30th Anniversary TNG Episode Discussion Marathon

[Nate the Great]

Time for a double bill, I seem to have forgotten "The Royale" last week...

March 27th, 1989, "The Royale"

Fiver (by Andy Taylor)
Transcript
Memory Alpha

The Episode

Captain's log, stardate 42625.4, We're entering orbit around the eighth planet in this previously unmapped Theta One Sixteen solar system. We diverted from our scheduled course when a passing Klingon cruiser reported discovering pieces of a strange vessel in the upper atmosphere of this planet.

I'm not going to make the usual "Klingon scientists are creatures of myth, haha" joke, but you do have to wonder what happened here. I can't see why the Klingons would care about non-class M planets. Furthermore, even if they're our allies why are they studying Federation planets? Are there Starfleet science vessels poking around uninhabited Klingon worlds? Seems awfully inefficient all around.

PICARD: Fermat's last theorem. You're familiar with it?

Have I fully expounded my impatience with this kind of nonsense yet? Not just Fermat's last theorem, but all of Picard's ready room hobbies. At times you wonder if Picard ever sits around on the bridge when nothing is happening. He's always saying "Number One, you have the bridge" and heading off to his office to read Shakespeare, analyze odd planetary orbits, feed his fish, or whatever. You never see Sisko or Janeway do this stuff, they're writing reports or reading reports from the subordinates and other productive stuff. Even Kirk was willing to stay on the bridge when nothing was happening, having reports brought to him by Rand or whatever.

DATA: On several of its surfaces, the molecules seem to have disintegrated
RIKER: Disintegrated? How?
DATA: Almost as if they were hit by a weapon from our time.

I'm not sure which is more ludicrous, the idea that only 24th century weapons can disintegrate molecules or the idea that Starfleet officers are going to discount any scale of technology that isn't its own. It's not like we already know that the Borg had such weapons centuries ago, or the T'kon, or the Preservers, etc.

PICARD [OC]: Any information about the structure.
RIKER: Yes, sir. There is an antique revolving door. It could be an entrance.

Grrr. Where's the "And that's all we see. If there's a building here it's invisible."?

DATA: Sir, without communication, we should beam up immediately.
RIKER: We're here, there's no danger. We'll look around then leave.

I don't think the regulations have a "if there's no immediate danger you can ignore this rule" clause. And once again we could easily solve this by moving the failed exit up sooner.

RIKER: Yes. We're from the United Federation of Planets.
CLERK: Of course you are.

Odd exchange. We're definitely led to believe that these people are akin to holodeck characters whose behavior is affected by the participants within certain parameters but no perceptual filters. If so, this sarcasm doesn't seem appropriate, the clerk should've ignored the response and stuck to the script.

PICARD: It's unlike Commander Riker not to follow procedure. When he lost contact with the Enterprise, he should have returned immediately to the beam down coordinates.

Exactly! I hope this goes into his record. Data will have to report that Riker ignored his recommendation and the regulations.

DATA: Ah, is this poker?
TEXAS: No, no, blackjack.
DATA: Blackjack. Accessing. Ah. Also known as twenty one, a number which defines the object of the game. Picture cards are worth ten, aces one or eleven, all other cards face value.

Ugh. What does this exchange achieve except making Data look like an idiot? Do the exact rules of the game matter to the viewer or serve the plot?
Since I know nothing about blackjack, I had to look it up. One calculation says about half a percent.


TEXAS: Hey, you're not one of them card counting fellas, are you?
DATA: The number of the cards and their values remain quite constant. What would be the purpose in counting them?

Ugh. Card counting exists in poker, something he's supposedly read every book about. Again, this stuff isn't funny and only exists to make the writers look like idiots.

WORF: Phasers are totally ineffective on all surfaces.

"Ineffective" implies that the phaser is functional, it just doesn't damage anything. Which raises the question of what this place is made out of. Enter more unanswered questions about the intentions of the creators of this place. They are obviously not monitoring the hotel remotely, so is there an artificial intelligence repairing the phaser damage? If Colonel Richey awoke in the hotel and can't leave, why was there a quiet area outside with a one-way door? Etc.

DATA: Commander, I am picking up something most unusual in another section of this structure. It appears to be human DNA.

Was it cloaked before now? The creators couldn't have anticipated tricorders!

DATA: He has been dead for two hundred and eighty three years, sir. The lack of any advanced decomposition is due to the sterile environment.

As SF Debris says, "advanced decomposition" has happened. Cut the line!

DATA: Fifty two stars sir.
RIKER: Places it between 2033 and 2079 AD.

