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#861
11-11-2004, 07:54 AM
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Written late at night by someone who should be sleeping:
The Top ten rejected actors for Aragorn (Dedicated to Stuart Townsend; with notes from Peter Jackson's confidential memoranda) 10. Emeril Agasse - Can't stop shouting BAM! whenever he stabs a bad guy 9. Leo DiCaprio - Need someone taller than Liv (Fran, retest him for Pippin) 8. Keanu Reeves - Keeps shooting Elrond for some reason 7. Bruce Willis - His Elvish sounds suspiciously like Pig Latin 6. Kevin Kline - Demands clarification over moustache/no moustache issue; completely confused by stubble 5. Laurence Olivier - Apparently unware he's dead 4. Jim Carrey - Bugging eyes and lolling tongue out of mouth like a cartoon character wrong reaction to death of Gandalf 3. Andy Serkis - Can't understand a word he's saying (Note to Fran - maybe we can palm off some some voice work on him?) 2. William Shatner - Thought he was playing Ar, a Gorn; did nothing but bare his teeth and growl into a microphone And the Number One Rejected Actor for Aragorn: 1. Renee Zellweger - Too eager to be licked by Brego the horse Next: Top Ten Rejected Actors for Samwise Gamgee
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An updated list of all my online writing can be found here. Check it out. 
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#862
11-11-2004, 01:04 PM
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Top Ten Rejected Actors for Samwise Gamgee
10. Christopher Walken: His age was suspicious; what would a old Hobbit want with a young one? :wink: 9. Mike Meyers: Kept talking in a Scottish accent which distracted and confused everyone. 8. Patrick Stewart: His Shakespearean diction interfered with the Hobbit Slang pronunciations. 7. Richard Gere: Samwise doesn't tap-dance. 6. Jared Leto: Was off doing some side-projects; would have left Frodo alone. 5. Eric Szmada: Is already cute and cuddly on CSI; also, would use advanced investigation techniques to destruct ring within 24 hours.
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George Orwell gives meaning to TopHatMan\'s life. Opium, Princess Heroine of Laudanum...Part of The Morphine Party: The Party For Not... Crushing... Me? :shock: Opium. Don\'t take drugs, just read them. Please vote Morphine!  (Thanks, Zeke!)Needing more sleep since before 2003
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#863
11-11-2004, 09:59 PM
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4. Eddy Murphy - Talked too much
3. Jeff Goldblum - Too smart 2. Steven Seagal - Too violant And the number 1 rejected actor for Samwise Gamgee... 1. Ahmed Best - "Messa called Jar-Jar Binks" Top ten Rejected actors for Gandalf
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-KillerGM Well I guess I'll just live WITHOUT an avatar then!
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#864
11-12-2004, 01:06 AM
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Quote:
10. Patrick Stewart :mrgreen:
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\"Lord Eddard Stark is a proud, honourable, honest man, and his lady wife is worse.\" ~A Game of Thrones, book one of Song of Ice and Fire
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#865
11-12-2004, 01:31 AM
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9. William Shatner: "You...shall...not...pass. Gandalf The Grey."
8. Johnny Depp: Is hotter than the rest of the cast, even Legolas. Beard would cover it up. 
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George Orwell gives meaning to TopHatMan\'s life. Opium, Princess Heroine of Laudanum...Part of The Morphine Party: The Party For Not... Crushing... Me? :shock: Opium. Don\'t take drugs, just read them. Please vote Morphine! (Thanks, Zeke!)Needing more sleep since before 2003
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#866
11-12-2004, 03:19 AM
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7. Robin Williams - Just... BECAUSE
6. Tommy Lee Jones - "What do you mean I can't blow their brains out?" 5. Sam Neil - Kept running from everything Raptor-sized and bigger
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-KillerGM Well I guess I'll just live WITHOUT an avatar then!
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#867
11-12-2004, 04:14 AM
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Quote:
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NeoMatrix\'s Livejournal My Myspace Page 5MV Story Website (Updated: February 16th, 2006)
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#868
11-12-2004, 09:31 AM
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4: Christopher Lee - "you're meant to be the evil dude, damnit!"
3: Harrison Ford  2: :Laurence Olivier - dead, and too melodramatic and no.1 1: Ian McKellen!
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O to be wafted away From this black aceldama of sorrow; Where the dust of an earthy today Is the earth of a dusty tomorrow!
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#869
11-12-2004, 10:31 AM
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Someone post a new topic
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George Orwell gives meaning to TopHatMan\'s life. Opium, Princess Heroine of Laudanum...Part of The Morphine Party: The Party For Not... Crushing... Me? :shock: Opium. Don\'t take drugs, just read them. Please vote Morphine! (Thanks, Zeke!)Needing more sleep since before 2003
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#870
11-12-2004, 11:03 AM
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Top ten Rejected actors for Frodo
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NeoMatrix\'s Livejournal My Myspace Page 5MV Story Website (Updated: February 16th, 2006)
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#871
11-12-2004, 11:29 AM
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Erm...okay!
