30th Anniversary DS9 Discussion Marathon

[Nate the Great]

O'BRIEN: We've got a problem. sir. I just saw Q on the Promenade.
SISKO: Q? Here?
KIRA: What's Q?
SISKO: A powerful and extremely unpredictable entity. I was at a Starfleet briefing on him two years ago.

One wonders why it took three years after meeting Q to arrange a briefing on him.

SISKO: Tell me about Q.
Q: I'll tell you anything you want to know, Commander. Just answer one question. Is Starfleet penalising you or did you actually request such a dismal command?

He sure didn't ask for it! Whether this is supposed to be a punishment is another discussion.

Q: Though I must say I approve of your new tailor.
(Q changes from TNG uniform to DS9)

As I hear it, the point behind the inverted colors on the DS9 uniform is that a black uniform would hide dirt better. I'm not that fond of the DS9 uniform, too casual.

SISKO: If you're looking for sympathy, you've come to the wrong place.
Q: Actually, what I was hoping for was a little witty repartee, but I see I'm not going to get any of that either. At least your beloved Jean-Luc knows how to turn a phrase.

We all know that the only reason he visits the Enterprise is to listen to Picard speeches.

Q: Marquis of Queensberry Rules?

Published in London in 1867, the Rules were the first popular set of rules for boxing. The Rules was the first time boxing gloves were made mandatory.

Q: You hit me Picard never hit me.
SISKO: I'm not Picard.
Q: Indeed not. You're much easier to provoke.

Yeah, 'cause Picard would've just stood still and let Q punch him. I doubt it.

SISKO: Every time we've had a power drain, it's been followed by an increase in the graviton field. If this continues, we could wind up with a breach in one of our reactor cores. We'd lose half the station.

Just half? You do realize that all three reactor cores are in the Central Core next to each other, right? Set off one and the other two explode as well!

ODO: I'll never understand this obsession with accumulating material wealth. You spend your entire life plotting and scheming to acquire more and more possessions, until your living areas are bursting with useless junk. Then you die, your relatives sell everything and start the cycle all over again.

Oh, the screed I could write on this topic...

O'BRIEN: Sir, we'll never find the source of the power drain using these bloody Cardassian internal sensors. They're just not sensitive enough.

You'd think upgrading the sensors would be Priority One, especially with the wormhole nearby.

Q: Picard and his lackeys would have solved all this techno-babble hours ago.

This line has always stuck with me. I think that this isn't a fair comparison as the E-D has far superior sensors to the station. Plus, y'know, less volume to scan.

Q: Do I know you?
O'BRIEN: O'Brien. From the Enterprise.
Q: Enterprise. oh yes. Weren't you one of the little people?

O'Brien was on the Battle Bridge during the Farpoint Mission! Q chose not to grab him for the trial. It must be the yellow uniform that's throwing him off.

Station log, stardate 46532.3. With the embryonic lifeform off the station, graviton levels have returned to normal. We've used the control thrusters to return the station to its original position.

Did they use the shields to lower the inertial mass again?

Q: Earth. Oh, don't get me wrong. A thousand years ago it had character. Crusades, Spanish Inquisition, Watergate.

"The Brady Bunch Reunion!" The (first) Power Rangers movie may be cheesy shlock, but you can't say that Ivan Ooze wasn't fun.

BASHIR: I feel as though I've been sleep for days. What? Did I miss something?

Nobody checked up on how the Senior Medical Officer is doing?

Memory Alpha

* Q never snaps his fingers in this episode to use his powers. Weird.
* Q and O'Brien never shared a scene on TNG, but as an officer on the Battle Bridge Q would've noticed him.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Bashir invited Vash to Quark's for a date, and she goes there, but he goes to the Replimat. Oops.
* Why didn't the evacuate the station? They had plenty of time!
* If the Cardassians stripped the station of everything of value when they left, why did they leave behind this big piece of precision assay equipment?

[Nate the Great]

February 15th, 1993, "Dax"

Fiver by ceedj (never heard of this guy, either)

The Episode

Station log. stardate 46910.1. Chief O'Brien has escorted his wife back to Earth to celebrate her mother's hundredth birthday. In the meantime, the rest of us are trying to keep the station up and running.

I get that people live longer in the 24th century, but even so waiting until you're in your seventies to have a kid seems dubious. Why not have it be Keiko's grandmother, the one she talked about in "Violations"?

DAX: The technology looks like something the Cardassians must have taken from the Romulans.

One wonders if Garak stole it back when he was the gardener at the embassy on Romulus. Was that before or after he killed Proconsul Merrok?

But seriously, I'd expect the Romulans to be very protective of their tech.

BASHIR: Another raktajino?

I must've suppressed the memory that raktajino was introduced this early. Knowing of kopi luwak, I have to wonder if raktajino beans are soaked in blood before roasting.

DAX: It'll keep me up all night.
BASHIR: I can think of better ways of keeping you up. And they're more fun than drinking Klingon coffee.

For Trek this is positively dirty.

BASHIR: Not necessary, Julian. But not forbidden, either.

And the creators were surprised that viewers didn't like him?

SISKO: Full station security alert. Secure all turbolifts, seal off airlocks for levels four through twelve. Computer, locate Lieutenant Dax.
COMPUTER: Lieutenant Dax is on level six, corridor one.
BASHIR [OC]: No, that's where I am. They just left her comm. badge.

Look, I understand that at times the commbadge is the only way to find a person. When a person is on a ship, space station, or within the range of a colony's sensor array is not one of them. If Voyager can keep track of the mental state of everyone at all times, I expect DS9's computer to keep track of a few hundred different people.

KIRA: We've got eight ships in dock capable of warp five or more. Three on docking pylons, five smaller ones in the ports.
SISKO: Seal off all docking ring airlocks.

You didn't do this already? Frankly all bulkheads in the vicinity should've been locked shut by now.

KIRA: Isolating with cadderon force fields.

Only mention of cadderon force fields. It makes you wonder what the point was. Was this supposed to indicate that Cardassian force fields are different as a Chekov's Gun for later?

SISKO: I'm trying to speed up the bleed-off process in the graviton generator.
(The ship undocks.)
KIRA: We lost them.
SISKO: It's working. I'm increasing the flow to the EPS wave guides.

Seriously, why is Sisko doing this? Why doesn't O'Brien have an assistant?

If this is supposed to tie into his experiences in starship design back at Utopia Planitia, that could've been made more explicit. "Let me try a trick that I learned back at Utopia Planitia."

SISKO: We've got eighteen, twenty years of friendship behind us.
DAX: I'm Jadzia Dax now. That was Curzon Dax you knew for twenty years.
SISKO: So when the Dax part of you survived from one host to the next, it really didn't take our friendship along.
DAX: Benjamin, you know you're still my very dear friend. I'm sorry.

So why'd she bring it up? If the intention was to show that "control" slides more towards Jadzia or Dax at different times, they could've done a better job explaining that.

KIRA: You Klaestrons are allies of the Cardassians. Your knowledge of this station confirms that. They must have given you the layout, which not only compromises Bajoran security, but also annoys us.

Kira does make me smile sometimes.

QUARK: For how long?
ODO: As long as it takes.
QUARK: That could be for days!
ODO: There's nowhere else on the station that's suitable.

Really? There isn't a single empty cargo bay that they could refit for the purpose? I get that this is a great scene, but they could've put more thought into it. For example, explaining that most of the station is still unusable after the Cardassian withdrawal.

QUARK: This is blackmail.
ODO: No, it's just business. And business is business.

Shockingly this isn't a Rule of Acquisition. An appropriate Rule for this situation would be 33 (It never hurts to suck up to the boss).

RENORA: This will be an informal hearing, so I'm going to start with some informal advice. I am one hundred years old. I do not have time to squander listening to superfluous language. In short, I intend being here until supper, not senility. Understood?

Cute line.

SISKO: I want you to find all the medical evidence you can to support the theory that Jadzia Dax and Curzon Dax are two entirely separate people. Major
BASHIR: Excuse me, sir. I don't know that there is any medical evidence on that.
SISKO: Assume there is, then find it.

