Top Ten List of... - Step 1:See Topic. Step 2:create list

[Scooter]

Top Ten Signs You've Been at the 5MV Fora Too Long
(Cross-Posted to Top Ten List)

10. You use the word "spluck" in normal conversation. Sa'ar Chasm
9. You use the phrase "DIE! DIE! DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIE!" when people anger you. Kira
8. You make a joke comparing an actor you dislike with "Wood Boy" and are flabbergasted when the joke is met with utter silence and strange looks. NAHTMMM
7. The word GAK begins to creep into other literary endeavours...and you add in more deaths so you can say "GAK" again. Sa'ar Chasm
6. You rename your dog "Porthos" and start referring in mixed company to his/her adventures with chili and cheese. NAHTMMM
5. You are indecently amused by the response "Bite me." Mudshark
4. You begin to have online converastions where you describe last night's episode as if you were writing a Fiver version of it. Example: FatMat: And then the NX-01 got trapped, and Archer said... Archer: Doesn't anybody on this ship know ANY-thing? Trip: Don't look at me. T'Pol: Perhaps you should ask yr dog. Porthos: *Arf!* ... FatMat: So Porthos had to fly the ship, it was great! FatMatDuhRat
3. The word "pie" manages to creep into every sentence you say, relevant or not. ThingsAreGood
2. Whenver someone says they like chili, you say "Grr, Arg, you dogeater, I'll get you with the Hammer of Crushing at Ludicrous Speed" Opium
1. Whenever anyone says to you they'll do something "soon", you wonder if they mean the real "soon" or Zeke "soon". Derek
0. Your best friend: Hey, I want you to meet Katy here. Katy: Hi, pleased to meet you! You: (fighting back an embarrassing urge to reply "Ribbit") NAHTMMM
-1. You feel compelled to make Sa'ar Chasm achieve prophethood (see, we got into negative numbers). Kristina
-2. You weren't one bit surprised to see Reason #1 on the list, since your thoughts wandered off in just that direction. Kristina
-3. Your most common phrase is "Bite me." Kira
-4. After watching any TV program you immediately wonder if there's a fiver for it already. Derek
-5. ...and when you realize there isn't, you start wondering if you could five it.... Derek
-6. You start speaking in acronyms starting with 5, and get upset when anyone spells out the word. Celeste
-7. Running late for a key demonstration against high zucchini prices, you accidentally grab the wrong sign, a worn, faded piece of construction paper reading "ZonK for President", out of sheer habit. NAHTMMM
-8. The word 'clone' immediately brings a certain name to mind, regardless of the circumstances. PointyHairedJedi
-9. You get a feeling of guitly pleasure every time you use the word 'the' in an acronym. PointyHairedJedi
-10. When at the bowling alley, you constantly refer to the 'transwarp bowling ball of destiny' Wonko The Sane
-11. You threaten your friends if they use more than one exclamation mark in a sentence Wonko The Sane
-12. When the optometrist asks you to read the 20/15 line on the eye chart (HARIWMW), you squint and say: "N...umm, A...H...I or T...M...Hey, not only can I read it, I know the guy!" NAHTMMM
-12.1. Every random song, Monty Python quote or Simpsons episode provokes the thought "I have to work that into a fiver somehow." Sa'ar Chasm
-13. Going into negative numbers in a top ten list does not surprise you in any way, shape or form. Captain Galactic
-14. When anyone pulls out a large, engraved hammer, you cringe and run. Captain Galactic
-15. You refer to all of your relationships as " 'ships ", and only use your initial and your partner's, seperated by a slash. Wonko The Sane
-16. You've had a joke in mind for months but haven't had time to five anything. You're slowly going insane waiting for an opportunity to use it. Nan
-17. You discuss your favorite episodes with a friend and are either hopelessly confused or convinced your friend has an awful memory when he insists he doesn't remember seeing anyone wearing little hats in "The Trouble With Tribbles". NAHTMMM
-18. Occasional discovery that thoughts are being processed in "Topic Title" format. Mme Blueberry
-19. Whenever someone says something stupid, you have the habit of replying "Illogic makes Baby Surak cry". Opium
-20. You are firmly convinced that you could take over the entire galaxy, if only you could find a cute-enough little monkey. NAHTMMM
-21. You've been hanging around 5MV too long when you can recite from memory, verbatim and in order of publication, every single fiver reference to J/C from all the sections combined. :O NAHTMMM
-22. You find yourself thinking of "5M.." abbreviations for shows, then try as hard as you can to resist asking Zeke if he needs another section head.... IJDGAF
-23. You take pride in your ability to tell who wrote a new fiver by reading the first few lines of the fiver (kinda like that game show where you name the song titles). You take great offense at any suggestions that you merely cheat by looking at the author line beneath the episode title. NAHTMMM
-23.1. You do not, in fact, need to peek at the author line to tell who wrote it. NAHTMMM