10: Wil Weaton: Too darn whiney! 9. Johnny Depp: Casting hottie middle-aged Frodo with younger Samwise would have been too suggestive... as with the books. :wink: 8. Noah Wyle: Would spend too much time studying Elven medication. 7. Scott Bayo: Wait, is he still alive? 6. Leo Decaprio: People would cheer when he almost falls into the pit of lava. 5. Jim Carey: Would have caused yet another The-Oscars-Are-Against-Canadians uproar. 4. Jerry Sienfeild: "So I was reading an Elven periodical today, and wondered, what's up with pointy hat tricks?" 3. Cathrine Zeta Jones: Too boyish. 2. Eminem: Considers JRR Tolkien books to be bad influence on vunerable adolecents. 1. John Travolta: Disco Frodo has left the building. Top Ten Rejected Actors for the role of Neo in the Matrix (as opposed to NeoMatrix)
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George Orwell gives meaning to TopHatMan\'s life. Opium, Princess Heroine of Laudanum...Part of The Morphine Party: The Party For Not... Crushing... Me? :shock: Opium. Don\'t take drugs, just read them. Please vote Morphine! (Thanks, Zeke!)Needing more sleep since before 2003
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#872
11-12-2004, 12:57 PM
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10. Arnie Schwarzanegger
9. Sylvester Stalone 8. Mel Gibson 7. Will Young 6. Me 5. Barbara Streisland 4. Tom Cruise 3. George Bush 2. Rowan Atkinson And... 1. Keanu Reeves (you expected this to make sense?) Top ten list of failed actresses for Trinity
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\"What did they train you for?\" \"Cooking.\"
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#873
11-13-2004, 03:16 AM
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Er okay...
10. Brittney Spears - "Oops! I sacked him again!" 9. J-Lo - No, just no 8. Halle Berry - Acted like a cat for some reason
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-KillerGM Well I guess I'll just live WITHOUT an avatar then!
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#874
11-17-2004, 04:52 AM
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7. Hillary Swank - Producers refused after she auditioned for Neo
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-KillerGM Well I guess I'll just live WITHOUT an avatar then!
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#875
11-17-2004, 09:35 AM
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6. Chantal Kreviasuk: "I'm leaving, on a net plane, don't know when I'll be back again"
5. Queen Latifah: Made Neo look too wimpy. 4. Lara Flynn Boyle: Made Neo look too curvy and girly. 3. Susan Serandon: Demi Moore already has the younger-man niche. 2. Kathy Bates: Also tried out for The Oracle; was just too odd. 1. Cathrine Zeta Jones: Was waaaay too into Morpheus. Top Ten Actors/Actresses Who Should be in Star Trek.
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George Orwell gives meaning to TopHatMan\'s life. Opium, Princess Heroine of Laudanum...Part of The Morphine Party: The Party For Not... Crushing... Me? :shock: Opium. Don\'t take drugs, just read them. Please vote Morphine! (Thanks, Zeke!)Needing more sleep since before 2003
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#876
11-17-2004, 11:03 AM
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10: Hugh Grant - Should be in TOS, would look great with a ripped shirt.
9: Vin Deisel - Has the hair for a Trek captain.
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Alexia: You have to laugh, or you'd kill yourself xD Lostoyannaya: Yes. Now take that noose off your neck and get down from the chair. IN THAT ORDER.
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#877
11-19-2004, 11:56 PM
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8. Rory Cochrane - Better playing a doomed Redshirt than playing a dead cop
7. Arnold Schwarzenegger - A Borg if we ever saw one 6. Ahmed Best - "Meesa called Jar-Jar Binks! Messa going to destroy earth" 5. Eminem - The only one who can stop the D12ians....
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-KillerGM Well I guess I'll just live WITHOUT an avatar then!
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#878
11-24-2004, 11:18 PM
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4. John Wayne. Can't you see him as Kirk in one of his fistfights?
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My 5MV webpages My novel fivers list Yup “There must have been a point in early human history when it was actually advantageous to, when confronted with a difficult task, drop it altogether and go do something more fun, because I do that way too often for it to be anything but instinct.” -- Isto Combs
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#880
12-05-2004, 04:02 AM
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2. Sarah Michelle Geller - She'd could easly mistake a Xindi for a Vampire, and let instint take it's course.
1. Jeff Goldblum - Can't you see him as a science person with skills to match Spock's? Next: Top 10 deleated scenes from Star Wars
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-KillerGM Well I guess I'll just live WITHOUT an avatar then!
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