible in any other way, that's pretty mean of her. Furthermore, the holodeck is a huge power drain! Shouldn't Geordi be reading the complete engine specs to refresh his memory?

LEAH [OC]: Theoretical propulsion logs, Federation Starship Enterprise, Galaxy class. Heading, Subspace. Author, Leah Brahms.

What makes the Enterprise warp core any different from the other Galaxy-class ships that preceded her? Shouldn't Leah's work apply equally to all of them? While canon doesn't say what was the first Galaxy-class (although concluding that the USS Galaxy was first is hardly a huge stretch), the expanded universe places the Galaxy's launch at 2357 and Enterprise and Yamato in 2363. There are dozens more Galaxy-classes mentioned in the novels. Even if Leah improved the Galaxy's engine specs for Enterprise and Yamato, shouldn't her log mention "second-model Galaxy-class warp engines" and not the Enterprise specifically?

CRUSHER: I recommend we evacuate and seal off all non-operational areas, and group the families and crew on the odd-numbered decks.

Non-operational areas should already be sealed off, and there should be designated shelters to maintain life support in as few places as possible.

CRUSHER: I'd also like to set up an assembly area for treating radiation symptoms in case it's needed.

Yeah, it's called Sickbay. And why'd you say "in case it's needed"? It will be needed!

PICARD: After the shields fall, how long before fatal exposure? CRUSHER: Thirty minutes.

Now I'm being pedantic. Different alien races (also different ages, etc.) have different radiation tolerances, you can't assume equal time to death. I know, I know, thirty minutes is probably the number for the least tolerant group, but still...

RIKER [OC]: Away team to Enterprise. Captain, we may have found something. There's a file of memory [Warship Bridge]
RIKER: Coils here.
DATA: They are identical to the coil we found earlier, Captain.
PICARD [OC]: The Captain's log, perhaps?
RIKER: That's what we were thinking.

Why weren't all the memory coils sought out the first time? Once they found one, it should be easy enough to program the tricorder to search for more. Finding the coils the first time and having it take until now to defrag and reconstruct would serve the plot equally well, right?

LAFORGE: Computer, generate a cross section image of the dilithium crystal chamber. What about re-orienting the crystal?

Moving the crystal around will just modify the efficiency of the matter-antimatter reaction and how focused the warp plasma stream will be. I fail to see how that's going to help in this case.

LEAH [OC]: The dilithium crystal chamber was designed at outpost designated Seran T One, Stardate 40052.

Stardate 40052 is in 2362. So we're definitely talking the second-model Galaxy-class. However, two years from design to construction seems a little fast. You have to imagine that the Constitution-class refit was still being designed during the original five-year mission (Kirk's original mission, that is, not April's).

LAFORGE: Great. Another woman who won't get personal with me in the holodeck. Leah, I want to find a way to supplement the energy supply to the ship and to the engines. Could we alter the matter-antimatter paths? LEAH [OC]: Theoretically, yes. The system should be able to accept more reactants at a faster rate of injection.

So Geordi wants larger incoming matter and antimatter streams, it still has nothing to do with realigning the crystals. If anything it should require LARGER crystals! Does he have the time or power to recrystallize the dilithium in the articulation frame?

LAFORGE: Then, if we use multiple injector streams, hitting more than one crystal facet, we could do it, we could hold our own.

Where's the tech to create and maintain multiple injector streams going to come from? It seems like Geordi would have to rebuild the ends of the warp core from scratch to accomplish this.

LAFORGE: Captain, we've found a way to extend the matter-antimatter energy supplies.

Is that what he did? I thought he wanted to burn the supplies faster to make more warp power!

COMPUTER: Warp energy has increased fourteen percent.

Okay, so we have fourteen percent more plasma for the warp coils. If the hope was that at some point the negating field would be saturated and unable to prevent more warp field creation, the writers forgot to have the characters tell us that.

[Nate the Great]

LEAH: Now, we've managed to maintain energy but we can't leave it in this realignment forever without burning out components, so we need to move quickly.

Understatement of the year, but you're not just burning out components, you're also cracking the dilithium beyond usability. And I doubt you can recrystallize dilithium while the warp core is in use.

DATA: Aceton assimilators are a primitive generator which can drain power from distant sources.

If the power is being routed from distant sources, it's not really being "generated." I'd expect Data to be more thoughtful of his language, if he's going to lecture Riker on "sucked out" versus "blown out."

LEAH: You can just increase the speed of the parallel subspace field processor to gain a quicker response time.
LAFORGE: I want to give us enough power to strengthen the shields and barrel out of here, not blow us up!

I get what Leah intend, stay one step away from the dampening field by scrambling frequencies. When the processor detects dampening, change the frequency. I fail to see how what he says corresponds to what she said. If Geordi is implying that more speed=more power consumption=overheating, these lines could've been written better.

PICARD: Is there any indication of a weakness in a specific part of the field? WORF: Nothing substantial, Captain. PICARD: Of any kind. WORF: There is a point one percent dip in the strength of the radiation field at two one mark eight by four two mark zero. PICARD: I want that point one percent.

A prime example of how wanting to do something, anything, can be tremendously foolhardy. I wouldn't waste limited energy on point one percent.

LAFORGE: We won't be able to maintain energy reserves. We might even lose a few circuits in the new configuration.

What? Again, energy can LEAVE the ship just fine, it's just being negated and absorbed. The best explanation I can think of is that firing phasers would provide a lightning-rod effect for the dampening energy, leading it back to the ship.

COMPUTER: Energy reserves reaching critical stage. Standard procedure requires termination of all simulations. LAFORGE: Computer, override standard procedure. COMPUTER: Override authority restricted.

Only Picard can override? Why can't Geordi override, he's Chief Engineer! This is a cheap way to create a precommercial crisis.

RIKER: Computers have always impressed me with their ability to take orders. I'm not nearly as convinces of their ability to creatively give them. PICARD: You know, Number One, you missed something not playing with model ships. They were the source of imaginary voyages, each holding a treasure of adventures. Manning the earliest space craft, flying a aeroplane with only one propeller to keep you in the sky. Can you imagine that? Now the machines are flying us.

The computer is ordering nothing but itself, creativity doesn't come into it. I am glad that Picard is still sore about the bottle ship snub. Even so, his sentiment seems like more of a TOS message than TNG.

RIKER: All hands, this is Commander Riker. We are about to engage impulse engines for a short burst. Inertial dampers are on manual. They may not fully compensate for acceleration. So brace yourselves.

Why are the dampeners on manual? I can't imagine dampeners on manual use that much less power than dampeners on automatic.

DATA: Sir, the gravitational attraction of the various masses has reduced our velocity by eight percent. By my calculations, we no longer have sufficient momentum to clear the debris field. PICARD: Thank you, Mister Data. DATA: The asteroid's gravity is drawing us closer. Velocity is increasing. Velocity still increasing. Now at two hundred and nineteen metres per second. Starboard aft thruster. You have used the asteroid's gravitational pull as a slingshot. Excellent.

A cheap crisis if you ask me, but I guess it was intended to add spice to the scene.

RIKER: Mister Worf, ready photon torpedoes. Set to detonate on impact with the Promellian vessel.

Um, the Promellian ship isn't the problem, and it belongs in a museum! Surely now that we're outside the field we can destroy the assimilators one by one from the outside in!

The Fiver

Data, decode the signal coming from that derelict warship. It says: "Abandon all hope ye who enter here." Must be a translation error. I'm beaming over there. Riker:
Data:
Picard:

Obliviousness in fiver characters, you gotta love it. You've never truly experienced Dante's Inferno until you've read it in the original Promellian!

Guinan: How did your date with Christi go?
La Forge:It was a flop. She said I'm a klutz with women.La Forge:
Guinan: Maybe you'd have better luck with those twin cadets who came aboard last week.
La Forge: The Delaney sisters? Hmm....