-24. Having been given a writing assignment to discuss a specific work of satire of your choice, you write a five-page essay claiming that "Episode II title causes AI research catastrophe" is the single greatest satirical story in the history of mankind. NAHTMMM
-25. You don't bother reading synopsis' of Trek episodes to find out what happened any more - you just go to 5MV instead. PointyHairedJedi
-26. You've memorized entire fivers and scare your friends laughing randomly at lines from them at completely inappropriate times DSBS
-27. Pie has considerable significance in daily life. Nan
-28. If you've ever pored over the Apocryphive (early drafts of published fivers), trying to find hidden predictions foreseeing the appearance of C/7 and the resulting collapse of the universe. NAHTMMM
-29. You knew what the Apocrophive was without having to have it explained. Sa'ar Chasm
-30. You type "http://www.3sygma.com/fiveminute/" preceding every series and episode name yet to be published, hoping to find unpublished material. IJDGAF
-31. You have a gut-wrenching feeling this will become the next "Topic Title". IJDGAF
-32. For a fleeting moment, you wonder why newbies are posting in this thread. ThingsAreGood
-32.1. You feel compelled to mention that even though you are a board newbie, you are not a 5MV newbie. (right back at 'cha, Things are Good ) Captain Galactic
-33. Your friends think it is perfectly normal for you to quote parts of fivers at random. Captain Galactic
-34. You react to the third post above by laughing evilly and congratulating yourself for having corrupted another mind. [This referenced the following nonlist post in response to #-31: "Wonders who will make this another "Topic Title". Wonders if that made sense. Wonders who invented this. Hits head with hand." NAHTMMM
-35. To my post, you picture me crushing Thing Are Good with a big hammer, even though you have never seen us...or the hammer Opium
-36. You have an urge to defend yourself in list format. ThingsAreGood
-37. You seem to be making comments to others in list format. ThingsAreGood
-38. Your first reaction at hearing the phrase "J.C. Penney's" is surprise at the idea that the federal government would be minting a coin in honor of Voyager, followed by a sense of betrayal that your best friend would lie to you, even something as minor as "Hey, I heard President Bush is a C/7er. Honest!" NAHTMMM
-39. You've started watching Trek series you previously hadn't just so you could read the fivers for them. Derek
-40. On the way home, you see a sign outside an Arby's restaurant advertising a "99-cent Chili Cheese Burger", and you immediately try to imagine a TJI in which the Chili Joke Police perform a sting operation against the place. ::blush:: NAHTMMM
-41. You start suffering withdrawl symptoms when you can't go to 5MV for one reason or another. (This actually happened to me when the site was down last month.) MPQ
-42. Holding of tearful annual candlelight vigil early each March for "Topic Title". NAHTMMM
-43. You think and speak in 5M format. dsbs
-44. Every time you click on a topic and see that someone has used an extra ? or !, you instinctively bolt from your chair, charge heedlessly out of the house, and dive for the bomb-proof shelter you spent a week assembling for this very purpose. NAHTMMM
-45. You wince every time you turn on the radio in the middle of "Land of a Thousand Dances". NAHTMMM
-46. You believe your version of the fiver would have been much better NeoMatrix
-47. You base your friends on whether or not they believe in the same star trek relationship as you, like J/Cers NeoMatrix
-47.1. You make a big deal about the 47th anything. Saxamophone
-48. You refer to Technobabble whenever you are dealing with a technology problem that is over your head. NeoMatrix
-49. You read war propaganda promising victory "soon" and don't believe it. Sa'ar Chasm
-49.1. The reason for this is not cynicism. Sa'ar Chasm
-50. You are proud to be the fiftyest of anything, because 50 is a multiple of 5. Captain Galactic
-51. You let out a guilty little laugh every time you come across a certain character in Watership Down. Entei
-52. You instinctively keep going to 3sygma.com/cgi-bin/forums/ikonboard.cgi, and wonder where the forum is Entei
-53. After discovering that you are not on the active members list, you go on a hunger strike (yes...pie included) until the problem is fixed. Wonko The Sane
-54. Your business plan revolves around money making moths. Wonko The Sane
-55. You insticntivly ask this question: "What do have agaist !!!'s and ???'s in "Top Ten Signs" form Opium
-56. After taking a break from the 'net to play way too much Sims, your first stop back is 5MV Opium
-57. You are disappointed, but not surprised at all, to find zero updates awaiting you after an entire three-and-a-half days of vacation. You do however feel the beginnings of a classic case of Update Withdrawal. NAHTMMM
-58. You can't watch certain episodes without laughing at inappropriate times as you remember the fivers for them. Mme Blueberry
-59. You use the word "saxamaphone" in conversation without thinking (or realizing it). NAHTMMM
