30th Anniversary TNG Episode Discussion Marathon

[Nate the Great]

April 1st, 1991, "The Nth Degree"

No Fiver

I'm not fond of this one. Far too many works of fiction don't understand what "genius" means. Genius is not intelligence, intelligence is just one piece of the puzzle. Furthermore, genius is not social skills like they'll try to portray in this episode. Genius is knowing how to use different forms of knowledge to create new ideas.

There's a whole other screed to be had here about brilliant vs. clever vs. genius. But let's move on.

The Episode

(A production of a scene from Cyrano de Bergerac, with Reginald Barclay in the title role and Beverly Crusher as Roxanne)

I have conflicting emotions about this casting. I can buy acting as a therapy method, but not as the lead.

DATA: Lieutenant Barclay's performance was adequate, but clearly not rooted in The Method approach.

It's nice that they bring up Data's familiarity with The Method, but this is not the place. It's almost like Data is implying that The Method is the only worthwhile acting philosophy. Of all people, Data should know that there are multiple ways to approach a performance.

BARCLAY: Well, I just feel more more comfortable playing somebody else. Maybe all this is not any better than escaping into a holodeck fantasy.
TROI: I disagree. This isn't fantasy, it's theatre. You used to withdraw onto the holodeck. You isolated yourself inside your own imagination, avoiding contact with real people. Look at yourself now. Look at all the other people you're with. You're not just acting, you're interacting. Give yourself some credit, Mister Barclay.
BARCLAY: Maybe you're right.

Ugh. This was a frequent problem with TNG writing, focusing so much on the simplest interpretation of the plot point that anything deeper is discarded. Even TOS did this better!

Barclay does present a good point. It could be argued that acting is acting and he's still not socializing as himself, but as someone else. Yet another screed that I could write but choose not to.

Captain's log, stardate 44704.2. We have arrived at the Argus Array, a remote subspace telescope at the very edge of Federation space. The unmanned structure mysteriously stopped relaying its data nearly two months ago.

How can you have an unmanned subspace telescope? This isn't the kind of thing that you can operate by remote control? Furthermore, if Starfleet is willing to post two people at a subspace relay you'd think they could spare two people for a subspace telescope.

I suppose now's the time for thinking up a Treknobabble explanation for how a "subspace telescope" is supposed to work, but I'm not in the mood.

DATA: The fusion reactors that power the array are extremely unstable.

I don't think leaving fusion reactors unattended is a good idea. Surely there's a more stable power supply for a subspace telescope.

RIKER: What about the computer systems?
DATA: They do not seem to be functioning at all, sir.

How are the fusion reactors working if the computer is off? Did some sort of automated shutdown happen?

LAFORGE: Reg, why don't we begin with the passive high-res series, all right?
BARCLAY: Electromagnetic band?
LAFORGE: Give it a try.

What is the "electromagnetic band"? Even for badly written Treknobabble, this is the definition of meaningless and incomplete.

BARCLAY: Couldn't you use a global mode in your scanner? It would be a lot faster.
CRUSHER: That's not possible. We're talking about human cells here, not isolinear circuits. I think you'd better stick to engineering, Lieutenant.
BARCLAY: A cell has a an electromagnetic signature just like a circuit element does.

No, it doesn't. At least, not the way that Reg means. Cells emit heat signatures, nothing coherent light EM waves. When we say that our bodies are like machines, that's just in a figurative sense, not in a 1:1 correspondence sense.

LAFORGE: Attempting to now, Commander. Isolate phasers eighty to one twenty.

The Enterprise has twelve phaser arrays (saucer top and bottom, stardrive belly, two on pylons, two at rear ventral, two at rear dorsal, two at stardrive aft head, and the concealed strip near the Battle Bridge on the stardrive). We've seen phaser blasts run along the array easily as though it's one track, so you can't tell me that the strips are made out of hundreds of smaller modules.

LAFORGE: I don't know how he did it, but shield strength has been increased by three hundred percent.

Unless you overhaul the hardware itself, you can't do that. You can't just pump more energy into the shields infinitely. Plus the energy conduits are rated for a specific amount of energy only (I'm pretty sure it was implied that extra conduit capacity had to be added to the deflector back in TBOBW).

BARCLAY: Well, it just occurred to me that I could set up a frequency harmonic between the deflector and the shield grid using the warp field generator as a power flow anti-attenuator, and that of course naturally created an amplification of the inherent energy output.

This here is what we in the trade call baloney. What does the deflector array have to do with the shield grid? An attenuator reduces the power of a signal without modifying its waveform. An anti-attenuator would therefore increase the power of a signal. I think Barclay is suggesting that you can add power to the shield bubble by synching it up with the warp field bubble and thus letting warp power turn into shield strength. Total nonsense.

BARCLAY: No, it's true. I can't explain it. In the last few days I've found confidence I never knew was there.

