Random Fiver Option?

[Nate the Great]

Five-Minute Strange New World

T'Pol: There are other rhetorical devices besides sarcasm, you know.
Tucker: Sure there are.

Comic gold. Suuuuuuuure there are.

[mudshark]

Originally Posted by AKAArzosah

If only I actually watched Enterprise and knew what this episode was about.

This may help.

[Nate the Great]

Five-Minute Course: Oblivion

Paris: Like family; you understand.
Neelix: Not really. I was cloned.
Paris: Did you just spoil the plot for the sake of a lame DS9 reference? Neelix, Neelix, Neelix....

Always a favorite.

Seven: Uh oh -- interstellar dust!
Janeway: Anybody got an interstellar duster? GAK!
Kim: She's dead!
Seven: Let that be a lesson to us...never anger the Pun Gods.

An important lesson indeed. Too bad I disregard it on every possible occasion, as you guys wil attest to.

[Nate the Great]

Five-Minute Children of Time

Miranda: Any questions?
Jadzia: Yes. Can we start the plot already?
Molly: I'm sure they'll get around to it.

When it's the sixth scene (not including the log entry), that's really saying something about the plot.

Kira: But aren't you 200 years older than the other Odo?
Odo: Good point. Call me "Oldo."

Love the Oldo gag.

Five-Minute All Good Things

Crusher: Well, I'm not detecting any chronoplasts in your temporeticulum, but then, I just made those words up.

At least she's honest.

Picard: You found me guilty of pleading not guilty.
Q: Ah, but I didn't pass sentence.
Picard: You froze two of my officers in ice!
Q: That wasn't a complete sentence, it was a prepositional freeze.

Oh, that's horrible. That might even go beyond "punny" as the worst pun ever. Funny, but horrible.

Q: You're familiar with the Captain Pike two-light system, I'm sure.
Picard: THERE ARE F--
Q: Don't even think about it.

Still a favorite.

Picard: You'll do the right thing and let us through, Worf. I know you will.
Future Worf: No, I won't.
Picard: Will you do it for a Kahless Snack?
Future Worf: Yes, I will.

I'd hate to think what you make Kahless Snacks out of.

Future Crusher: Why can't you two put the pasteur behind you?

Oh man, the humanity!

[NAHTMMM]

La Forge: Serves them right for disguising their station as a spectacular three-thousand-foot waterfall instead of a plain old bungalow-sized boulder.

But at least they exploded in opulent style. That's what's important.

Picard: Oh, very well -- but I want you to fix his brain to make sure that his visit to the Enterprise is not a memorable one.

Clear, concise, and funny. Good job.

Troi: And I want to make sure you don't make first contact with anyone under any covers, if you catch my drift.

Troi may not always be up to speed on what's going on at the moment, but she knows her Riker.

Riker: Agreed. Dressing a psychologist in a catsuit would be a regrettable case of shrink-wrapping.

*groan*

And *snerk* at the "tapestry" bit at the end, too.

[Nate the Great]

Five-Minute The Cloud

Kim: Wow!
Tuvok: Shut up, Harry, you've already used up your weekly quota of lines.

He needs to renegotiate his contract...

Neelix: I hereby appoint myself morale officer.
Tuvok: No, have mercy, HAVE MERCY!

Well, that has to be the record for the shortest time needed to do a lousy job in your new position.

[Nate the Great]

Five-Minute Parallels

La Forge: We're playing "musical stations."
Worf: But where is Captain Picard?
Data: He failed to find a station when the music stopped.

I gotta wonder what song Starfleet officers would use when playing musical stations. I like to think that it's "Star Trekkin'."

Worf: Let's see: no promotion, not married to Troi... but at least I've got my nifty trophy.

Any use of "nifty" is a-okay in my book.

[NAHTMMM]

From here.

(I actually have seen part of this one. Just the last few minutes or so, but that counts.)