I didn't think this would work in the timeline, but it does. Since I can't find a birth year for the Kramer twins who played the Delaneys, let's assume the Delaneys were born in the same year as Harry Kim: 2349. Booby Trap is set in 2366. Seventeen is a little young, but pushing them a few years older isn't a big deal.

Leah: Greetings Commander La Forge. I am Dr. Brahms.
La Forge: Computer, make her more realistic.
Leah: Hi Geordi! I'm Leah! I bet you're a real klutz with women.
La Forge: Computer, on second thought....

"Computer, I said 'realistic', not 'insulting'!"
"Holodeck accuracy to commands decreases with the total ship's power."
"So that's why Voyager's holodecks are always breaking, huh?"
"Affirmative."

Picard:You've been romancing a holographic woman in the middle of a crisis?
La Forge: Hey, it works for Barclay.

"But Barclay is a comic relief guest star, not a main character. You should know that the only main character allowed to to that is the captain."
"What about Minuet?"
"The Binars hacked the script that week, it doesn't count."

La Forge: I hope I can meet the real you someday.
Leah: I hope I can meet the real me someday too.
La Forge: If that happens, could you sorta not mention the kissing part?
Leah: Why not? I'd love to see the look on my face when I do.
La Forge: Computer, end program and replicate me some aspirin.

Aspirin? Why not a drink or a hammer to hit himself with?

Memory Alpha

* First Trek episode directed by a woman. That's really sad...
* Alexander was born around this time.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil wonders how the core could be installed only a year before the Enterprise was launched. Odd, but not impossible, as the warp core has an ejection tube that it could possibly be installed through.
* Phil thinks that the fifty/fifty odds of success in turning over control comes from the two tests shown on screen. What an idiot, of course Geordi was running simulations before the scene started!
* If the first away team had to turn on the lights on the Promellian cruiser, how could the artificial gravity still be on? Another place where spacesuits with gravity boots would've been a good idea.
* Even after the lights on the ship were set to minimum levels, they were still turned on for the model in the exterior shots. Oops.
* If Starfleet knows this is the site of the final battle, how come they never found the Promellian cruiser before?

[Nate the Great]

It feels good to be caught up (except for the TNG Companion entries, I guess, but let's move past that...)

November 6th, 1989, "The Enemy"

Fiver (by Marc)
Transcript
Memory Alpha

The Episode

RIKER: Placing beam-out marker. Return transport, fourteen minutes, forty seconds.

If shuttles can't land safely on this planet, I wish they'd mention that.

LAFORGE: Not too bad, Commander. A lot of charged-particle precipitation, but I can compensate.

I'm glad that there's a plausible reason why Geordi's VISOR isn't all-powerful. I do wonder how Geordi can "compensate". It's times like this that I wish the VISOR had buttons on the side for situations like this. Do his input nodes let him "telepathically" change settings on the VISOR?

WORF: Communicators are dysfunctional.

Phil makes fun of this line in the Nitpicker's Guide. "Dysfunctional" is the wrong word, you want "disabled" or "neutralized" or "ineffective".

LAFORGE: Commander! Picking up something on the positron scan. Over here. Some electrically conductive objects.

Apparently the writers don't know that positrons are antimatter. I'll forgive the usage in Data's construction, I can imagine some plausible Treknobabble to justify the "positronic brain", but I don't forgive it here. And positrons can only induce an electric charge in an antimatter universe!

RIKER: All right, let's spread out. Twenty five metre radius.

If communicators aren't working, you never want to be out of sight of each other! Wait for beamup, then come back with a group and some rope to keep them together so you can fan out and do a proper search! If they're looking for survivors can don't have the time, Riker could've spared a line of dialogue to explain this.

Captain's log, Stardate 43349.2. An unidentified distress signal has led to the discovery of a crashed Romulan vessel on the surface of Galorndon Core, a Federation planet.

Are you telling me that the Tal Shiar hasn't invented a distress signal that can't be detected by Federation ships yet? I'll bet you Starfleet invented one that the Romulans can't detect by now (this is the sort of project that Section 31 would be sure to initiate with Starfleet scientists, right?)

WORF: Secure Sickbay. Post a guard in visual contact at all times.
CRUSHER: He's not going anywhere, Lieutenant.

It occurs to me that having a single patient secured surgery bay for this kind of situation wouldn't be a bad idea. "Lower Decks" could've also used this sort of thing.

O'BRIEN: The electrical storm's creating thousands of ghosts.
RIKER: Well beam some of those ghosts back. One of them may be Geordi.

Desperation and gallows humor. You can tell Gene wasn't a consistent presence anymore, can't you?

RIKER: The Romulan craft is a total loss. There's nothing there to salvage unless you want to use tweezers.

Um, what? They couldn't do a thorough tricorder scan and had less than five minutes to do a visual inspection. Isn't it enough that the engines were obviously destroyed and you can't get a shuttle close enough to use a tractor beam? Sure, you'd have to send down a team to remove the valuable parts of the Romulan ship (probably just the computer core, but still) and beam up, but it's a possibility.

PICARD: It certainly is the last place one would expect Romulan encroachment. On the other hand, Galorndon Core would provide ideal cover for an opening move of a new offensive.

So which is it, Picard? And what kind of new offensive? Ships can't land safely on the surface, you couldn't build a sensor array on the surface that could reach into space, etc.

(Geordi has spotted some medal ore in the wall of the pit. He makes a groove in the mud, puts the nodules in it then uses his phaser to melt them into a dagger shape)

As SF Debris put it in his this is reminiscent of the "rocks into replicators" line from DS9.

CRUSHER: We thought it would be like working on Vulcans, but there are subtle differences. Too many of them.

I don't like this line. Granted there are physical differences between Vulcans and Romulans, but I don't think they would extend to stuff like blood.

PICARD: We can't use the replicator?
CRUSHER: The molecules are too complex.

Ugh. "By the time we reconfigured the equipment for this task, he'd be dead." Duh.

RIKER: Well let me put it another way. Will he survive long enough to tell us what he was doing here?
PICARD: Doctor, it's an important consideration.
CRUSHER: I can bring him around for a few minutes.

I have mixed feelings about this. Is she a doctor or a Starfleet officer first?

RIKER: Something, anything to can cut through the storm. Some way to get a signal through to him.
WESLEY: A neutrino pulse. We could build a portable neutrino source and send it in a probe to the planet surface. It'll act like a beacon.

As far as ludicrous Treknobabble goes, this is actually reasonable.

TOMALAK [on viewscreen]: Tomalak to Pi. We have received your distress signal. Respond. If you can hear me, we are entering the Neutral Zone now. We will reach you in six hours.

The idea that you can cross the Neutral Zone in six hours disturbs me.

TOMALAK [on viewscreen]: Captain Picard, my apologies. Had I known you were in this sector, I certainly would have advised you before crossing the Neutral Zone.

This is a lie, but an implausible one. I don't like the idea that sensor range is smaller than conventional communications range. (When the Enterprise communicates with a starbase or Starfleet Command there must be a relay network in effect for realtime communication).

TOMALAK [on viewscreen]: I'm sure you will understand when I explain. One of our ships had a slight navigational error and apparently crashed on Galorndon Core.
PICARD: A slight navigational error? Nearly half a light year past the Neutral Zone?

Half a light year seems ludicrously small in stellar terms, so I'm not sure where Picard's argument comes from. Then again, "All Good Things" implies that each side needs permission from the other just to ENTER the Neutral Zone. A "slight navigational error" doesn't seem big enough to justify going through the entire Neutral Zone by mistake. And how does a problem with the navigational system damage a ship enough to necessitate a landing?

PICARD: Are there any other Romulans we should be looking to recover from Galorndon Core?
TOMALAK [on viewscreen]: No. It was a one-man craft.