Of course Curzon and Jadzia are different! Even if you argue that 90% of the fusion is Dax, the other 10% is still the host.

KIRA: Is a Trill responsible for the conduct, for the acts of its antecedent selves.
SISKO: Right. That kind of thing.

Wouldn't this have been settled in court decades ago?

ENINA: Curzon Dax was not responsible for the death of my husband.
(Enina is played by Fionulla Flanagan, who will be Data's 'mother' later in the year.)

And the Amazing Thing That I Learned Today is that this episode was made before "Inheritance." And that she was also in an episode of ENT. And that she was in the Jim Carrey Christmas Carol.

ENINA: How is he?
ODO: Ma'am?
ENINA: Curzon Dax.
ODO: He's gone. The Dax your son is trying to extradite is Jadzia Dax, a twenty eight year old woman. Curzon Dax died two years ago. Jadzia is the new host.
ENINA: What? I'm sorry. I didn't know.

Good moment.

PEERS: Because another Trill is involved, the Trillian government requested that I be present during the extradition.

"Trillilan?" I'm so shocked that I'm not even going to make a Hitchhiker's joke.

TANDRO: So if a crime is committed by a Trill, then the symbiont's next host would remain aware of it, would recall that crime?
PEERS: Yes, absolutely.
TANDRO: Would recall the details of it.
PEERS: Yes, absolutely.
TANDRO: And would still feel the guilt of it.
PEERS: Oh, yes.

And? So? These are observations, not arguments. Just 'cause a previous Dax host was a murderer and remembers the details doesn't mean that a future one is equally capable of murder.

BASHIR: The symbiont and the host are biologically interdependent. Ninety three hours after they've joined, neither can survive without the other.

No. After 93 hours a symbiote has to be in a new host or those pools in the caverns on Trill. The host dies. It isn't an equal arrangement.

TANDRO: In fact, is there evidence of any change at all in the symbiont since it joined with this new host? Yes or no.
BASHIR: (big pause) No.

New memories won't change the brainwave frequency of the symbiot. Duh.

SISKO: My God, Dax. Young Tandro, that wouldn't be your son?
DAX: You have an overactive imagination, Benjamin.

Uh, they never answered this one. Memory Alpha says that the general is his father, but who knows?

Actor Gregory Itzin was 45 at the time of this episode. Everyone says that Curzon Dax was there 30 years ago. I don't think that the affair lasted over ten years.

DAX: Do you remember that Argosian lieutenant who threw a drink in your face?

Only mention of Argosians in canon. Of course they were mentioned in a few novels.

ENINA: Madame Arbiter, Curzon Dax is accused of sending a transmission to the enemy that betrayed my husband. But I know where Curzon was at the exact time that transmission was sent. He was in my bed.

Talk about a mike drop moment.

ENINA: As for you, there is one favour I would ask.
DAX: Of course.
ENINA: Live, Jadzia Dax. Live a long, fresh and wonderful life.

I always remembered this scene. The episode really is good.

The Fiver

Sisko: Your honor, if the glove doesn't fit, you must aquitt!
Judge Judy Renora: Nice try, Mr. Cochran.

The fiver was written in 2006. I'm surprised that the OJ trial was still such a big cultural event (although I think I did see a snippet of the Bronco chase live at the time).

Ilon: I submit that blah blah blah, joined Trill, blah blah blah, same memories, blah blah blah, here's a fiver, let's call it even, okay?

This joke has several layers.

Ilon: Is there a difference between technobabble and technobabble?
Bashir: Um...
Ilon: DON'T WAIT FOR THE TRANSLATION, ANSWER THE QUESTION NOW!

I really do need to get around to reviewing the movies one of these years...

Nitpicker's Guide

* How did Odo and Enina get to DS9 from Klaestron so fast? They would've had to do it in a few hours to arrive in time!
* Phil has a long speech about the conflicts between TNG Trill and DS9 Trill, but I've already harped on this one long enough.

