June 4

[Zeke]

And here it is! Welcome to the conclusion of Voyager Week, with the following new content, all of which is by me....

[*]Five-Minute "Mortal Coil" (one of my favourite episodes, and the reason the VW conclusion was originally aimed for Christmas).[*]Five-Minute "Message in a Bottle" (another of my favourites).[*]The conclusion of Voyagers: "Fury Game."[*]And finally, the first fanfic-based fiver outside of VVSP: Five-Minute "The Best of Both Girls, Part 1"! For those who don't know, The Best of Both Girls is a fanfic epic by Jim Wright. Begun in the hiatus between Seasons 3 and 4, it proposed a slightly different outcome to the "Scorpion" cliffhanger: Janeway becoming the Borg Queen. It's great fun, well worth a read. About a year ago I told Jim I was working on a wedding present for him (did you hear he got married?) -- this is what it was going to be, and now is. Look for the ensuing parts of BoBG in the weeks to come.[/list]And that, at long, long last, is a wrap -- just in time for the next anniversary event. But first, Enterprise stuff!


(Oh, one more thing: forumgoer NeoMatrix is getting married today. Congrats, Neo!)

[Alexia]

YAY VOYAGER FIVERS!

Neelix: Heeeere, monsters! C'mon out! You can trust me, I'm one of you!
Naomi: What will you do if you find one?
Neelix: Put it in my pocket, of course. Gotta catch 'em all! But now let's get you tucked in.
Naomi: Tell me again about the Great Forest!
Neelix: (smile) It's great

All pant wettingly funny, as usual *goes to change pants*

[Xeroc]

Honestly, I can't quote the fivers, because I'd have to quote the whole thing!


These fivers are the best!


Honestly!

[evay]

I can't believe you did Best of Both Girls! that's a riot! check out Unca Jim's front page too, BTW; he finally got his act together and redesigned it.

[NAHTMMM]

Seven: The Borg occasionally allow a particularly pathetic species to continue existing for entertainment value.

:lol:

Kim: See, two life signs walk into a bar....
Janeway: Oh, I know this one. You'll love it, Tuvok. But we should get that shuttle crew on board too.
(one joke later)
Tuvok: I did not love it.


Seven: Captain, here are -- why has Mr. Neelix discontinued his customary practice of breathing?
Doc: He's dead, Seven. I'm sorry.
Seven: Apology accepted; you must tell me later how you killed him.

:lol: :lol:

Tuvok: I am curious. Seven crewmen have died since you came aboard -- why have you not mentioned this ability?
Seven: They could not cook.
Tuvok: Then why mention it now?

:twisted:

Officer: ...Romulans... GAK!
Doc: Romulans, eh? That's a nice touch.
Officer: How so?
Doc: It was Romulans the last time we -- hey! Don't be one of those people who can't commit.

Romulan Officer: We're being pursued by a Starfleet ship. I hope you know some battle tactics that don't involve cloaking.
Romulan Captain: Of course I do! Begin Maneuver... oh, wait. Damn.
Romulan Officer: Lovely. What are we supposed to do, just ask the ship how to attack?
Computer: Attack mode activated. Engaging target. Please press F1 if further assistance is required.
Romulan Captain: I love the Federation.


Romulan Officer: A human. Didn't we kill all of you? In fact, I distinctly remember Rekar killing the bald ones twice. I think he has some issues there.


Doc: Wait! I know what to do! Computer, activate that thing you activated earlier!
Computer: Coffee machine activated.
Doc 2: He means the attack thing.
Computer: It's really bad coffee.

Prometheus: Attaaaaack! (splits)
Romulan and Federation Ships: Ooooo.

:lol:

IJD: Marc "Rocket" Richard... nah. It'll never sell.

Heheh.

Sa'arclay

*giggles*

Zeke: Looks like your information was right, future self! Those green Borg beams are powerless against the colour yellow!
(Exterior shot. The Five-Minute Voyager looks exactly the same as usual, aside from now being painted chartreuse.)

:mrgreen:

IJD: Uh oh. Does Admiral Zeke know this?
Derek: Yes. I just told his past self.
IJD: Can I just say I hate time travel?

Fantastic stuff, Zeke! Very nice wrap-up!

[Sa'ar Chasm]

IJD: Marc "Rocket" Richard... nah. It'll never sell.

If you don't get that, think about it for a while and something might ring a Beliveau.

Zeke: See you in hell, candy-boys!
Sa'arclay: What the --
(In a deafening explosion, the entire building is destroyed...)

...ow.

(Ignoring them both, Zeke finishes assembling a large device. He waits for Sa'ar to finish the toast.)
Sa'arclay: ...And so, a toast to lemmings, and the lemmingness thereof.

Mmm, toast. Also, *snicker* lemmings.

Zeke: Looks like your information was right, future self! Those green Borg beams are powerless against the colour yellow!

Excellent reference.

IJD: So that's where the first four Babylon stations went!
Derek: Just the first three.