Ugh. Just being inside and near the Neutral Zone would justify at least two people for the mission if you ask me.

PICARD: But we must measure our response carefully, or history may remember Galorndon Core along with Pearl Harbour and Station Salem One as the stage for a bloody preamble to war.

Pearl Harbor? Is Picard implying that we could've avoided war with Japan if we had just stood by and accepted the death and destruction from the attack? Would Japan have never attacked the U.S. again if we hadn't responded?

CRUSHER: The lab is still processing the tests. Early results indicate humans have far too many bio-rejection factors. I've also ruled out the Vulcans we've tested.

Early Trek fanon says that Spock's conception needed external help (much like K'ehlyr), but eventually it seemed like it was all natural. And McCoy was able to remove the conflicting parts of Spock's blood for Sarek. At least throw in a "if we tried a donor from one of the Vulcans on board, it would take too long to adapt."

Long story short, making Worf the only possible donor is railroading to a degree that is frankly offensive. At least say that Crusher has to use Worf's blood/tissue to modify the Vulcan's blood/tissue to be compatible!

LAFORGE: A stationary neutrino source. Wesley Crusher. Thank you, Wesley.

It's rather sad that Wesley would be the only one to think of this solution. Wouldn't Data have eventually come up with this idea? It's a shame Barclay hasn't been invented yet, this would've been a shining moment for him.

BOCHRA: You are my prisoner.
LAFORGE: Right. Congratulations. Surely a strategic triumph for the Romulan Empire.

Do they still sing songs of the Great Engineer Hunt?

LAFORGE: Welcome to Galorndon Core, where no good deed goes unpunished.

This line has stuck with me. A nice universal message, even the Ferengi know about it!

WORF: That is impossible. I am a Klingon.
CRUSHER: Different species, yes. But many humanoids have comparable cell structures.

It's almost like we are all descended from the Preservers or something! Given that, isn't it weird that you're a match and the Vulcans aren't?

[Nate the Great]

BOCHRA: You can be sarcastic now, but in a few millennia, when humans are extinct and the Romulan Empire spans the galaxy.

I fail to see why humans would be extinct and the Romulans wouldn't. Even if the Romulans devastate Starfleet and lay waste to Earth, would they really track down every human colony everywhere and destroy them?

OMALAK [on viewscreen]: And my officer?
PICARD: He is alive.
TOMALAK [on viewscreen]: His life remains in jeopardy?
PICARD: Yes.
TOMALAK [on viewscreen]: And yet you will still not permit me to cross into your precious Federation space to retrieve him?

I don't like this. If Picard wants to avoid a war handing over Patahk wouldn't be a bad idea. If necessary he should ask for a substitute prisoner while Starfleet and the Romulans hash things out.

Meaningless aside, but we never get a definitive answer to the question of what the Romulan military is called. The Federation has Starfleet, the Klingons have the Imperial Fleet and Defense Forces (presumably the former is for the outer Empire and other nations and the latter is for the core worlds), the Bajorans have the Militia, etc. The expanded universe gives various names like Imperial Guard, Star Navy, Imperial Fleet, Grand Fleet, Imperial Armada, etc.

RIKER: For what it's worth, I understand your bitterness.
WORF: With respect, sir, you cannot. I am asked to give up the very lifeblood of my mother and my father to those who murdered them.

I don't like this kind of thinking. An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind, after all. At best this is a necessary step in Worf's character arc which will lead him to "Redemption".

RIKER: Forever? What if some day the Federation made peace with the Romulans.
WORF: Impossible.
RIKER: That's what your people said a few years ago about humans.

Yeah, yeah, the Khitomer Accords haven't been invented yet. In fact, "Yesterday's Enterprise" suggests that peace didn't happen until the 2340's after the Enterprise-C vanished.

WORF: My Starfleet training tells me one thing, but everything I am tells me another.

Like I said, a necessary step, if a bit hamfisted and insulting to Worf himself.

PATAHK: I would rather die than pollute my body with Klingon filth!

A good line, and a moral question not addressed. Doesn't a patient have the right to refuse treatment? Or are we treating Patahk as a prisoner who has no rights until after the trial?

LAFORGE: My synapses must be turning to jelly. The Visor's fine. I just can't see a thing.

It stands to reason that since these storms affect technology, and there's technology literally tied to his optical nerve, that this would happen. I just wish that there was a gradual dimming or increase in static in Geordi's vision, not just an on/off switch.

PICARD: Assemble an away team.
RIKER: Yes, sir.
WORF: Captain, the Romulan warship has crossed the Neutral Zone border. It is in Federation space and heading toward us.
PICARD: Belay that order, Number One. Red alert.

Why can't Riker go down before the battle? Furthermore, are you telling me that they don't have enough information on the storms by now to rig an environmental suit to filter out the worse effects of the storm?

WORF: If you order me to agree to the transfusion, I will obey, of course.
PICARD: I don't want to order you. But I ask you. I beg you to volunteer.

This is one balancing act that I think Picard calculated wrong. Worf's reasons are rather petty, and not the result of deep-seated religious beliefs or similar. If this conversation had to exist, it should've been before Patahk refused the procedure. Picard orders Worf to do it, Patahk refuses, Crusher refuses, Worf is off the hook.

PICARD: Do not continue to enlist the cooperation of Lieutenant Worf.
CRUSHER [OC]: I won't have to, Captain. The Romulan has died.

Doesn't this seem like the sort of thing Crusher should report to Picard at once?

TOMALAK [on viewscreen]: You have one chance to escape destruction, Picard. Return my officer at once.

So Tomalak is willing to start a war over one man? The clever bit is that this is actually reasonable from the Romulan's point of view, even if it's warped by our sensibilities.

DATA: There are still numerous ghost images, but I believe we are picking up two life forms near the beacon.
RIKER: Another Romulan?

What an idiot. All Enterprise crewman except Geordi are accounted for, so unless you're going to postulate a THIRD party at Galordan Core who just so happens to have crashed within spitting distance of the Romulan shuttle, Riker's statement is asinine.

The Fiver

Riker: This planet's electromagnetic storms make Ceti Alpha V look like Risa by comparison.

Sorry, but this doesn't work. Ceti Alpha V was just sandstorms, nothing EM related.

Riker: We weren't able to find La Forge before our beam-up window closed. He's lost somewhere on the planet.
Picard: This is a grave development indeed. I don't suppose that the injured Romulan you brought back happens to be an unemployed engineer?
Riker: No such luck, I'm afraid.

I get the joke, but I personally don't like it. It stretches credulity too far, even by fiver standards. I would've done a bad news/good news joke, probably involving switching to Geico.

Worf: I refuse to donate my precious bodily fluids to this Romulan pahtk!
Romulan: And I refuse to receive a transfusion from this Klingon veruul!
Crusher: We seem to have reached an impasse.
Worf: What impasse? We are in complete agreement.
Romulan: I concur wholeheartedly.

Exactly. Although "pahtk" is usually spelled "petaQ." "Veruul" was only used by Riker against Jarok in "The Defector."

Bochra: Very well. I have now connected your devices.
La Forge: Are they working?
Bochra: Yes, but you should see how ridiculous your tricorder now looks.

It did look silly.

Tomalak: (on viewscreen) Then cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war!
Data: Julius Caesar, Act III, Scene 1.
Tomalak: You cannot fully appreciate Shakespeare until you have read him in the original Romulan.
Picard: It would take a large quantity of Romulan ale to make me believe that.
Tomalak: Pfft...what makes you think you are such an expert on Shakespeare?

Ha ha. Incidentally, aside from Picard's numerous Shakespeare connections, Patrick Stewart has performed in King of Texas (a setting update of King Lear) and a TV version of Hamlet.