[NAHTMMM]

Originally Posted by Nate the Great

[Odo] has a couple of Bajoran deputies.


Really? I'd imagine the station would need a couple dozen Bajoran deputies even before you throw Starfleet Security into the mix.

I'd imagine 400 crewmembers would need more medics than one doctor and one nurse plus one guy who just shows up to slap the Vulcan silly. Trek is not good with practical numbers.

Originally Posted by Nate the Great

January 3rd, 1993, "Emissary"
SISKO: Major, when I was ordered here, I requested a Bajoran national as my first officer.

You had to request that? The Bajorans wouldn't insist on one of their own in this position, just like the Vulcans and T'Pol?

His commanding officer might have told him that he could have an Academy-trained Starfleet first officer if he felt uneasy about a Bajoran in the position, to which Sisko would be the classy soldier and say no, sir, in fact I want a Bajoran.

QUARK: Commander, I've made a career out of knowing when to leave, and this Bajoran provisional government is far too provisional for my taste. And when governments fall, people like me are lined up and shot.

Why? Quark has nothing to do with the Provisional Government. Furthermore, even if the Provisional Government collapses odds are it will be a military faction who takes command of the station without violence. The worst they would do is evict him from the sector.

Ah, you're using logic again. Violent revolutions tend not to run on any logic more concrete than "if we can scapegoat somebody we will".

[Nate the Great]

Anyone uncomfortable working side-by-side with Bajorans shouldn't be on the station. And to be honest, anyone uncomfortable around Cardassians shouldn't be on the station either.


Yeah, but the violent revolution would be on Bajor itself, not the station.

[Nate the Great]

February 22nd, 1993, "The Passenger"

Oh, I don't like this one...

No fiver

The Episode

KIRA: She was dead. The tricorder clearly showed
BASHIR: Ah yes, well, tricorders. Very accurate with live people, not so accurate with dead ones. We learn that first year medical school.

What is the purpose of this? I'm really asking! I've said it before and I'll say it again, being able to detect alive vs. dead with 100% accuracy for all known species should be Priority One before you send these things out to be used.

BASHIR: And well you should have been. I impressed myself on this one actually. I can't imagine what other doctor would even consider examining the scapular nodes for parasitic infection. I just seem to have a talent, I suppose. A vision that sees past the obvious, around the mundane, right to the target. Fate has granted me a gift, Major. A gift to be a healer.
KIRA: I feel privileged to be in your presence.

Why was Bashir written this badly? I'm really asking! Furthermore, how did these actors ever find time to fall in love when they were given scenes this bad?

QUARK: Iced raktajino, extra cream.

I get that raktajino serves a similar purpose to coffee, but it can't taste THAT similar. Similar enough to work with Earth cream, anyway.

DAX: Thanks.
(Dax leaves)
QUARK: Poor woman. She's obviously infatuated with me.

Quark's crush on Dax never made sense to me. Ever. For that matter, his taste in women in general never made sense to me. He made it clear that when it comes to women he was interested in a traditional Ferengi marriage with occasional hired prostitutes or strings-free flings on Risa. Jadzia doesn't fit into any of these categories. Furthermore it's in his best interest to stay on the good side of the senior staff. It'll take years for Kira to warm up to him, Odo will never accept him as anything other than a lesser evil and occasional informant, he can't afford to be on the bad side of a THIRD officer.

For that matter, at this early stage she was still in her more intellectual phase, making her even more unappealing to Quark. Feel free to repeat Gaston's speech about reading, thinking women here.

ODO: You're deluding yourself.
QUARK: There's nothing wrong with a good delusion. I sell them upstairs to dozens of people every day.

A good line.

ODO: Dax? She has ten lifetimes worth of friends to call on before she calls you.

Does she, though? Curzon was joined in 2286, so all friends would be his or Jadzia's. And for that matter, would any of Curzon's friends be interested in hanging out with a young woman?

ODO: And every man on the station would like to be buying her a raktajino.
QUARK: Ah, but I'm the one with the raktajino machine.

I'm pretty sure you can replicate raktajino. If not, they needed to establish that.