I hate it when screenwriters try to pull a Flowers for Algernon without actually doing the full implications of such a change. I'm reminded of MovieBob opining about how comic book movie producers keep wanting to jump right to Venom, Dark Phoenix, etc. without actually telling the whole story.

BARCLAY: Wouldn't you like to take a walk with me through the arboretum? The zalnias should be in bloom.
TROI: Reg, as your former counsellor, I don't think it would be appropriate.
BARCLAY: I don't need a counsellor. What I need is the company of a charming, intelligent woman.

Only mention of zalnias. And Reg is laying it on with a trowel. Do women really find such forwardness attractive?

EINSTEIN: G sub I, J of t as t approaches infinity.
BARCLAY: G of t over G naught.
EINSTEIN: So it is, so it is.

Ugh, what nonsense. I bet Einstein wishes he was playing poker with Data instead. It was even the same actor!

LAFORGE: Reg, ever since our run in with that probe, something's different about you.
BARCLAY: What, because I'm beginning to behave like the rest of the crew? With confidence in what I'm doing?

Reg, you aren't acting like the rest of the crew. You're acting like a smug Marty Stu.

BARCLAY: Yes. I've finally become the person I've always wanted to be. Do we have to ask why?

Yes, we do. You're supposed to be a genius, and you should know about Starfleet's desire to investigate everything.

[Nate the Great]

CRUSHER: I couldn't even guess at your IQ level now.
BARCLAY: Probably somewhere between twelve hundred and fourteen fifty.

Technically the maximum IQ is 200, but we've had a few people between 200 and 300. Yet another example of the pop culture fallacy that IQ=knowledge. IQ doesn't work like that! Not that you care, but you need 140 for genius.

RIKER: Whatever that alien probe did to him, Barclay now seems to know more about the internal workings of the Enterprise than anyone else on board.

Shouldn't Data know more? What Barclay has is greater creativity to combine the Enterprise's parts in new ways.

PICARD: Has Mister Barclay done anything that could be considered potentially threatening?
TROI: Well, he did make a pass at me last night. (Riker and La Forge stare) A good one.

Cute moment, but not really relevant right now. How is "being good at flirting" be considered dangerous? Sexual harassment is different from that.

CRUSHER: There's something else, Captain. He taught violin technique at the music school last night.
RIKER: I didn't know Barclay played the violin.
CRUSHER: He didn't, not until last night.

Learning the technicals of playing isn't enough, you need to practice to master your connection with an instrument.

BARCLAY [OC]: My body is as you see it here, but much of my higher brain functions and memory have been transferred to the starboard computer core.

Thank you for remembering that there are three computer cores.

BARCLAY [OC]: I perceive the universe as a single equation, and it is so simple, I understand.

I suppose I should be referencing H2G2's "What do you get if you multiply 5 by 9? 42" joke.

BARCLAY [OC]: We have always perceived the maximum speed of the Enterprise as a function of warp, but I know now there are no limits. We will explore new worlds that we could never before have reached in our lifetime.

The Federation always thought warp was the fastest drive? I'm not touching the spore drive since it doesn't exist, but bare minimum we've been experimenting with transwarp for over a hundred years. Plus the advanced warp technology of the Kelvans etc. of course.

DATA: This disturbance is the result of a highly charged graviton field emanating from our warp nacelles.

Since when can the nacelles create a highly charged graviton field?

BARCLAY [OC]: Yes, sir, I'm altering subspace in a way that's never been conceived of before. I'm fairly certain it will allow us to travel half-way across the galaxy in a matter of only--

I'd like to make a Ska-Ka-Ree joke here, but nothing's coming to mind.

ANAYA: Unless something's wrong with our sensors, sir, we're almost thirty thousand light years from where we were.
PICARD: The centre of the galaxy.

Why are they assuming that their trajectory was a radial one? They couldn't have gone around to the far side of Beta Quadrant or something?

ALIEN: Emotive. Electro-chemical stimulus response. Cranial plate, bipedal locomotion, endoskeletal. Contiguous external integument.

"Contiguous external integument" just means "skin". Technobabble should make sense!

Oh, and someone actually wrote a song called "Contiguous External Integument." I find the song a little eerie and unsettling.

BARCLAY: Yes, sir. The Cytherians are exploring the galaxy just as we are. The only difference is that they never leave their home. They bring others here. Their only wish, an exchange of knowledge. They want to know us.

You can't explore the galaxy this way, just meet other species. This premise is nice and futurey, but falls apart under the most basic scrutiny.

Nitpickers Guide

* Phil complains about how Shuttle 5 has changed names and designs so many times on the show. As long as they don't appear in the same episode, I don't have a problem. Shuttle designs get retired, shuttles get destroyed and the name applied to other shuttles, etc.

