The Five-Minute Forums  

Go Back   The Five-Minute Forums > FiveMinute.net > Fiver By Committee
Register FAQ Community Calendar Today's Posts Search

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #21  
Old 03-23-2004, 07:10 AM
NeoMatrix's Avatar
NeoMatrix NeoMatrix is offline
Factorial
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Augusta, GA
Posts: 6,139
Send a message via AIM to NeoMatrix Send a message via MSN to NeoMatrix Send a message via Yahoo to NeoMatrix
Default

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Cypher: Great job pulling me back, Tank. Allow me to say "thank you."
Tank: Can you say it without the gun? GA!K!

Cypher: Hey Trinity, are you really -- YANK! (kills Apoc) -- better off with this airhead, saving our -- YANK! (kills Switch) -- crappy real lives, than living with me in fantasyland?
Trinity: *over the phone* Sorry, couldn't hear you from all the interuptions.
Tank: Hey, Cypher! Allow me to say--"you're welcome!"
Cypher: Lethal irony sucks. GAK!
Tank: Heh. The fake GAK gets them every time.
Neo: *over the phone*Maybe I should try that sometime.

Trinity: Hello? Anyone there?
Operator: The person who were trying to call has been disconected. Please deposit 25 cents and try again.
Trinity: Crap, no pockets.
*Phone Rings*
Neo: Saved by the bell[/colorost_uid0]

  #22  
Old 03-23-2004, 07:32 AM
Scooter's Avatar
Scooter Scooter is offline
Doctoral candidate
Staff
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Earth, again
Posts: 831
Send a message via AIM to Scooter
Default

[color=#000000ost_uid0]wow, this one really is "by committee"[/colorost_uid0]
__________________
An updated list of all my online writing can be found here. Check it out.
  #23  
Old 03-23-2004, 09:06 AM
Michiel's Avatar
Michiel Michiel is offline
Last of the ko fighters
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Netherlands
Posts: 523
Default

[color=#000000ost_uid0]I like it, but these lines should stay:

[quoteost_uid0]Tank: Heh. The fake GAK gets them every time.
Neo: Maybe I should try that sometime.[/quoteost_uid0][/colorost_uid0]
__________________
The strength of a civilization is not measured by its ability
to wage wars, but rather by its ability to prevent them.
- Gene Roddenberry
  #24  
Old 03-23-2004, 10:58 PM
PointyHairedJedi's Avatar
PointyHairedJedi PointyHairedJedi is offline
He'd enjoy a third pie
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: The Scotlands
Posts: 4,354
Send a message via ICQ to PointyHairedJedi Send a message via AIM to PointyHairedJedi Send a message via Yahoo to PointyHairedJedi
Default

[color=#000000ost_uid0]I like Zeke's suggestion, but maybe we could break it up into seperate lines.

[bost_uid0]Cypher[/bost_uid0]: Hey Trinity, are you really -- *[iost_uid0]YANK![/iost_uid0]*
[bost_uid0]Apoc[/bost_uid0]: GAK!
[bost_uid0]Cypher[/bost_uid0]: -- better off with this airhead, saving our -- *[iost_uid0]YANK![/iost_uid0]*
[bost_uid0]Switch[/bost_uid0]: GAK!
[bost_uid0]Cypher[/bost_uid0]: -- crappy real lives, than living with me in fantasyland?

Hmm... a bit too long maybe.[/colorost_uid0]
__________________
Mason: Luckily we at the Agency use use a high-tech piece of software that will let us spot him instantly via high-res satellite images.
Sergeant: You can? That's amazing!
Mason: Yes. We call it 'Google Earth'.
- Five Minute 24 S1 (it lives, honest!)

"Everybody loves pie!"
- Spongebob Squarepants
  #25  
Old 03-23-2004, 11:11 PM
NAHTMMM's Avatar
NAHTMMM NAHTMMM is offline
Noodles And Hot Tofu! MMM
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: St Louis, MO, USA, . . .
Posts: 2,970
Send a message via Yahoo to NAHTMMM
Default

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Probably why it wasn't broken up.