PRIMMIN: (Starfleet Lieutenant) Interesting technique. Do you always get ready for an important operation by leaking word about it to the local black market?

I NEVER liked Primmin, the guy's an idiot. Furthermore, he shouldn't be here. By all means make sure things coming to and from the station are secure and satisfy regulations, but the Promenade is not his job. It's Odo's job.

As for informing Quark, I think the idea was that such information was going to be leaked to the criminal element anyway. Telling Quark this early allows you to control HOW the information is leaked. This means that you can better predict the actions of the criminal element and stop them.

PRIMMIN: I would like to talk to you about the deuridium shipment from the Gamma Quadrant.

We have established trade routes coming in from the Gamma Quadrant already? I thought that we didn't have established trade relations until the Ferengi/Karemma alliance next year.

Only appearance of deuridium, not to be confused with the metal duridium (like I was).

SISKO: I'm sure almost everyone knows about the shipment by now. Odo was probably making sure Quark knows we know he knows.
PRIMMIN: It's not they way they taught us at the Academy, is it, sir. If you want my opinion
SISKO: Actually, I don't. You and I are guests of the Bajorans, Lieutenant. You don't have to forget what you learned at the Academy, you just don't throw it in anyone's face here.

Exactly.

SISKO: The Kobliad are a dying race. They need deuridium to stabilize their cell structure. It prolongs their lifespan.
DAX: The Federation's been working to supply them with deuridium, but even the new deposits from the Gamma Quadrant aren't enough to service the whole population. It's so scarce that some of the Kobliad have gone underground to get it.

PRIMMIN: Before we get started, I want to apologise for us getting off on the wrong foot.
ODO: Think nothing of it.
PRIMMIN: Listen, I know this is your bailiwick. I don't mean to be throwing my weight around.

Yikes. "Baliwick." They had no right to use that word. Being a complete nerd who likes to study the evolution of language I know what it means (a person's area of expertise or assigned range of influence), but the common man won't. This is the screenwriter being pretentious. Just say "jurisdiction!"

SISKO: But you have to realise that Starfleet is not going to take command of a station in deep space without assigning some security to protect its interests.

I don't have a problem with the basic premise, I have a problem with Primmin taking the job without a comprehensive briefing with Sisko and Odo about who covers what.

KAJADA: I have trouble sleeping. Last night was particularly bad I used an alpha wave inducer to help me.
BASHIR: You should be careful with those. They're only meant for occasional use.

You'd think these things would be programmed to transmit a usage log to the person's doctor. That and have an autoshutoff after X minutes unless the doctor overrides it.

DAX: Here's the hypothesis. The body dies, the consciousness lives on.
BASHIR: In another brain?
DAX: Possible?
BASHIR: The closest thing I've encountered is synaptic pattern displacement. But that's never been done by a non-Vulcan.

Really? Off the top of my head I can think of Sargon's group, Janice Lester, and Roger Korby (and Ira Graves, sort of). It's well established that "souls" can move between bodies.

DAX: Well, it might make sense if you wanted to send a bio-coded message along the glial cells of someone's nervous system all the way to the brain. My guess is that's what Vantika was trying to do.

Glial cells are the part of the central nervous system that transmits impulses between the neurons that do the actual work.

DAX: Julian? Computer, location of Doctor Bashir.
COMPUTER: Doctor Bashir is in the Infirmary.
(He's left his comm. badge behind)

I've ranted enough about how locating via commbadge should only happen when a person is on a planet. On the station sensors should be keeping track of everyone via biosigns. Or at the very least the computer should detect when someone takes off their commbadge.