[Nate the Great]

April 22nd, 1991, "Qpid"

Fiver by Silvia and Gwen

The Episode

Captain's log, stardate 44741.9. We have arrived at Tagus Three where the Enterprise is to serve for host of the Federation Archaeology Council's annual symposium. I look forward to giving tomorrow's keynote address with great anticipation.

I hate it when the Enterprise is used as a taxi and mobile convention center. it's a lazy plot device.

PICARD: Tomorrow I'll be addressing some of the greatest scientific minds in the Federation. Switzer, Klarc-Tarn-Droth, McFarland. Giants in the field of archaeology. Compared to them I'm just an enthusiastic amateur.

You know, with the number of times that Picard's archeology hobby comes up, it was a missed opportunity that we never established a friend of his in the field. A more blatant "the road not taken" example than Professor Galen.

PICARD: I had no idea you were a member of the Archaeology Council. You are a member, aren't you?
VASH: More or less.

Ugh. Blatant lie from Vash AND Picard should know the names of everyone on the Council already.

CRUSHER: I'm sorry I'm late. Oh. Excuse me. I didn't realise you had company.
PICARD: That's all right. Er, allow me to introduce you.

Picard is an idiot for the rest of the act. He should've been up-front with Vash at the start and told her to go away, Risa was a one-time thing. At the very least, what was his intention now? Double-dipping a fling doesn't seem like him. That's for Kirk and Riker.

CRUSHER: Well, I'm surprised he never mentioned you.
VASH: So am I.

Why would Vash think that Picard would talk about her? That's a whole other screed.

RIKER: Eternity never looked so lovely.
VASH: Excuse me?
RIKER: I was referring to the view. Eternity never looked so lovely.
VASH: You must be Commander Riker.
RIKER: I'm afraid you have me at a disadvantage.
VASH: I didn't mean to interrupt. I believe you were about to tell me that my eyes are as mysterious as the stars.
RIKER: You're Betazoid.
VASH: Not at all. It's just that Jean-Luc does a very good imitation of you.

This doesn't seem like Picard.

WORF: I had not been informed that Council Members had been granted bridge clearance.

Actually, Worf should've looked up the Council Members before now, just in case.

VASH: I don't understand, I thought being the ship's Counsellor meant the Captain confided in you.
TROI: He does, when he thinks it's necessary.
VASH: And he never spoke to you about me?
TROI: Not that I recall.

They devoted WAY too much screentime to this plot point. We're talking about "show off the refit Enterprise with a shuttle flyby" amounts of screentime. Furthermore, it wasn't necessary to show the entire senior staff reacting to this. Riker and Crusher of course, but the rest could've heard from Riker offscreen and saved the time.

PICARD: A Captain does not reveal his personal feelings with his crew.
VASH: Is that a Starfleet regulation, or did you just make that up yourself?
PICARD: I'm sorry if you're upset.
VASH: And I'm sorry if my being here embarrasses you.

No, you're not. Furthermore, this whole thing seems weird to me. Riker sent Picard to Risa specifically to get him laid. Furthermore, the mere existence of Risa speaks of the Federation's acceptance of casual affairs. And I will repeat, Picard should've cut all ties with Vash as soon as he saw her, asking her to stay away and not mention their encounter.

PICARD: Out of the question. That would mean breaking Taguan law.
Q: Must you always be so ethical? I suppose we could travel back in time. You could see what Tagus was like two billion years ago. They really knew how to party back in those days.

We see Q's earlier visit in the novel Q-Space.

PICARD: I've just been paid a visit from Q.
RIKER: Q? Any idea what he's up to?
PICARD: He wants to do something nice for me.
RIKER: I'll alert the crew.

Hehe.

Q: Do you deny that you care for this woman? Believe me, I'd be doing you a big favour if I turned her into a Klabnian eel.

A DS9 video game actually mentined Klabnian eels. It's sad when the people in charge of the expanded universe care more about continuity than the people making the shows, isn't it?

(a heavily Hollywood-isd version of the old ballads, with Picard as Robin, and the senior staff as the outlaws. This is my local tradition and I personally hate the US messing with it....)

I didn't know that Chakoteya was British.

PICARD: I think this is supposed to be Earth, somewhere round about the twelfth century.

Somewhere about? The Robin Hood stories are pretty clearly set in the reigns of Henry II, Richard, and John, 1160-1200 or so. That's pretty precise.

WORF: Sir, I protest. I am not a merry man.

One of the truly classic TNG quotes.

Q: I would prefer if you addressed me as His Honour the High Sheriff of Nottingham.

While we usually just call the character the Sheriff of Nottingham, when Richard was away during the Crusades the post was held by William de Wendenal. When Richard returned he gave the job to William de Ferrers (and not Little John as the legends tell us).

Today the title is held by Professor Harminder Sing Dua CBE. It's a ceremonial position since the police handles most of the official duties these days. The Sheriff is appointed by the Mayor of Nottingham.