If you want to get them in, you could try something like

Cypher: *ZAP!*--Hey Trinity, are you really --*YANK!*--better off with this airhead (etc)
Dozer, Apoc, and Switch: GAK![/colorost_uid0]
__________________
My 5MV webpages My novel fivers list

Yup

“There must have been a point in early human history when it was actually advantageous to, when confronted with a difficult task, drop it altogether and go do something more fun, because I do that way too often for it to be anything but instinct.” -- Isto Combs
  #26  
Old 03-24-2004, 02:02 AM
Derek's Avatar
Derek Derek is offline
Dean of misderektion
Senior Staff
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Sector 001
Posts: 1,106
Default

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Honestly, I like Gatac's GAK, Psuedo-GAK, GAK, GAK scene. I think it would be slightly better to have my version with Cypher saying "Something isn't right here" rather than Neo, but either way it's a good joke.[/colorost_uid0]
__________________
"Please, Aslan," said Lucy, "what do you call soon?"
"I call all times soon," said Aslan; and instantly he vanished away and Lucy was alone with the Magician.
  #27  
Old 03-24-2004, 02:38 AM
dsbs dsbs is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Canada
Posts: 34
Default

[color=#000000ost_uid0]First off, I love
[quoteost_uid0]Tank: The fake GAK gets them every time.
Neo: Perhaps I should try that sometime.[/quoteost_uid0]

but I think it would read better if the second line were:
[quoteost_uid0]Neo: Perhaps I should try that.[/quoteost_uid0]
only because time used so many times sounds a bit off. I'm being incredibly stupidly picky, I'm sure, but I just think it would make it perfect (I REALLY love that line)

Also
[quoteost_uid0]Cypher: It's gonna take a miracle to save you now, Neo!
Neo: I have just four words for you, Cypher: "I'm in the sequels".
Tank: And I've got two words for you--Die, sucka!
Cypher: One word: GAK!
[/quoteost_uid0]
is good

so I guess without adding/subtracting anything else, I would suggest:
[quoteost_uid0]
Cypher: Great job pulling me back, Tank. Allow me to say "thank you."
Tank: Can you say it without the gun?

Cypher: Hey Trinity, are you really better off with this airhead, saving our crappy real lives, than living with me in fantasyland?
Trinity: Compared to you, I'd be better off with a famished cannibal.
Tank: Hey, Cypher! Â Allow me to say--"you're welcome!"
Cypher: Lethal irony sucks. Â GAK!
Tank: Heh. Â The fake GAK gets them every time.
Neo: Maybe I should try that.
[/quoteost_uid0][/colorost_uid0]

  #28  
Old 03-24-2004, 10:39 AM
Standback's Avatar
Standback Standback is offline
Transformed Man
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: My own little bubble. It's a pink bubble.
Posts: 671
Send a message via ICQ to Standback Send a message via MSN to Standback Send a message via Yahoo to Standback
Default

[color=#000000ost_uid0]I second that, Derek - Gatac's multi-GAK one was really great, and by far my favorite of the proferred suggestions.

IMHO, the Cypher-spooking-out should be centered in the third block, with him talking to Trinity.

[bost_uid0]Cypher (over the phone):[/bost_uid0] Trin, how can you prefer that airhead over a hot backstabbing serial killer like me?
[bost_uid0]Neo:[/bost_uid0] [iost_uid0](sigh)[/iost_uid0] I get that one a lot, too.
[bost_uid0]Cypher (over the phone):[/bost_uid0] Y'see, Neo obviously isn't the One, unless I'm about to be killed by a convenient plot contri-GAK!
[bost_uid0]Tank (over the gun):[/bost_uid0] Fake GAK. Gets 'em every time.
[bost_uid0]Neo:[/bost_uid0] Maybe I should try that sometime.[/colorost_uid0]
__________________
Sal: Where\'s he goin\'?
Joyce: To get his nachitos back from the aliens.
Sal: What? By himself?
--It\'s Walky!, David Willis
  #29  
Old 03-24-2004, 01:02 PM
Derek's Avatar
Derek Derek is offline
Dean of misderektion
Senior Staff
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Sector 001
Posts: 1,106
Default

[color=#000000ost_uid0]I like that block, Standback. Especially Tank's (over the gun) direction.