Memory Alpha

* Primmin was introduced because Colm Meaney was away doing a movie.
* Supposedly this episode was the first time Quark did something blatantly illegal. I'm dubious on that one.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Primmin's actor also appeared back in "Brothers" as an ensign. Phil jokes that they must be the same character who was promoted since then. Except that he played a guy called "Kopf" back then.
* Vantika only wanted the deuridium to prolong the life of his original body. Once he transferred to Bashir he didn't need it anymore, so why is he still trying to steal it?
* This episode establishes the number of Dax hosts at ten, when it was really seven (plus Joran). Oops.
* Mere minutes after saying that tricorders aren't great at IDing dead people, he uses one to declare someone dead. Oops.
* Kira tells the runabout computer to beam four people when runabouts only have two transporter pads. Oops.
* Phil also brings up the replicated raktajino problem. The only explanation he can think of is that you can't replicate iced raktajino.
* Bashir tells someone to use an antigrav generator to move heavy things, but in "Melora" we're told quite clearly that antigrav tech doesn't work on DS9. Oops.

[Nate the Great]

March 14th, 1993, "Move Along Home"

No Fiver

SISKO: You and I have got to have a talk, young man, about women.
JAKE: That's okay.
SISKO: I mean it. There are some things you have got to know.
JAKE: I already know them, Dad.
SISKO: Oh yeah? And who told you?
JAKE: Nog.
SISKO: Nog. So all you know about women you've heard from the Ferengi boy.
JAKE: We were just talking.
SISKO: Swell.

Oh boy, how warped must Nog's ideas of women be at this point?

(Only the Doctor is not in Starfleet dress uniform. Bajorans don't have one.)

Kira is the only one to wear the Bajoran dress uniform, but it won't appear until "Rejoined."

BASHIR: I'm positive I packed my dress uniform. I can't understand it.

Putting aside the fact that dress uniforms should be replicatable, Garak should be able to make one.

QUARK: Oh, what a handsome container. There's an old Ferengi expression. Good things come in small packages.

I can't find an actual Rule that comes close to this. The expression exists around the world, usually of the variant that the best version of something comes in the smallest package.

FALOW: Klon peags. Highly sought in our culture. They have many different uses.
QUARK: I'm sorry, but I have enough sticks right now.

Quark is being an idiot here. Ferengi must know that what's worthless in one culture can have value in another. In fact, it's good business to be informed about the value of everything. At the very least he should ask what these "sticks" are. Maybe they're a valuable spice (did you know that genuine cinnamon is twice as expensive as the related cassia that can do the same job in most cases?). Maybe they have narcotic or medicinal properties.

(Another aide brings Quark a bottle and glass)
QUARK: What's this?
FALOW: Alpha-currant nectar. It's priceless.
(She pours Quark a drink, but his face says he wants to spit it out again)
QUARK: One man's priceless is another man's worthless.

Ugh. He sells root beer all the time and thinks it tastes awful. Ferengi would know that different races have different taste buds. Ugh.

FALOW: Then, we really have nothing to wager, except this.
(And pours out a pouch of gem stones. Quark summons a waiter.)

This is the most stupid of all. By the 23rd century it's possible to replicate any gemstone we like. While I have no doubt they'll still have value, the potential is less than the other stuff.

SISKO: Nog is older than you, Jake. He stays up later. He probably does things, things with girls for instance, you're not ready for yet.

As a matter of fact, Nog is two years older than Jake. He was born the same year as Jack Crusher's death, Riker and Geordi entering Starfleet Academy, Ziyal was born, and Kira's mother died.

SISKO: Great. Just great. I've done nothing for the past six hours but eat Ferengi lokar beans and watch people play childish games.

Lokar beans will remain the complimentary bar food of choice until Pel convinces him to replace them with Gramalian sand peas.

KIRA: Behavioural test? Now wait a minute.
DAX: There doesn't seem to be any immediate threat, Major.
KIRA: Oh, no. I'm sure all you Starfleet explorers find this fascinating, but I'm a Bajoran administrator. This is not what I signed up for.

At this point Kira calls herself an administrator? She should still call herself a soldier!

ODO: Computer, confirm that Commander Sisko is not on the station.
COMPUTER: Confirmed.
ODO: What time did he log out?
COMPUTER: That information is not on file.

Ugh. "Commander Sisko's commbadge stopped responding at X:00 hours."

PRIMMIN: Constable Odo. Good morning to you.
ODO: Where's Major Kira?
PRIMMIN: Didn't report for duty on time this morning. None of the senior officers did.
ODO: And you don't find that odd?
PRIMMIN: I heard that Wadi party went on all night.

