30th Anniversary TNG Episode Discussion Marathon

[Nate the Great]

April 25th, 1994, "Firstborn"

I've said it before and I'll say it again, they never wrote Alexander properly. This episode is about two seasons too late if it was supposed to finally make Worf stop forcing Alexander into what he wants them to be (and yeah, it suddenly occurs to me that "Birthright" could've been a key turning point for Worf forcing his worldview on others).

The Episode

ALEXANDER: I'm sorry. We made fullerenes in chemistry class today and filled them with water.

Fullerenes are the broader family that Buckyballs belong to: soccer-ball spheres of carbon molecules. I get that they probably made foam balls using two kinds of foam (to represent the pentagonal and hexagonal rings) to act as a model of a fullerene, but he didn't say "models of fullerenes", he said "fullerenes", which isn't accurate.

WORF: I asked you to meet me here after school. I have been waiting for you.
ALEXANDER: I forgot.
WORF: You forgot because you allowed yourself to be distracted by foolishness.
ALEXANDER: I'm sorry.

And here we go. Worf is forgetting the forest to complain about trees. He should've moved straight into his speech rather than shame Alexander.

WORF: No. I meant warrior. The path of A warrior begins with the First Rite of Ascension.
ALEXANDER: Is that when they hit you with pain sticks?

One of the better scenes from Season Two.

WORF: No. No, that is the Second Rite.
ALEXANDER: Oh.
WORF: You are approaching the Age of Ascension. It is time for you to prepare for the ceremony.

This is confusing. I thought the time to "prepare" was as soon as a child can hold a blade. Furthermore, he should've had this conversation with Alexander a long time ago.

ALEXANDER: What do I have to do?
WORF: Well, your fighting skills will be tested and your knowledge of the teachings of Kahless. It will be challenging, but I will help you prepare. These are the kor'tova candles. They represent the fire that burns within the heart of a warrior. When you light yours, you will be declaring your intention to become a warrior. Go ahead.
ALEXANDER: What if I don't want to?

This conversation should've happened before Worf even brought out the candles.

WORF: If you do not participate in the rite before the age of thirteen years, you will never be able to become a true Klingon warrior.

This is where the timeline completely implodes. Alexander is four years old. When he appears as an adult on DS9 he'll be eight. The biggest problem is that even if they tried to retcon the TNG era as two years per season it just raises more questions and we'd still be years away from Alexander being thirteen.

ALEXANDER: Well I don't care about that.
WORF: You may not care about it now, but someday you might.
ALEXANDER: Mother always said that I didn't have to do any of this Klingon stuff if I didn't want.

I always considered this to be a major misstep on K'Ehleyr's part. She told Worf specifically that Alexander should be allowed to find his own ways, yet she taught her son that he should be suspicious of his Klingon heritage. In other words, as Alexander grows up and goes in search of his own ways she didn't actually intend for him to do this Klingon stuff.

I seriously wish that she had lived. Probably not forever, but at least let her be a guest star until Redemption where the Duras sisters kill her. Let Gowron win the throne by having a simple one on one duel with Duras.

WORF: I have tried to tell him that it is an important part of a young Klingon's life, but he does not understand.
PICARD: But he's had so little opportunity to spend time with Klingons. You know, the festival of Kot'baval is tomorrow.

The festival celebrates the victory of Kahless over Molor. In the Mirror Universe it's the other way around, of course.

I'm extremely dubious that Picard has an encyclopedic knowledge of Klingon holidays OR can instantly convert between stardates and the Klingon calendar OR bothered to keep track of Klingon outposts in the area. This kind of stuff really makes the notion that Federation science can imprint knowledge into people's minds a bit more plausible (stupid Nomad brainwiping Uhura...).

WORF: Yes. But the outpost is on the other side of the Vodrey Nebula. It would take three days by shuttle to get there.
PICARD: The Enterprise could be there in a fraction of the time, and still be back in time for the rendezvous.

Three days? Is this particular nebula too dangerous for small craft and he'd have to go around the long way? They could've spared a line for that, I would've bought it.

SINGER: Nok'tar be'got, hosh'ar te'not?
CRUSHER: What's he saying?

SF Debris brought up the fact that she was wearing a communicator. Given evidence elsewhere the only possible explanation I can come up with is that Klingons choose to learn English (again "Federation Standard" doesn't exist after all) and forbid usage of translators. And again, they could've explained that.

An alternative is that the actors are speaking the Ancient Klingon used in the days of Kahless and this is too complicated to be translated.

ALEXANDER: The man over there says he's got Molor's head in a box. The real Molor.
WORF: That is impossible. The real Molor died centuries ago.
ALEXANDER: I know. It's mummified.

