Block 14 - Not ready to be unplugged

[taya17]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]I would vote for the Cher one, except that it's too long with all the lyrics and doesn't make sense without them.[/colorost_uid0]

[Derek]

[quoteost_uid0="NAHTMMM"][color=#000000ost_uid0]Question. I seem to remember reading something about scenes "in" the Matrix being tinged with green. Or was it the scenes "outside" the Matrix that were tinged with green? And did the moviemakers do any other color coordination?[/colorost_uid0][/quoteost_uid0]
[color=#000000ost_uid0]Inside the Matrix has a green tint; outside has a blue tint.

The movie [iost_uid0]The Thirteenth Floor[/iost_uid0] did some similar things with color as well.[/colorost_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Actually, that wasn't the movie I was thinking of involving...


[quoteost_uid0]Morpheus: While we're waiting for the trial run to begin, I'm going to continue telling you how dumb the general public is and how special you are, despite the very real dangers of further inflating your ego and of encouraging you to continue making lame movies.
Neo: Okay. So, now we're back in the Matrix, I see.
Morpheus: You mean you haven't caught on to the green-versus-blue thing yet?
Neo: What green-versus-blue thing?
Morpheus: Sigh. I brought you here to test a system where we make any nearby Agents appear to be wearing red, but some --- --- tells me that you and color-coding don't mix.
Neo: Any Agents around here should be in red, huh? That's handy to know. Hey, check out that cutie in red! I wish I had her number!
Agent: Sigh. Does he [iost_uid0]always[/iost_uid0] make it this easy to ridicule him?
Morpheus: Surprising, isn't it?[/quoteost_uid0]

Those who have seen the movie in question can fill in the blanks for themselves. I have my doubts that that joke will make the final cut, so I didn't see the point in spoiling anyone.[/colorost_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]I thought of one this morning over breakfast, which completely rips off one of Zeke's fivers.

[bost_uid0]Morpheus[/bost_uid0]: You must watch out for agents. They're the most dangerous things ever.
[bost_uid0]Neo[/bost_uid0]: HUBBA HUBBA HUBBA!
[bost_uid0]Morpheus[/bost_uid0]: Are you listening to me, or are you looking at the woman in the red dress?
[bost_uid0]Neo[/bost_uid0]: Er, Morpheus? She isn't wearing a red dress. At all!
[bost_uid0]Agent[/bost_uid0]: Surprise!
[bost_uid0]Morpheus[/bost_uid0]: [bost_uid0][iost_uid0]KIIIID![/iost_uid0][/bost_uid0]

Can't exactly remember the name of the kid who programmed the lady in the red dress. Don't sue, Zeke, I'll provide royalties [/colorost_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Morpheus: The Matrix is a dangerous place. Anyone still plugged in can become an agent.
Neo: Hey look, its that woman in the blue dress.
Morpheus: That is Monica, and she is dangerous.
Monica: Indeed I am *hits Neo on the head*
-----------------------------------------------------
Morpheus: The Matrix is a dangerous place. Anyone still plugged in can become an agent.
Neo: Hey look, its the hot chick in the red dress.
Morpheus: Careful Neo, she could be dangerous.
Neo: Nah, she looks so innocent.
Morpheus: The lesson you should learn today is to always be on the look out for....
*Neo runs into a pole*
Morpheus:...poles.
Neo: Poles? I thought it was agents.
Morpheus: First we must work on the poles, then the agents.[/colorost_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Or perhaps:

[bost_uid0]Morpheus:[/bost_uid0] Agents are the most dangerous things in the Matrix.
[bost_uid0]Neo:[/bost_uid0] Why?
[bost_uid0]Morpheus:[/bost_uid0] You want to know? Check out the woman in the red dress.
[bost_uid0]Agent:[/bost_uid0] Surprise!
[bost_uid0]Neo:[/bost_uid0] Hot damn! No wonder! They're [iost_uid0]women[/iost_uid0] in disguise![/colorost_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000ost_uid0][quoteost_uid0]Morpheus: In the Matrix, Neo, nobody realizes they're being enslaved. Anyone can be an Agent in disguise, and anyone will fight for the devils that control them.
(A stunning woman in a red dress passes close to Neo)
Neo: Wow! *gasp*
Morpheus: Neo, Neo, Neo. Already you're being swayed by those silk lips. If you keep that up, odds are you won't live to see tomorrow.
Neo: Silk lips? *gasp* What lips? I'm being suffocated by that awful stench she's giving off. Is she wearing napalm or something?
Agent Orange: Errm, not exactly...
Neo: Yikes!***
Morpheus: Relax, silly. We're still on the holodeck.
Neo: You mean someone programmed this? So why is a guy named Orange wearing red?
Morpheus: Because the red ones are my favorite.[/quoteost_uid0]


***End the scene here to shorten it. Morpheus's opening monologue can be cut drastically too.



[iost_uid0](What [/iost_uid0]is[iost_uid0] it with me and song references all of a sudden? :suspicious: :S Â Â )[/iost_uid0][/colorost_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000ost_uid0][quoteost_uid0](What is it with me and song references all of a sudden? )[/quoteost_uid0]

I don't know, NAHT, but they're starting to get annoying, mainly because the only songs I know are from Broadway musicals, barbershop quartets, and Gilbert and Sullivan operettas. So all is I see is bizarre, contrived, nonsensical lines. AND they're really long.

We really don't seem to be finding anything catchy, do we? Taya's last one ("They're [iost_uid0]women[/iost_uid0] in disguise!") I like... short and to the point... NeoMatrix, I liked the basic jokes in your last post, but the wording and delivery could use a bit of work - I'll see if I can polish them up a bit later, maybe that would work... but at the moment I find myself leaning towards my original "red ones are my favorite"...[/colorost_uid0]

[Kira]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Here's my take on this. Â (Anyone who hasn't seen [iost_uid0]Reloaded[/iost_uid0] may not get the second scene.)

[bost_uid0]Morpheus:[/bost_uid0] The most important thing about the Matrix, Neo, is to always be on your guard and never to be distracted by, say, extremely hot women in red dresses.
[bost_uid0]Neo:[/bost_uid0] Hey! Â How come she's wearing a dress this time?
(She morphs into an Agent)
[bost_uid0]Neo:[/bost_uid0] Gyaa!
[bost_uid0]Morpheus:[/bost_uid0] That's why.

[bost_uid0]Morpheus:[/bost_uid0] No one has ever defeated an Agent, Neo. Â They are extremely dangerous.
[bost_uid0]Neo:[/bost_uid0] How bad can it be? Â It's not like I'll ever have to fight a hundred of them at a time or something.

If Morpheus' "That's why" line isn't clear (if the woman wasn't wearing anything, the Agent wouldn't be either), I'm open to suggestions.[/colorost_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]I like Kira's scene.


And the reason my suggestions are so long is that they are just brainstorms. I'm just throwing whatever jokes I can think of out there for consideration, incidentally trying to integrate them into a whole scene so they have some kind of context. They're usually meant to be picked apart for any bits you all might particularly like.


(Edit)Plus sometimes I have a good idea for a joke, but I don't know how I should condense it to proper length. So I try to lay out what I'm getting at so that others can have a chance at improving it.


Sorry about the confusingness, Standback. I'm kinda surprised at all these songs that mention a woman wearing either a color or a dress in their titles. Have I stumbled upon a new subgenre here...? :suspicious:


Morpheus: Agents are almost impossible to beat in a fight. But with the proper preparation, Neo, I think you can beat them.
Neo: Ha, of course I can! I'll kick their butts and send them crying home to their mothers! I totally rock now that I know kung--
Woman: (turns into an Agent) Boo.
Neo: EEEEK! *I want my mommy!*
Agent: Wimp.[/colorost_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Woman in the Red Dress: Hello Mr Anderson
Neo: Why do I get that odd feeling when you said that
Agent Smith: Hello Mr. Anderson
Neo: For the last time, call me Neo! N-E-O! Is that so hard for you to remember? Next time, im going to kick your ass.
Morpheus: Neo!
Neo: See, Morpheus knows my name.[/colorost_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Hmm... I dunno. I think I like Kira's "not like I have to fight a hundred" one better than most of the rest... I also like my "they're women in disguise" one as well, but it's probably personal bias [/colorost_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]So? What, there's something wrong with personal bias?[/colorost_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Morpheus: Remember, Neo, all of these people have the potential to be possessed by an Agent at any time, anywhere.
Woman in a Red Dress: [iost_uid0](speaking to Neo)[/iost_uid0] Excuse me, I don't want to bug you, but could you tell me--
Neo: AAAHH! Run, she's an Agent! [iost_uid0](takes off into the crowd)[/iost_uid0]
Woman in a Red Dress: What's with *him*?
Morpheus: Beats me. I guess he just didn't want to be bugged.[/colorost_uid0]

[NeoMatrix]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]I like that one. Actually, I like them all.[/colorost_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]So do I, but we've got to pick one. I'm still for my "they're women in disguise" one, though. Standback is absolutely right, there's nothing wrong with personal bias [/colorost_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Standback is [iost_uid0]always[/iost_uid0] absolutely right.[/colorost_uid0]

[taya17]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Everybody, I want you to memorize the FMV Mantra:

"Standback is always right.
I will listen to Standback.
I will not ignore Standback's recommendations.
Standback is God.
And if he ever has to remind you, Standback will personally rip your lungs out!"

[bost_uid0]Little voice in head:[/bost_uid0] What are you doing? You've just given him delusions of godhood, you moron!

Oops. [/colorost_uid0]

[NAHTMMM]

[color=#000000ost_uid0]OK, my picks for snippets and scenes that I think most ought to be considered:


Morpheus: As we walk through this deliberately monochrome city, try not to notice the very obvious woman in the red dress.
Neo: No worries. I'm too busy looking at that woman in the red -- D'OH!

Morpheus: Neo! Don't look at the woman in the red dress!
Neo: What? Why not?
Morpheus: Because the red ones are my [iost_uid0]favourite![/iost_uid0]

Neo: Okay. So, now we're back in the Matrix, I see.
Morpheus: You mean you haven't caught on to the green-versus-blue thing yet?
Neo: What green-versus-blue thing?

Morpheus: The lesson you should learn today is to always be on the look out for....
*Neo runs into a pole*
Morpheus:...poles.
Neo: Poles? I thought it was agents.
Morpheus: First we must work on the poles, then the agents.

Neo: How bad can it be? Â It's not like I'll ever have to fight a hundred of them at a time or something.

Neo: Ha, of course I can! I'll kick their butts and send them crying home to their mothers! I totally rock now that I know kung--
Woman: (turns into an Agent) Boo.
Neo: EEEEK! *I want my mommy!*

Woman in a Red Dress: (speaking to Neo) Excuse me, I don't want to bug you, but could you tell me--
Neo: AAAHH! Run, she's an Agent! (takes off into the crowd)
Woman in a Red Dress: What's with *him*?
Morpheus: Beats me. I guess he just didn't want to be bugged.


Maybe something like this:

Neo: So now we're back in the Matrix, I see.
Morpheus: You mean you haven't caught on to the green-versus-blue thing yet?
Neo: What green-versus-blue thing?
Morpheus: Sigh. Just try not to notice the very obvious woman in the red dress, okay?
Neo: No worries. I'm too busy looking at that woman in the red -- D'OH!
Agent: Does he [iost_uid0]always[/iost_uid0] make it this easy to ridicule him?
Morpheus: You've obviously never seen [iost_uid0]Babes in Toyland[/iost_uid0].[/colorost_uid0]

[Standback]

[color=#000000ost_uid0][quoteost_uid0][bost_uid0]Little voice in head:[/bost_uid0] What are you doing? You've just given him delusions of godhood, you moron![/quoteost_uid0]

Rest easy. You were far too late to make a difference in the first place. Although my preference for the last line would be "And if he ever has to remind you, Standback will send at you the entire army of Emperor Ka-Zor's mighty hellhounds!" I don't like that "personally" business; I'm a busy guy.[/colorost_uid0]