Primmin's not worried? And this is the guy who was a stick in the mud about Starfleet procedure last week?

QUARK: But you haven't even told me the rules yet.
FALOW: You're required to learn as you play.

That's stupid. Quark should've called off the game at this point.

ODO: Wouldn't your scans pick up human life signs on their ship?
PRIMMIN: Usually, but we've never encountered Wadi technology before.

Why is Primmin acting as Science Officer? I would've preferred Primmin not being in the episode at all if it meant giving his lines to a Bajoran officer. Perhaps someone who contrasts with Kira and could be a recurring character.

FALOW: No, Quark. I'm afraid all your players were lost.
KIRA: What? You mean we were never in any real danger?
FALOW: It's only a game.

I always hated this reveal. Falow should show some guilt, or at least callousness.

Memory Alpha

* In the script Bashir was going to have Garak make a uniform for him, but Dax thought that it wouldn't be appropriate.
* Dax was going to be in "Birthright" (a much more logical cameo), but since Bashir "died" first in this episode he got to do it instead.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Why is Sisko so nervous about First Contact with the Wadi when the Vulcans already did that in the Gamma Quadrant?
* The Vulcans recommended Quark's to the Wadi?
* Phil seems to think that if a commbadge can't establish a commline with the desired party, it should make a link with any commbadge found in range. I'm dubious at this. Maybe there would be a separate vocal command for this, but it wouldn't be the default.
* Why is Sisko wearing a TNG dress uniform instead of a DS9 one?

[Nate the Great]

March 22nd, 1993, "The Nagus"

Fiver by Derek

The Episode

SISKO: The two of us are going to Bajor for the start of the Gratitude Festival.
JAKE: What's the Gratitude Festival?
SISKO: It's the biggest Bajoran holiday of the year.

The Gratitude Festival will return in the third, fifth, and sixth seasons.

SISKO: And I figured, while we were on the surface, we could visit those fire caverns you've been wanting to see.
JAKE: Sounds great.

This will be the only reference to "fire caverns", they'll be replaced by the Fire Caves for the rest of the series. Given that anyone who visits runs the risk of being posessed by a Pah-wraith, I don't think they should be treated like a standard tourist location. Please don't tell me that Sisko is abusing his Emissary privileges to get access.

JAKE: Thanks, Dad. Nog and I kind of have plans for tomorrow.
...
SISKO: Let me get this straight. You would rather hang around a cargo bay with Nog than visit the Bajoran fire caverns with the old man?

I understand the parent-child conflict, but this is ridiculous. Sisko doesn't go to Bajor every day, and Jake can hang out with Nog in the cargo bay anytime. The anti-grav tractors will be here when you get back!

It would've been so much better if Jake was doing something that actually had a time limit on it.

O'BRIEN: Let's take out our homework PADDs. We'll begin with the older students. Your last assignment was to write an essay defining the term 'ethics.' Let's start with Nog.

Just "ethics"? That seems awfully open-ended. In fact, you could write a doctoral thesis about such a broad topic.

NOG: I don't have my essay.
O'BRIEN: Why not?
NOG: My PADD was stolen.

This is just painful. The Internet may have been in it's infancy in 1993, but it DID exist. Even if wireless computer connections were a distant dream, the concept of synching a PADD with the station computer via some sort of cable must've existed.

Let's address this ludicrous notion that Nog doesn't know how to read yet. Not only would the Ferengi value literacy for business purposes, there isn't a chance in Gre'thor that Keiko wouldn't have noticed this by now. She would've done a proper evaluation of every child's current education needs in order to create her curriculum.

NOG: There are four teen
JAKE: Fourteen planets.
(Sisko sneaks in, staying hidden behind barrels, and watches the reading lesson)
NOG: Planets in the Bajoran. What's that word?
JAKE: System.
NOG: System.
JAKE: That was pretty good. Want to try some more?
NOG: The lar, largest planet is Bajor. It has three moons?
JAKE: You got it. Keep going, keep going.
NOG: The third moon, it has

Doing research into the Bajoran system revealed some amazing oddities. The planet Bajor is the eleventh from the star. The station, the Denorios Belt, and the wormhole are between the ninth and tenth planet. Which is ludicrous, as I think we all assumed that the station and the wormhole were outside the system, the equivalent of our Kuiper Belt.

