September 5

[Zeke]

September 5 is an important date at 5M.net: the birthday of our first subsite, Five-Minute Next Generation. This year it turns four, and we're --


Wait a minute. Four? FOUR?


Dude. Anyway, as usual, we're having a celebratory event. This year's event is two days long, to represent... um... the Enterprise-D's ability to split into two sections. Here's the first day's content:

[*]The master himself, Marc Richard, opens the festivities with "Tin Man."[*]Next up is "Suspicions" by DS9 section head and frequent NG contributor Derek Dean.[*]From me, here's a Top 10 list I found unfinished in some old fiver notes (same page as Five-Minute "Fusion," for what it's worth), and have now finally completed over three years later: The Top 10 Things Not to Say on the Enterprise-D.[*]Finally, as one last contribution to 5M.net, Kira made two comic fivers for this event, the first of which is for Marc's "The Host."[/list]

Be here tomorrow for the... uh... saucer section of this event. Yes.

[evay]

Originally Posted by Zeke

The Top 10 Things Not to Say on the Enterprise-D

The requested URL /top10/fiver.php was not found on this server.

on the front page, the correct URL is http://www.fiveminute.net/top10/78.html

2. "Wouldn't it be more efficient if we used the kids as fuel?"

hee hee hee Just Wesley. He's a renewable source.

Data: Sir, someone just launched a shuttle.
Picard: Data, you don't need to say "someone". We all know it's the Doctor. Hail her.
Data: O great and healing Doctor, wisdom is your name! We extol your --
Picard: That's not what I meant, Data.
Data: My bad. Firing hailstones at the shuttle....

I LOVE wordplay. :mrgreen: nicely done!

[Derek]

Picard: Let me get this straight -- you want to beam into the body of an alien living spaceship that's going to get blown to bits by the Romulans next to a star that's about to go supernova?
Data: Yes sir. Is this a problem?
Picard: It certainly is. You always get to go on all the interesting away missions while I'm perpetually stuck here on the Bridge.

Heh. Poor Picard. Maybe he can get himself assimilated soon.

4. "How do you guys like that thesaurus subroutine I gave Data? Pretty cool, eh?"

That's just wrong.

Love the comic fiver, Kira!

[Alexia]

Hee nice top 10 list, but surely "Fire at Will" is missing? :wink:

Or is that just far too obvious :wink: :mrgreen:

[whoiam]

Nah, its just on the wrong list - 'fire at will' belongs on the '10 things you should say the instant you board the Enterprise-D'. Along with "Enjoy your trip back to Starfleet Academy, Wesley!" and "Computer, remove Riker" (or the failsafe, "Mr Worf, remove Riker")

[PointyHairedJedi]

There Was Fivage, And It Was Good. Or, To Put It Another Way, The Shift Key In My Brain Seems To Be Stuck.

[Ginga]

5. "WARP CORE BREACH! Everybody out! ...Heh heh. There isn't really a breach. I just wanted to watch Geordi roll under the door."

Rofl, this made me laugh a lot more than it probably should have.

[mudshark]

Picard: I'm worried about our passenger. He seems to have an unstable personality.
Crusher: His file shows that he was born without the ability to screen out the constant chatter of all the minds around him. He must have had a lot of trouble adjusting as he grew up.
Troi: It didn't help that the other kids at school kept teasing him. Whenever he was called up to the blackboard to do a math problem, they'd confuse him by mentally reciting their multiplication tables.

Ooo, not cool.

Crusher: In spite of Reyga's venom, he really was a stupidly optimistic man. I'm sure it was a great shock to him when he died.
Worf: Death by taser. Shocking.
Crusher: I just made that joke, copycat.
Worf: Only in your future narration, which makes you the copycat.
Reyga's Ghost: I hate you all. And now I'm going to haunt you too.

*snerk*

"Don't tell Troi, but I'm totally making up these psychological problems."

Heh heh heh. :twisted:

Aaaand, another great comic.


Good stuff, all.

[Opium]

Great update!

As always...I loved the Top 10 list, and everything else.

[Sa'ar Chasm]

Picard: I'm starting to. He makes your mother sound as discreet as a Trappist monk with laryngitis.

Ask me about my vow of silence *g*

Data: Sensors show the Romulans are overloading their engines. Their warp core burns at both ends; it will not last the flight.
Picard: No doubt -- but as you see, my friends, it gives a lovely light.

