30th Anniversary TNG Episode Discussion Marathon

[Nate the Great]

February 18th, 1991, "First Contact"

This one will be a lot more fun...

Fiver by IJD GAF

The Episode

NILREM: He took a severe blow. Possible trauma to the telencephalon.
TAVA: Start fifteen octares of quadroline. We'll need a complete del-scan series.
NILREM: I can't find his cardial organ.

I appreciate the alien medical terms, but you can go too far. "Cardial organ" instead of "heart" is just stupid. Telencephalon is another word for the cerebrum.

TAVA: He's missing three costal struts on one side and four on the other.

Costal cartilage means the bits of the ribs that connect to the sternum, flexible to allow for expansion during breathing. I think they're implying that Riker has fewer ribs than they do. Of course you wonder why any alien race that otherwise has bilateral symmetry would have different numbers of ribs on each side.

(holds up a foot)
NILREM: He has digits on his terminus.

Foot! Foot! Furthermore, how can a bipedal species walk without toes?

RIKER: It's for a neighbour's child. Was there anything else found? I had one piece of jewelry, a metal pin.
BEREL: No, I'm sorry, this was all we found.

This is a perfect mission for a subcutaneous communicator. And let me get this out of the way: Riker should not have been on this mission, there has to be a corp of pre-first contact people who could've done this.

(Everyone say hi to Carolyn Seymour, taking a break from being a Romulan)
MIRASTA: At twelve point four after launch, the warp field generator will be activated.

Seymour only played two Romulans, Taris in "Contagion" and Toreth in "Face of the Enemy". Her other Trek role is Mrs. Templeton in Janeway's stupid holonovel (I'm not looking forward to that one in the Voyager retrospective in 2025).

MIRASTA: We have the prototype design for the warp engine. It would simply be a matter of building the actual production units. If I get your approval today, ten months, maybe less.

Thank goodness people realize that it takes awhile to make a warp core. That's one of my problem with the sheer proliferation of starships between Wolf 359 and the Dominion War.

PICARD: My name is Jean-Luc Picard. This is my associate Deanna Troi.

Seriously, where are the First Contact specialists?

TROI: Captain Picard is from a planet called Earth, which is over two thousand light years from here.

Do the locals even have a unit comparable to a light year? You gotta feel bad for the Universal Translator sometimes. "153576.2 thingamajigs from here."

MIRASTA: You've had people on our planet?
TROI: For several years.

With the number of near-warp planets out there, how many people are in the pre-First Contact corps?

BEREL: Well, it's getting out of control. I don't know what else he is, but he is still a patient in this medical facility and we have a responsibility for his care and recovery. Remind them of that, will you?

Thank you for acting rationally.

BEREL: Mister Jakara, we have been unable to confirm anything you told us. No physician named Crusher is on file. Not on this planet. Your address in Marta's an eating establishment. The cook has never heard of Rivas Jakara.

Seriously, the pre-First Contact team didn't rent out an actual location on this planet to maintain the cover? And why would Riker provide info that can't be validated? Why are we paying these specialists if they're so bad at their jobs? (We should take their holodeck rations back! )

MIRASTA: He's an android, Chancellor. A constructed being.
DURKEN: A machine?
DATA: In a manner of speaking. The term artificial lifeform would be more accurate.

How is Data not a machine? If he had used a more demeaning term I could understand Data defending himself.

DATA: No, Minister. He has not returned to our designated transport coordinates. We have continued to scan the capital city without success.

He's in a hospital. No shielding and the only human being on the planet. The ship's sensors can't find him? How would the locals have the slightest idea about how to block sensor scans?

PICARD: I've been saving this for a special occasion. My brother on Earth produces fruit known as grapes, which he turns into wine.

Nice reference to "Family", but the bottle should've showed up again. Minimal research says it's about five glasses per bottle.

DURKEN: My world's history has recorded that conquerors often arrived with the words, we are your friends.

And Earth's as well. Thank goodness for common sense.

DURKEN: What do you want?
PICARD: A beginning.

Overly simplistic. We want to protect you from other races who would exploit you. We want to learn your culture and teach you ours. We want to shield you from the mistakes we made when we first ventured into space.

DURKEN: And if I should tell you to leave and never return to my world?
PICARD: We will leave and never return.

SF Debris approved of this, but I don't. I would certainly promise to stay away for a couple generations and check in again then, but "never return" is a little final.

We never get an indication that an exotic power source is being used, so we have to assume antimatter. You don't want to leave that stuff in the hands of people afraid of change, it's a massacre waiting to happen.

DURKEN: I can infer from that directive that you do not intend to share all this exceptional technology with us.
PICARD: That is not the whole meaning, but it is part of it.
DURKEN: Is this your way of maintaining superiority?
PICARD: Chancellor, to instantly transform a society with technology would be harmful and it would be destructive,
DURKEN: You're right, of course.