Presuming that the wormhole doesn't orbit the star, neither does the station. So do they have to dodge the orbiting asteroids all the time? Furthermore, if the wormhole is firmly within the star system, why did they have to move the station to stake a claim?

ROM: According to Krax, Stakoron Two contains rich deposits of mizanite ore.

This is a typo, the ore is actually called "mizinite." It only reappeared in "Statistical Probabilities." This might be a typo for moissanite, a crystalline form of silicon carbide that is useful for making semiconductors and other electronic components that would otherwise use diamonds. It would make sense that this stuff would still be useful in the 24th century.

KRAX: But why, father?
ZEK: It was a test to see if you were ready to take my place. And you failed miserably.

The idea that Grand Nagus is a heriditary title is ridiculous. Given what we know of Ferengi society, it would be most logical to assume that succession is created from a rival proving himself a better businessman. A corporate overthrow, not an inheritance.

The Fiver

Krax: May I present the Grand Nagus!
Quark and Rom: Inconceivable!
Zek: Why does everyone always say that to me?

Must be the giant behind you...

Jake: Why weren't you in school this morning? Vulcans steal your homework again?
Nog: Take your human witticism and bury it.

I know this is a reference to something, but I forget where in Trek.

Sisko: Woohoo! So wanna go see the firecaves now?
Jake: Geez, will you stop asking me that?
Sisko: I'll go see those firecaves if it's the last thing I do!

Actually it won't be, the novels make it clear that Sisko returns to his human form in time to see his daugher's birth.

Quark: Zek, help me! Someone wants my head!
Zek: If he gets it, then you'll be dead.
Quark: No more rhymes now, I mean it.
Zek: Anybody want a -- GAK!

The rhyming should've been by someone other than Zek to fit the Princess Bride theme. And I thought "Gak" was for actual deaths, "Ack" was for fake deaths.

Jadzia: Why so glum, chum?
Sisko: It's six o'clock and I don't know where my child is.
Jadzia: Uh, we have a computer. You can find out from it.

This is a reference to a series of PSAS from the '60s through the '80s. Pop culture references in the '90s were relatively common.

Nog: "A is for Apple. J is for Jacks. --"
Jake: Good grief. Are you really this illiterate?
Nog: Hey! I'm not illiterate, I know exactly who my parents are.

A illiterate/illegitimate pun was also used in the "Reduced Shakespeare Radio Show." I recommend it.

Krax: Zek? But you died! I saw you!
Zek: I know, that's what's so funny! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders!
Krax: Inconceivable!

No room for a play on the rest of the line? "Never let Federation citizens live in Cardassian space", "Never go in against a Zakdorn unless you're an android", etc.

Memory Alpha

* First appearance of the Rules of Acquisition.
* For some reason O'Brien returned from Earth before Keiko (they left in "Dax" so celebrate her mother's 100th birthday).
* Molly's age is stated as three when she was only born a year and a half ago.

Nitpicker's Guide

* How can O'Brien be subbing in school when fixing the station is a full-time job?
* Zek says "nine o'clock" instead of "nine hundred hours." The Universal Translator must be on the fritz.
* If the title of Grand Nagus is hereditary, wouldn't Rom be next after Quark, not Krax?
* Krax sold vacuum-dessicated parts of Zek, but Zek didn't die! Who was Krax selling?
* This episode says that Bajor has three moons, but in "Progress" a fifth moon is mentioned. Oops.
* Somehow the holosuites aren't soundproof in this episode. That seems rather icky.
* In "Dax" the computer could only locate someone with a commbadge, yet in this episode it can find Jake, who doesn't wear one. Oops. Maybe they moved the comprehensive internal sensor upgrades up to the top of the list after that debacle.