-60. You come back to this thread, thinking someone will post something new and funny "soon". Captain Galactic
-61. You keep reading about SARS and are reminded of a certain forumgoer. Sa'ar Chasm
-62. You find a fiver so funny you spew your Sprite all over your computer screen. Opium
-63. You actually take part in a hunger strike till the Active members glitch is fixed. NeoMatrix
-64. You struggle with the concept of something, anything, being more important than this website. (inspired by Sa'ar and PHJ over in the Baw thread) NAHTMMM
-65. In an attempt to increase you daily dosage of 5MV, you find a way to inject pie into your bloodstream. Wonko The Sane
-66. You stay up all night to do a Round Robin with another person in the One-Word-At-A-Time and Word Association topics, then you get mad cause someone comes along and screws it up. NeoMatrix
-67. You add someone to your online messenger of choice to just berate them for adding an entire page to said topic. Sa'ar Chasm
-68. When writing a post, you take extra care that your spelling is the Canadian spelling of the word, extra u's included. Saxamophone
-68.1. Eh? Sa'ar Chasm
-68.2. Hoser. Saxamophone
-68.3. Colour. NeoMatrix
-68.4. Tuque! Nan
-68.5. Stale Timbits Saxamophone
-68.6. Actually, it's toque. Sa'ar Chasm
-70. You end up confusing threads and carry topics intra-fora. Saxamophone
-71. instead of writing an outline to frame your next story novel ect. You write a fiver Katy Jane
-72. You find that your friends, family members et al remind you of certain forum goers and not the other way around. Katy Jane
-73. You consider the fivers to be the actual account of what really happened. (Those televised episodes are just a load of propaganda perpetuated by a bunch of humorless bureaucrats trying to cover up flaws in various Starfleet officers--Troi, Archer, etc. :eyeroll NAHTMMM
-74. Whenever you think of any Star Trek series you get a hankering for pie and chilli and cheese. Opium
-74.1. ...and then you feel sick from the thought and only eat some applesauce. Because mixing pie+chilli+cheese sounds REALLY gross. Opium
-74.2. chilli and cheese is very good together, just save the pie for last. Katy Jane
-75. you feel the need to point out that the last post was a reverse 47. Katy Jane
-75.1. You feel the need to point out every single apperance of the number 47, no matter how abstract it may be. Wonko The Sane
-75.2. you drive your brother nuts in the car by pointing out each mile marker and saying "7+40= 47; 8+39=47; 9+38=47; " etc. etc. etc. Katy Jane
-75.3. You've been too afraid that other posters will think less of you because you have to ask the signifgance of Star Trek and 47. Opium
-75.4. You actully know the signifgance of the number 47 in startrek. ... One of Gene Roddenberry's prof's told his class, as an experement, that 47 was the most common number to see how often they would spot it. as a result he used it often in the show and it has continued from there. (at least thats what i was told.) Katy Jane
-76. You wonder just how much it was that Zeke paid Owen to 'accidently' delete Topic Title. PointyHairedJedi
-77. you believe that stating in a tuvok-style deadpan voice: 'me 1, you 0, nyaa nyaa' and running off at ludicrous speed© is an entirely acceptable way to resolve a debate. Cosmic_fool
-78. you start to seriously consider whether you could convince the ST actors to ever act out these fivers exactly the way they're written, and how hilarious it would be Cosmic_fool
-79. You think Zeke could make a major killing if he'd only get around to selling those DVD's of fivists and forumgoers acting out the fivers. NAHTMMM
-80. You consider staying at home to hang around the fora (or visit any part of the 5MV site) on baby sitter night and letting your significant other go out alone. Kristina
-81. When listening to Pink Floyd's "Another brick in the wall" you could have sworn you heard them sing 'No dark Sa'ar Chasm in the classroom'. When contemplating this possibility, you wonder if there are mirror-universe counterparts of all of the forum members. Wonko The Sane
-82. You five episodes while mowing the lawn. Sa'ar Chasm
-83. You five in your dreams NeoMatrix
-84. When you wake up, you five your dreams. Standback
-85. You have arguments about the color of Klingon Bridges NeoMatrix
-86. You suspect that the Klingons are descended from boars but haven't really mentioned this because you can't make a funny joke out of it. Nan
-87. After moths of effort, you can now bask in the unparalleled triumph of finally having discovered what the heck this "Topic Title" thing is. Standback
-88. You know what a "BaW fiver" is. NAHTMMM
-89. You can keep track of what's been posted in the Top Ten Signs You've Been Hanging Around 5MV Too Long thread. Sa'ar Chasm
-90. [After a gap of 3 months] ... So bored, that I brought this topic out of extinction NeoMatrix
-91. You've come to expect B5 references from certain forumgoers. Sa'ar Chasm
-92. You know John Sheridan personally even though he isnt real. NeoMatrix
-92.1. You wonder why John doesnt have a forum account yet NeoMatrix