Fifteen hundred centuries ago, to be exact. As for mummification, I have serious doubts that Klingons would bother with that. Ancient Kronos had large deserts (Kahless was sort of like Genghis Khan) and I'd rather think that the head would be desiccated than mummified. Even so, it'd be locked in a crypt on Kronos rather than in the hands of this con artist.

WORF: He is gin'tak to the house of Mogh.
RIKER: Gin'tak?
WORF: An advisor so trusted that he is become part of a family.

Which makes you wonder where he was during the civil war. Presumably Alexander has usurped the identity of the real K'mtar.

[Nate the Great]

K'MTAR: We have other evidence that indicates the Duras sisters, Lursa and B'Etor, were behind the attack.
RIKER: What do you think they were after?
K'MTAR: Kurn's seat on the Council, of course.

I'm fairly certain that council seats can't be usurped via assassination. As Grilka says, houses settle disputes by having their forces meet in battle. Then again, do the Duras sisters OR Kurn have forces that COULD meet in battle? Do Council members earn enough to buy family estates, hire warriors, etc.?

RIKER: At one point they were at Deep Space Nine, trying to sell bilitrium explosives.
K'MTAR: That was months ago.

"Past Prologue" was about Stardate 46350, it's now about Stardate 47780. I'd call almost a year and a half more than just "months."

K'MTAR: Good. Because someday Alexander may be called upon to lead the house of Mogh. Kurn has no male heir. He wants to make sure that Alexander is preparing himself.

"House of Quark" stated that women leading Houses was unusual, but it wasn't impossible.

It occurs to me, wouldn't it have been interesting to have an episode where Alexander's cousins visit? They'd be able to tell him what "this Klingon stuff" should look like from a child's perspective.

Actually, the idea that the heir doesn't have to follow strict primogeniture is interesting, but I'll skip that screed.

K'MTAR: How are his fighting skills? Can he handle a bat'leth?
WORF: He is learning. He could be better.
K'MTAR: He must. He's nearing the age of ascension.

He is? They specifically said "thirteen" and Alexander is nowhere near that age. If there are two Klingon years to every Earth year, they could say so.

K'MTAR: Have you ever been to the Homeworld?
ALEXANDER: No.

Really? Wouldn't there be a Federation Embassy on Kronos for K'ehleyr to use? Did she choose not to use it?

K'MTAR: I understand. You're afraid. You don't know whether the Homeworld is safe.
ALEXANDER: Yes.

I always imagined Klingon estates to be walled complexes similar to those in ancient China. I'm sure children would be quite safe inside the walls. Even invading mercenaries would find it dishonorable to kill children before the final Rite of Ascension.

DATA: Starfleet records contain no mention of the Duras sisters after their departure from Deep Space Nine.

For a year and a half? I would like to think that people who start a civil war would be worthy of continual Klingon surveillance by themselves, and that's before you add the Romulan collaboration into the equation.

RIKER: On screen. Quark. I see you remember me.

They used a horrible take in this scene. Quark took a little too long reacting to seeing Riker on his screen.

QUARK [on viewscreen]: How could I forget the only man ever to win triple down dabo at one of my tables?

There's a fun DS9 novel where Quark hosts a poker tournament and invites Riker. Riker can't make it, so Doctor Bashir takes his place and unexpectedly wins (this is before the revelation of his Augment status, FYI).

RIKER: And how could I forget that you didn't have enough latinum to cover my winnings?
QUARK [on viewscreen]: I thought I explained that my brother had misplaced the key to the safe.

Talk about a stupid excuse. I don't see Ferengi ever using physical keys; they'd use multiple combinations along with biometric sensors.

RIKER: I'm looking for some Klingon friends of mine. The Duras sisters, Lursa and B'Etor?
QUARK [on viewscreen]: Yes, Lursa and B'Etor. Big talk, small tips.

Both say "Lorsa" instead of "Lursa", that always bugged me.

QUARK [on viewscreen]: They learned of a magnesite deposit on the Kalla system. It belongs to the Pakleds, but those fools don't even know it's there.

Is anyone else dubious that the Pakleds could ever hold a system other than the one with their homeworld?

K'MTAR: Could not he have been lying?
RIKER: Why would he? I'd just be knocking on his door again in a few days, and I wouldn't be in as good a mood.

A good point. It's not like Quark can hide, and there was a security officer in Sisko's office watching the whole thing who could testify against him.

ALEXANDER: Why did you want to recreate this?

"The producers said that we had to get our money's worth out of the set." Hehe.

[Nate the Great]

WORF: I would like him to learn our ways. No. This is his home.
K'MTAR: How can you expect him to lead our family when all he knows is life aboard a Federation starship?
WORF: He is my son. He belongs with me.