Memory Alpha

* It's mentioned that Riker and Crusher could've also ordered Worf to do the transfusion. I understand that Riker wouldn't do it for similar reasons to Picard, but Crusher not doing it is a mystery. She wouldn't let different ideologies get in the way of saving a patient's life.
* Michael Pillar puts this episode in the top three of the third season, along with "The Bonding" and "Yesterday's Enterprise." "The Bonding", really? For me the top three of the third season are "Who Watches the Watchers", "Yesterday's Enterprise", and "The Best of Both Worlds."

Nitpicker's Guide

* In the first volume of the guide, Phil found nothing wrong. The readers were sure to correct him for the second volume! Quoth Phil "Other nitpickers certainly didn't have any trouble finding plenty of nits in it! In fact, I do believe that since the chief nitpicker couldn't come up with anything, all of the other nitpickers out there made it their goal to do so. (Wink, wink.) Actually, I feel sorry for this episode in a way. A tremendous amount of energy went into chainsawing it apart." Furthermore, he quotes the "no good deed goes unpunished" bit as relevant to his entry in the first volume.
* Crusher finds no cranial trauma in Patahk? Worf punched him in the face with his palm, banging his head into a rock!
* Phil thinks Troi should've informed Picard that she was evaluating Tomalak based solely on body language, since he's too far away for empathy. I think that this was obvious. Troi's not a Q or Douwd or Traveler!
* How come the Romulans can enter the Neutral Zone without permission, but we can't?
* Phil questions how Geordi can see the neutrino pulse if it's pointed straight up into space. My immediate reaction is that of course this "neutrino source" was set to disperse a small amount of neutrinos all around alongside the main beam. Geordi notices that suddenly there's an increase in neutrinos, then looks around for where most of them are coming from.
* Phil also doubts the Klingon versus Vulcan compatibility. He jokes that maybe Romulans are a hybrid of Vulcans and Klingons from way back.
* Crusher hassled Worf too much for ethical considerations.
* Phil also asks why Beverly wouldn't inform Picard of the death immediately.
* Why didn't Picard send for reinforcements? I would add why didn't he ask for orders from Starfleet Command? Surely there'd be an admiral about who could order Worf to do the transfusion. Of course, said admiral would also chew out Picard, so maybe Picard didn't mention it.
* I stole the disfunctional tricorder nit from Phil, but I had a point to make.
* Phil's query on why LaForge came down if they knew it was hazardous to Data is silly to me. Different technologies, Phil!
* As made the spikes have a flat side (the top of the grooves, etc.), but as used they are round. This is one I'll give to Phil, they couldn't have smoothed one side?
* Phil asks why Geordi couldn't cut handholds in the cliff with his phaser. My reply is that Geordi doesn't know what the rock is made of, nor can he see well enough to adjust the phaser that finely to cut handholds even if he knew the setting for this kind of rock.

[Nate the Great]

“The Dauphin”

I find it a little icky that Jamie Hubbard was ten years older than Wil Wheaton, but I guess the “half your age plus seven” thing hadn’t been invented yet. Wesley’s quarters contain a TOS-style phaser and communicator.

“Contagion”

First appearance of Picard’s love of archeology, and his first request for “tea, Earl Grey, hot.” Sternbach hid a bunch of Japanese anime references in the Iconian gateway inscriptions.

“The Royale”

Hurley points out similarities to “A Piece of the Action”, but once again I don’t see it. The sins of this episode are much simpler: it’s just another spin on a holodeck malfunction episode.

In the original final draft…the astronaut survivor as actually the last of his crew of seven to die. His image was then kept alive in the macabre setting, to be entertained by the captured Enterprise party. In the end, as with Pike and Vina in the original-Trek pilot, “The Cage,” a dead away team crew woman is retained to keep the astronaut company after the unseen casino manager agrees to tell the story and release the crew.

Yeah, that would’ve been too derivative of “The Cage”.

Larry mentions Fermat’s Last Theorem but not the fact that it had been solved, the version of the Companion that I’m reading is from 1992 and the proof won’t be conceived until 1994 (and finalized until 1995).

“Time Squared”

This story, originally titled “Time to the Second”, began as the first of what Maurice Hurley had planned as two consecutive but stand-alone episodes. “Time Squared” would segue into “Q Who”, in which the mischievous superalien is revealed as the cause of the vortex. That plan was scrapped at Gene Roddenberry’s insistence, Hurley has said, and so adds confusion to the ending. “Why would going into the vortex’s center save you?” Hurley asked. “It doesn’t make sense.”

In theory this makes sense, but two-parters need to be more closely tied together than this. First appearance of the cheaper shuttlepod and set. First appearance of Riker’s cooking hobby.

“The Icarus Factor”

Larry thinks that the Worf subplot almost took the spotlight away from the Riker plot. I wouldn’t go that far. Second time Riker refuses a command on the show. First time the Tholians are namedropped in dialogue in the TNG era. Entertainment Tonight host John Tesh was on set, and cameos as one of the Rite of Ascension Klingons. Sternbach hides anime references again, this time on the anbo-jyutsu set.

“Pen Pals”

Just like Snodgrass’s background in legal stuff came forward in “The Measure of a Man”, her love of horses got plugged this time around. At least Stewart’s equine background dovetailed nicely this time around. First appearance of a Buckaroo Banzai reference in the setwork.

“Q Who”

“If somebody’s interested in gold, they’re not much of an adversary,” Hurley said of the greedy little race. “We can make gold in our replicator.”

I know that gold-pressed latinum hasn’t been invented yet, but that doesn’t mean that another fictional commodity couldn’t have been created by now. Who says it has to be gold? First and only appearance of Guinan’s office; don’t ask me why she needs one.

“Samaritan Snare”

Larry calls the Pakleds “among the most humorously bizarre aliens ever created for Trek.” Okay, Larry. The crimson force field is compared to the corbomite maneuver, but I think they’re different enough to avoid accusations of blatant plagiarism. The budget prevented creation of a captain’s yacht set.

“Up the Long Ladder”

The episode offended the pro-life crowd and the Irish, which might be a record for distance between groups offended by a single episode. The pregnant Bringoidi was actually played by a pregnant woman (as the cast of Miracle on 34th Street might say, she doesn’t need any padding!). More Buckaroo Banzai and anime references in the Okudagrams.

“Manhunt”

Last Tracy Torme episode, and she used a pseudonym for it. She included Raymond Chandler-style narration for Dixon Hill, but they were dropped because of possible confusion with captain’s logs. I wonder if Stewart could’ve pulled off a more Bogart-esque accent for Hill’s internal monologue.

“The Emissary”

The Okudagram of holodeck options presented to K’Ehleyr includes such injokes as the Rite of Ascension Chamber, Vulcan desert survival a la “Yesteryear”, and two new Dixon Hill mysteries.

“Peak Performance”

First appearance of a Zakdorn. I remember the one from “Unification”, but apparently there was a cameo of one in “Menage a Troi” as well. First prominent appearance of the LCARS acronym. More Buckaroo and anime references.

“Shades of Gray”

Shooting only took three days. That much? When most of the episode is a single planet set and sickbay, I would’ve thought they could’ve done it in two. First appearance of tricordrazine, no doubt a refined version of cordrazine from “City on the Edge of Forever.”

SEASON THREE

“The Ensigns of Command”

Apparently a last-minute budget cut cost us more development in the Data/Ard’rian relationship. First episode where Data plays the violin, O’Brien plays the cello. Ard’rian guesses that Data runs on duotronics from the TOS era because that’s the most advanced computer she can think of. A group of Tibetan monks visited the set, I wonder if they would’ve enjoyed “Who Watches the Watchers” more if they’d come a few weeks later.

“Evolution”

This one was made after “The Ensigns of Command”, but aired before it. The “Egg” prop was reworked from the containment unit from “The Child.”

“The Survivors”

First mention of the Andorians in TNG. Actor John Anderson almost didn’t take the role because he had lost his wife the year before.