Q: What is the one thing that Robin Hood is most famous for?
LAFORGE: He robs from the rich and gives to the poor.
Q: Besides that.
DATA: Perhaps you are referring to the rescue of Maid Marian from Nottingham Castle?
Q: Yes, Data.

Watch SF Debris' review for more options. It's interesting looking at the evolution of the Robin Hood mythology. Maid Marian didn't get connected to Robin Hood until relatively late, she had her own stories. As for Robin Hood's most famous story, I'd argue for the archery tournament in Nottingham. The rescue of Maid Marian from Nottingham Castle isn't that big of a deal. For that matter Guy of Gisborne really isn't that important. His biggest impact on the story is when the Sheriff hires him as a deputy-for-hire to arrest Robin Hood, Marian rarely comes into contact with him.

I take my Robin Hood seriously, maybe even more seriously than Arthurian mythology. And oh yes, read Ivanhoe if you want a different version of Robin Hood.

Q: You know, Worf, you'd make a perfect throw rug in Nottingham Castle.

Actually he wouldn't. Worf may have long hair on his head, but not so much on the rest of his body. Not to the level of "fur" anyway.

Q: You see, I've given this fantasy as you call it, a life of its own. I have no more idea what's going to happen than you do.

This is a whole nother screed that I won't bother with, but it has interesting implications.

[Nate the Great]

NURSE: Milady, everyone in Nottingham knows, Sir Guy of Gisbourne.
VASH: Sir Guy of what?

There are places in Australia and New Zealand called Gisborne, it would be interesting to learn if either are derived from the Hood legend.

(Geordi is still plucking at the instrument when Worf walks over, takes it off him and smashes it against a tree trunk)
WORF: Sorry.
(Troi is still learning to use a bow and arrow, She aims at a tree and hits Data instead)
TROI: Data, are you alright?
DATA: The arrow impacted just above my sixth intercostal support, penetrating my secondary subprocessor. Fortunately, none of my biofunctions seem affected. Do not be concerned, Counsellor. I believe your aim is improving.

It's nice when our heroes get to do some old-fashioned physical comedy.

SIR GUY: You're mistaken, Sheriff. Maid Marian has promised to be my wife.
Q: What? But that's impossible?

It's always nice to see Q flustered.

VASH: I can take care of myself.
PICARD: You are the most stubborn woman I ever knew.
(and puts her over his shoulder)

Actually I'd argue that. In terms of stubbornness I'd at least put Phillipa Louvois above Vash.

(Data takes something from his forearm and throws it into a fire as Picard's head goes down onto the block. The axe is raised, there's a boom, and the fight starts)

I don't like Data being a utility belt in situations like this. He had enough time in Sherwood Forest to MacGyver himself some basic explosives. If Kirk can do it, Data can do it.

Besides, it raises the question of how much of Data is replaceable with Starfleet tech. Is it everything except his positronic brain itself? Could they build a heavy-duty body to transfer his head to?

SIR GUY: I'll have you know I'm the greatest swordsman in all of Nottingham.
(Guy and Picard duel. Worf and Geordi kill guards while Beverly and Deanna smash crockery over heads)
PICARD: Very impressive. There's something you should know.
SIR GUY: And what would that be?
PICARD: I'm not from Nottingham.

"I'm not left-handed either."

PICARD: Computer, locate Council Member Vash.
COMPUTER: Council Member Vash is not aboard the Enterprise.

She's not a member of the council! Did Worf program this into the computer?

PICARD: He's devious, and amoral, and unreliable, and irresponsible, and, and definitely not to be trusted.
VASH: Remind you of someone you know?
PICARD: As a matter of fact, it does.

Why Muppet Christmas Carol popped into my head I'll never know. "He is odious, stingy, wicked and unfeeling, and badly dressed..."

Q: We're going to have fun. I'm going to take her places no human has ever seen.
VASH: Who can resist an offer like that?

In one of the Strange New Worlds collections Vash gets assimilated by the Borg and Q un-assimilates her.

The Fiver

Q: I'm here to grant you anything you wish.
Picard: I wish you'd disappear.
Q: I mean almost anything.

Is this a reference to "The Most Toys"?

Q: Your girlfriend is in danger, Picard.
Crusher: No I'm not.
Picard: He means Vash.
Crusher: Hey!

Actually, I think being around Q counts as "dangerous" by itself.

Crusher: (hits guard over the head with a bowl of chips)
Troi: Twelfth-century potato chips?
Crusher: If you don't tell anyone, you can have the other bowl.
Troi: Deal.

Potato chips were invented prior to 1817. I bet you thought they were newer than that!

Picard: Why are you going with Q?
Vash: He made me an offer I couldn't refuse.
Picard: What's that?
Vash: Free internet, cable, and phone service for the rest of my life.
Picard: Wow! That is good.

The fiver was written in 2002. I did some research and I was surprised at what phones of that era could do. Touchscreens and apps! I didn't get a cellphone until much later, the early 2010s.

