30th Anniversary TNG Episode Discussion Marathon

[Nate the Great]

RIKER: A blood test, a tissue sample, anything that would have a sample of Doctor Pulaski's original DNA.
DATA: No, sir. Her records were shipped by way of Starfleet headquarters. They have not caught up with us yet.
RIKER: This is ridiculous. A cell, a single cell. Let's check her quarters.

Another contrivance. Pulaski should've kept a clean sample of her own genetics as a medical precaution. And it takes weeks to transmit a few records via subspace?

Memory Alpha

* In later episodes it's stated over and over that genetic modification for enhancement is illegal. So what happened here?
* In addition to "The Deadly Years" the transporter was used to reverse aging in "The Lorelai Signal."
* First appearance of O'Brien as transporter chief.

Nitpickers Guide

* Doesn't this episode establish that immortality is possible? Just reset back to an earlier physical pattern!
* Phil also has a problem with the skewed priorities I mentioned.
* Couldn't they test the transporter deaging with someone who does have their transporter trace on file? You know, save the lives of the people who don't have a hatred of transporters?

[Nate the Great]

February 6th, 1989, "A Matter of Honor"


No fiver
Transcript
Memory Alpha


The Episode

* We see the return of the officer exchange program. This worked with the Klingons because we are allies with them and the militaries are separate. Benzites? They're Federation members, they officers should be no different. The best I can come up with is that Benzites prefer to serve on Benzite-only ships, akin to the Vulcan Intrepid in TOS, and this is the first time one has served on a mixed ship. A better candidate for the program would be a Ferengi officer. It would've been a good episode and provide a lot of conflict.
* I'm not sure how I feel about the Mendon/Mordoc thing. Issue one: even if the actor proved to be a good fit for the Benzite race, it should've been easy enough to tweak the makeup so that he doesn't look exactly like Mordoc. Issue two: this confusion seems to be less of a joke than an expression of human race blindness. Not a good reflection of the evolved humanity, is it?
* The target range is a nice idea, too bad the technology didn't exist yet to make it very impressive. At this point it looks very fake and very much "let the actor shoot wherever and whenever and we'll fix it in post." ugh.
* "I don't recall hearing of a Federation officer serving ever on a Klingon vessel." First, Starfleet officer. Second, Star Trek V was released later that year, this would've been a good time to namedrop Spock serving as a gunner. Advertising the movie, etc.
* "I have studied and know everything about my heritage." I'm reminded of SF Debris' explanation of how Worf is different from other Klingons: he only saw the romantic (not that kind of romantic) aspects, not the harsh realities.

* Mendon just wandering around and commenting on other people's work seems odd. Just what position is he supposed to be filling in the officer exchange program? When Riker went over, he was first officer. When Kurn came over, it looked like he was temporarily being second officer. But what is Mendon's job? If anything I could see him taking Wesley's position of helmsman while Wesley is studying or doing another project.
* Pulaski not knowing about Klingon cuisine seems odd. Having Geordi here would make more sense.
* O'Brien would be afraid to serve on a Klingon ship? He served in the Cardassian wars, this is nothing! If anything he should've said something about avoiding one particular Klingon dish; it has unfortunate results on the Human body. Or maybe ask for a specific Klingon beverage (they can't drink bloodwine ALL the time, right?).
* Mendon reports to Worf? He's in Science blue, wouldn't he report to Data?
* Tactics has never seen a human before? That seems rather unbelievable. If anything I would expect Klingon schooling to include the tactics of the Federation (just in case), Romulans, Cardassians, etc. including pictures. Just tweak the line to say he's never MET a human before!
* How did this bacteria get from the Pagh to the Enterprise? Simplest solution: The Enterprise was towing the ship at the start of the mission as the result of events before the episode and some of this bacteria moved along the tractor beam.
* This Benzite thing of not reporting anything until it had been fully studied and an appropriate response contrived seems odd. At minimum Data should've been informed, it's not like he ever complains of an increased workload!
* "There are no old warriors." I get that this is just an expression and shouldn't be taken literally, but it's still a disturbing thought.
* Riker's "one or both" quip is clever, but I wonder how it got past '80s censors.
* A twelve-centimeter opening in a hull wouldn't be noticed? I jolly well expect a hole almost five inches across should be sensed by the computer!
* Kargan thinks that this is an attack by the Enterprise. Let's count the ways that this is ridiculous.