Fourth one burned down, fell over and then crashed into the planet.

Kira: Ahh, the Season 1 DVDs. Take that, real Kira!

Ouch, vicious.

Admiral Zeke: See you in hell, candy-boy!
(He straps the device onto his back, runs up to the warp core, and hugs it. In a huge flash of light, he disappears.)
Zeke: Hmm.

Hey, how come I got exploditated and you didn't?

The Past (nud nud nud!)

Clever.

Admiral Zeke: Ha! I thought that banjo moron would never finish! Now to -- hey! He sent me to the wrong ship! But if I'm on the... then... NOOOOOOOO!
(Admiral Zeke leaps for the transporter controls -- and is still a few inches away when the Maquis ship explodes, taking the Array with it. History sighs with relief and resumes its established course.)

Predestination makes my head hurt. Well-resolved, though.

Earth vanishes from the screen, replaced with two faces familiar to the crew from their encounters with the Pathological Project: Lieutenant Sa'arclay and his superior officer, IJD GAF's father.

My immediate superior is an admiral? Cool. None of those pesky commanders or captains or commodores to get in the way.

Nice conclusion, Zeke. Almost worth waiting for.

[evay]

Seven: Captain, here are -- why has Mr. Neelix discontinued his customary practice of breathing?

I've missed Seven.

Seven: (sigh) No. This network requires the user to view a short advertisement before each use.
Chakotay: How barbaric....

:lol:

Doc: It was Romulans the last time we -- hey! Don't be one of those people who can't commit

How Shakespearean! Nice touch.

Derek: That's a good sign. We didn't get thrown around like fireflies in a rambunctious toddler's jar like we usually do.

that's a marvelous image. Just thought I'd mention that.

[Draknek]

What an ovulatory Ovinoculatron of an ending to Voyager week!

Excellent fivers.

[Opium]

Kim: Hey Neelix, these are your best leola root spam-kebabs ever!
***
Seven: Captain, here are -- why has Mr. Neelix discontinued his customary practice of breathing?
***
Tuvok: I am curious. Seven crewmen have died since you came aboard -- why have you not mentioned this ability?
Seven: They could not cook.
Tuvok: Then why mention it now?
***
Tuvok: Suicide is logical. And painless. And it brings on many changes.
Bif Naked: (singing) I killed myself today! Not like yesterday!

Wow, Spam, akwardness, M*A*S*H and Bif all in one fiver! Goodness!

[KillerGodMan]

sweet! an excuse to waste an hour of my mom's time to read the entire series again! You rock!

[Standback]

Congrats to Neo! A big Mazal Tov to you

[Zeke]

Originally Posted by Sa'ar Chasm

Hey, how come I got exploditated and you didn't?

Coffee is less reactive than wine.

Originally Posted by evay

I've missed Seven.

Why? All she did was change her name to T'Pol.

[Zeke]

June 5


This is just a fill-in update to slide us back onto a midnight update schedule. Tomorrow: "Azati Prime." (So now would be a good time to refresh your memory of the Season 3 fivers -- the new ones are continuity-heavy.)

[evay]

Originally Posted by evay

I've missed Seven.

Originally Posted by Zeke

Why? All she did was change her name to T'Pol.

Well, let's differentiate between T'Pol the Vulcan (S1 and S2) and Polly the human with an ear job (anything post-"Impulse"). The Vulcan scientist was Seven's more severe older sister. But Seven had a lot more confidence, self-control, self-esteem, coglioni, dignity, and ability to save the ship and crew than Polly the adolescent drug addict. I liked the Vulcan. I got bored with the teenager very quickly.

[admiral sab]

lol

I got a cameo! Thanks for including my TnT obsession... And I have been on that mailing list for a long time.

great stuff and thanks for finishing the event... it makes Voyager's end even more final... sniff.

[PointyHairedJedi]

Wow. Who knew that Zeke was funny? I can tell you, I for one am deeply surprised by this development.

[Wowbagger]

Bouncer: Just remember, now that you're in here, you can never leave.
Zeke: I think you worked at that other job too long. Hey guys. How are things going so far?

This wouldn't be the FM Enterprise Bouncer from Travis's Bar of Underused Regulars, would it? That is obscure.

But wonderful. So very wonderful. That was one of my favorite non-canon sideplots ever.

Sorry for resurrecting an old thread. Tonight, you see, is Five-Minute Catchup night, starting with Day 7 of Voyager Week. That's one down... sixty-six fivers to go. 5 hours, 30 minutes of reading, here I come! (I just had to leave town during the most content-heavy month in 5MV history, didn't I? Oh, well, I'm bound to buy at least one of these things from Zeke's signed copy business.)

[Zeke]

Originally Posted by Wowbagger

This wouldn't be the FM Enterprise Bouncer from Travis's Bar of Underused Regulars, would it? That is obscure.

But wonderful. So very wonderful. That was one of my favorite non-canon sideplots ever.

You don't say...? :mrgreen: