Block 18

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Morpheus: Only I can show you the door, you must walk through it
Neo: Are you afraid of doors?
Morpheus: Yes, the last one I opened had an agent on the other side
Neo: Never pick door #3

Boy: First, you must realize the truth.
Neo: What?
Boy: There is no spoon
Neo: But you are holding the spoon in your right hand
Girl: *Throws a block at Neo*
--------------------------------------------------

Boy: There is no spoon
Neo: Can I use that same logic and say there is no bullet?
Boy: Why you ask?
Neo: Because I have this feeling I am going to open the door with the agent.
Boy: Oh. Then maybe you should start kicking down doors instead[/colorost_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Nice ones, Neo! Allow me to touch them up a little bit:

[bost_uid0]Morpheus:[/bost_uid0] I can only show you the door. You have to step through it yourself?
[bost_uid0]Neo:[/bost_uid0] Why can't [iost_uid0]you[/iost_uid0] step through the door?
[bost_uid0]Morpheus:[/bost_uid0] Well, there might be an Agent or something on the other side.
[bost_uid0]Neo:[/bost_uid0] Oh.
[bost_uid0]Morpheus:[/bost_uid0] Remember, Neo - [iost_uid0]never[/iost_uid0] pick what's behind Door #3.

[bost_uid0]Boy:[/bost_uid0] First, you must realize the truth.
[bost_uid0]Neo:[/bost_uid0] What truth?
[bost_uid0]Boy:[/bost_uid0] There is no spoon.
[bost_uid0]Neo:[/bost_uid0] Yes there is! It's right there in your hand!
[bost_uid0]Girl:[/bost_uid0] **slams floating blocks into Neo's head**[/colorost_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000ost_uid0][quoteost_uid0]
As for why I haven't registered... well, I haven't seen a real reason to. Any particular benefits to it aside from getting an avatar and being able to edit your own posts? [/quoteost_uid0]

And how could I forget? You get a wonderful, glorious sig!

No forumgoer is truly complete until he has a shiny new sig. [/colorost_uid0]

[Saxamaphone]

[quoteost_uid0="Zeke"][color=#000000ost_uid0]((Just a little sidebar... anyone heard the old Zen koan about the flag? Â It goes like this: Two monks were arguing about a flag. One said: 'The flag is moving.' Â The other said: 'The wind is moving.' Â The sixth patriarch happened to be passing by. He told them: 'Not the wind, not the flag; mind is moving.'")[/colorost_uid0][/quoteost_uid0]
[color=#000000ost_uid0]BTW - Zeke, we did that Zen koen in Philosophy class about a month ago, and this scene was the first thing I thought of

Again - I'm going to do some cut and pasting of these - see what I can come up with...

Neo: What did the Oracle tell you?
Morpheus: She told me I'm the Super Ohm. See why I like anagrams?
Cypher: She said I was a nothing!
Trinity: She said that I--
Neo: Hey, my favorite noodle house!

Boy: There is no spoon.
Neo: You have any Ramen Noodles to go with that spoon?
Boy: There are no noodles.
Morpheus: Not spoon, not soup, stomach is turning! Enough with the noodles!
Neo: Oh, quit being such a wet noodle.

(This could also work well with a line borrowed from the Oracle in the next scene "This is what's really gonna bake your noodle...")[/colorost_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000ost_uid0][quoteost_uid0="Standback"][bost_uid0]Spoon Boy:[/bost_uid0] You must realize the truth. It is not the spoon that is bending - that's impossible.
[bost_uid0]Neo:[/bost_uid0] "Spoon" is fun to say. Spoon, spoon, spoon...
[bost_uid0]Spoon Boy:[/bost_uid0] ...there is no spoon. Then you will see that it  is not the spoon that bends, but-- are you listening?
[bost_uid0]Neo:[/bost_uid0] Spoon! Spoon. Spooooooonnnn. Heh, heh.[/quoteost_uid0]
This one had me in stitches, although honestly I do not know why.

And plagiarizing from Sa'ar's to make a completely pointless joke which no-one else will get,

[bost_uid0]Morpheus: [/bost_uid0]There were five before you.
[bost_uid0]Neo: [/bost_uid0]What happened to them?
[bost_uid0]Morpheus: [/bost_uid0]The first one blew up, the second one blew up, the third one was destroyed, the fourth one was stolen back in time....
[bost_uid0]Neo:[/bost_uid0] That track record does not bode well for me.[/colorost_uid0]

[Sa'ar Chasm]

[color=#000000ost_uid0][quoteost_uid0]And plagiarizing from Sa'ar's to make a completely pointless joke which no-one else will get,
[/quoteost_uid0]

Way ahead of you on that one, darling.

"All the other races said we were daft to build a space station in that sector, but we built it anyway. It blew up. We built a second one! It blew up too, so we built a third one. It lost pressure, crashed into the planet and then blew up. But the fourth one stayed up! Until it vanished without a trace."