I agree with SF Debris, having this memorized is impressive.

Meaningless aside, what additional states do you think are likely in future? As I understand it, most resistance from Puerto Rico, etc. to the idea of becoming a state comes from the theory that statehood would mean more representation but also increased taxation and federal government control.

PICARD: Colonel Stephen Richey was the commanding officer of the explorer ship Charybdis.

Charybdis is a sea monster from Greek mythology, creating whirlpools that destroyed passing ships. Why anyone would name a spaceship after it is beyond me.

RIKER: "And for the last thirty eight years I have survived here."

Presumably any and all calendars within the hotel reflect the chronology of the novel, resetting with each cycle. How would Richey record the passage of time? Even this hotel-provided journal would reset (be rereplicated?).

PICARD: 'It was a dark and stormy night'. It's not a promising beginning.
TROI: It may get better.

The phrase was first used by Washington Irving in 1809, but most people are referring to Edward Bulwer-Lytton's 1830 usage. Snoopy used it a lot.

DATA: And how did you get here?
TEXAS: To Vegas? Drove my car. I got a ninety one Caddy with only eighty thousand miles on it.

Again as SF Debris remarked, this place seems way older than the 1990s. Seriously, where are the editors who should be catching this stuff?

TROI: I don't believe this dialogue. Did humans really talk like that?
PICARD: Not in real life. Remember, everything that's going on down there is taken from what Colonel Richey calls a second-rate novel.

"A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest man."

RIKER [OC]: A bizarre incident just took place.
PICARD: The shoot-out between the bellboy and Mickey D.

Shoot-out? Did the bellboy even get to touch his gun? "The murder of the bellboy by Mickey D.!"

The Fiver

Riker: Even though proof was found for it in 1993?
Picard: But... I mean... So... WAH!

We still have fivers that are missing the first few lines, ugh...

Data: Okay, I'm detecting human DNA.
Worf: But you didn't detect anything earlier!
Data: Yeah, but it finally stopped flashing 12:00am.

I wonder if the flashing 12:00 gag will ever really go away.

Picard: Picard to Riker.
Computer: The number you have dialed has not been recognized.
Picard: Oh fudge. (ahem) Picard to Riker.
Computer: A dial-up connection could not be established at this time.
Picard: Oh for the love of...

"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and dial again. If you need help hang up and then dial the operator. In Allllll-buquerque!"

Memory Alpha

* Memory Alpha attributes the dark and stormy night quote to Bulwer-Lytton. Oops.

Nitpicker's Guide

* How can the Charbydis have U.S.A. markings in 2037 if the United Earth was created in 2036? My immediate response is "United Earth didn't launch the ship, the United States did." Duh.
* If the piece of the Charbydis has just been beamed in from space, how can Riker and O'Brien touch it immediately if the metal is still close to absolute zero? I'd chalk this up to O'Brien telling the transporter to rematerialize the thing with a higher molecular motion to make it touchable.

[Nate the Great]

April 3rd, 1989, "Time Squared"

Interesting ideas here, but this episode raises far more questions than it answers. How would going back in time mess up the polarity of the shuttle systems and Picard2's biology that much? How did this whole time loop get started? If the same Picard is going back in time every cycle, isn't that a Groundhog Day-style purgatory?

Fiver (by Marc)
Transcript
Memory Alpha

The Episode

WORF: It is my understanding that in most human families, the woman shares in the cooking.

It's my understanding that with rare exceptions like Joseph Sisko, most families use replicators! Furthermore, I can't imagine that this kind of misogyny exists in Klingon tradition. Is he basing his whole worldview on the Roshenkos?

LAFORGE: Where did you get these eggs?
RIKER: On our last stop.
LAFORGE: At Starbase Seventy Three?

Geordi isn't sure of their last stop? Furthermore, why does any detail beyond "our last stop" matter to us, the viewers? Why make Geordi look like an idiot?

WORF: Delicious.

I wish this gag appeared a bit more often. Geordi's liquid polymer remark from Birthright comes to mind immediately.

PICARD: Number One, we've picked up an automated signal from a Federation shuttlecraft.

Wait, the automated signal wasn't inverted or whatever? Furthermore, wouldn't the signal identify the shuttle and mother ship?

PICARD: Doctor Pulaski, you are needed in Shuttlebay two.
PULASKI [OC]: I've been monitoring. I'm on my way.