Memory Alpha

* Only one day of on-location shooting in a nearby garden.
* I'm irked that Sirtis and McFadden were the only ones trained in sword-fighting, but of course they weren't allowed to do so on screen. The cartoonish pot smashing seems degrading. The director was asked about this, and his argument was that he had to stay faithful to the 12th century setting. Hogwash, this is a Q generated fantasy. I'm reminded of Kasidy's lecture about Vic's in "Badda-Bing, Badda-Bang" about how it was the way things could've and should've been.

Nitpicker's Guide

* In other episodes it's made clear that people without combadges can't be located by the computer. Vash isn't wearing one either, so why does the computer conclude that she isn't on board if it never knew that she was on board?
* In "The Naked Now" Data implies that he can leak, but he doesn't in this episode just like he won't in First Contact.
* For that matter, Data can dodge energy blasts! Why can't he dodge an arrow that's not even at full velocity (I doubt Troi has full draw strength for that thing)?

[Nate the Great]

April 29th, 1991, "The Drumhead"

Fiver (by Marc)

The Episode

Captain's Log, Stardate 44769.2. For some weeks we have had a Klingon exobiologist on board as part of a scientific exchange programme.

It's a shame that they didn't mention the officer exchange program from "A Matter of Honor" and "Sins of the Father." Memory Alpha claims that J'Dan's posting was part of the program, but the name wasn't used in dialogue.

I will refrain from making Klingon scientist jokes, I've made enough of them in the past.

RIKER: What were you doing accessing the propulsion system files on Stardate 44758?

It took four days to investigate this?

RIKER: Yes, you did, from computer twelve B nine, deck thirty six. The computer logged in your identification from your communicator.

Wait, what? A commbadge counts as a contactless ID in proximity to other equipment? That just raises further questions!

TROI: J'Dan, we have confirmed reports that schematic drawings of our dilithium chamber fell into Romulan hands one week later.

Why would it take a week to reach the Romulans? If all they want is schematics of the dilithium chamber wouldn't they have gotten them when the Enterprise was being built? Or back in "Family" when the ship was undergoing a major refit?

And then there's the question of why they'd want schematics of the dilithium chamber if they don't use traditional warp cores. I doubt dilithium tech can be translated to artificial singularity drives.

J'DAN: No. I was not involved. You accuse me because I am Klingon.

The Klingon Empire and the Federation are allies right now, right? I think it's more plausible that they accuse him because he's not a Starfleet officer. It wouldn't matter if he was Klingon, Tholian, Breen, whatever.

J'DAN: On the Klingon Home World your name is not mentioned. It is as though you never existed. A terrible burden for a warrior to bear, to become nothing, to be without honour, without the chance for glory. I have friends, powerful friends, on the homeworld. I could talk to them. They might help to restore your name, if you could just take me to a shuttlecraft.

The name Kronos (or rather Qo'noS, although these days the typo Q'onoS is used more) won't be mentioned until Star Trek VI. In the TOS days unofficial documents used "Kling" or "Klingon", although Phase II intended to use "Ultar" and pre-Star Trek VI reference materials used Klingonii AKA Epsilon Sagittari V or Kazh or Klinzhai.

Cue series bible rants. The major galactic powers should've been established way earlier in TOS.

Incidentally, I'm pretty sure the House of Duras is still powerful enough to quash any attempt to restore the House of Mogh.

J'DAN: It could be done without any one knowing about it.

What? Even without the House of Duras interfering, I'm pretty sure that Klingon houses gaining or losing honor is news that everyone would notice.

Captain's log, supplemental. Retired Admiral Norah Satie, whose investigation exposed the alien conspiracy against Starfleet Command three years ago, is arriving to assist in our inquiry.

Alien conspiracy three years ago? If they're talking about the events of "Conspiracy", I'm pretty sure nobody outside the Enterprise and Picard's cohort had anything to do with it.

(a picture on the monitor of the warp core, labelled sensor log playback 44765.3 03.00.59.941. Part of the core goes bang)

44765.3 is October 7th, 2367, around 8 AM. If 03.00.59.941 is supposed to be an extremely precise time near 3:01 AM, that's wrong. If times are going to be given in addition to stardates, the stardate shouldn't have decimal points.

And if they think that J'Dan sabotaged the core on 44758, why would he set the "fuse" to take two and a half days?

You know, it's times like that that I wish that stardates had never been invented in the first place.

DATA: Slow motion study of the explosion suggests that the articulation frame collapsed.
SATIE: The schematics that were stolen from the Enterprise, I believe some involved the articulation frame of the dilithium chamber.

I'm still confused as to why the same guy would be sent to do espionage AND sabotage. That seems like two separate missions.

PICARD: There are disturbing overtones in the idea of a Klingon providing information to the Romulans. Are you aware of any other Klingon-Romulan connection that Starfleet Command might have encountered recently?