It occurs to me that Worf could take a leave of absence to accompany Alexander into Klingon space. If Alexander likes the academy on Ogat Worf could come back.

K'MTAR: Kahless was determined to teach his brother a lesson because he had told a lie. But Morath refused to fight him and instead ran away. Kahless pursued him across the valleys, over the mountains, and down to the edge of the sea. And there on the shore, they fought for
ALEXANDER: Twelve days, twelve nights. I know, I've heard this story before.

Once again I have to recommend the Kahless novel.

RIKER: You haven't heard my offer. Half a gram of Anjoran biomimetic gel.

Only mention of "Anjoran". Just using Andorian would be easier (and the color would be appropriate, hehe).

LURSA: Someone must have given it to the assassins to implicate us.
TROI: Why would someone do that?
B'ETOR: In order to tarnish our good name.
WORF: You cannot tarnish a rusted blade.

Burn!

WORF: I was not aware you had a son.
LURSA: I do not. But I am with child.

Given the events of Generations you have to wonder what happened to the kid. He appears in Star Trek Online, but I have to wonder if Toral adopted him. It would've made his appearance in DS9 more interested.

K'MTAR: Then she died. And then you howled in rage and said, look upon her. Look upon death and always to remember. And I always have.

No, Worf said, "You have never seen death. Then look. And always remember." I hate it when screenwriters refuse to look up prior scripts for proper language.

WORF: How have you done this, come to this time?
K'MTAR: I met a man in the Cambra system. He gave me a chance to change the past.

I do wish they would just invoke the Guardian of Forever in situations like this.

K'MTAR: You don't understand. I did not become a warrior. I was a diplomat, a peacemaker. When it came my time to lead our family, I thought that I could single handedly end the fighting between the great houses. I publicly announced that the house of Mogh would be the first to end the feuding. That there would be no more retribution, no more revenge. You tried to warn me. You tried to tell me that I should not show weakness, but I thought you were a foolish old man.

This seems like a prime opportunity to just record a video to show to Alexander when he grows up a la "Timeless".

Fiver

Worf: My son doesn't want to learn the Klingon ways. And he's requesting Earring Magic Ken.

I still remember the Earring Magic Ken controversy. Yeah, this joke doesn't really work. Worf is trying to imply that Alexander is a girl, not gay.

K'mtar: The attackers were sent from the Duras sisters. They dropped this knife.
Riker: I hope we find them spoon. If we don't, I'd never be able to forkgive myself.

Those puns were painful.

K'mtar: I meant his fighting skills. Maybe you should send him to a Klingon Academy.
Worf: I don't think a 21st century computer game is going to help.

A big problem with Klingon Academy is that a very small fraction of the game actually happens at the Academy. I wonder why they didn't just call it Klingon Civil War.

Worf: You tried to kill my son!
K'mtar: No. I am your son!
Worf: No! That's not true! That's impossible!
K'mtar: Search your feelings. You know it to be true.

Ha ha. I would've tossed in a punchline where K'mtar asks if he has to chop off Worf's hand for him to believe him.

Memory Alpha

* A comparison to "Yesteryear" is made, but I don't really see it. There's a difference between restoring history and deliberately meddling with it.
* They wanted to bring back K'Ehleyr as well, but they decided against it. I agree, it would've bumped this out to two episodes and require a lot more exposition.
* The creators were worried about reusing the actor who played Dr. Mora. In retrospect I realize that the voices were alike, but if I had been a casual viewer at the time who hadn't seen "The Alternate" lately I never would've noticed.
* There's a novel where Worf asks Alexander to take his place as the Federation Ambassador to the Klingon Empire, but I don't think it would've worked. Alexander wouldn't have had enough diplomatic experience yet.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil brings up the stardate problem with calling Alexander three years old when he met Worf.

[Nate the Great]

May 2nd, 1994, "Bloodlines"

No fiver

The Episode

DATA: It appears to be an unmanned probe approximately one half metre in diameter.

This seems rather small for a probe, and I wonder why they specified the size at all, it's rather irrelevant. Furthermore, why would anyone specify "unmanned probe", if anything is large enough for someone to be in it I wouldn't call it a "probe", it would be a "pod" at the very least.

DATA: The beam appears to contain holographic imaging information.
RIKER: It's trying to project something.
PICARD: Isolate the bandwidth. Let the signal through the shields.
(the image of a Ferengi appears)
PICARD: Bok!

I'm very dubious about a probe broadcasting a hologram that plays in real time. I know that the only reason is to remind us of what Bok looks like, but it just raises too many questions. Too bad the holocommunicator hasn't been invented yet.