“Who Watches the Watchers”

Many Mintaka III scenes were filmed at Vasquez Rocks, as seen in many TOS episodes. First appearance of subcutaneous transponders since “Patterns of Force.”

“The Bonding”

Ronald Moore’s first script. He wanted to make use of the families on board.

“Booby Trap”

Originally Picard was to be the one to fall in love with the Brahms hologram, but I question why the captain would be in the holodeck at a time like this. First TNG episode directed by a woman.

“The Enemy”

Another story point, that of Worf letting a Romulan die by refusing to donate blood, met resistance from the writing staff and from Dorn himself when Piller first suggested it. But allowing it to stand reveals how the series was beginning to get an alien perspective on Worf. It also shows that these “perfect” twenty-fourth-century characters could come into conflict with one another after all.

First appearance of Tomalak.

[Nate the Great]

November 13th, 1989, "The Price"

Fiver (by Kira)
Transcript
Memory Alpha

The Episode

TROI: Computer, I would like a real chocolate sundae.
COMPUTER: Define real in context, please.
TROI: Real. Not one of your perfectly synthesised, ingeniously enhanced imitations.

This is a stupid exchange. By now Troi should've either reprogrammed her replicator to make food to her taste or (if for some reason it's impossible to perfectly replicate chocolate) imported a stock of authentic chocolate for her personal use. And quite frankly the replicator should have dozens if not hundreds of varieties of chocolate in its database for her to choose her favorite from. Thus if she orders chocolate the computer should recognize her voice and substitute the generic chocolate for her personal blend.

COMPUTER: This unit is programmed to provide sources of acceptable nutritional value. Your request does not fall within current guidelines.

Another asinine line. This isn't the business of the computer programmers, and even if it was we've seen the replicator make junk food on many other occasions. And by now the nutritionists should've found a way to reduce the fat and sugar in a given food, substituting nutrients without affecting the taste.

PICARD: The pleasure of your company is requested, Counsellor. We're having a little impromptu reception for the arriving delegates.

Impromptu? The appearance of the wormhole runs like clockwork, it would be easy to schedule a reception around it and notified the appropriate people to arrive on time. Furthermore, Troi is acting like she just finished a long shift and is ready to veg out; wouldn't she have moved some appointments around to give her time to freshen up and dress properly?

TROI: Ship's Counsellor Deanna Troi.

I assume by "Ship's Counselor" Troi means that she leads a staff of counselors (much like McCoy declaring himself to be Ship's Surgeon). Does she need assistants? A little research says that generally there should be a psychiatrist for every 10,000 people, so Troi should be the only one. Furthermore, I find '"counselor" to be a little informal for a military organization (take that, Gene!). She can be called "counselor" by her patients or the senior staff, but to others she should be Commander or Doctor.

Captain's log, Stardate 43385.6. We are orbiting Barzan Two, which is entertaining bids for control of what appears to be a stable wormhole, which could provide a permanent shortcut to the distant Gamma Quadrant.

I wonder if the Dominion found this thing and has already classified it as useless.

BHAVANI: And as you all know...

Any writer who uses "as you know" or similar should be fired.

BHAVANI: The Barzan has been a society dependent on others for generations.

How is this supposed to work? They managed to pull themselves together enough to invent warp drive. Did they just give up and let others take care of them until now? Furthermore, could the Federation not fix whatever is making the Barzan not self-sufficient?

GOSS: We'll need chairs.
PICARD: I'm Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Enterprise. I'm serving as host for these proceedings.
GOSS: Good, then see to it that we get chairs.
PICARD: Let me explain.
GOSS: Fine, fine, just have your Klingon servant get us some chairs.
WORF: I am in charge of Security.
GOSS: Then who gets the chairs?
PICARD: DaiMon, due to the delicate nature of these negotiations, all parties have agreed that one representative would suffice. Now I will be happy to provide your consuls with accommodations and you may have my chair.

The chair bit wasn't funny. The "Klingon servant" bit wasn't funny. I see no reason why the Ferengi couldn't have been a part of the negotiations from the start. It would make more room for character development elsewhere, particularly for Troi.

RAL: I never play the opening rounds, anyway. Inconsequential. Besides there are much better things to negotiate on this ship. Like dinner tonight?

Nice step forward for feminism, isn't it? Then again, I'm reminded of Lwaxana's view that men are commodities.

RAL: Yes, you were. When you leave this office, who are you? Oh. So that's how it goes. You never do. You never do leave the office.

Complete nonsense. Troi lets her proverbial hair down all the time. Ral isn't really endearing himself to me. He considers himself a supreme prize for any woman. He makes sweeping assumptions about Troi's lifestyle after knowing her for two days. I know that he's a quarter-Betazoid, but Troi has training against telepathic influence, right?

RIKER: Imagine the Ferengi collecting tolls if we lose to them.

I fail to see the problem here. The Ferengi could set a toll, but nobody actually has to pay it and go through. Furthermore the Federation could buy the wormhole back from them later.

MENDOZA: I don't think the Ferengi are the greatest threat at the table. With all of DaiMon Goss' bluster, they don't have the resources the Barzans need.

So? They could make an arrangement with the Federation, possibly in exchange for all noncommercial information collected by the Ferengi on the other side of the wormhole.

PICARD: The Federation could wind up buying a proverbial lemon.
DATA: Proverbial lemon?
PICARD: Later, Data.

Time for the "Data should have memorized all of human knowledge" complaint again. Picard didn't just say "lemon" to confuse Data, he said "proverbial lemon." He should have access to a dictionary in his head. Wiktionary has this as the fifth definition of "lemon", and there's "slang" right next to it.

RIKER: Geordi has continuous visual contact with the wormhole, Captain.

What? Everything Geordi's VISOR can do can also be done by the ship's sensors! Or are you telling me that Geordi's brain could interpret the readings in a way different from the computer?

ARRIDOR: A distillation of your own blood pyrocytes. Harmless to you. Undetectable by the ship's bio-filters, but when absorbed through your victim's skin, it will provoke an extreme allergic reaction.

The only other mention of pyrocytes is in Voyager, where apparently the Kazon also have them. While this level of technobabble is acceptable, I wonder why they didn't just say that they coated his hand with a mild toxin that Ferengi are immune to.

RAL: Ah, Federation decor.
TROI: Not your style?
RAL: Well, conformity is not my style.

Is this supposed to make him sound better, more interesting? Because it doesn't.

PICARD: The Federation's top negotiator taken out by a mysterious ailment. Suspicions?
RIKER: With the Ferengi around? Always.

While it's reasonable under the circumstances, this still seems like blanket racism.

WESLEY: The wormhole will reappear in thirty seconds, sir.

This business of the wormhole only being traversable when it's visible seems dubious, but I understand that it's necessary for plot purposes.

LAFORGE: You know, if this doesn't work, the thought of spending the rest of my life in here is none too appealing.
DATA: There is a bright side, Geordi. You will have me to talk to.

Data's obliviousness can be funny, but Geordi's line makes me ask why they're taking a shuttlepod instead of a shuttlecraft. I know that they expect to come back, but it's going to be hours. Won't Geordi want to stretch his legs?

WESLEY: They've travelled beyond our communication capabilities, sir

I find it odd that they could maintain a comm signal with a ship inside the wormhole in the first place.

[Nate the Great]

RAL: Well, Mister Riker's placed a great deal of emphasis on defence, a subject he obviously knows well, having served Starfleet in a number of conflicts. Now, the Chrysalians, we're enemies to no one, and we choose to remain that way. Neutral.
RIKER: Neutral, and uninvolved, sir, in virtually all interstellar matters of consequence.

What's the point of this exchange? All I can conclude is that Riker is implying that the Chrysalians are cowards for not picking sides. Another example of racism. What if the Chrysalians believe in avoiding conflict? Would Riker still insult them?