-93. If you don't get a reference, you look at which forumgoer made it, and know more or less what to look for. Catalina_marina
-94. You begin to wonder what would happen if we all got in the same room together. NeoMatrix
-94.1. Without realizing it, you become convinced that the Baw fivers are a true-to-life representation of what would happen if we all got into a room together. NAHTMMM
-94.2. You write BaW fivers while Bored at Work. Celeste
-95. After months of effort, you finally reach the top, and you're really happy about it. YAY! Catalina_marina
-96. Briefly. Sa'ar Chasm
-97. You go offline for a couple of hours, come back and realize the fora has married you off and given you kids. :mutters: Taya17
-98. When you get bored in class, you think of ways to kill John Sheridan, and are disapointed when someone else has already killed him twice that day. Opium
-99. You reread old threads when you're bored. Catalina_marina
-100. [After several pages of discussion about the comparative sizes of certain forumgoers' tiny little homelands and deranged ideas for the 6th Star Trek series] A thread which has been dormant for many weeks suddenly comes back to life and promptly veers off-topic for two pages. You don't find this in any way strange. Mudshark
-101. When your Art Hist prof shows a painting of a man in a top hat, you suddenly get the urge to kill anyone named John, to get a big ice-cream, some pudding, and to sit and watch LOTR and POTC while saying "Cryptic. Obscure. Looks like a baguette 47 times. Opium
-102. You laugh at the obituaries of anyone named "John" in the papers. Taya17
-103. You have no clue where this "man in a top hat" thing came from, yet you don't find it strange that everyone is mentioning it all the time Katy Jane
-104. You actually do know in which thread he was first mentioned, by who, and approximately, when. Catalina_marina
-105. You have more than half of the contributing population at a single Star Trek BBS listed as "buddies" on any one IM of your choice. NAHTMMM
"-106. It`s 4:18 AM and the Forum still has you glued to itself... it is relentless... and you`re hopelessly addicted...
Nic Corelli"
-107. You made a vow to do some work before your next lecture starts... but you get onto the Forum... and you don't leave... and you decide to skip the next lecture as well... Taya17
-108. You are so addicted that you make your own 5MV fansite NeoMatrix
-109. You think the chili dog joke is hilarious and reread all the fivers with it in until you memorize it MaverickZer0
-109.1. As a result of the above, you refuse to eat chili, hot dogs, or chili dogs, ever again. MaverickZer0
-110. You're wondering if there will ever be a Tucker/Paris 'ship joke made in a fiver. You dismiss it and go back to looking for Tucker/Paris stories, an equally fruitless endeavor. MaverickZer0
-111. you have found a way to use frell in most every sentance and use it so much that people around you keep asking you what it means at that point you hit them and carry on writing fivers for Halo in a desperate attempt to get one of them on the site though none of them do and no body cares enough to even send you a response e-mail to give you some god damn smeging pointers! *passes out from all the ranting* Chaud Blaze
-112. You bring back old topics, like Topic Title, that have been dead to show new forum members how the good old days were. NeoMatrix
-113. You tend to hide under your desk whenever a certain forumgoer is called by her obvious name. :eyeroll: Catalina_marina
-114. You cant stop wondering why, when you are signed in, you register on the "active users" list. Opium
-115. You were here when we started this list and when we started fiving The Matrix. NeoMatrix
-116. You were the one who started the list. Sa'ar Chasm
-117. you were here when topic title was started. Katy Jane
-118. Subsequent to Topic Title, you now think back to it every time you encounter a thread that by all rights should be dead but is still lurching along somehow (like one of 17's zombies). PointyHairedJedi
-119. When you're really bored, you troll through the forum categories looking for old threads to resurrect. Scooter
-120. You do the above even when you're not bored. Arzosah
-121. You become friends with other forum members on other sites, like Livejournal. NeoMatrix
-122. Whether you want to or not. Sa'ar Chasm
-122.1. GAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! ... Moving on. Nan
-123. You lead a massive campaign designed to torture a fellow forumgoer which turns into a huge expansion of forumgoers to another site (like LiveJournal) Nic Corelli
-124. You find the Forums deserted because everyone migrated to even bigger spheres of Insanity, like LiveJournal and IRC. Apparently Forums are no longer crazy enough for you... Nic Corelli
-125. It doesn't even seem odd to you to make an effort to form a community to discuss the community that discusses the parodies written by a community of fans who... sorry, where was I? ::scratches head in Arthur Dent-like confusion:: Scooter
-126. You realise you have been reading a long thread for far too long at work and should hurrey up and post something before they notice and fire you. Alexia
-127. You look at the home page and remember seeing the topical annual adaption to the 5M logo last year. Alexia
-128. You read fivers of episodes you havent seen. Alexia
-129. You read fivers of series you havent, and probably never will, see. Alexia
-130. You worry that someone may have posted one of these before as you have only had time to read the 1st 6 pages of the thread! Alexia
-131. You change your avatar more than you change your socks. Admiral Sab
-132. You change your avatar just to give Zeke a chance to stretch his creative muscles more by giving you a new member level. Admiral Sab
-133. You have signed more 5MV guestbooks then you care to count. (I have not signed the newest one, but I know I signed two before that-including the very first one) Admiral Sab
-134. You have fond memories of coming to 5MV in the very beginning just to make the hit count go up. (Heh, good times.) Admiral Sab
-135. You remember when there was a celebration for 100 on the hitcount! (yes there was a celebration) Admiral Sab
-136. You remember when Nan started 5MSG1 and we celebrated her 100 hitcount. Admiral Sab
-137. You remember when this site had frames! lol I think that was at geocities or tripod. -- Sab, remembering the good old days. Admiral Sab
-138. You begin reading through old threads and almost reply to a really,really old post no one will remember,thus branding you an idiot. (Whew,dodged THAT bullet.) Tarn-Vedra
-139. You remember when this thread was still on one page Opium
-140. You miss strikethrough text Opium
-141. You remember what GAS is. Opium
-142. You have avatars older than your computer. Opium
-143. Threads you are started are at over 100 pages. Opium
-144. The server moves are becoming a regular part of your life. Opium
-145. [After several posts that involve forumgoers pointing at each other and laughing] You have to try to get topics back on track, or you feel like you are not doing your duty as a 5MV Forumgoer. Opium
-146. You don't bother though. :eyeroll: Catalina_marina
-147. You feel obligated to ask, "did you mean bother or botter?" in really big, colourful letters. Opium
-148. You are tempted to edit your post after someone pointed out an error in it, but then you realize everyone will know you made that error, because *someone* told them in big, colourful letters. Catalina_marina
-149. You edit it anyway. Catalina_marina
-150. You click on the sig, and are not suprised the the huge "Person Above You thre" page does not yet mention you, because you didnt start posting in it until it had been going on for a while. Opium
-151. You feel guilty at reading the previous post, because you're supposed to keep a particular page up to date, even after page 10. Catalina_marina
-152. You search all dogs for zippers, just in case they're really Aibos in disguise. Wowbagger
-153. If there is no zipper, you feel obligated to warn the dog's owner of the dangers of angered chili. Wowbagger
-154. You pause episodes midway through so you can watch along with the fiver. Wowbagger
-155. You remember when updates were regular and when "soon" meant "tomorrow." Oh, and when there was peace in Israel. Wowbagger
-156. You hurl stale Timbits at anyone who invokes the last one, since it never happened. Wowbagger
-157. You make jokes about Ron Mercer and the parody police, even though you've never heard of This Hour has Twenty-Two Minutes. Wowbagger
-158. You start giving strange hats to your doctor friends. Wowbagger
-159. You try to kill your doctor friends in various strange ways, and, whether or not you succeed, you run off laughing maniacally and occasionally shouting "GAK!" Wowbagger
-160. You start beating up anyone who uses more than one exclamation point, even if they're spoken exclamation points. Wowbagger
-161. You go to other websites and intentionally divert their threads to random and tangental territory. Preferably within the first 15 posts. Wowbagger
-162. You keep pressuring a friend whose brother designed "Chex Quest" to check out the fiver. Wowbagger
-163. You put thirteen items on a top ten list even though you've only read five of the fifteen pages of the thread. Wowbagger
-164. You feel obliged to say, it's RICK Mercer, not Ron Mercer Opium
-165. When you see a license plate with the letters "FG", you immediatly think of the 5MV forums Opium
-166. And when you think "opium", you're not thinking about the drug. FuyuGinga
-167. You feel compelled to scream "It's fora, not forums!" (but I think that could just be me). Sa'ar Chasm
-168. You feel tempted to engage in a silly debate over whether or not latin plurals should necessarily be english plurals, including m-w.com's list of plurals for the word "forum", observations of other differences between English and Latin, and the use of the word anglicize. Derek
-169. You feel that you have a special connection to someone just because you're using their picture for your 5MVF avatar. Scooter
-170. It seems like a good idea to compile fifteen pages of blather into a single, confusing, and pointless List, as a tribute to all of your silly online friends Scooter