BOK: I trust you remember me, Picard, because I haven't forgotten you or how you murdered my son. For fifteen years now I've thought about how to avenge his death...

The Battle of Maxia was 2355, the year is now 2370. I thought it had to be a longer time than that, mainly because I could've sworn that Picard took a long sabbatical between the Stargazer hearings and coming back to command the E-D, but I guess not. It was only eight years, and he had to have met Geordi and Tasha during this time.

RIKER: The Ferengi Government is debating an amendment to the Rules of Acquisition. It could be a while before we hear from them.

This seems odd. You'd think the Ferengi government would have enough bureaucracy that there'd be enough room for a dedicated Diplomatic Corps.

PICARD: Will, I do appreciate your not asking, but I do think that you have a right to know. There is a possibility that the boy is my son.

Nice character work.

RIKER: She never said anything to you about being pregnant?
PICARD: No, so either Bok is wrong and I'm not the father, or Miranda decided to raise the child alone.

Can we address the elephant in the room, namely how phenomenally unlikely it is that Bok would find a woman who A. Dated Picard and B. Got pregnant by someone else immediately after leaving Picard and C. The child's father was never in the picture and D. The child doesn't even know who his/her father is? The math just doesn't add up.

PICARD: Miranda was trained as a botanist. She always used to talk about running a farm one day.

Even as a child I found this dubious. Botanists might experiment with increasing the yield of farm crops, but they wouldn't want to actually operate a farm, it would take time away from their experiements.

JASON: Oh. Well, I wasn't, so maybe you should just beam me back where I was?

And Jason turns around and assumes the same position, trusting that he's achieved a 100% match and that the Enterprise crew would literally beam him back to a rock wall instead of the bottom of it. Even as a child I found this silly.

PICARD: Are you Jason Vigo?
JASON: I, er, I know him. Is he in trouble?

And any sympathy I might have for Jason is gone, just like that. I respect Harry Mudd more than this guy!

JASON: My mother never told me who my father was. Just that he was in Starfleet.

This seems odd. Putting aside the coincidence, why would Miranda withold this information? For that matter, does the Federation still allow mothers to not put a father on the birth certificate?

JASON: No, I just enjoy climbing.
PICARD: Without an antigrav harness?
JASON: No, they get in the way.

And that's strike two, this guy's an idiot. Even if you have a backpack that senses sudden acceleration and triggers an antigrav unit, I'd still want a spotter. Tech can always fail, and you can't have a failsafe on an antigrav unit.

PICARD: So, what do you do?
JASON: I'm between jobs right now.
PICARD: I see.

I could've sworn that Federation citizens could do whatever they want within reason. They are encouraged to have a job that would benefit society, but they aren't required to. Joseph Sisko runs a restaurant to keep busy and provide a service to the community, but he doesn't actually earn money.

Even if we suppose that Camor V is outside the Federation and still has a traditional economy, Jason would know that he has the option to ask the Federation for a ride back to Earth where he can go to school or whatever.

PICARD: Oh, theses are archaeological fragments that I've collected over the years. This is a Silvan glyph stone. And this, this is a Gorlan prayer stick. It's really quite rare.
JASON: Is it valuable?
PICARD: Not really. Only to students of archaeology such as myself.

Did Miranda not teach Jason that economics works differently in the Federation? Then again, I've always thought it odd that the Federation can operate a currency-free economy when it's surrounded by other governments that do use money. Officers on DS9 must have some sort of salary to buy things on the Promenade, etc.

JASON: On Camor, something has value if you can eat it or sell it. Everything else is luxury.

This seems rather narrow-minded, but I've preached enough about different economic systems for one day.

DATA: Bok took the precaution of encrypting the probe's navigational systems so that we would be unable to decipher its flight path.
LAFORGE: We ran an analysis of the probe's hull. From the energy signatures and particle deposits we found, it looks like it travelled through a dichromic nebula, was exposed to an intensive gravimetric distortion, and passed within one light year of a class four pulsar.
DATA: Those phenomena are relatively common. We would need to identify at least one of them specifically in order to postulate a flight path.

Or you could start in the system that the E-D encountered the probe in, then "look" in all directions for these phenomena. In addition, they could check how empty the fuel tank or battery or whatever is to postulate a range. Knowing the maximum distance it could come from and then looking for the phenomena.*

BIRTA [on viewscreen]: Bok is no DaiMon. He was relieved of command six years ago. He was unstable, dangerous. We had to confine him to Rog Prison.
PICARD: But he's no longer there?
BIRTA [on viewscreen]: He was able to buy himself out about two years ago.

How? I would imagine that it would be standard Ferengi procedure to confiscate all of a prisoner's assets.