** First, the ships only crossed paths because of Riker, if Picard wanted to destroy the Pagh it's because he wants to kill random Klingons. The Klingons may like killing people, but even they don't believe in indiscriminate bloodshed; there has to be a reason.
** Second, in terms of technology the Enterprise is several levels above the Pagh, plus it's full of Starfleet engineers that can turn rocks into replicators. If Picard wanted to destroy the Pagh I'm sure Geordi could come up with a more subtle and untrackable method. The muon wave from "The Next Phase" seems like a better method all around, especially when you consider that Klingon engine self-diagnoses are less thorough than Federation ones.

** Third, Riker is on board! Why beam him onto a ship that you intend to destroy?
* O'Brien will wait until forty thousand? Assuming he means kilometers, that's the operational range of the transporters anyway, he has to wait until forty thousand!


Memory Alpha

* The reason John Putch returned was because the head appliance was made to fit him alone, and it was cheaper to hire him than another actor. I still say that the appliance could've been tweaked to not be Mordock anymore.

* First appearance of Klingon bloodwine.
* The Pagh has phasers instead of disrupters. Call this another example of bad editing in the script phase, or someone on set not knowing the difference. If it was a person, s/he should've been fired. The difference between phasers and disrupters is Trek 101.
* O'Brien later served on a Klingon ship in "Shadows and Symbols". I think that the difference is that it was explicitly a single mission plus he had friends with him for moral support.


Nitpicker's Guide

* Back in "Coming of Age" Mordock was declared the first Benzite in Starfleet, oops. Another reason why Mendon shouldn't have worn a Starfleet uniform to make the officer exchange bit more plausible.
* The parasite is declared to be "subatomic". Huh? "Microscopic" isn't enough?
* Cutting off the affected chunk of hull to prevent further spreading isn't discussed. Do Klingons even keep spacesuits on their ships?


YouTube

Riker on the Klingon ship. Stay tuned for the second half when he encounters the Klingon women at dinner.

[Nate the Great]

February 13th, 1989, "The Measure of a Man"

As a prelude, I do like this episode, but there are contrivances all over the place.

Fiver (by Zeke)
Transcript
Memory Alpha

The Episode

DATA: This game is exceedingly simple. With only fifty two cards, twenty one of which I will see, and four other players, there are a limited number of winning combinations.
LAFORGE: There's more to this than just the cards, Data.
DATA: Of course. The bets will indicate of the relative strength of each hand.

I've never played poker for money, and even I think that this is overly simplistic. As the saying goes, you play the man and not the cards.

PULASKI: The game is seven card high/low with a buy on the last card. And just to make it more interesting, the man with the axe takes all.

I've seen this episode many many times and only now am I looking up the definition of "man with the axe." This is a nickname for the King of Diamonds, so called because he carries an axe and not a sword. I assume this means that while in the normal poker game all suits are equal, she is declaring that diamonds is the highest suit for this hand.

PICARD:If we weren't around all these people, do you know what I would like to do?
PHILLIPA: Bust a chair across my teeth?
PICARD: After that.
PHILLIPA: Ain't love wonderful.

And later...

PHILLIPA: When I prosecuted you in the Stargazer court martial, I was doing my job.
PICARD: Oh, you did more than your job. You enjoyed it.
PHILLIPA: Not true! A court martial is standard procedure when a ship is lost. I was doing my duty as an officer of the Judge Advocate General.
PICARD: You always enjoyed the adversarial process more than arriving at the truth.