Ugh. If this is supposed to be a hint of the Klingon Civil War that's coming at the end of the season, it could've been done better.

PICARD: This ship has encountered several incidents which might suggest a potential alliance between those two powers.

Seriously, why not namedrop Duras?

WORF: (hands over a hypospray) This is J'Dan's. A hypospray he uses to treat his Ba'ltmasor Syndrome. But this has been fitted with an optical reader specially modified to read data from Starfleet isolinear chips. He can extract digital information from a computer, encode it in the form of amino acid sequences, and transfer those sequences into a fluid in the syringe. Then he injects someone, perhaps even without their knowledge.
SATIE: Or perhaps with their knowledge.
WORF: The information would be carried in their bloodstream in the form of inert proteins.

This is a headache waiting to happen. How would the receiver find these coded amino acid sequences? This bit of technobabble could've used another draft.

WORF: I have tracked the movements of every person who has left the Enterprise since you have been here. I traced one Tarkanian diplomat as far as the Cruces system where he disappeared and has not been seen since.

We never see a Tarkanian, but Voyager will namedrop a few things from their planet.

J'DAN: The blood of all Klingons has become water. Since the Federation alliance we have turned into a nation of mewling babies. Romulans are strong. They are worthy allies. They do not turn Klingons into weaklings like you.

I refer you to the Byrne comics to show the background of the TOS-era Klingon-Romulan alliance. Even then the Romulans showed that they didn't see the Klingon as allies, but as henchmen.

SATIE: You knew my father?
PICARD: Only from his writings. His judgments were required reading at the Academy.

It's shocking how much "required reading" there was at the Academy. I get the worry willies thinking about how much a cadet would have to read. Cultural and historical backgrounds of hundreds of planets are just the start.

SABIN: Yes, I can see that. I don't mind telling you I'm surprised. Frankly, when I first heard about your father.
WORF: My father?
SABIN: Yes. There are some who believe he betrayed your people to the Romulans.
WORF: What he did or did not do is no one's concern but my own.

Picard made it clear that holding the son responsible for the father's crimes is a Klingon thing, not a Federation one. Furthermore Sabin must've read Worf's profile that says that he was SIX when Mogh died and the Rozhenkos adopted him. How could Worf have absorbed political leanings of that sort at that age?

PICARD: Tell me, how long have you held your appointment onboard this vessel?
TARSES: Since Stardate 43587.

Back around "Deja Q". He's been here about fourteen months.

Can I just state for the record that I find it dubious that people can memorize all these stardates in the future? Is there some sort of memory therapy that they undergo at the Academy?

SATIE: If Counsellor Troi suggested to you that someone on the ship were dangerous, would you not act on that? Observe him? Curb his activity?
PICARD: Yes, I admit I probably would. And perhaps I should re-evaluate that behaviour.

A problem with this premise is that "keeping a secret" and "dangerous" are not synonymous and only a crazy person would think so.

SATIE: Oh, nonsense. Let's keep our priorities straight. The important thing is to uncover the conspiracy on this ship and to prevent further damage. Now, if Tarses is a possible saboteur, you cannot allow him access to sensitive areas of the ship, and I strongly suggest continuous surveillance.
PICARD: If we had clear evidence.
SATIE: We will have clear evidence. Sabin and Lieutenant Worf are continuing to investigate. But if you don't act until then, it may be too late.

Yeah, no. Investigating someone just because they COULD commit a crime is a slippery slope that the Romulans and Cardassians already fell down. And I gotta ask, too late for what? The warp core is still off limits, I don't think things are as urgent as Satie is claiming.

PICARD: No. I won't treat a man as a criminal unless there is cause to do so.
SATIE: And while you're being so generous, you give a saboteur a chance to strike again. Last time it was just a hatch cover. What if next time it's more serious? What if lives are lost? Can you afford not to act?

Ugh. This is the point that I would've kicked her off the ship. I despise fictional characters who insist on undue speed based on things that aren't worth the risk. You already have all of the suspects in custody, is she suggesting a third unknown saboteur?

DATA: Those fractures suggest nothing more than simple neutron fatigue. I would speculate that when the engine was last inspected at McKinley station, the hatch casing was replaced with one which had an undetectable defect. I believe, sir, that the conclusion to our investigation must be that the explosion was not intentional.

I wonder why the entire core wasn't replaced after the Borg invasion. Geordi jerry-rigged half the ship to channel the warp core through the deflector, there's probably unexpected stress aging all over the place!

[Nate the Great]

SATIE: Let us keep our perspective, gentlemen. Just because there was no sabotage doesn't mean there isn't a conspiracy on this ship. We do have a confessed spy.
SABIN: And he had confederates.
PICARD: Do we know that for sure?
SATIE: Of course he did. Do you think J'Dan could have come on board the flagship of the Federation and accomplished what he did without help from within?