Borg Queen: What's the interlink frequency?
Unfortunate Drone: Beats me.
Borg Queen: Wrong answer. Off with his head!

[...]

Borg Queen: No luck so far. Cut off some more heads.

Ahhh, classic '90's-style upper management.

Paris: Fight the Borg again? I don't like you anymore.
Seven: May I, Captain? Please? Please?
Janeway: I want to talk to Axum first. Tuvok, invent an ancient Vulcan technique we've never heard of before.

See, Nate? Even Zeke makes fun of the plot and/or writers occasionally.

Janeway: So my plan is to break the heck out of the Prime Directive, start a civil war, and put us all at incredible risk. Any objections?
Chakotay: Sounds good to me.

Must be like old times for him.



(BTW: the "next fiver" link at the bottom links to "Imperfections", not Part II.)

[Nate the Great]

Yeah, I think I already e-mailed Zeke about that. I'm sure it's in his stack of stuff to do someplace.

[Nate the Great]

Five-Minute Latent Image

Doc: Care to help me confirm a theory?
Seven: No way.
Doc: It involves serious embarrassment for Harry.
Seven: What time should I show up?

You can always count on Seven to once again smoosh poor Harry's ego into the carpet.

Doc: Good morning, Geordi. I seem to be missing several memory engrams.
Computer: Beep.
Doc: There they are.

I love transplanting lines from one (real) episode to another (fived) episode. Inserting a Dr. Soran line into a Stargate fiver comes to mind:
Malakai: I suppose you've come down to dissuade me from my horrific plot. Good luck.
O'Neill: You watch way too much NextGen.
Teal'c: Indeed.

[NAHTMMM]

Janeway: You need someone.
Seven: Do not.
Janeway: Do too. Nyah.

Doc: You need someone.
Seven: Okay.

Janeway: Hi.
Ambassador: Hi.
Janeway: Bye.
Ambassador: Bye.

Neelix: We've made sure that you can adhere to your rules.
Ambassador: But I don't wanna.
Neelix: Okay.

This is why the episode is not titled "Someone to Agree With Me", presumably.

Seven: Date me.
Chapman: *squeak*

Coincidence that "Chapman" looks kinda like "Chipmunk"? I think not.


Very nicely five-minuteish.

[Nate the Great]

Five-Minute The 37s

Janeway: Rust?
Paris: No, I'm in no particular hurry.

Ouch.

Kim: We've been through the gates of Hell, and we're still troubled by Gates?

Ooh, a triple joke. Nice!
A. Surviving an object only to be confonted by it again.
B. The substitution of a name for a totally unrelated object.
C. A comment on the worth of Microsoft.

Paris: Warp 9.9. We'll need it to travel 70,000 lightyears.
Earhart: In that case, you'll need some three years to get back.
Paris: Says who?
Earhart: Says Jim Wright.

Yet another plug for Delta Blues. As Jim so eloquently puts it, using real units will almost always get you into trouble because people will Do The Math, every single time.

[Nate the Great]

Five-Minute Threshold

Doc: There's a 2% chance you'll die.
Paris: What? You're reading that wrong; there's a 2% chance I'll survive.
Doc: Well, bon voyage, then!

Ah, the ever-classic Doc/Tom one-sided feud. Comic gold. I'm glad that they actually resolved this one in Renaissance Man before the series ended.

Paris: Can I have a touching deathbed scene?
Doc: No.

While there are scenes that I like more, in terms of hilarty density this one will always top the list for me.

Janeway: Tom's weird.
Staff: Duh!

Maybe this one is second.

Kim: This has to be our stupidest misadventure ever.
Chakotay: Pshaw! After "Spirit Folk," this episode will seem Hugo-worthy.

While I understand Fair Haven bashing, I don't agree with it. I like that program and can see why the crew would enjoy it.