Exactly. This society hasn't proven that it can safely used the tech it has NOW, more would be disastrous.

DURKEN: I will have to say this morning, I was the leader of the universe as I knew it. This afternoon, I am only a voice in a chorus. But I think it was a good day.

A nice sentiment. I know I wouldn't handle it as well.

RIKER: Now, will you help me?
LANEL: If you make love to me.
RIKER: What?
LANEL: I've always wanted to make love with an alien.

If the Universal Translator is so sophisticated that it can translate an idiom as complicated as "make love", our heroes shouldn't have the problems that it keeps having with the thing. It should've just said "have sex."

LANEL: Will I ever see you again?
RIKER: I'll call you the next time I pass through your star system.

That sounds more like a Kirk line.

TAVA: They've aggravated the injury to his renal organ.

Renal means the urinary system. If they're saying Riker damaged his privates, this is one subtle and dirty joke for the time period.

BEREL: I'm just a physician, Minister. I don't know much about affairs of state, but he is a living, intelligent being. I don't care if the Chancellor himself calls down here. I have sworn an oath to do no harm, and I will not.

Thank you.

PICARD: Centuries ago, a disastrous contact with the Klingon Empire led to decades of war.

First contact with other warp-faring species should have nothing to do with first contact with a species that has just developed warp. As for "decades of war", that's a rabbit hole lined with barb wire that I choose not to go down since it touches Enterprise, Discovery, etc.

RIKER: No. We're here on a mission of peace.
KROLA: Such noble creatures. Why do peaceful people develop such lethal weapons? Or do you still insist it's just a toy?

Riker never should've had a phaser on him. At the very least, they couldn't put a fingerprint scanner on the thing so only Riker could use it? I would've programmed these things to self-destruct unless touched by an authorized user every X hours during a mission like this.

KROLA: Perhaps, like many conquerors, you believe your goals to be benevolent. I cannot.

Oh boy, is that another discussion. You gotta give the writers props for not pulling their punches.

MIRASTA: I'm sorry to say he's probably right. Captain Picard, I have one last request. Take me with you.
DURKEN: She will be unhappy with the restrictions I must place on her at home, Captain.
PICARD: We may not be back here in your lifetime.

This line confuses me. Why can't they return in her lifetime?

[Nate the Great]

The Fiver

Tava: Actually I was thinking more along the lines of looking for a pulse.

Missing first line alert!

Berel: Chairs. By the way, do you have a rational explanation for your funktastical anatomy?
Riker: I'm from China. As a boy I was caught in a mechanical rice picker and --
Berel: I didn't think so.

Cute reference. And it wasn't rational in TOS, either.

Picard: Nanoo, nanoo!
Troi: Phone Home!
Mirasta: Hmm... you appear to be new around here.
Picard: Perhaps, but we can reverse the situation, right O'Brien?
O'Brien: (over the comm) Yub! Yub!

I get the Mork and Mindy and E.T. references, but what's with the yub yub thing?

Picard: Don't worry, they're all like that. Now then, what would happen if we hovered over the capital city with our saucer section and caused massive damage to major urban areas, at least until we were stopped by a computer virus?
Mirasta: I don't think my people would like you very much, but they'd still be dumb enough to spring for a sequel.

Was this written before or after the ID comver? And is Independence Day still the cultural touchstone that it was twenty years ago?

Lanel: Are you an alien?
Riker: Yes, Miss..?
Lanel: My name is as indicated, but you can call me
Lilith. Can you be my Kirk?

It may seem impossible to compare Lanel with Lilith, but then you remember some of the sillier moments from Cheers, like the time Frasier hypnotized her...

Krola: Hi I'm Krola, but you can call me Kroke.

I tried to find a Kroke that this could be referring to, but I came up empty.

Memory Alpha

* They had to break the rule that says that the main characters have to be the ones that stuff happens to. It was never broken again. You can learn more from SF Debris' review.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil also points out the subcutaneous transponder thing.
* He questions why the locals couldn't detect the ship in orbit.
* Why would Durken call his own planet "Malcoria III"? For that matter, why hasn't the pre-First Contact team told the Federation the real name of the planet by now? They really are incompetent!

[Nate the Great]

March 11th, 1991, "Galaxy's Child"

It was good to see the return of Leah Brahms, but they really made the "ice queen" phase last for too long.

Fiver by Marc

The Episode

PICARD: Yes, Mister La Forge. It seems that the exemplary nature of your work has caught the attention of Starfleet Command. In fact, someone is coming on board just to see the engine modifications you've made.
LAFORGE: Who, Captain?
PICARD: The Senior Design Engineer of the Theoretical Propulsion Group. Doctor Leah Brahms.