You have a spy who confessed A and denied B. You don't have confederates, you have a guy who is hiding something. And how could someone inside the ship help get J'Dan on board? If he was an agent of the underground Klingon/Romulan alliance, I would think that some Romulan posing as a Vulcan would've assigned him to the Enterprise.

Later they'll accuse Worf of being a part of the conspiracy. Do they think that he faked his rejection by the Empire in order to do...what? See, it falls apart at the slightest touch. If Satie is going to go this far, she might as well claim that the Romulans planted Worf in the rubble of Khitomer Colony to eventually join Starfleet and destroy it from within.

PICARD: You've opened the hearing to spectators?
SATIE: It isn't good to have closed door proceedings for too long. It invites rumour and speculation.

Rumor and speculation from whom? Starfleet will be watching a recording of the hearing, what does she care about the spectators? Is she hoping to use their reactions to find more Romulan sympathizers? Ugh.

SATIE: And whom else have you observed at these occasions?
CRUSHER: I don't understand what relevance that has. It was an innocent social gathering.
SATIE: If it was so innocent, why do you hesitate to give us the names?

I hate the "if you're innocent, you have nothing to hide" maneuver. Hate hate hate.

SABIN: And isn't it true that your security clearance allows you access to all the stores and files in Sickbay? Access which you can exercise at any time?

This is just painful. Claiming that any man has the ability to be a rapist, or any bank employee has the ability to be a thief, is a warped argument.

SABIN: What would you say if I told you there is evidence that the explosion in the engine room was caused by a corrosive chemical. One that is kept stored in Sickbay.

I'd call BS. Anything corrosive enough to damage the warp core would destroy flesh, unless there's a Horta on board that we don't know about.

SABIN: Isn't it true that the paternal grandfather of whom you speak was not a Vulcan but was in fact a Romulan? That it is Romulan blood you carry and a Romulan heritage that you honour?

You shouldn't have to lie about this in the Federation. Everyone should be judged on their own merits, not their race. And where's the proof that Tarses honors his Romulan heritage?

PICARD: This is not unlike a drumhead trial.
WORF: I do not understand.
PICARD: Five hundred years ago, military officers would upend a drum on the battlefield sit at it and dispense summary justice. Decisions were quick, punishments severe, appeals denied. Those who came to a drumhead were doomed.

The concept of a drumhead trial goes back to at least 1807, but most references are from World War II. There's a long screed to be had here about the validity of the reference and the episode title, but I'm not in the mood to type it.

WORF: He refused to answer the question about his Romulan grandfather.
PICARD: That is not a crime, Worf. Nor can we infer his guilt because he didn't respond.
WORF: Sir, if a man were not afraid of the truth, he would answer.
PICARD: Oh, no. We cannot allow ourselves think that. The Seventh Guarantee is one of the most important rights granted by the Federation. We cannot take a fundamental principle of the Constitution and turn it against a citizen.

Only mention of the Seventh Guarantee, you'd think it would come up more often. The only other Guarantee we ever hear about is the Twelveth, which had to do with the rights of artists to their work.

Don't ask me what the connection is between the Constitution of the Federation and the Charter of the Federation.

PICARD: But I do. This must stop. It has gone too far. You lied to him about the Engine Room. There were no volatile chemicals found there.
SATIE: It was a tactic. A way of applying pressure.

Technically she said "what if", but it was still a sleazy thing to do.

SATIE: How can you be so incredibly naive? Captain, may I tell you how I've spent the last four years? From planet to Starbase to planet. I have no home. I live on starships and shuttlecraft. I haven't seen a family member in years. I have no friends. But I have a purpose.

I fail to see how the consequences of her choices are Picard's problem. Many people sacrifice much for their careers, but the smart ones don't begrudge others for them. Her choice to not take vacations is not relevant to the current discussion.

SATIE: I'm going to get to the heart of this conspiracy if it means investigating every last person on this ship. And every hearing from now on will be held in the presence of Admiral Thomas Henry of Starfleet Security. I've requested he be brought here at once.
PICARD: You never told me about this.
SATIE: I report to Starfleet Command directly. I do not need your permission or your approval for my decisions.

She doesn't need his permission or approval, but it's common courtesy.

SABIN: Your full name?
PICARD: Jean-Luc Picard.

He doesn't have a middle name?

SABIN: How long have you held this post?
PICARD: For three years, since stardate 41124.

"All Good Things" will say that Satie herself will give him command on stardate 41148. "Encounter at Farpoint" is 41153.7. Does nobody believe in keeping notes?

SATIE: Would it surprise you to learn that you have violated the Prime Directive a total of nine times since you took command of the Enterprise? I must say, Captain, it surprised the hell out of me.

It shouldn't confuse Picard. That's the sort of tally that I would keep track of in my head.

Nine times? That's something to discuss later.