Hmm...
Morpheus: All the other supplicants said I was daft to anoint that guy The One, but I anointed him anyway. He got killed by an Agent, so I anointed a second one. He got killed by an Agent. I anointed a third one. He tripped over his own shoelaces, caught his lips in a mousetrap and then got killed by an Agent.
Neo: And the fourth one?
Morpheus: You don't want to know.[/colorost_uid0]

[PointyHairedJedi]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Neo: What did the Oracle tell you?
Morpheus: She told me I'm the Super Ohm. Â See why I like anagrams?
Trinity: She said that I--
Neo: Hey, my favorite noodle house!

Neo: What about the five before me? Why did they fail?
Morpheus: They were not cool enough. You see Neo, a One that is not cool is hardly a One at all.

Boy: So you see, the spoon isn't really there at all.
Neo: Err....that's a knife, not a spoon.
Boy: I see you've played knifey-spoony before, mate.[/colorost_uid0]

[Pteryx]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Personally, I'd prefer it if there were only two blocks (some version of the "What did the Oracle tell you?" block and some Spoon Boy block or another)... but just in case we vote in favor of three block instead, I offer this:

Neo: What did you just say, Morpheus?
Morpheus: What? I didn't say anything.
Neo: Yes you did! I distinctly remember you saying something about there being five Ones before.
Morpheus: *sigh* Have you been reading early versions of the script again?

Hope this helps. -- Pteryx[/colorost_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Neo: If you had five Ones before me, then what happened to them all?
Morpheus: Well, see, I was at a vending machine one day, and there was this guy there, and he was desperately trying to get change for a Five...



(Edit) Oh, here's another bad one...

Neo: Wow, how are you able to keep those blocks floating in the air like that?
Girl: I took all of their gravitational Potential energy.[/colorost_uid0]

[Saxamaphone]

[quoteost_uid0="PointyHairedJedi"][color=#000000ost_uid0]Boy: So you see, the spoon isn't really there at all.
Neo: Err....that's a knife, not a spoon.
Boy: I see you've played knifey-spoony before, mate.[/colorost_uid0][/quoteost_uid0]
[color=#000000ost_uid0]This contest is over! Give that man the $10,000!

I agree with Pteryx in there only being two blocks here (remember, not [iost_uid0]every[/iost_uid0] scene has to be fived )

[bost_uid0]Neo:[/bost_uid0] What did the Oracle tell you?
[bost_uid0]Morpheus:[/bost_uid0] She told me I'm the Super Ohm. See why I like anagrams?
[bost_uid0]Trinity:[/bost_uid0] She said that I--
[bost_uid0]Neo:[/bost_uid0] Hey, my favorite noodle house!

[bost_uid0]Boy:[/bost_uid0] So you see, there is no spoon.
[bost_uid0]Neo:[/bost_uid0] Err-- that's a knife, not a spoon.
[bost_uid0]Boy:[/bost_uid0] I see you've played Knifey-Spoony before, mate.[/colorost_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Come on, Sax - how can we [iost_uid0]possibly[/iost_uid0] skip over the dramatic scene of Cypher dropping his cellphone in the trash? I suggest:

[bost_uid0]Cypher's Cellphone:[/bost_uid0] Plop.
[bost_uid0]FBC Writers and Assorted Lunatics:[/bost_uid0] Also, nothing! Ha! Get it? Nothing!

And on a more serious note - kind of oxymoronical, given the context - the reason I stuck the Spoon Kid into the first block ("Boy: She told me there is no spoon.") was in order to create the sense of a whole bunch of answers - the Rule of Three (to those not familiar with writing and plot terms - once is meaningless, two is coincidence, three is a rule.)

My point here is that without either the Boy or someone else answering, Trinity sounds as if she's butting into Neo and Morpheus's conversation rather than answering Neo's question. So I'd either leave in the Boy line or find a line for Cypher (or somebody else:

[bost_uid0]Switch:[/bost_uid0] She told me I wouldn't get any lines. Bitch.
)

The other variations - noodles, and taking out the survey line - are fine by me (though the spoon line works better as transition if the spoon boy keeps his line in the first block - otherwise it may seem as if we're doing the scene twice).[/colorost_uid0]

[Pteryx]

[quoteost_uid0="Standback"][color=#000000ost_uid0]And on a more serious note - kind of oxymoronical, given the context - the reason I stuck the Spoon Kid into the first block ("Boy: She told me there is no spoon.") was in order to create the sense of a whole bunch of answers - the Rule of Three (to those not familiar with writing and plot terms - once is meaningless, two is coincidence, three is a rule.)[/colorost_uid0][/quoteost_uid0]
[color=#000000ost_uid0]Count me as agreeing with Standback here; that block needs one more line. I think a line with Cypher has the most potential to be funny, but apparently none that've been suggested yet are well-liked. Unfortunately, "She said I was a nothing! Can you believe that?!" was the best I could think of. Any suggestions? -- Pteryx[/colorost_uid0]

[JobeGDG]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Okay, here's a shot, then:

Cypher: She told me that I'd have to make a choice. I one hand I'd have Morpheus' life, and in the other I'd have a tender, juicy, steak.