This hardly seems like a job for Leah. Shouldn't she have an assistant who can do this?

GUINAN: You know, Geordi, everybody falls in love with a fantasy every now and then.

I'll buy that Guinan wouldn't be one of those "only weirdos fall in love with holograms" people, but she's still taking this too well.

LEAH: The matter-antimatter ratio has been changed. The mixture isn't as rich as regulations dictate.

Not the intermix ratio nonsense again! I'll be growling in the corner if you need me...

LEAH: The magnetic plasma transfer to the warp field generators doesn't correspond to the recommended specs.

Of course it doesn't! Some idiot is pumping extra matter into the warp plasma!

LEAH: You've charted a completely new swap-out schedule for main components replacement.
LAFORGE: You bet. I found the Starfleet estimates for the MTBF units to be unrealistic.

This seems a little petty and below Leah's level. She works in the theoretical field, not the nuts-and-bolts part.

DATA: The anomaly is orbiting the seventh planet, sir. It is a mass of plasma energy contained within discrete boundaries by an outer covering of silicates, actinides, and carbonaceous chondrites.

The actinides are all radioactive. Maybe I can buy that they're part of some interior fusion "stomach", but why would they be part of the skin?

Carbonaceous chondrites are a category of meteorite material. The Gekli (what the novels call this species) could sure make use of such a material for armor, but if they're implying that somehow muscles are made of this stuff, that just doesn't work.

RIKER: Alert science stations to standby. Tell them to coordinate all efforts with Commander Data.

I thought Data was already in charge of the science teams.

LAFORGE: You remember, the crystal's been reoriented to adjust the direction of the lattice structure.

Nice callback to actual technobabble used in "Booby Trap." They were trying to pump more matter and antimatter into the core, despite that not being the problem they were trying to fix.

LEAH: It's curious. this modification was due to be introduced.
LAFORGE: In the next class starship.
LEAH: Yes. How did you know?

The next class of starship should've already been introduced! You have to imagine that the Nebula class was a modification of the Galaxy specs. I jolly well hope that the modification has been introduced by now!

LAFORGE: I make a great fungilli.
LEAH: I love fungilli.
LAFORGE: Is that right?

This tidbit was in "Booby Trap", but it seems like reaching in this case. Incidentally, fungilli doesn't really exist, but of course the Star Trek Cookbook has a recipe for it.

DATA: Sensors are having difficulty penetrating the interior.

But you did earlier and found a mass of plasma energy! Besides, the skin is made out of meteorite material, something the Enterprise should know how to scan!

PICARD: Reverse course, Ensign, three hundred kph.

Quarter impulse is 18,665 kps or 67 million kph. Three hundred kph is a crawl, I wonder how few thrusters you need for that kind of speed.

COMPUTER: Warning. Radiation levels at sixty five millirads per minute and rising.

Fatal radiation levels vary by person, but let's use a common threshold of 1000 rad. 65 mrad/min means 50% casualties in 15000 min or 256 hours or 11 days.

RIKER: All decks prepare for radiation protocol.

You'd think this would be automatic, or Data would've done it by now. Now that I think about it, why doesn't each hull have an inner core with extra radiation shielding?

COMPUTER: Warning. Radiation levels at three hundred millirads per minute and rising. Lethal exposure in one minute.

300 mrad/min means 50% casualties in 56 hours. For lethal exposure in one minutes you need 1000 rad/min, or more than three times what they're currently getting. If only they were smart enough to toss an "iso-" in there...

DATA: Radiation patterns no longer coherent.

Thank goodness he didn't say that there was no radiation. As I mentioned before, the actinides in the skin will be radioactive by themselves for awhile. (The half-life of actinides is like 20 days, so these Gekli must eat a lot of meteorites).

PICARD: We're out here to explore, to make contact with other life forms, to establish peaceful relations but not to interfere. And absolutely not to destroy.

I'll just throw up a link to this powerful moment. Poor Picard.

TROI: Captain, everything you did was consistent with established Starfleet procedures.

Is that supposed to make him feel better, Deanna? Are soldiers supposed to not feel shock from killing people just because it's their duty? Go that way and you end up with Jem'Hadar, you don't want to go that way!

LAFORGE: Okay. Computer, subdued lighting. No, that's too much. I don't want it dark, I want it cozy.

I get that the computer can't possibly be programmed with every possible command to alter the lighting level, but I'd think "subdued" should be one of the possibilities.

COMPUTER: Please state your request in precise candlepower.

Is Geordi supposed to dig out a tricorder to measure the current candlepower?

Incidentally, "candlepower" was an obsolete unit even when the episode was made. We use "candela" now. Technically 1 candlepower is about 0.981 candela, but nowadays they're more or less equivalent.