CRUSHER: Keep in mind he's had twenty years to be angry that his father wasn't there.

Was he? Furthermore, he knows that Picard didn't even know it existed. I understand someone being angry at a father that deliberately walked away from them because he didn't want to be a father, but Jason knows that his father didn't even know that he was a father.

PICARD: Perhaps. But surely it would be wrong to force the issue. My sense is that he's a very independent young man. Perhaps it would be best if I left him alone. Let him come to me if he wants to.
CRUSHER: Maybe you're right. But I think you should consider this. Are you doing the best thing for Jason or what's easiest for you?

I get the moral, but once again the dilemma is treated like a binary choice with no in between. As Picard himself said, life itself in an exercise in exceptions.

[Nate the Great]

TROI: I was born on Betazed.
JASON: Do all the women there have eyes like yours?

Yes. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I never noticed that Sirtis or Barret wore special contact lenses for large Betazoid eyes. It doesn't seem worth it.

DATA: He has been charged three times with petty theft, twice for disorderly conduct, and several dozen times for trespassing.

This is a huge misstep in my opinion. Picard already has enough reasons to not associate with this guy, blatant criminal activity (beyond the trespassing, I suppose) should be the final straw. This should make up Picard's mind for him: get Bok off Jason's back then send him home. Nothing more.

JASON: Well, Sandra, do you think you could give me some room?
RHODES: We're supposed to be keeping an eye on you.
JASON: Can't you can keep an eye on me from over there?

This seems ridiculous. Surely they've invented a localized transporter inhibitor and shield by now. Bok would make sure to beam into a secure vantage point, he's not going to pop up in the middle of a corridor and let the guards shoot him.

DATA: Captain, I do not believe it was meant as an attack, but rather as a message.
PICARD: A message?
DATA: Yes, sir, in B'zal, a Ferengi code which uses an alternating pattern of light and darkness.

This is actually a clever idea.

BOK: You murdered my son.
PICARD: It was self-defence. He fired on my ship.
BOK: You were in Ferengi space!
PICARD: I didn't know that.

I'm still confused as to why the Ferengi didn't have established borders that its neighbors knew even before the Federation encountered them. Furthermore, if Ship A fires first on Ship B and starts a battle, Government A shouldn't be able to complain to Government B about it.

CRUSHER: You know, I don't think anyone is born knowing how to be a parent. You just sort of figure it out as you go. But the one quality that tends to be a requirement for parenthood is patience.

Actually, I've found that patience is required when dealing with any child, not just your own children.

PICARD: Well, I'm not sure that that is going to be enough. I've found out that Jason has a criminal record. It's nothing very serious, it's only petty theft and so forth, but I can't help feeling that if I had been part of his life then he wouldn't be so troubled now.

Of course he wouldn't be so troubled, he'd be in the Federation where there is plenty of food and lots of legal places to rock climb. But as the wizard Teraptus once said, "history is full of 'should-haves'."

PICARD: My understanding is that such devices were impractical.
DATA: The Federation abandoned its research in the field because the technology was found to be unreliable, as well as energy intensive.

I appreciate Data wants to clarify things, but in this case his reply added absolutely nothing useful to Picard's statement.

LAFORGE: In order to transport matter through subspace, you have to put it into a state of quantum flux. It's very unstable.
PICARD: What range would that kind of transporter have?
DATA: In theory it could operate over several light years.

Which raises the valid question of why other races, particularly the Klingons and Romulans, haven't pursued this technology. Furthermore the Borg should already have this abililty, right? And they could instantly repair any damage, so they'd have no reason not to use it.

PICARD: I'm concerned that he may try to take Jason. Is there any way we can protect him?
LAFORGE: You know, we might be able to keep a signal lock on him at all times.

Yeah, that doesn't seem plausible. Or practical for that matter. What does a subspace transporter care about a conventional transporter lock? It'd be like installing alternating Starfleet and Klingon shield emitters on a ship's hull and expected them to work flawlessly in concert to create a single shield bubble.

Surely you could give Jason a device to scatter any incoming signal, even subspace ones.

JASON: She heard about the all children on Camor who'd been orphaned from the Cardassian war.
PICARD: Oh. I see.

And the local government didn't ask the Federation for humanitarian aid?

JASON: You don't understand. I'm not anybody you'd want for a son. Trust me, if you knew anything about me, you wouldn't be trying so hard.

I get that they're trying to redeem his character, but it's rather too late for that. Furthermore it doesn't work because Data made it clear that he's not a former criminal, he's a current criminal.

And to talk about the ending for a bit, Jason chooses to return to Camor to sort out his life instead of letting Picard return him to the Federation. How exactly is he supposed to sort out his life without money? Selling one artifact is not going to fix his life. For that matter, who on Camor would have a use for the artifact anyway?