It's a little long, but I wanted to be sure to keep the source recognizable.

EDIT: I just thought of another variant.

Cypher: She told me that I'd have to make a choice. I one hand I'd have Morpheus' life, and in the other I'd have a very traceable cell phone.[/colorost_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Pick and choose any lines you want...


Neo: What kinds of things does the Oracle tell people?
Morpheus: Well, she told me that I'd be the one to draft the One.
Spoon Boy: She told me that there is no spoon. Now if only I could convince that annoying timelord person of the fact so he'd quit asking for more silverware...
Cypher: She said something lame about me driving a steak through the heart of our resistance group. Not that I'd tell any of [iost_uid0]you[/iost_uid0] about that, of course.
Cypher's Cellphone: Leave me alone, okay? Can't you see I'm busy betraying you all?
Switch: She told me I wouldn't get any lines in this movie. What a liar.
Neo: Okay, sounds harmless enough. Here I go.
Trinity: Oh, I remember, she said I would--
Neo: Hey, hey, I've already made up my mind. Time's a-wasting. Save it 'til later, okay?[/colorost_uid0]

[g-blatt]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Ello I am g-blat, I'm new here... anyway here's my cut-en-paster:

Trinity: So Neo, how does it feel to be back in the Matrix?
Neo: This is the Matrix? Â Looks greener than I remember.
Morpheus: The Matrix is always greener from the other side
Neo: The other side of what?
Morpheus: Neo, I only can show you the door, you must walk through it
Neo: Are you afraid of doors?
Morpheus: Yes, the last one I opened had an agent on the other side
Neo: Oh my God you are crazy, What did the Oracle say to you crazyman???
Morpheus: She told me that I shall stop slapping people with fish. That and that I shall impersonate Gollum my preciousesesessss.
Cypher: She that it's not that important to confirm every kill and I was a nothing!!! Can you believe that!!Â… I think IÂ’ll go get a stake nowÂ…
Spoon Boy: She told me there is no spoon.
Trinity: She told me that I--
Neo: Shush, Trin. Can't you see the boy's telling me about his spoon? So Spoon boy can I have a spoon?
Spoon Boy: There is no spoon. It's all a government conspiracy involving cell phones, garbage cans, and Dilbert
Neo: What did you say?
Spoon Boy: Just bend the stupid spoon already Kid!
Neo: How?
Spoon Boy: Use the forks, dummy!!!

So Tell me what ya think.

P.S. LONG LIVE ZE PYTHONS!!![/colorost_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Welcome aboard, G-blatt!

[quoteost_uid0]Spoon Boy: Use the forks, dummy!!![/quoteost_uid0]

I like this one a lot...

You have some fun stuff; just one thing to point out. Take a look at other people's posts (and at actual fivers) - the norm here is to break down jokes into very very short blocks, not to combine a whole lot together (jokes are less effective in big lumps). Brevity is the soul of wit, especially when the name of the game starts with "Five Minute."

You'll get the hang of it in no time. Looking at the way the other forumgoers post will help. Always great to have a newcomer - stick around![/colorost_uid0]

[Sa'ar Chasm]

[color=#000000ost_uid0][quoteost_uid0]Brevity is the soul of wit, especially when the name of the game starts with "Five Minute." [/quoteost_uid0]

Go easy on the exclamation marks as well. Zeke (and others) tend to frown on multiples *g* Just a word of warning.[/colorost_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000ost_uid0][quoteost_uid0="Standback"][quoteost_uid0]Spoon Boy: Use the forks, dummy![/quoteost_uid0]

I like this one a lot...[/quoteost_uid0]
Me too! :lol:


Morpheus: She told me that I would find the One because I am Pure Ohms.
Spoon Boy: Well, she told me there is no spoon. It's all a government conspiracy involving cell phones, garbage cans, and--ow!
Cypher: Er, heheh, sorry about that. Anyway, don't believe her, because she told me that I am nothing! What a jerk!
Neo: I don't know about this...maybe I should leave...
Spoon Boy: Oh, just bend the stupid spoon already, kid!
Neo: How?
Spoon Boy: Use the forks, dummy![/colorost_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000ost_uid0][quoteost_uid0]Go easy on the exclamation marks as well. Zeke (and others) tend to frown on multiples *g* Just a word of warning.[/quoteost_uid0]

:O I just realized... I quoted it! I quoted multiple exclamation points! Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! :dead:

::Is hunted down by Zeke until pushed into pool of acid. It's flaming acid, for good measure. Shortly, Stand-B-ACK-4 is dispatched to continue this post.::

NAHT - that last one seems to me to be cramming too much in. The main spoon joke should definitely be in a seperate block from the Oracle joke.[/colorost_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]*sniffles a bit* I...I can't help it. There's enough material in this thread to make four or five good funny blocks...[/colorost_uid0]