But of course, given that the metric system has taken over by the 24th century, they should be using lumen (1 lumen=1 candela-steradian, where a steradian is the 3D equivalent of a radian, or the curved area of a light projection divided by the square of the distance from the light source to the curved area)

LAFORGE: See, it's not a matter of precision, computer, it's a matter of mood. Brighter than this. More. More. A little more. Hold. Right there. Perfect.

Seriously, dimmer switches are extinct in the 24th century? The computer can't configure a panel with a virtual scrollwheel for Geordi to do it himself? And frankly, with the number of failed dates Geordi has under his belt, he should've configured a "romantic lighting" preset with the computer by now.

LAFORGE: Now, some music. Maybe a little soft jazz. No, that's not right. Let me think here. Oh, I got it! Some Brahms! A piano etude. Nah, that's too corny. Probably everybody thinks of that.

Playing Brahms in front of Brahms IS corny. And by the way, an "etude" is just a short song designed to improve a player's proficiency with an instrument. He just told the computer to play a random song.

LEAH: Oh, you've changed.
LAFORGE: Yeah. The uniforms are so formal.

Yeah, you're having dinner in his quarters! Even if you didn't think it was a date, you should've known it would be informal! You're an idiot, Leah. Or in other words, they deserve each other.

LEAH: To be honest, people find me cold, cerebral, lacking in humour.

So the initial hologram design in "Booby Trap" was accurate, Geordi just didn't know it. It's a nice touch.

DATA: This new concentration of energy was detected only after the surrounding material became inert.

I'm having trouble with this. Data found the radioactive slush of the Gekli's stomach before and he didn't find Junior?

CRUSHER: It's dangerous to generalise about new life forms, but based on my experience with other beings who bear their young in this manner, I'd say that the offspring is still premature. Otherwise, it would be able to break through the outer body shell of the parent.

I won't get into a full gynecological rant, I'll just ask how Crusher came to this conclusion. You've never met anything like a Gekli before! Even Gomtuu seemed more-fleshy for lack of a better term, than this thing.

WORF: I advise against this, Captain. The parent proved to be a threat to the ship. We do not know how the offspring will react.

This would be a great time for a saucer separation. If only they'd filmed the model in more shots to begin with to allow for them. The ship won't separate again until Generations.

By the way, only the full six-foot model could separate. By this time the smaller four-foot model had supplanted it as the main model. However, reused footage could be used for most of it; the main problem was rebuilding the Battle Bridge set every time.

LEAH: The first thing I'd like to do is inspect the power transfer conduits.
LAFORGE: You realise the only way to inspect them is to crawl inside.
LEAH: I designed them, Commander. I know what's involved.

Do you? I thought you focused on the warp core.

LEAH: The acoustic signature doesn't sound right.
LAFORGE: You're probably the only other person in the galaxy who could pick that up.

I bet Data could.

LAFORGE: It's a mid-range phase adjuster. Puts the plasma back into phase after inertial distortion.

Inertia should only be an issue at impulse speeds. Why do you care about the plasma when the warp drive isn't in operation?

[Nate the Great]

DATA: The first incision is complete.
CRUSHER: Ideally the offspring should now be able to push through the outer shell of the parent by itself.

So by "first incision" you meant "only incision." Data, I thought you were more precise than this, even if you keep lying about the contraction thing.

LAFORGE: How could it have been so far off? It was based on every piece of information on record about Leah Brahms. Okay, with an admitted margin for error. but this is an error that's a light year wide.

Or, y'know, she got married after the program got made. You wanted the design lab at Utopia Planitia as it was when the engines were being designed. That was five years ago, she's had time to get married.

LAFORGE: Computer never even told me she was married.
GUINAN: Computer glitch?
LAFORGE: Must have been.

Or you never asked. Although if the computer knew that the real Leah was married and then made a hologram that would flirt with Geordi, that's a whole other kettle of fish.

GUINAN: You saw exactly what you wanted to see in the holodeck. Sure, the computer made it look like her, gave it personality, but when it came to the relationship. La Forge, you filled in the blanks. And you had a perfectly wonderful, marvellous little fantasy. until the real Leah showed up and ruined it. She's probably done the most horrific thing one person can do to another, not live up to your expectations. So I'd take a good, hard, long look at her, La Forge. See her for who she is, not for what you want her to be.

Why couldn't Deanna have a few of these speeches? This is one instance where you don't need Guinan's wisdom to make the advice work.

RIKER: It might be wise to put some distance between us before we initiate warp drive.
PICARD: Very well. Five hundred kph. Ensign. Engage.

Actually, as long as you're not pointed at Junior, the warp field shouldn't bother it at all. The whole point of the compressed Z-axis is the forward lobe of the warp field going ahead of the ship.