[taya17]

I don't know... it looks so much smaller and more meager here. Is that it? Is that all? It can't be!

[Scooter]

Oh, there was more, much more, but it was all about the amount of time it takes to travel across Singapore.

[Standback]

Originally Posted by Xeroc

Maybe I should write some, but how could I ever live up to the greatness set before me?

Getting good and drunk is probably a step in the right direction.

Give it a try, Xeroc - it's fun. You can do partial lists, only as many as you find funny. (More established listwriters such as myself have evolved beyond that - we know how, when we want to fill out lists, to write entries that aren't really very clever, but they sound as if they should be funny. Um. Never mind.)

[Standback]

I usually find that I have no idea what the topic of the top 10 list is about in the first place. Like the latest, "Top Ten Ways to Get Yourself Recruited Into Section 31"-- I vaguely know what Section 31 is, but not well enough to actually make substantially funny jokes about it.

Nobody knows more than "vaguely" what Section 31 is.

And seriously, it shouldn't be too hard. In a nutshell, Section 31 are this ultra-secret rogue black-ops organization. They work to further the causes of Starfleet and the Federation, and believe very, very firmly that the ends justify the means.
All that you need for the list is to come up with ways to attract the attention of a shadowy organization such as that. "Look! I blew up this planet that may someday have withdrawn its peace treaty with us and threatened the Federation!" might be a good direction for starters.

[NAHTMMM]

Top Ten Ways to Get Yourself Recruited Into Section 31


10. Making sunglasses look good. Wait, that may be a Way to Get Yourself Recruited Into MIB... :?

9. Responding enthusiastically to a classifieds ad looking for people interested in being low-paid guinea pigs for experimental Top Secret Extremely Evil engineered diseases

[Opium]

All hail the Queen of the Top Ten Lists! Let's chip in to get her a life!