PICARD: My reports to Starfleet document the circumstances in each of those instances
SATIE: Yes, we're looking into those reports, Captain, very closely into those reports, after which I'm sure we'll have more questions for you about your so-called commitment to Starfleet's Prime Directive.

You'd think Satie would've done that before this hearing.

SABIN: In fact, she was not a Vulcan at all, was she? She was a Romulan spy.
PICARD: That's correct.
SABIN: A spy whom you were delivering back into the hands of the enemy.
SATIE: Tell me, Captain, when the deception was revealed and she stood proudly on the bridge of a Romulan ship, did you make any effort to retrieve her?

The Enterprise against two Romulan Warbirds? I call that a suicide. Even if you argue that T'Pel was important enough that a kamikaze run on the Romulans would've worked, there were TWO ships. The other one would've reported Picard's suicidal tendencies, tarnishing Starfleet's reputation.

SATIE: No. Even though you knew she carried Federation secrets that she'd been accumulating for years?
WORF: The Enterprise could have been captured by the Romulans! Captain Picard did the only thing he could.
SATIE: Really, Lieutenant? And where were you when this traitor was on board the Enterprise? Where was ship's Security?

She was good enough to fool Data at the time. The kind of paranoia that Satie is recommending seems more like Section 31 behavior to me.

SABIN: Don't you think it's questionable judgment, Captain, to have a security officer whose father was a Romulan collaborator?

Again I ask, what do Mogh's crimes have to do with Worf?

SATIE: It must have been awful for you, actually becoming one of them, being forced to use your vast knowledge of Starfleet operations to aid the Borg. Just how many of our ships were lost? Thirty nine? And a loss of life, I believe, measured at nearly eleven thousand. One wonders how you can sleep at night, having caused so much destruction. I question your actions, Captain. I question your choices. I question your loyalty.

Oh boy, is this a biggie. Putting aside Picard's guilt, which Troi should've handled, let's move on to his choices and loyalty. What choices? Picard was on the bridge and he was kidnapped, how could he avoid it? What loyalty? Is she saying that Picard is a spy for the Borg? How?

WORF: I believed her. I helped her. I did not see what she was.
PICARD: Mister Worf, villains who twirl their moustaches are easy to spot. Those who clothe themselves in good deeds are well camouflaged.
WORF: I think after yesterday, people will not be as ready to trust her.
PICARD: Maybe. But she, or someone like her, will always be with us, waiting for the right climate in which to flourish, spreading fear in the name of righteousness. Vigilance, Mister Worf, that is the price we have to continually pay.

How would Picard respond to Section 31? Presumably Worf informed him about it at some point.

[Nate the Great]

The Fiver

Troi: That's not true. Humans gave up the practice of ethnic profiling a very long time ago.
J'Dan: My great-uncle Klaang was shot on sight by the first human to see a Klingon!

I haven't seen "Broken Bow" since the premiere, but I don't think it was that simple.

Worf: Shall I cease the interrogation, then?
Satie: Yes. Please thank Mr. Data for letting us borrow his Irving Berlin recordings.

I think this is just a "one person's music is audio torture to another" joke.

Picard: I disapprove of your opening this inquiry to spectators. You're making it look like a show trial.
Satie: Crewman Tarses will be more inclined to admit his guilt under the bright light of public scrutiny.
Picard: I also object to the fact that you've seated a kangaroo next to him.
Satie: He can't afford his own lawyer, so he has to be satisfied with whatever counsel the public defender's office can provide him free of charge.

At least it's just a kangaroo. Imagine if one of the dolphins down in Cetacean Ops was a lawyer...

Satie: Are you or have you ever been a member of a communist organization?
Picard: No.
Satie: Really? What about when you were assimilated by the Borg?
Picard: The Borg hardly qualify as a communist organization.
Satie: They live in a commune, don't they?
Picard: It's called a "collective," not a commune.
Satie: Close enough.

Even if you buy that the Borg are communist, Picard was a prisoner, not a collaborator with them.

Picard: How far are you going to take this travesty of justice?
Satie: As far as I have to! If necessary, I'll put all of humanity on trial to answer the charge of being a grievously savage race!

You forgot the "child" in there. Imagine the fun Q would have with her!

Memory Alpha

* Jeri Taylor's original intent was witch hunts, not drumhead court martials. I think using the witch hunt analogy would've worked better.
* Last episode with Ron Jones custom music. Watch SFDebris' reviews for his commentary on Jones' music.
* The McCarthy trials were mentioned, which would've been another better comparison in the actual episode than drumhead court martials.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Lots of twentieth-century slang used by Satie. I fail to see how this is a nit.
* Being part-Romulan is a problem for the Federation, but Sela (and Charvanek, for that matter) proves that being part-human isn't a problem for the Romulans. It's a shame when the bad guys are more tolerant.
* If Satie is an admiral that was brought out of retirement, why doesn't she wear a uniform?