As B5 Section Head, it's my duty to mis-identify the author of this poem. Unfortunately, I can't remember any of the names involved.

Elbrun: Tin Man is lonely. He used to carry a crew inside his body, but now they're all dead.
Picard: What happened to them?
Elbrun: Tin Man was hit by some high-energy cosmic rays.
Picard: They penetrated his body and irradiated the crew?
Elbrun: No, but they made him sneeze and... well, you can imagine the rest.

Ewwwwww.

Picard: Interesting. His speech sounded more Klingon than Romulan.
Riker: I guess this is one Romulan you won't be able to insult because he lacks honour, Mr. Worf.
Worf: On the contrary, sir. To a Klingon, his words show him to be the lowest form of scum imaginable -- a q'al kvek. What you humans call a "plagiarist."

Another entry in the Five Minute.net Mock-Klingon Dictionary.

Guinan: Fired? That sounds like juicy gossip. Do tell.
Crusher: Well, it all started a while back...
Crusher: Wish-fulfillment? Seems unlikely.
Riker: Here, I'll show you. (ahem) I wish this show had an annoying young prodigy.
Crusher: No, no. That's too far back. And an unpleasant memory anyway. Sooner than that.

Hah! Inter-fiver reference. Farpoint's getting a lot of second-hand mileage.

Crusher: In spite of Reyga's venom, he really was a stupidly optimistic man.

That looked vaguely familiar...

I'm sure it was a great shock to him when he died.

And then I remembered where it was from. It's amazing how much of a script gets lodged in the dim recesses of your memory. Excellent reference.

Crusher: Hey, Guinan. Thanks for the stabbing earlier. It really helped me out.
Guinan: Oh, no worries. I like to do it to help people out, or when they make bad puns, or when they're Q.
Crusher: Well, I bought you a whole set of forks for the future. That way the forks will be with you always.
Guinan: You obviously weren't paying attention to what I just said.
(Guinan proceeds to stab Beverly with forks at Ludicrous Speed)

*chortle*

"Come ON. The original show did this story like six times."

*snicker*

"Know an easy way to check if you're on one of Picard's ships? Check the weapons console for dust."

Zing!

"Oo, look at that. A big mean Klingon security guy. I'm soooo scared."

It's OK, he's on the Ent-D. Worf will just try to shoot him, miss, and then Picard will cow him into submission with a snapped order.

I love the earrings in the comic fiver. Nice touch.

Good job, all.

[Marc]

Quote:
Data: Sensors show the Romulans are overloading their engines. Their warp core burns at both ends; it will not last the flight.
Picard: No doubt -- but as you see, my friends, it gives a lovely light.


As B5 Section Head, it's my duty to mis-identify the author of this poem. Unfortunately, I can't remember any of the names involved.

Edna St. Vincent Millay. I think the last line of her poem was also once used as the title of an Andromeda episode.

[Sa'ar Chasm]

Ah. Well, in the B5 episode GROPOS, it was misidentified as Angie Dickinsons or Emily Dickinson or something like that.

[PointyHairedJedi]

Are you sure it was "GROPOS"? I thought it was the one where that woman reappeared in the episode with the Bakiri Day of the Dead (or whatever it was).

[Sa'ar Chasm]

SPOILERS FOLLOW, if anyone cares.




Dammit. I was on my way to fix that. Curse you and your...well, curse you.
:P

Yes, it was Day of the Dead. The chick who was singing the poem was the ghost of the chick from GROPOS (the hottest chick Garibaldi never slept with).

[PointyHairedJedi]

I out-nerded Sa'ar?

Say, was that the four horsemen of the Apocalyse riding past just now?

[MaverickZer0]

Actually, I think it was just two or three of them. I don't know where the fourth one went.

[Sa'ar Chasm]

He had to stop to wire bits back onto his skeletal horse.

Also, it's hard to keep up to date on a show that's not broadcast in syndication, so nyah. :P

[PointyHairedJedi]

You mean you haven't got every single episode etched in perfect detail upon your memory? Just what kind of a section head are you, anyway? :P

[Sa'ar Chasm]

A lazy one. The fact that the re-relaunch didn't happen in August is in no way shape or form Zeke's fault. I have a new appreciation for "soon". Stupid writer's block.

[Xeroc]

Congratulations on 4 years!


And great fivers too!