Just to clarify stage direction though. It goes outside the colon and its only used once per person per scene, so it would be:
[bost_uid0]Cypher:[/bost_uid0] (over the phone) Trin, how can you prefer that airhead over a hot backstabbing serial killer like me?
[bost_uid0]Neo:[/bost_uid0] (sigh) I get that one a lot, too.
[bost_uid0]Cypher:[/bost_uid0] Y'see, Neo obviously isn't the One, unless I'm about to be killed by a convenient plot contri-GAK!
[bost_uid0]Tank:[/bost_uid0] (over the gun) Fake GAK. Gets 'em every time.
[bost_uid0]Neo:[/bost_uid0] Maybe I should try that sometime.[/colorost_uid0]
__________________
"Please, Aslan," said Lucy, "what do you call soon?"
"I call all times soon," said Aslan; and instantly he vanished away and Lucy was alone with the Magician.
  #30  
Old 03-24-2004, 01:35 PM
Standback's Avatar
Standback Standback is offline
Transformed Man
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: My own little bubble. It's a pink bubble.
Posts: 671
Send a message via ICQ to Standback Send a message via MSN to Standback Send a message via Yahoo to Standback
Default

[color=#000000ost_uid0]::airily:: Mere technicalities, my dear friend.

Ahem.

In this particular case, I'd fudge and keep the "(over the phone) twice, because otherwise the "(over the gun)" direction doesn't work as well. Rule of three - to know it is to love it.[/colorost_uid0]
__________________
Sal: Where\'s he goin\'?
Joyce: To get his nachitos back from the aliens.
Sal: What? By himself?
--It\'s Walky!, David Willis
  #31  
Old 03-24-2004, 01:47 PM
NAHTMMM's Avatar
NAHTMMM NAHTMMM is offline
Noodles And Hot Tofu! MMM
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: St Louis, MO, USA, . . .
Posts: 2,970
Send a message via Yahoo to NAHTMMM
Default

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Ooo, I really like this one. And yes, keep both cases of "(over the phone)".[/colorost_uid0]
__________________
My 5MV webpages My novel fivers list

Yup

“There must have been a point in early human history when it was actually advantageous to, when confronted with a difficult task, drop it altogether and go do something more fun, because I do that way too often for it to be anything but instinct.” -- Isto Combs
  #32  
Old 03-24-2004, 05:05 PM
Pteryx's Avatar
Pteryx Pteryx is offline
Spritely
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Auburn, ME
Posts: 73
Default

[color=#000000ost_uid0]There's also a shorter, cleaner, subtler way to refer to all those murders -- change Trinity's comeback. Â Thus:

[quoteost_uid0][bost_uid0]Cypher[/bost_uid0]: Hey Trinity, are you really better off with this airhead, saving our crappy real lives, than living with me in fantasyland?
[bost_uid0]Trinity[/bost_uid0]: (over the phone) Sorry, but traitorous serial murderers turn me off.
[bost_uid0]Tank[/bost_uid0]: Hey, Cypher! Â Allow me to say--"you're welcome!"
[bost_uid0]Cypher[/bost_uid0]: Lethal irony sucks. Â GAK!
[bost_uid0]Tank[/bost_uid0]: Heh. Â The fake GAK gets them every time.
[bost_uid0]Neo[/bost_uid0]: (over the phone) Maybe I should try that sometime.[/quoteost_uid0]

Note also that the fake GAK joke doesn't work if the previous block lacks a fake GAK, as some of the more recently suggested ones do. Â -- Pteryx[/colorost_uid0]

  #33  
Old 03-24-2004, 05:20 PM
Pteryx's Avatar
Pteryx Pteryx is offline
Spritely
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Auburn, ME
Posts: 73
Default

[color=#000000ost_uid0]Hrm... come to think of it, if the previous isn't enough, there's also the option of doing this to the first block:

[quoteost_uid0][bost_uid0]Cypher[/bost_uid0]: Great job pulling me back, Tank. Allow me to say "thank you."
[bost_uid0]Dozer, Apoc, and Switch[/bost_uid0]: GAK!
[bost_uid0]Tank[/bost_uid0]: Can you say it without the gun? Â "GAK!"
[bost_uid0]Cypher[/bost_uid0]: Hm, something's wrong here, but I can't quite put my finger on it.[/quoteost_uid0][/colorost_uid0]

  #34  
Old 03-25-2004, 10:24 PM
Standback's Avatar
Standback Standback is offline
Transformed Man
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: My own little bubble. It's a pink bubble.
Posts: 671
Send a message via ICQ to Standback Send a message via MSN to Standback Send a message via Yahoo to Standback
Default

[color=#000000ost_uid0]This just occurred to me... I don't like it as much as the other suggestions, but it's funny enough to share:

[bost_uid0]Tank:[/bost_uid0] Take THAT, you murdering bastard!
[bost_uid0]Cypher:[/bost_uid0] Wha-- Not dead? But you're not in the seque-GAK![/colorost_uid0]
__________________
Sal: Where\'s he goin\'?
Joyce: To get his nachitos back from the aliens.
Sal: What? By himself?
--It\'s Walky!, David Willis
  #35  
Old 03-26-2004, 02:46 PM
PointyHairedJedi's Avatar
PointyHairedJedi PointyHairedJedi is offline
He'd enjoy a third pie
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: The Scotlands
Posts: 4,354
Send a message via ICQ to PointyHairedJedi Send a message via AIM to PointyHairedJedi Send a message via Yahoo to PointyHairedJedi
Default

[color=#000000ost_uid0]I dunno... I still prefer Derek's suggestion.[/colorost_uid0]
__________________
Mason: Luckily we at the Agency use use a high-tech piece of software that will let us spot him instantly via high-res satellite images.
Sergeant: You can? That's amazing!
Mason: Yes. We call it 'Google Earth'.
- Five Minute 24 S1 (it lives, honest!)

"Everybody loves pie!"
- Spongebob Squarepants
  #36  
Old 03-27-2004, 12:28 AM
Gatac's Avatar
Gatac Gatac is offline
Man in the iron mask
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Magdeburg, Germany
Posts: 667
Send a message via ICQ to Gatac Send a message via AIM to Gatac
Default

[color=#000000ost_uid0]I'm also with Derek, and not just because it happens to have one of my blocks

Gatac[/colorost_uid0]
__________________
Katy: Can I have the skill 'drive car off bridge and have parachute handy'?
Justin: It's kind of a limited skill.
Greg: Depends on how often you drive off bridges.
- d02 Quotes
  #37  
Old 03-27-2004, 10:09 PM
Standback's Avatar
Standback Standback is offline
Transformed Man
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: My own little bubble. It's a pink bubble.
Posts: 671
Send a message via ICQ to Standback Send a message via MSN to Standback Send a message via Yahoo to Standback
Default

[color=#000000ost_uid0]I think we can start consolidating votes here. I vote in favor of Gatac's:

[quoteost_uid0]Dozer: GAK!
Tank: Pseudo-GAK!
Switch: GAK!
Apoc: GAK!
Cypher: Hm, something's wrong here, but I can't quite put my finger on it.[/quoteost_uid0]

No vote from me yet for either the preceding block (Cypher getting aboard - they were all pretty good) or Cypher's death (because I like my own).[/colorost_uid0]
__________________
Sal: Where\'s he goin\'?
Joyce: To get his nachitos back from the aliens.
Sal: What? By himself?
--It\'s Walky!, David Willis
  #38  
Old 03-28-2004, 04:02 AM
Pteryx's Avatar
Pteryx Pteryx is offline
Spritely
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Auburn, ME
Posts: 73
Default

[color=#000000ost_uid0]While I do find Gatac's block amusing, let's not forget the shortness criterion. (...says Pteryx, as she starts fiving something so long that it'll inevitibly be more of a "fifteener".) -- Pteryx[/colorost_uid0]
  #39  
Old 03-28-2004, 07:13 AM
NeoMatrix's Avatar
NeoMatrix NeoMatrix is offline
Factorial
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Augusta, GA
Posts: 6,139
Send a message via AIM to NeoMatrix Send a message via MSN to NeoMatrix Send a message via Yahoo to NeoMatrix
Default

[color=#000000ost_uid0]My vote goes to...

Cypher: Great job pulling me back, Tank. Allow me to say "thank you."
Tank: Can you say it without the gun? "GAK!"

Cypher: Hey Trinity, are you really better off with this airhead, saving our crappy real lives, than living with me in fantasyland?
Trinity: Compared to you, I'd be better off with a famished cannibal.
Tank: Hey, Cypher! Allow me to say--"you're welcome!"
Cypher: Lethal irony sucks. GAK!
Tank: Heh. The fake GAK gets them every time.
Neo: Maybe I should try that.

The Cypher line would be good with or without the GAK!s[/colorost_uid0]
  #40  
Old 03-28-2004, 10:22 PM
dsbs dsbs is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Canada
Posts: 34
Default

[color=#000000ost_uid0]I'd go with neomatrix's block (the one just before this post)[/colorost_uid0]
Closed Thread


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On

Forum Jump


All times are GMT. The time now is 05:00 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.2
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.