[NAHTMMM]

O'Brien: Okay, so now I'm a fugitive, pursued by an armada of Federation vessels.
Computer: Yes, you're doomed.
O'Brien: Shut up. (ahem) How did I come to this?
Computer: You'd better not make any of those dumb childhood flashbacks, or I'll drive this shuttle into a star.

Heheheh.

Jake: Er, whatever. Can you help me? I'm trying to build a really really really old piece of equipment.
O'Brien: What is it?
Jake: A phased quantum flux icodimensional thorium antimatter quasistabilizer.

Wow, that IS old. Modern technobabble is so much more efficient.

O'Brien: Let's see if anything's wrong on the station. Computer, scan for moldy blue cheese.
Computer: Large quantities detected in DeCurtis' brain.
O'Brien: Ah, so that explains his behavior.

ROFL.

[Nate the Great]

Five-Minute 11:59

Shannon O'Donnell: Motorist's Log, Stardate 2000. Indiana sucks, my car's about to break, and I'm about to build a giant biodome, minus Pauly Shore. Let the fictional history begin!

I hope that this is an Albuquerque reference.

Henry: No, I don't. But my son is out and about, completely with the times, right, son?
Jason: Yep. I collect pogs and have every Spice Girls CD out there!

Yikes. Talk about out-of-date references. I can just imagine our kids reading this in 2030 and wondering what the heck "pogs" and "Spice Girls" are.

Henry: And now for a night out on the--
O'Donnell: --top floor of your bookstore. Seriously, get a life, man.

An all-time favorite couplet. Kudos, IJD GAF!

Five-Minute In The Flesh

Janeway: Me too. For instance, do you remember what you were doing at nineteen-hundred hours on stardate 51452.8?
Chakotay: Wasn't I having dinner with you?
Janeway: Gosh, that's right. Fancy that. Jog my memory a bit: did I serve smooth or crunchy peanut butter after I burned the roast?

Ah, yes. A reference to yet another one of Harry's dead former girlfriends. Good episode, too.

[NAHTMMM]

Originally Posted by Nate the Great

I can just imagine our kids reading this in 2030 and wondering what the heck "pogs" and "Spice Girls" are.

Let's hope so.

[catalina_marina]

Actually, in 2030, you should be telling them all this yourself.

[Nate the Great]

Oooh, that would not be a fun conversation. "Why were pogs popular, Daddy?" "Umm, err..."

[Nate the Great]

Five-Minute Star Trek: The Motion Picture

Sulu: Captain on the bridge!
Kirk: Admiral.
Sulu: Oh, like it really matters when we're all wearing these one-piece pyjama things.

Yeah, it doesn't really matter.

Sulu: Voyager?
Ilia (V'Ger): V'Ger! Are you deaf? And it contains no coffee whatsoever!
Kirk: Aw.

Poor Kirk. That'd be an interesting story, though, how Janeway somehow went back in time and encountered V'Ger.

Decker: Here are pictures of all the ships that have been called Enterprise.
Ilia (V'Ger): Shouldn't the NX-01 be --
Decker: ALL the ships that have been called Enterprise!

Yeah, Decker, that's convincing.

[NAHTMMM]

Seven: Captain, we are receiving a message from the Alpha Quadrant.
Janeway: I thought we'd done that one this season.

Janeway: Guess what, everyone? We're going to receive a transmission once a month!
Paris: OH YES OH YES OH YES! HAHAHAHAHA! Oh no, what's my dad going to say? What if he doesn't love me anymore? (begins sobbing)
Chakotay: What's up with him?
Kim: He's letting out all that pent-up emotion from last week's episode.

Heheh. The fourth wall never had a chance in this fiver.

Janeway: So have we got any problems with the Holodeck?
Chakotay: Nope.
Janeway: Well, are any Borg vessels approaching?
Chakotay: Nope.
Janeway: Is there anything exciting going on?
Chakotay: Nope.
Janeway: Man, we've had nothing to do for the past month.
Kim: Anyone want to hear my Jeri Ryan elbow story?
Janeway: Oh, not again!