I wonder if they could've blamed the warp inability on the radiation from the actinides...

DATA: Sir, the life form is draining energy directly from the fusion reactors.

No, it's not. Junior is nowhere near the fusion reactors. And don't tell me that its sucking on plasma conduits or something, Data said directly from the reactors. And they could shut down conduits.

DATA: Sir, is the appellation Junior to be the life form's official name?
PICARD: No, it is not.

Cute moment.

HOLO LEAH: I'm with you every day, Geordi. Every time you look at this engine, you're looking at me. Every time you touch it, it's me.
(Geordi runs in, too late)

What? Leah wanted the program, not a recording of the previous session of the program. Furthermore, if the computer is recording every holodeck session whether it's asked for or not, that's invading on a lot of privacy.

WORF: Captain, its total volume has increased by eight point five percent in the last three hours. I now read it at forty six million cubic metres.

I really want to use these figures and e=mc^2 to turn the required mass into a required amount of energy that Junior would have to suckle, but that's too pedantic even for me.

The E-D is 5 million metric tons. Meteorites are 3 g/cm3, so 46,000,000 m3 is 138 million metric tons. With that discrepancy you'd have massive gravity effects, the structural integrity field must be working overtime.

LAFORGE: Okay. All matter in space vibrates in a specific radiation band.
LEAH: Twenty one centimetres. That's good, Commander, that's very good.

21 cm is the wavelength of interstellar hydrogen gas. That doesn't count as "all matter".

LEAH [OC]: Now at point oh two centimetres.

That counts as microwaves. 21 cm is radio waves.

The Fiver

La Forge: She's welcome to it, sir.

Missing first line alert!

Riker: Is that a spacegoing lifeform orbiting the planet up ahead?
Data: Yes, sir. Such a phenomenon has never been seen before.
Picard: It reminds me of the spacecraft-creature we discovered at Beta Stromgren last year.
Riker: And of the interstellar jellyfish we found at Deneb IV on stardate....
Data: I meant "before we started our first mission," sir.
Riker: Oh. My mistake.

Like I said before, this thing doesn't really resemble Gomtuu. As for the Farpoint Jellyfish, that's far enough to fit under "such a phenomenon". I actually think that the jellyfish could shift between matter and energy forms at will to travel or interact with other jellyfish.

Leah: People often find me cold, cerebral and humourless. They say I'd make a good hologram.

Is this an EMH joke as well as a "Booby Trap" joke?

Worf: The newborn infant is following the Enterprise!
Troi: Perhaps it thinks the ship is its parent.
Picard: Very likely. Something similar once happened to the U.S.S. Konrad Lorenz.

Konrad Lorenz was an Austrian zoologist. Part of his work involved how geese imprint. Talk about an obscure joke.

Memory Alpha

* The double joke involving the Galaxy-class Enterprise never occurred to me.
* First appearance of the Jeffries Tubes as seen going forward. "The Hunted" used a completely different design.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Geordi takes the dilithium chamber offline while the ship is still at warp. Oops.
* Phil has a long screed about the intermix ratios. At one point the creators tried to explain that the ratio differs with speed, but back in "Coming of Age" they were clear that 1:1 is the only ratio. Oops.
* Technically candlepower is just intensity of a light source, not the actual illumination of the room, what they really should've been using is luminance.
* They talk about Junior being over the spacedoor for Shuttlebay 2. However, Junior is over the starboard side shuttlebay, which is Shuttlebay 3. I guess the Okudas were asleep this week.
* If the ship is in energy-saving mode, why is the holodeck operational? Does Leah have an override code like Geordi did in "Booby Trap"?
* Phil asks why they didn't just shut down the warp engine to cut off the "milk" flow. I think Junior would've drained all the auxiliary energy modules and caused more trouble. Besides, they needed the engines to get rid of Junior.
* If the warp core is at full blast providing energy, why isn't the flashing of the core going at high speed?

[Nate the Great]

March 18th, 1991, "Night Terrors"

Fiver by Standback (I've never heard of this guy, does anyone know anything about him/her?)

(transcriber's note - the view of the ships hull after the credits, and the subtitles, clearly say Brittain, but some okudagrams say Brattain. Take your pick)

You'd think they would've gotten something as simple as a spelling locked down in the beginning. There are a few people and places named Brittain, none particularly notable. However, there were a couple physicists named Brattain, brothers named Walter and Robert. Walter worked on semiconductors and magnetometers, eventually becoming part of the team that invented transistors. Robert leaned more towards chemistry, working on synthetic rubber and the structure of penicillin. Personally I lean towards Brittain since that's what's on the hull, but who knows.