TROI: Devinoni Ral. Who are you?
RAL: Well, what do your Betazoid senses tell you about me?
TROI: Not much. My human physical response must be blocking them out.
RAL: Good.
TROI: It never happened to me before.

The notion that physical arousal can block her empathy is a little icky in addition to the contradiction. The whole Imzadi thing implies that Betazoids can form some form of mental bond with their mates. And even besides the formal bond, you'd think telepaths would form a stronger mental connection with their mates due to familiarity and longer contact.

CRUSHER: You're unusually limber this morning.
TROI: I'll say. Devinoni Ral. It's ridiculous, and wonderful. I feel completely out of control. Happy. Terrified. But there's nothing rational about this.
CRUSHER: Who needs rational when your toes curl up?

For the eighties, this seems a little racy.

TROI: Why haven't you told anyone you're an empath?
RAL: Because I find it makes people uncomfortable.
TROI: I think you don't tell them so you can gain an advantage.

There are things that a person has a right to keep private and things that they don't. Just being an empath shouldn't make people distrust you. It's what he does WITH his empathic powers that would make people uncomfortable.

TROI: I do it to help my crew, not outmanoeuvre them. And I don't hide that I'm an empath.
RAL: Oh, so you announce it to every alien culture you encounter? Or do you use it to give your side an advantage. Do you tell the Romulan that's about to attack that you sense that he may be bluffing? Or do you just tell it to your Captain?

That's an apples and oranges comparison. She does it for the good of the Federation, he does it for the good of himself.

PICARD: Computer, is the Ferengi Goss still on board the Enterprise?
COMPUTER: DaiMon Goss departed the Enterprise at fourteen hundred hours.

Wouldn't Worf be aware of when he left and informed the captain? What did this accomplish besides making it look like Worf isn't doing his job?

GOSS [on viewscreen]: If the Ferengi cannot have the wormhole, no one will.

I don't think there's a Rule of Acquisition covering destroying something you can't get. This is ludicrous. Ferengi should treat losing a business deal as a learning experience for next time.

GOSS [on viewscreen]: Casualties of war, Commander. My men are prepared to die. Are yours?
TROI: Captain, he's lying. I'm almost sure of it. He doesn't mean what he says.

I thought Troi couldn't read Ferengi, and I have to think that Ferengi body language would be different enough to stop mere observation.

The Fiver

Troi: Computer, check my answering machine.
Computer: You have forty-seven new messages.

You can never have too many 47 references.

Picard: I'd like you to meet our guests for the episode. This is our token diplomat, this is our token victim of a nefarious plot, this is our token weird alien --
Leyor: We have names, you know.
Picard: Sure you do.

Should've stretched the word "sure." Suuuuuure you do.

Computer: Deanna Troi. Species: Half betazoid, half human. Rank: lieutenant. Current assignment: counsellor and stater of the obvious, U.S.S. Enterprise. Current love interest: Devinoni Ral.

Wasn't she a lieutenant commander at the start of the show?

La Forge: I sure hope this works. What if we get stranded on the other side of the wormhole and we're stuck in this shuttle?
Data: Then we will become intoxicated and debate the finer points of Counsellor Troi's figure.
La Forge: Well, that doesn't sound too bad. But what are the odds we'd ever be rescued way out in the Delta Quadrant?
Data: Surprisingly high.

I remember "Shuttlepod One" as one of the better Enterprise episodes that I've seen. T'Pol has a very nice bum, and so forth.

Ral: I, er, I was just stating the obvious.
Troi: Oh, okay... HEY! Stating the obvious? You're part Betazoid!
Ral: Nuts.

Ha ha.

La Forge: As long as we don't get stranded, what's the worst that could happen? Some kind of attack by wormhole aliens?
Data: "Wormhole aliens." Very amusing, Geordi.
La Forge: Yeah. I kill me.

As long as we're making jokes based on Voyager, might as well toss in DS9 as well...

Troi: So, how about some female bonding? I've got a new boyfriend.
Crusher: Why is it you only feel the urge to bond with me when you've got something to brag about?
Troi: Hey, it's not my fault you never get any action.

This seems a little harsh for Troi. It's too bad Tasha isn't around anymore...

Arridor: (over the comm) I'm not going anywhere until I've conducted a thorough scan of all gullible planets in this region. Standard Ferengi procedure.
La Forge: Fine, just don't expect the Federation to come to your rescue if you get stuck out here.

Oh, the irony...

Kol: Oh no! We're stranded in the Delta Quadrant!
Arridor: Relax, Kol, I know what to do in this situation. (ahem) We're alone. In an uncharted part of the galaxy....

He's quoting Janeway. I had to look it up. It could've been a Lost in Space reference for all I knew...

Ral: What if we run away together?
Troi: Say, have you ever met my mother?
Ral: Um....
(Ral runs away at Ludricrous Speed)

Ha.

Memory Alpha


* First appearance of the four-quadrant organization of the galaxy.
* First appearance of Troi's love for chocolate.
* The Ferengi still think of gold as valuable, but at least their bricks are starting to look like gold-pressed latinum.
* Discovery will have a Barzan Starfleet officer.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Back in "The Naked Now" Data could understand how to search for a definition of a word preceded by "proverbial", but now he can't. Oops.
* Troi acts like a commbadge line isn't opened until the badge is tapped, but the Technical Manual says that comm channels are opened automatically (to cover instances of no tapping, I presume). I prefer that comm channels aren't opened until the badge is tapped, of course. Imagine the embarrassment from hearing something you're not supposed to.
* Phil also asks about Geordi's continual visual contact with the wormhole.

[Nate the Great]

I'm sorry, but the retrospective is on hold for a few weeks. I've broken a few fingers and typing long entries with one hand sounds like torture at the moment. Not to mention all the links and copypastes that I do...ugh!

[Nate the Great]

November 20th, 1989, "The Vengeance Factor"

No Fiver
Transcript
Memory Alpha

The Episode

MAROUK: No. Captain, you have to understand our history. A hundred years ago, before the Gatherers split off from our culture, we were a savage, violent race. Clans battled clans. Bloody, vengeful feuds that lasted for generations. But we overcame those ways, all except for the Gatherers.

I wonder if the writers were aware of the Vulcan/Romulan parallels.

DATA: Captain, I am detecting life readings from the planet surface, as well as several small areas of thermal radiation and carbon dioxide emissions, indicative of combustion.
WESLEY: Campfires, Data.
DATA: Is that not what I said?

Ugh. This kind of joke is going too far. Even Spock wouldn't be this pedantic.

DATA: Rigelian phaser rifles, sir. Not particularly powerful.

And therefore? No matter which variety of Rigelians we're talking about, we're led to believe that their tech was pretty standard. If anything I'd prefer that these be older models if they're supposed to be nonthreatening.

RIKER: Data, tell me about noranium. It vaporises at?
DATA: Two thousand three hundred fourteen degrees. Of course, noranium carbide
RIKER: Thank you, Data.
LAFORGE: Setting seven ought to do it.
RIKER: Three, two, one, now!
(They fire at some of the metal junk, which creates a smoke screen.)

Wouldn't metal vapor be toxic to breathe?

PICARD: Brull, will you show Mister Crusher the course to set to the Hromi Cluster?
BRULL: A child? This doesn't inspire my confidence.

If anything this should happen more often, but it occurs to me that we've seen plenty of aliens that look young but are really old. For all he knows with no other information, Wesley could be one of those and not human.

WESLEY: That's going to take us through the centre of an asteroid belt.
BRULL: What's the matter, kid? Can't you fly yourself around a couple of rocks?
WESLEY: Sure I can, but if we take this heading we can avoid the belt completely, and only lose twelve point one minutes at warp seven.

First, who cares if there are asteroids in the way, you'll be in subspace when you go through them. Second, altering the course to sweep around them would lengthen your journey by a minute or less. Third, what is this exchange supposed to achieve?

BRULL: No problem. I have many friends that don't like me. But what do you know about me?
WESLEY: You're a thief.
BRULL: I do it to survive, not because I enjoy it. We Gatherers value our freedom. We do as we want and we answer to no creature.

Sorry, but that's absurd. The Gatherers could petition the Federation for a colony world. No, they choose to live like this. I hate declarations of "I don't want to be a criminal" from people who have other choices.

CHORGAN [on viewscreen]: I don't wish to listen to either of you.
PICARD: You have no choice. Prepare to receive us. We're beaming on board.

This seems like a violation of policy. Beaming aboard without permission should be considered a crime if not an actual act of war.

CHORGAN: Will you feed and clothe us, too?
MAROUK: No, of course I won't. What I will do is give you the means to feed and clothe yourselves. We've set aside some land and you can use it to--
CHORGAN: Land? Do we look like farmers to you?

It's already been showed that these guys don't have replicators. So if these guys don't want to be farmers, what else is there? My first suggestion is folding them into the military. Their families can live planetside in the cities.

Nitpicker'sGuide

* Phil wonders why there didn't seem to be higher stun levels available to stop Yuta without killing her.
* Phaser Level 7 can vaporize metal, but Riker had it all the way up to Level 16 to stop Yuta! Okay, she's been conditioned to be more resistant to phasers than an ordinary person, but she's not a Horta or Excalbian!

[Nate the Great]

TNG Companion:



“The Price”

Troi’s office has been redesigned and will be seen more. For some reason her office is on Deck 8 and her quarters are on Deck 9. First appearance of Troi’s chocolate obsession.

“The Vengeance Factor”

It’s finally established that Data is stronger than Worf.

[Nate the Great]

January 1st, 1990, "The Defector."

Fiver (by Marc)
Transcript
Memory Alpha

The Episode

PICARD: Splendid, Data. Splendid. You're getting better and better.
DATA: Freeze programme. Thank you, sir. I plan to study the performances of Olivier, Branagh, Shapiro, Kullnark.

Laurence Olivier did Hamlet, Henry V, and Richard III in the thirties and forties acting and directing. Kenneth Branagh had only done Henry V by the time of this episode, but would go on to do Much Ado About Nothing, Hamlet, Love's Labour's Lost, and As You Like It. James Shapiro isn't an actor at all, but is a Shakespearean scholar. Kullnark is the obligatory alien inclusion. Personally I would've dropped Shapiro and included Anton Karidian.

PICARD: Romulan warbird, this is Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Federation vessel Enterprise. You have crossed into the Neutral Zone and are engaged in hostile action. Explain yourself and your intent.

Apparently neutral zones aren't always demilitarized zones. I ask what the point of such a zone is if it's not demilitarized. And while it's not specific to this episode, I have to ask at least once why the Federation/Romulan Neutral Zone is so narrow. People act like the zone can be completely crossed in a matter of hours at standard warp speeds (remember "The Enterprise Incident"?), it should really be a lot wider than that.

RIKER: Position?
DATA: Coordinates one four zero by two zero five, sir.

I really hate it when positions are given in only two coordinates. Furthermore, I assume Riker's really asking how far into Federation space the scout ship is, so he should be more specific.

PICARD: Right. Move to within five kilometres. Mister La Forge, prepare to extend our shields around the Romulan scout ship.
LAFORGE: At that range, the shields won't be able to take much punishment, Captain.

The Enterprise is a kilometer long. The scout ship is 25 meters long, a bit longer than a runabout. The Enterprise could get a lot closer than five kilometers to extend shield strength. In fact the scout could probably fit within the standard shield bubble.

SETAL: The humiliating defeat at the Battle of Cheron has not been forgotten. The new leaders have vowed to discard the treaty and claim the Neutral Zone.

Enterprise claimed that this battle took place in 2160. Whether this is the same Cheron that "Let That Be Your Last Battlefield" referenced is debated.
I would argue against it. In the TOS episode the planet was far off the beaten path and it seems like diplomatic contact had barely been made, if the population can destroy themselves without anyone noticing yet. Why would Starfleet and the Romulans send ships out there in the ENT-era just to have a battle?

SETAL: The new leaders have vowed to discard the treaty and claim the Neutral Zone.

Um, ignoring the treaty to annex land means starting a war. Why wouldn't the Romulans just declare war? For that matter why haven't they asked the Federation to move the neutral zone further into Federation space? Given Starfleet's current antiwar stance, it might actually work!

RIKER: You're saying an entire base has already been established there?
SETAL: In forty-eight hours, the reactor core will be online.

It's implied that until the station is fully powered it's invisible to sensors. Ridiculous.

SETAL: I am not a traitor. All you can see is the opportunity to exploit me. The Federation credo, exploitation. You couldn't get aboard my ship fast enough. Strip it down. What secrets might it reveal that we can use? You're a short sighted people. Can't you understand? I came to stop a war.

Ugh. Starfleet has never attacked first, and he should know that. Even "The Enterprises Incident" was about maintaining the balance of power, not starting a war.

SETAL: Thank you, Doctor. How fortunate you know something of Romulan medicine.
CRUSHER: Yes. I had a chance to gain some experience recently.

Ugh. I'm reminded of McCoy in The Undiscovered Country. It was just as ridiculous there. Starfleet should know basic Romulan medicine. During The Undiscovered Country we were apparently on good enough terms with the Romulans to have an ambassador on Earth, medical knowledge should've been obtained at least as far back as that. Although I wouild've gone even farther back to Liviana Charvanek. McCoy would have asked her about current Romulan medicine while she was a prisoner.

SETAL: Remove this tohzah from my sight.
RIKER: Your knowledge of Klingon curses is impressive.

Actually todSaH is an insult, not a curse. It means something like toady, suckup, bootlicker.

SETAL: Computer, water.
COMPUTER: Temperature?
SETAL: Twelve onkians.
COMPUTER: This system is calibrated to the Celsius metric system.

Complete BS. The people onboard are speaking any number of alien languages, all being translated into English. The translators should've had all major temperature scales and their conversion factors inputted already (I repeat Romulan ambassador comments from the TOS movies again here). I get it that this exchange is meant to convey that Setal isn't on Romulus anymore, but it would've been less dumb to ask for a Romulan foodstuff that hasn't been inputted yet. Perhaps a kind of tea that was invented in the time period between the Tomed Incident and now.

PICARD: It is hard to believe in what one cannot see. And yet conceivably, with their cloaking technology, a fleet of Romulan warships could be passing before our eyes. There must be some way to neutralise this advantage.

Completely asinine. Starfleet would've started working on anticloaking technology the instant they encountered it. If there was a way to neutralize it at this time, Geordi would know about it. This isn't the kind of thing Geordi can pull out of his pocket in a day, even Scotty couldn't do it!

HADEN [on monitor]: Captain, we have received an official protest from the Romulan Empire demanding the return of your defector. Obviously, we are refusing to comply.

It occurs to me that the Neutral Zone treaty would've included language to the effect that anyone from one side who crosses to the other can be taken prisoner. Certainly the Romulans acted like this was the case back in the TOS and TAS days. Our heroes always traded the prisoners back after being debriefed even when they didn't need to.

PICARD: Is there a possibility the wound could be self-inflicted?
CRUSHER: They're very bad burns. I hardly think
PICARD: A possibility.
(She nods)

I'm dubious of this. Surely by the 24th century tricorders can detect things as simple as "was this burn caused by a directed beam or exposure to fire?"

HADEN [on monitor]: The Monitor and the Hood are headed in your direction, though they will arrive too late to be of assistance.

The Monitor is a Nebula-class, the Hood is Excelsior-class. I'll presume that Galaxy-classes are rarely that close to each other to render assistance unless sufficient advance notice is given, such as Wolf 359 or the Dominion War.

PICARD: Yes, Data. I want you to prepare a class one probe. Set the sensors for maximum scan. I want every metre of Nelvana Three monitored.

If you want the entire planet scanned more than the Enterprise can do, I'd thing you'd need more than one probe.

[Nate the Great]

PICARD: Your clarity of thought. Your objectivity, as always. Sit down. Data, it's very possible we are about to go to war. The repercussions of what we do during the next twenty four hours may be felt for years to come. I want you to keep a record of these events, so that history will have the benefit of a dispassionate view.

Wouldn't Data be doing that already? It would hardly be a huge strain on his positronic brain to run the program in the background with periodic output logs to the ship's computer.

RIKER: The location of the Romulan bases along the Neutral Zone?
SETAL: I don't know.
RIKER: In your sector?
SETAL: Irrelevant.
RIKER: The number of troops under your admiral's command?
SETAL: Irrelevant. Irrelevant.

How is this information irrelevant?

COMPUTER: Captain Picard, priority message from security officer, Klingon vessel Bortas.
PICARD: Lieutenant Worf, will you handle this at security station, deck nine.
WORF: Aye, sir.
(Worf leaves)

I get it that this is setting up the big reveal for later, but Worf can do this just as well from the bridge. We don't need to see him do it, just know that Worf us handling it. And this is really nitpicky, but I'd expect the first officer to coordinate something like this, not the security officer. And to get even more pedantic, there shouldn't be such a thing as "ship's security" on a Klingon ship, everyone would police each other within the chain of command and the honor code. The ship would just need a tactical officer.

PICARD: What about the planet surface?
LAFORGE: Reading nothing but barren rock. I don't know. They might be able to hide a base from our probe. Its capabilities are limited. The only way we'll know for sure is if we go and take a look for ourselves.

Geordi had sufficient time to equip a probe specifically to search for cloaking signals in a planetary atmosphere, so why didn't he?

SETAL: You're the android. I know a host of Romulan cyberneticists that would love to be this close to you.
DATA: I do not find that concept particularly appealing.
SETAL: Nor should you.

Wouldn't the cyberneticists rather take Data apart? What could they derive from ten feet away?

SETAL: Synthetic swill. I don't suppose your food terminals would be capable of producing a Romulan ale?
DATA: I am afraid they would require the molecular structure of the beverage in question. And, as you are no doubt aware, our knowledge of your planet is quite limited.

Ugh! Guinan should have a stock of Romulan ale ("It is blue", hehe). If replicators seriously can't create decent fake alcohol, then a stock of such things should be available. The scriptwriters are hammering in this fish out of water thing far too hard for my tastes.

SETAL: It's a bitter thing to be exiled from your home.
DATA: It does appear unlikely you will ever be allowed to return to your planet.

I'll say it again, ugh! He had sufficient time to come to terms with this and decide that it was still worth it. Stop complaining, and maybe pack an isolinear chip with replicator codes!

JAROK: I cannot betray my people.
PICARD: You've already betrayed your people, Admiral. You've made your choices, sir. You're a traitor.

Yeah, this is definitely the sort of thing that you shouldn't bother doing unless you're willing to go all in.

DATA: There is no scarring on the planet surface that would denote heavy construction of any kind.
RIKER: A cloaking device of some sort, to hide the entire base?
DATA: A cloaking device operating on the surface would be given away by visible distortion effects.

It took them this long to figure out that this is a trick? I thought this was supposed to be the best crew on the best ship in the fleet!

TOMALAK [on viewscreen]: I urge you, Captain Picard, surrender. Consider the men and women you would lead into a lost cause.
PICARD: If the cause is just and honourable, they are prepared to give their lives. Are you prepared to die today, Tomalak?

I repeat earlier comments on why families shouldn't be on board for this sort of thing, and how this is exactly the sort of situation they should be separating the saucer for.

RIKER: A letter to his wife and daughter.
DATA: Sir, he must have known it would be impossible for us to deliver this.
PICARD: Today, perhaps. But if there are others with the courage of Admiral Jarok, we may hope to see a day of peace when we can take his letter home.

I get the message, but I question why he couldn't have sent it before he left. For that matter, why can't the Federation get the message through? Don't we have diplomatic channels for this?

The Fiver

Riker: I think he's a plant.
Picard: I think you need a refresher course in botany.

I wonder if Keiko is on board yet...

Setal: Computer -- one Romulan ale.
Computer: Request denied. That beverage is illegal.
Setal: If you give me one anyway I'll slip you ten voljucks.
Computer: Please restate bribe in Federation credit units.

Ha ha. "Voljucks" appears to have been invented by Marc. Of courses gold-pressed latinum hasn't been invented yet, and we never found out what currency the Romulans use, even in the expanded universe.

Riker: What is the current deployment of the Romulan fleet?
Setal: Irrelevant!
Troi: How do they get the caramel into the Caramilk bar?
Setal: Irrelevant! Irrelevant!
Riker: Cut out the Borg routine and answer us!
Setal: This discussion is futile.

Caramilk is a Canadian candy bar. I would've used a "how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop" joke here.

I don't even watch Doctor Who, but even I can see that a Dalek joke would've worked somewhere in this fiver. Extrapolate!

Setal/Jarok: I am actually an Admiral pretending to be a common soldier.
Data: How did you think up such a preposterous scheme?

You can't appreciate Shakespeare unless it's in the original Romulan, hehe...

Picard: Yes, he's told me everything he knows.
Troi: Ooooh...even about the caramel thingy?

Nice callback.

Tomalak: Surrender or my two Warbirds will destroy you!
Picard: If they do that, my three Klingon escorts will destroy you!
Tomalak: Well, if they do that, my...er...corbomite device will destroy them!
Picard: Tomalak, you moron, that's one of our bluffs.
Tomalak: Oops.

Ha ha.

Memory Alpha

* First appearance of the Romulan scout ship and second D'deridex-class model.
* The birds of prey were really big here compared to other appearances. Ex Astris Scientia guesses that they could just be really close to the camera compared to other appearances. Fan speculation yields as many as seven different sizes for birds of prey. One person even tried different configurations of the scene in this episode, experimenting with different sizes and positions. I'd rather limit this to two sizes, a smaller B'rel class and a larger K'vort class.
* First appearance of Data combining techniques from many masters to learn how to do something.

Nitpicker's Guide

* In this episode the light of the probe's engines reflect off the ship during the launch,but in "Where Silence Has Lease" it doesn't. You'd think this would be a piece of stock footage that would be reused.
* Phil also raises the units and Universal Translator question.
* How can Worf track a cloaked Romulan ship?

[NAHTMMM]

Originally Posted by Nate the Great

July 17th, 1989, "Shades of Grey"

The survey should've been mentioned in a Captain's Log at the start. Don't ask me why Riker and Geordi are the only two members of a geological survey away team. I get it, no money for extras, but why isn't Data down here?

It's a whole planet, they should have off-screen parties on this continent or that.

Originally Posted by Nate the Great

October 2nd, 1989, "The Ensigns of Command"


No Fiver
Transcript
Memory Alpha

The Episode

DATA: Captain. Doctor. I am honoured by your presence, but may I suggest you attend the second concert.
CRUSHER: Why, Data?
DATA: Ensign Ortiz will perform the violin part. My rendition will be less enjoyable.
PICARD: Oh?
DATA: Although I am technically proficient, according to my fellow performers, I lack soul.
CRUSHER: Data, telling us why you're going to fail before you make the attempt is never wise.
DATA: But is not honesty always the preferred choice?
PICARD: Excessive honesty can be disastrous, particularly in a commander.
DATA: Indeed?
PICARD: Knowing your limitations is one thing. Advertising them to a crew can damage your credibility as a leader.
DATA: Because you will lose their confidence?
CRUSHER: And you may begin to believe in those limitations yourself.

A good moral.

Indeed.