Again, what does this kind of writing achieve except raising further questions? Either Pulaski was given a heads-up earlier to keep a line open to the bridge, or she just flat-out keeps a line open to the bridge at all times, just in case. A simple "Doctor Pulaski, possible medical emergency in Shuttlebay Two" and "I'm on my way" would achieve the same thing with fewer plot holes.

PULASKI: The life signs are very confusing. His heartbeat is strong, but the pulse is off.

Okay, for the sake of not ending the episode early let's accept that Picard2's brainwaves and sensory inputs are out of phase for some reason, getting more and more coherent as we approach his departure time. That doesn't explain the other stuff. How can he have a strong heartbeat but an "off" pulse?

DATA: The power requirements of the shuttle do not match those of the Enterprise. We will need a variable phase inverter, to align the power from the Enterprise to the circuits of the shuttle.

Again, why? It's not explained. This is bad writing all in the service of postponing giving us answers. At least technobabble like "the shuttle was hit by an unknown energy wave which scrambled the files in the computer, it'll take us time to sort everything out" would feel less insulting.

PULASKI: I'm just starting a complete medical work-up. His vital signs are distorted. Some of the indicators are totally depressed, others are fluctuating wildly. I can't explain any of it.

Lazy writing strikes again. The unknown energy wave which hit the shuttle is causing static in Picard2's brain that's preventing him from awakening, simple!

LAFORGE: I just don't understand how you could have ended up in a shuttlecraft while the Enterprise was being destroyed.
WORF: Nor I. The last thing you would do is leave the Bridge of the Enterprise during an emergency.

Exactly! More questions that will never be answered! And what's more, both Riker AND Picard left the Bridge during an emergency!

RIKER: Well, I know this much. We can't avoid the future.

The Guardian of Forever would dispute that statement.

PICARD: What force or phenomenon could cause the shuttle to be thrown back in time?
RIKER: None that we've encountered. In theory, accelerating beyond warp ten.

I guess the "Warp 10"="occupying all points in the universe simultaneously" hadn't been invented yet. I'm still not sure where "sufficiently fast warp speed"="time travel without any other factor" came from.

RIKER: We've never encountered a natural force that powerful. Why only six hours? Why not a day? Or a year?

It's a valid question, but one that can easily be explained by random factors. Once you establish that it was done on purpose by Q or whatever, you can start asking why six hours.

PICARD: The Traveller moved through time using the power of his mind.

He did? When did that happen? Invoking Q would make more sense.

LAFORGE: The pull on the Enterprise is steady. I'm having to hold the warp engines at thirty percent in order to maintain our present position.

Using the warp field generators to create an "anchor" is an interesting idea that doesn't appear anywhere else.

The Fiver

Sorry Marc, the fiver is serviceable but nothing really stands out.

Memory Alpha

Pulaski's unfamiliarity with Kyle Riker is brought up. I think it's easy enough to chalk this up to "Pulaski wasn't in the mood to bring up a long story and upset Riker needlessly."

[NAHTMMM]

Originally Posted by Nate the Great

January 9th, 1989, "Loud as a Whisper"


Data: I have been studying various sign languages in the hope of communicating with Riva, but I am not sure which one will work best.
Picard: Choose one and give us a demonstration. What would be the sign for "happy"?
Data: " "
Picard: I'd skip to the next choice if I were you.

Gets at least a snort out of me every time.

Riva and Intellect: "Speak softly, for those who cannot hear an angry shout may strain to hear a whisper."
Picard: Your words are wise ones. Every Federation ambassador should know them.
Riva and Intellect: What makes you think they don't already?

Poor innocent Riva.

Data: I was not aware that you practiced judo, Counselor.
Troi: I used to. I gave it up when I lost a match to a kindergartner.
Data: Riva says, "Perhaps I should handle the negotiations after all."

Basically this whole fiver is great.

"Measure of a Man" is good too. You quoted most of the best lines already.


Since you're mentioning novels as we go along, the Iconians are key to The Devil's Heart, my pick for the best TNG novel. There was also one of those cross-series multi-novel series about finding their technology, but apparently it mostly wasn't very memorable.

Worf: Amazing. In all my life, I never thought I would ever hear a kas-volch'iq-nedah't.
Picard: A what?
Worf: In Klingon it means, "pun worthy of instant death unless it comes from a man with his finger on a planetary self-destruct button."

There's another of these Klingon lessons from Worf in the "Best of Both Worlds" fiver, and they're both particularly good.

Picard: Are any obsolete Federation starships emerging from it?
Worf: No, this vortex pulls the other way.
Riker: Good. Uh -- no, wait a minute....

This is probably the funniest bit of the "Time Squared" fiver.