(Incidentally, as far as the forum spellchecker is concerned Brattain is a word and Brittain is not. The more you know and all that)

PICARD: On screen. Magnify.
RIKER: That's the Brittain, all right.

How do you know? The Brattain is a Miranda-class, hardly uncommon. Incidentally, Memory Alpha claims that the motto on the plaque is "...a three hour tour, a three hour tour." Looks like the jokesters in the prop department had fun again.

(Memory Alpha uses Brattain and specifically says it was named after Walter Brattain).

WORF: Commander. Here's another one. This was done by a phaser on a setting of six or seven.

In the TOS days there were six settings: stun, heavy stun, kill, heat, disrupt, and dematerialize/vaporize. In the DS9 days setting 3.1 will stun a Changeling, you needed 3.4 or 3.5 to force it back to it's liquid state. In the script of "The Vengeance Factor" you need setting 8 to vaporize a humanoid.

And there's your useless knowledge for the day.

LAFORGE: Pre-heating injectors. Data, fuel flow?
DATA: Matter valves are open and operating. Magnetic containment of antimatter pods is constant.

This sounds like there's only a matter stream in the core, you'd think that if antimatter is leaving the pods the magnetic containment would alter to account for the smaller amount of antimatter.

LAFORGE: Okay, open injectors.
DATA: Injectors open. There is no engine activity at all, sir.

Of course not, there isn't an antimatter stream in the core! If there's both matter and antimatter in the core, I can't understand how nothing can be happening.

CRUSHER: I've been studying the autopsy reports. The conclusion is appalling. There was no outside source, no alien presence. All thirty four of them appear to have killed each other.

The crew was only 34 people? On a Miranda class?!? You couldn't run a Constitution-class on that many people for any real length of time. You need a couple hundred people at least!

VOICE: Eyes in the dark. One moon circles.

I despise it when alien languages are translated into gibberish English. And this race has direct contact with two Betazoids, surely they'd have access to the language centers of the brain for a proper translation.

Captain's log, stardate 44635.8. Four days have passed...

The previous entry is Stardate 44631.2. That's less than two days. Oops.

KEIKO: Boy, what a day this was. I'm doing an isozyme study on some populations of Cardilia but they're turning out to have these really weird polymorphisms.

In the real world Cardilia is a genus of clam. You'd think the scientific experts could've caught this one. Polymorphism just means that the plants don't look like they're supposed to.

KEIKO: Oh, no, I had a conference with Doctor Balthus. She wants to do a study on the laticifer ontogeny of the Kaladian Thorn Flower, but I don't have time to oversee another project.

Laticifer means a plant cell that secretes latex. Ontogeny means the study of a part of an organism throughout the organism's life.

O'BRIEN: Was Tom Corbin there?

Tom Corbin is a Senator from South Carolina, but he was barely out of college when the episode was made. This is what we call a pointless coincidence.

GILLESPIE: Hello, Chief. Having coffee?
O'BRIEN: No, I'm drinking too much coffee.

One wonders when he got addicted to raktajino.

GILLESPIE: You're not out of the honeymoon yet.

"Data's Day" was Stardate 44390.1, three months ago. I'm dubious that the honeymoon phase can last that long.

GILLESPIE: I've been hearing things. Kenicki in Engineering told me he saw a man in an old Starfleet uniform riding the lift near the engine core. When the lift got to the top, there was no one on it.

What does he mean by "old Starfleet uniform"? The "Cage" kind, the "TOS" kind, the STTMP white nightmares, the Monster Maroons, the early 24th century modified Monster Maroon, or those hideous Season One pajamas?

O'BRIEN: I'm surprised at you, Gillespie. A Starfleet officer. I have more things to worry about than shades and spirits.

The difference between shades and spirits seems to be that shades are dark and spirits are light. I like to think of myself as an aficionado of fantasy creatures, but some are more obscure than others.

(he gets to the door, it opens and there is no one there so he returns to his desk, and the doorbell chimes again, and again, and again. Then someone actually knocks at the door)

You can hear knocking on the other side of a door on the Enterprise? That seems like a bad idea to me. You'd want the walls of quarters to be soundproof, right? You'd think either Crusher or Troi could override the door.

PICARD: Go to warp engines, factor one. Engage.

One thing I like about the noncanon novel Federation is them explaining that the terminology evolved. Cochrane used "time-warp multiplier factor" (remember that with the TOS warp scale the speed is just the factor cubed times the speed of light), the Pike era used "time-warp factor", Kirk used "warp factor", and now we just use "warp".

Captain's log, stardate 44639.9. The Enterprise has now been adrift for a total of ten days. We have sent subspace distress calls, but because of our distant location, we cannot expect a response for at least another two weeks.