DATA: I am tracing the transporter beam Bok used to send the probe. The ship is holding position approximately three hundred billion kilometres from here.

Just say 32 light years, Data!

PICARD: Plot a course. Maximum warp.
RIKER: Even at warp nine we wouldn't get there for another twenty minutes.

There are plenty of online warp calculators. 20 minutes at Warp 9 is 0.06 light-years, not 32. 32 light years at Warp 9 is 7 days. It does make you wonder why they bothered creating an equation in the first place if they weren't going to use it.

PICARD: The modifications you made to the transporter. Is there any way we could use a subspace transport from here to get me onto Bok's ship?
DATA: It may be possible, sir, but it would not be advisable.

What, you created a subspace transporter? When was that established? I thought they were just trying to create a similar signal to interfere with Bok's.

Memory Alpha

* The NextGen Companion compares Picard and Jason's relationship to Kirk and David Marcus. I don't see it AT ALL.
* Only NextGen episode to mention the Rules of Acquisition.
* One of the creators complained that this was yet another seventh season meet-a-relative episode.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil seems to think that Miranda Vigo's DNA shouldn't be on file because she wasn't a Starfleet officer. I want to know where Phil got the idea that only Starfleet officers have their DNA on file instead of all Federation members.
* Phil did the math for himself and says that 300 billion kilometers at Warp 9 is 11 minutes. I don't care to redo my math.
* In addition to the unlikely sequence of events that made Jason a candidate that I mentioned earlier, Phil also points out that Bok would have to figure out how to make Jason's DNA resemble Picard's without altering his appearance.
* Phil complains that Data is able to find Jason underground and know his race, gender, and approximate age when the sensors couldn't find Picard and Crusher back in "Attached." My immediate counterargument is that the Kes and the Prytt would be adept at filling the atmosphere with jamming signals.
* In "Legacy" the transporter could only beam through 400 meters of granite, yet in this episode it could go 2 kilometers deep. My immediately rejoinder is that it's probably easier for a transporter signal to penetrate soil than granite.

[Nate the Great]

May 9th, 1994, "Emergence"

There are plenty of Treknobabble rants ahead, here's your warning. However, I do like the character work in this episode.

Fiver by Nic and Sa'ar

The Episode

DATA: It appears to be a steam locomotive.
PICARD: A train?
DATA: If I am not mistaken.

Time to be pedantic. The locomotive is one part of a train, the other part being the cars. Data has chosen the wrong language because at minimum a steam locomotive must be accompanied by a tender car that has the fuel. Picard is correct.

DATA: The train we encountered was from one of Doctor Crusher's holodeck programs. It was a re-creation of the Orient Express, a train which travelled from Paris to Istanbul from the late nineteenth century until.
PICARD: Yes, yes, Data, I know about the Orient Express.

I was surprised to learn that the Orient Express ran until 2009, mainly because I kinda thought that "orient" was redefined as being offensive long before TNG ran.

Captain's log, stardate 47869.2. After weathering an unexpected magnascopic storm in the Mekorda Sector, we are continuing our search for new Federation colony sites.

So the randomized magnetic fields caused by the storm is supposed to be the trigger for randomized circuit connections to the point of creating sentience. I find this dubious, but at least they came up with an explanation. Furthermore, I'm having trouble with the idea that isolinear technology is vulnerable to electromagnetic fields to begin with, the TOS crew certainly ran into their share of interstellar phenomenon creating trouble with ship's systems (I especially refer you to "The Practical Joker"). But that was duotronic systems, not isolinear systems.

RIKER: I don't think there's any possibility of developing sites in this region. Most of the stars are main sequence binaries. There are no M-class planets.

Actually, it occurs to me that ships should be able to do the first step of an M-class search using long range sensors alone. It's already been determined that only a small fraction of the range of possible stars could EVER support life (at least M-class life as our heroes are doing). You wouldn't even have to go to most of the systems to look for planets, as the star would indicate whether or not there was any chance you'd find one.

DATA: The ship has moved into warp, sir.
RIKER: Who gave that command?
DATA: Apparently no one.

There's an interesting Strange New Worlds story (fan fiction compilations, not TV show) where the crew suddenly disappeared and the E-D computer determined that it had to lift itself up by its own bootstraps and become sentient to solve the problem. When it solved the problem and brought back the crew it knew that it couldn't be sentient anymore, so it hid its personality inside the Minuet program.

LAFORGE [OC]: If you want us to stop, I'll have to do an emergency core shutdown.
RIKER: That would leave us without warp power for more than a week.

First, the safety of the crew is paramount, the warp core is expendible. Second, it would also take less than a week for Starfleet to send a Starfleet Corps of Engineers ship with a new warp core to install. *

DATA: We are approximately thirty billion kilometres from our original position.

Earlier he said that the ship was moving at Warp 7.3. Putting aside the fact that Warp 1 is more than enough to elude any danger in normal space, 30,000,000,000 km at Warp 7.3 is a little over two minutes. Someone might have actually done the math on this one.

LAFORGE: We still don't know why the ship jumped into warp, but it looks like we're lucky it did. There was a theta flux distortion building up around the ship.
PICARD: Why didn't our sensors alert us?
LAFORGE: Our sensors were never designed to detect theta flux distortions. And yet there is a record of the distortion in the sensor log. That's the other mystery.

This is inexplicable. The sensors were never designed to look for this stuff, but somehow it did? Did the new intelligence in the computer happen to decide to modify the sensors to look for this thing just in time to find one? At least in the Strange New Worlds story is talked about earlier the problem happened too fast for the crew to have a chance to react. Only the superspeed thinking of the ship's computer could notice it.

DATA: Perhaps the engines were activated by a random power fluctuation.
LAFORGE: Which occurred just in time to save the ship?
DATA: It is improbable, but it is possible.

I'm disturbed by the notion that a random power fluctuation could trigger the warp engines. Doesn't the helmsman have to "prepare to go to warp", presumably by adjusting systems that have nothing to do with the warp engines (subspace sensors and comms, inertial dampeners, etc.)?

DATA: There is another possibility.
LAFORGE: Yeah, what's that.
DATA: The sensors apparently detected a dangerous anomaly that threatened the Enterprise. It is possible that they triggered a safety device which caused the ship to avoid destruction.

Both of them should know about any such safety device.

LAFORGE: Yeah, but there's no direct link between the warp engines and the sensors.

Yeah there is, it's called the ship's computer.

RIKER: Where did these nodes come from?
DATA: It is possible that the magnascopic storm we recently experienced had an unexpected effect on the ship's systems.

I think this Treknobabble explanation needed to be fleshed out a bit.

DATA: Agreed. All of the nodal connections intersect in holodeck three. It appears to be a focal point of some kind.
LAFORGE: We might be able to find a way to use the holodeck circuitry to disable the nodes permanently.

How? Since when are the holodeck circuits designed to interact with those in a random Jefferies Tube halfway across the ship?

RUSTIC: Now I'm going all the way to Vertiform City!

Vertiform is a fictional word, but I wonder why they didn't use "variform" instead, which is a real word that fits the scenario.

RIKER: All right, go ahead and depolarise the entire power grid.
DATA: The power grid is located beneath this deck, sir.

I hate the idea that the holodeck has controls that can only be accessed from inside an active program. Especially since "The Big Goodbye" had Westley accessing the program from a control panel outside. Between this, a forced shutdown vaporizes everything inside, and holodeck characters somehow existing outside the holodeck (if only for a few seconds) I guess that episode isn't canon anymore.

DATA: Geordi, does the configuration of connection nodes look familiar to you?
LAFORGE: Yeah. Yeah, it looks a little like the structure of your positronic brain.
DATA: That is correct. It would appear that the nodes are in the process of creating a rudimentary neural net.

This is completely ridiculous. There's no reason why all artificial intelligences would have similar structures. I'll bet you anything that the various TOS andrdoids were nothing alike on the inside.

Let me talk about another book. In "Immortal Coil" Bruce Maddox hit a brick wall trying to duplicate Data's positronic brain, and he knows about the evolution of Voyager's EMH, so he recruits Reg Barclay to combine the technologies to create an android with a "holotronic" brain. I recommend it highly.

DATA: I believe it is an emergent property.
PICARD: Explain.
DATA: Complex systems can sometimes behave in ways that are entirely unpredictable. The human brain, for example, might be described in terms of cellular functions and neurochemical interactions. But that description does not explain human consciousness, a capacity that far exceeds simple neural functions. Consciousness is an emergent property.

I could write a big screed on the implications of this paragraph regarding God versus evolution, but I'll skip it.

[Nate the Great]

DATA: The Enterprise contains a vast database of information which is managed by a sophisticated computer. This complex system gives the ship many of the characteristics of a biological organism.
RIKER: That's true. It sees with its sensors, it talks with its communications systems.
CRUSHER: In a sense, it almost reproduces with the replicators.

This is the first half of an argument, but they didn't actually tie it together into a logical conclusion.

PICARD: If the ship is truly an emerging intelligence, then we have a responsibility to treat it with the same respect as any other being.

While I don't dispute this, it seems like a huge leap. Even if the ship develops an intelligence, there's no sign yet that it will develop a singular consciousness, much less sentience.

(in the middle of the floor, a 3d version of the jigsaw is growing with a light inside it)

It seems odd that the ship decided to build this thing in a random cargo bay and use short-range transporter signals to do it. Why not just use the larger replicators that we've already seen on board?

LAFORGE: It looks like the ship's replicator and transporter systems have been merged somehow. to create this.

The replicator is a subset of the transporter. I repeat the last comment. This thing doesn't have to be in the cargo bay because it's going to phase out of the ship.

LAFORGE: Counsellor, we haven't been able to re-establish the safeties.
CRUSHER: The injuries you suffered on the holodeck weren't severe, but next time they might kill you.
TROI: I'm aware of that.

Putting aside the fact that this is a necessary mission, couldn't they at least put on some armor before returning to the holodeck? Or at least beam a period-accurate radio into the holodeck and communicate with the inhabitants through that?

PICARD: Vertion particles. Vertiform City. That's what the ship was looking for.

Why not just call it Vertion City?

LAFORGE: Captain, you'd better take a look at this. When the particle beam cut off, the object was beginning to form a coherent energy matrix. Now, if these readings are accurate, I'd say that the emission patterns were almost organic.

Ugh. Not all life forms are organic, etc.

LAFORGE: The ship has diverted all of our systems to maximum propulsion, including life support. We have less than two hours of reserve oxygen.

What? Putting aside the fact that once again the writers are thinking that life support is just providing oxygen, I expect that a ship this big would have a stockpile of oxygen on standby for manual distribution. Furthermore we know that the ship has designated shelter areas to focus life support power to a small fraction of the ship instead of the whole thing.

DATA: I can get us there more quickly. I know a shorter route.

How does Data know how the train's control correlate to the actual heading of the ship? Furthermore the whole thing has to figurative because a train can't alter it's heading, only control the speed.

PICARD: Then the purpose of the ship's intelligence was simply to bring this life form into being.
CRUSHER: There are some species whose sole purpose is to reproduce. Once they finally procreate, they die.

And not a single one of said species is sentient or even arguably intelligent. Trek has a terrible habit of shoehorning metaphors.

DATA: Captain, you took a substantial risk in allowing the Enterprise to complete its task.
PICARD: Why do you say that?
DATA: Because the end result was unknown. The object could have been dangerous. It may in fact, be dangerous.
PICARD: And I have allowed it to go off on its merry way.
DATA: Yes, sir.
PICARD: The intelligence that was formed on the Enterprise didn't just come out of the ship's systems. It came from us. From our mission records, personal logs, holodeck programs, our fantasies. Now, if our experiences with the Enterprise have been honourable, can't we trust that the sum of those experiences will be the same?

I already put this scene on the TNG heartwarming TV Tropes page.

The Fiver

Picard: Shall we try it once more from the beginning? Data, what are you doing with that kettle? I already had my Earl Grey.
Data: You need not make such a fuss over it, Captain. I am merely trying to perform The Tempest in a teapot.

That pun hurt.

Conductor: Let me see your tickets.
Data: Um....
Conductor: I find your lack of tickets disturbing.
Riker: Let me do the talking. I know how to handle these situations. (waving fingers) You don't need to see our tickets.
Worf: We're not with him.

Ha ha.

Troi: Could you please tell me what the last station this train visits is?
Conductor: This is the Orient Express.
Troi: Yes, but that's not my question. Tell me what the last station is.
Conductor: Don't you read History? This is the Orient Express! What do you think the last station is? Winnipeg? Moose Jaw?

Um, the Orient Express traveled in both directions between Europe and Istanbul, so where did this joke come from?

Mobster: You need an education... it's just another brick in the wall.

I was introduced to Pink Floyd's The Wall by an old classmate. It's a long story.

La Forge: I think this is what we're looking for... Detecting lots of vertion particles....
Picard: There's moose in that nebula!

I get the feeling that at the end of the day one of the few bits of Voyager that will endure in geek culture is the line "there's coffee in that nebula!"

Memory Alpha

* Rick Berman had a problem with the shot where the train wheels braked because nobody was around to see it. I think he gets uptight about the weirdest things sometimes. I'm especially reminded of the helium football episode of Mythbusters. Adam has football helmets for Jamie and himself to wear, Jamie doesn't seem the point. Adam remarks that sometimes Jamie seems to forget that they're shooting a TV show meant for entertainment.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil also mentions the armor (or rather bulletproof vest) thing.
* Data, Troi, and Worf enjoy champagne with the holodeck characters, yet when the program shuts down they're still holding glasses, and Phil has a problem with this. He seems to forget that the holodeck can replicate simple objects.