What can I say? My Summer got completly wrecked by bronchitis, cat bite, tooth infection & root canal, late recieval and non-recieval of paycheques, lack of job (due to some part-time worker who wanted to go full-time, thereby taking my part-time job :cry: ), volunteer commitment preventing me from getting normal summer job....wow, I had a somewhat crappy summer :!: , except for volunteering for a few weeks, travelling to see family for a week, and the PNE.

SUPERDOGS RULE!

Erm...well, they do!

[Opium]

Okay, okay, I'll do this one too

Top Ten Ways to Get Yourself Recruited Into Section 31

8. Being friends with a Founder, a guy who is called the 'Emassary', a Klingon, a con-Feringi, and a resistance expert. And of course, being genetically enhanced doesnt hurt either.

7. Being John or TopHatMan. A guy who will never die is always good to have around.

6. Finding it fun to talk in codes and think you are really cool when actually you are having a mid-life crisis.

[Scooter]

A week to get through one top ten list? Geez, what is this, Fiver By Committee?


Top Ten Ways to Get Yourself Recruited Into Section 31 (cont'd)

5. Be sure to eat your roughage. Mysterious covert operations organizations rarely accept people who are “irregular,” because of the delays this usually causes during missions.

4. Remember, there are four lights.

3. That unmarked blue button on your tricoder is actually a transporter link that will beam you directly into Section 31 headquarters. No, not that one, the other one. No, the other one. Yeah, that one. No, wait, that’s the one that beams you into deep space, widest disper---oh, well.

2. Be sure to be nice to the new ensign who just transferred into Engineering for no reason. The secret covert ops commander is always the new guy in Engineering.

1. Assume that because Starfleet is military, it will make you do whatever you don’t want to do. “First officer’s Log, stardate 34713.5. Man alive, mapping gaseous anomalies sure is exciting. I hope Starfleet doesn't reassign me to some secret black ops division or something because boy howdy, I love mapping gaseous anomalies...”


Next:
Top Ten Things Archer Would Do If He Commanded Voyager

[Hotaru]

10. He wouldn't have gone searching for Tuvok.

9. When presented with a choice between a way home, and exploring that random nebula, Archer would find someone to beat him.

8. Every single time Voyager takes a hit, Archer decides to leave the gaping hole in the hull, because it'll remind the crew of better things.

7. He would form an alliance with the borg, and then working from the inside he would slowly show them that what they are doing is wrong.

I dunno anymore. Go crazy everyone

[Opium]

6. Archer: We must go to that planet.
Chakotay: But sir...there are only bugs on that planet.
Archer: Porthos wants to chase them.

5. He would fire Neelix for daring to show his face( a good chef never does), and instead hire Evil Future Guy. "Hmmm, future mac and cheese...it's futureliscous and fat-free!"

4. He would attempt to have a love affair with Torres, but then stand by and look forlorn when Paris instead took her. Then, Archer would age and become bald yet handsome, and Torres would age gracefully, have an annoying brat as a child, and Paris would die. Then Torres would come on board the Enterprise R as the ship's chief engineer, and Archer would be comanding and...oh, wait, that's TNG...nevermind.

3. Voyager's main cargo bay would quickly become the first ship to have a water-polo pool in it.

2. Ensign Kim: Sir, there is a planted ahead full of genetically engeered men named John and TopHatMan. They never die. Should we keep them around?
Archer: What kind of danger could we run into being 70,000 light years away from Earth? Besides, they might beat my team at water polo.

1. No. More. Freaking. Seven. Of. Nine. With. Chakotay.

Top Ten things Wesley Crusher would do if he got ahold of Enterprise (which one is up to you! )

[Scooter]

Top Ten things Wesley Crusher would do if he got ahold of Enterprise


10. Banana Splits for everyone! Not the dessert, the band! “Flippin' like a pancake, poppin' like a cork, Fleegle, Bingo, Drooper and Snork...”

9. Wesley uses the Enterprise computer to create a beautiful woman with great hair who helps him gain maturity and self-respect. Guest star: Kelly LeBrock.

8. Wesley: So, how do I look bald?
Worf: I’m so appalled I want to kill myself.
Wesley: Make it so.

7. You know, those alternate planes of existence sure are a lot more fun at Warp 10. Wheeee!

6. After one too many ginger ale fizzies celebrating his taking over the ship, Wesley forces Troi to try out an outfit he saw once in some old earth movie. Something about Jedis returning from somewhere or something. Anyway Troi objects, saying she would be humiliated. Wesley points out that she is currently wearing a burgundy spandex leotard. Troi admits he has a point.

5. From now on, all missions conducted traveling in reverse. Admiral Nacheyev: “What’s that beeping noise?” Wesley: “Um, what beeping noise?”

4. After stealing Rasmussen’s time machine, Wesley sneaks back to take over Kirk’s Enterprise, where he locks Kirk in his quarters and peppers him with so many fanboy questions about his relationship with Spock and the workings of the Enterprise that Kirk rips the boy’s thorax out and he dies. Ah, for the days when captains were real men...

3. Riker: Well, Captain Crusher, how was the away mission?
Wesley: Fine.
Riker: What did you discover?
Wesley: Nothing.

2. Wanting to visit the pleasure planets of Orion as quickly as possible, Wesley discovers Warp 25. Unfortunately traveling at such speeds turns everyone on board into horny hamsters. Two weeks later, bursting at the seams from a population of 600 billion hamsters, the ship horrifically explodes, spewing hamster hair inch-deep across the surfaces of all the known worlds of the galaxy.

1. Using the technology discovered in “Rascals,” Wesley turns the entire crew into kids he can boss around, but his plan backfires when they get together to beat him up and steal his lunch money.



Next:

Top Ten Favorite Star Trek Characters or Episodes of Famous Non-Trek People (Fictional or Real)

[mudshark]

Originally Posted by Scooter

5. From now on, all missions conducted traveling in reverse. Admiral Nacheyev: “What’s that beeping noise?” Wesley: “Um, what beeping noise?”

:mrgreen:

[Opium]

Scooter, very funny list!

4. After stealing Rasmussen’s time machine, Wesley sneaks back to take over Kirk’s Enterprise, where he locks Kirk in his quarters and peppers him with so many fanboy questions about his relationship with Spock and the workings of the Enterprise that Kirk rips the boy’s thorax out and he dies. Ah, for the days when captains were real men...

2. Wanting to visit the pleasure planets of Orion as quickly as possible, Wesley discovers Warp 25. Unfortunately traveling at such speeds turns everyone on board into horny hamsters. Two weeks later, bursting at the seams from a population of 600 billion hamsters, the ship horrifically explodes, spewing hamster hair inch-deep across the surfaces of all the known worlds of the galaxy.

EEP! *continues laughing at warp speed 24, as does not want to turn into hamster*

[Scooter]

Originally Posted by Opium

Scooter, very funny list!

tks!

[Hotaru]

I shall put down 1 thing to get this rolling:

10. Paul Martin: "Best of Both Worlds, part 2" because finaly Riker gets to control the enterprise. We all know he deserved it, and he'd make a better captain anyway!

[Opium]

9. Harry Potter: The Chamber of Holodecks: Wesley Crusher has a dream where he is a magical wizard who saves the entire ship every week for 26 weeks a year, and then takes a break for the other 26 weeks as nothing happens.


8. Johnny Depp: Pirates of the Klingonbean: A very good-looking Human travels with a band of Klingons who believe honour comes with stealing money.

8. PETA: Trials and Tribulations A chance to save all those fuzzy animals, AND wear cool-looking, non-animal fabrics!

7. Most Trek actors: Who Mourns for Morn?: Any trek actor who has not yet found a succesful niche outside the Trek universe has hope whenever he or she watches "WMFM", because, hey, he comes back in the end!

[NAHTMMM]

6. The Invisible Man: Identifies with Travis Mayweather. (Or is that the other way around?)

[Scooter]

*mutters like Rain Man* Not gonna finish it, it's my topic... Not gonna finish it, it's my topic...

[taya17]

Give me a little time and I'll try to finish it. Won't promise anything spectacularly funny, but I'll try.