You're IN the Federation and subspace signals take two weeks to go across it? And you can't even say that there are nebula or whatever in between, there's over a hundred degress of arc that you could broadcast to!

PICARD: You mean a Tyken's rift.
CRUSHER: A what?
DATA: A rare anomaly named after Bela Tyken, the Melthusian captain who first encountered it.
LAFORGE: Tyken's rift. That would explain why we don't have engine power.

Only mention of Tyken or the Methusians, however Herman Zimmerman (famed art and production designer) said that the Methusians helped build Terok Nor/Deep Space Nine. It saddens me that we're not going to get creators who care about such "irrelevant minutiae" from Trek history ever again.

DATA: When Tyken was trapped in the rift, his analysis determined that a massive energy release might overload and dislocate the anomaly. Fortunately, his cargo included anicium and yurium, which he used to detonate the explosion. He then escaped through the ruptured centre of the rift.

There's a Discovery episode where Harry Mudd uses a anicium/yurium bomb. I pity that poor staff member who actually cares but is surrounded by apathetic creators.

[Nate the Great]

CRUSHER: I'd like to do more cross-sections on the brain tissue of some of these bodies. Set up the positron emission sensor in Sickbay, and I'll decide which ones I want to study.

Between this and Data's positronic brain, one wonders if ANYONE on staff knows what positrons are. They're just antimatter electrons, you can't use them in medical equipment unless you're in an antimatter universe!

Furthermore, even if you argue that Data's head has a magnetic bottle to contain the positrons, what about the times he's been stunned? Does his head have that many redundancies?

CRUSHER: Deanna, nothing's working. I've tried somatic drugs, I've tried inducing theta waves into the entorhinal cortex.

The somatic nervous system is another name for the voluntary nervous system. Don't ask me how sedating the body but not the brain is supposed to help.

Theta waves are used by the brain for learning, memory, and spatial navigation. Nothing to do with sleep.

The entorhinal cortex creates and consolidates memories, and optimizes them during sleep. This one actually makes a bit of sense.

GILLESPIE: Well, I think it's some kind of experiment. You see, Captain Picard is trying to see how long we'll take it, stuck here like rats.
GUINAN: You couldn't be more wrong.

So Guinan is immune, fair enough. But how can she be the only one besides Data? Are there no Vulcans who can pick up some slack? Is there a Horta on board that may be immune? And now that I think about it, what about the whales and dolphins down in Cetacean Ops?

(Worf takes an ornate dagger from a box, anoints it with wine)
WORF: lujpu' jiH'e, Alexandrijn.
(he prepares to plunge the dagger into his throat when Troi runs in)
TROI: Worf, no!

"I have failed, Alexander." I shudder to think what the kids on board are going through.

Acting Captain's log, stardate 44642.1. I have assumed command of the Enterprise at the request of Captain Picard.

It's been nineteen hours since Picard's last log. I think more time has passed than that.

DATA: There is no technology to block telepathic transmissions, Doctor.

I agree with SF Debris, you'd think someone would've invented that by now.

DATA: You will have to communicate with the other ship within two minutes of entering REM sleep.
TROI: Two minutes. Is that all, Data?
DATA: Unfortunately, yes. We have only enough power to emit a hydrogen stream for that amount of time.

I have no idea of how long it takes to start dreaming after you fall asleep, but you'd think the cortical scanner would help make it uniform. However, an immediate start to dreaming seems implausible. I have experienced instant changes from dream to waking up, however.

DATA: We will have to draw power from the life-support systems in order to discharge the collectors. This is Acting Captain Data. All personnel will report to designated shelter areas immediately. Life support systems will continue only in emergency shelter areas.

Shouldn't the crew already be isolated in the emergency shelter areas to conserve power?

The Fiver

O'Brien: Keiko, you're cheating on me, aren't you?
Keiko: What? Of course not!
O'Brien: Oh, sure. And next you'll probably deny being a genetically-enhanced Cardassian agent from the Mirror Universe.

This confuses me. Mirror Keiko's biography at Memory Beta doesn't mention really being a Cardassian.

Captain's Log: The crew's hallucinations are getting worse. At this rate, I can get a date with Beverly by Tuesday.

If you haven't been driven insane by then. And being surrounded by insane people hardly sounds like a good date.

Troi: I have these strange, terrible dreams. I'm floating in a green cloud, and a voice whispers at me.
Riker: Well, either you're the Emissary of the Prophets, or else you should beware of a tall, dark stranger in the month of June.

This is one joke I don't get and my Google-Fu failed me.

Crusher: We're going crazy because we aren't dreaming.
Picard: I can solve that. Picard to all crewmen. Repeat after me -- "I firmly believe we shall soon see peace in the Middle East." Also, memorize that speech by that Martin Luther person. Anything else, Doctor?

Well, that's a little tasteless.

Crusher: Captain, I believe that making hundreds of people go crazy and try to kill each other is these aliens' form of communication.
Picard: My God... I never imagined there could be a race consisting entirely of talk show hosts.

I'll just link to Weird Al's Jerry Springer...

Nitpicker's Guide

* The stardates indicate that it's only been a week since "Galaxy's Child". How did the Enterprise get that far into deep space?
* If you separated the saucer would both parts have enough inertia to escape this thing? My response is even if eventually they would drift out of range, the people would be dead before that.
* Couldn't they create an explosion by self-destructing the Brattain?

[Nate the Great]

March 25th, 1991, "Identity Crisis"

No fiver

Prelude: I hate that they crowbarred in the on-site cameraman. This isn't the kind of mission that would justify such. I even mentioned this in a recently launched trope "Convenient Photograph." This script needed a few more revisions. In particular shelling out a bit more for the planet set and taking ten seconds to come up with a plot beyond "lost outpost" to make the cameraman a good idea.

The Episode

(USS Victory NCC9754 away team sensor log stardate 40164.7 17.29.46 at the bottom of the screen)

Okay, this is just weird. Why would a stardate need a time added? A single day uses 2.74 units. Adding a decimal point or two could allow for the precision needed for a given time to be built in.

Incidentally, 40164.7 converts to about 3 AM on March 2nd, 2363. If you want it to be almost 5:30 PM you want 40165.05 or so.

BREVELLE [OC]: Tarchannen Three Investigation. Stardate 40164.7. Ensign Anthony Brevelle recording. Lieutenant Susanna Leijten in command.

But you're not going to mention Hickman or Mendez that are also on the Away Team. Where Geordi is during this away mission is beyond me.

PICARD: The original Tarchannen disappearances were never solved, were they?
SUSANNA: No, we never learned what happened or why. Forty nine people gone.

And you stopped investigating...why?

SUSANNA: What about you?
LAFORGE: I enjoy the bachelor's life too much.
SUSANNA: That doesn't sound like my little brother who always wanted advice on women.

Yeah, Geordi has made it pretty clear that he wants someone. It makes me wish that he had started dating Gomez...

DATA: The shuttle's acceleration is increasing.

The derivative of acceleration is called "jerk". And that's your pointless piece of trivia for the day. The amazing thing that I learned today is that the derivatives of jerk are called snap, crackle, and pop in that order.

DATA: He will reach an atmospheric interface at an altitude of two hundred and ten kilometres.

Assuming near-Earth conditions 210 km is within the thermosphere. Thermosphere/mesosphere is 80 km, thermosphere/exosphere is 700 km. I assume that the latter interface is meant. They might mean the thermopause. Above the thermopause there's mostly hydrogen and helium, below it it's a lot more active.

RIKER: If he stays at that speed, he'll self-destruct.

I don't think an explosion from external forces counts as a "self-destruct."

CRUSHER: You're worried about Geordi, aren't you?
DATA: I am an android. It is not possible
CRUSHER: for you to feel anxiety.
DATA: Starfleet personnel have vanished. Others may be at risk. We must do the best we can to find out why. However, I am strongly motivated to solve this mystery.

Nice moment and SF Debris would argue that just because Data doesn't have human emotions that doesn't mean that he can't have android equivalents.

CRUSHER: Her blood pressure's still falling. Apply the T-cell stimulator.

For once the technobabble makes sense. T-cells are a form of white blood cell that focus on destroying virus-infected cells.

LAFORGE: Any subspace projections, z-particle emissions, interferometric frequencies?

I won't touch subspace projections. Z particles carry the weak nuclear force. Interferometry involves the wave forms of particles. If phasing is involved this is actually reasonable technobabble.

LAFORGE: All right, let's say that my friend and I here are about the same size, say one point seven metres.

1.7 meters is 5 foot 7 inches. This is actually Burton's height, which surprised me. I would've expected a bit of inflation.

(Worf, Riker and two security guards enter)
WORF: You search the structure. I will take the perimeter.

As SF Debris said, why didn't they turn the holodeck off? Then Geordi wouldn't have anywhere to hide.

CRUSHER: He's going to need a sedative. Give me ten cc's of kayolane.

Only mention of kayolane. Why they didn't use one of the established Trek sedatives? Anesthezine already exists!

Memory Alpha

* The past mission was in 2362, but the stardate is 40XXX, which implies 2363. Oops.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Data can move his hands a lot faster than a human can, so why did he modify the beacon so slowly?
* Susanna says that the aliens can't see ultraviolet, yet the aliens respond to Data's beacon. Oops.
* Even when the holodeck is frozen, the background noises are still on.
* If Geordi is invisible to sensors, how did the transporter lock onto him?