Talk about tonal whiplash. Why were two such conflicting relationships established? We'll be returning to this.

MADDOX: Yes, I evaluated Data when it first applied to the Academy.
DATA: And was the sole member of the committee to oppose my entrance on the grounds that I was not a sentient being.

Not to be a jerk, but establishing Data's sentience and rights seems like a necessary step before he entered the Academy. Because being an Academy student and later a Starfleet officer grants more and more rights, and there shouldn't have been a wobbly foundation to build them upon.

MADDOX: I was afraid this might be your attitude, Captain. Here are Starfleet's transfer orders separating Commander Data from the Enterprise, and reassigning it to Starbase one seventy three under my command.

I would've brought this up during the hearing. Maddox doesn't believe that Data is sentient or has rights, but exploits the Starfleet command structure to his benefit where necessary. Upon reflecting on this line today I wonder about this transfer. What duties is Data supposed to do under Maddox's command? Later on Phillipa implies that the transfer is for the purpose of "experimental refit." You can't "refit" a Starfleet officer. Phillipa also implies that Data can refuse the procedure if sent with Maddox. If Phillipa is assuming that Data has the right to refuse later, why won't she let Data refuse NOW?

PICARD: Data, I understand your objections, but I have to consider Starfleet's interests. What if Commander Maddox is correct, there is a possibility that many more beings like yourself could be constructed.

It's in Starfleet's interests to create more Datas regardless of Data's rights? That almost sounds like Section 31 thinking, doesn't it?
DATA: Sir, Lieutenant La Forge's eyes are far superior to human biological eyes. True? Then why are not all human officers required to have their eyes replaced with cybernetic implants? (Picard looks away) I see. It is precisely because I am not human.

As I've stated before (the PNQ thread?), I disagree that Geordi's VISOR is superior to biological eyes. The thing is, even IF we accept this as a fact, cybernetic augmentation is a completely different philosophical issue that creating android slaves.

PHILLIPA: My God, twice in as many days.
PICARD: I need your help.
PHILLIPA: An historic moment.

Admittedly she has the right to be snarky, but whether she wants Picard's affection or his respect, her sarcasm is not helping!

PHILLIPA: So you came to me for help.
PICARD: Yes, I came to you. You're the JAG officer for this sector. I had no choice but to come to you.
PHILLIPA: Wait! I didn't mean it that way. I'm glad that you felt you could, well, come to me.
PICARD: The word trust just isn't in your vocabulary, is it. Good try, nine out of ten for effort.
PHILLIPA: I wish things were different.
PICARD: I wish I could believe that.

Again, does she want his affection or respect? This schizophrenia is very confusing.

DATA: Is it not customary to request permission before entering an individual's quarters?
MADDOX: I thought that we could talk this out, that I could try to persuade you.

So does Maddox respect Data as a sentient being or not? He barges in and handles Data's stuff because he doesn't, yet wants to talk to Data because he does. Ugh.

MADDOX: You are endowing Data with human characteristics because it looks human. But it is not. If it were a box on wheels I would not be facing this opposition.

No, we are endowing Data with human characteristics because he thinks like a human, communicates like a human, works and collects and makes love like a human. If a box on wheels did these things, I hope these Federation types would give it the same rights and respect. Remember the microbrain?

MADDOX: If I am permitted to make this experiment, the horizons for human achievement become boundless. Consider, every ship in Starfleet with a Data on board. Utilising its tremendous capabilities, acting as our hands and eyes in dangerous situations.

So do you want Data to be a slave or a remote control toy? If the former, we've got another problem. If the latter, I don't know of many remote control toys that you can have a real conversation with.

MADDOX: Rights! Rights! I'm sick to death of hearing about rights! What about my right not to have my life work subverted by blind ignorance?

Your life work? You want to reverse engineer an android! Everything we've seen indicates that his prior work in cybernetics consists of studying and reverse engineering the less invasive aspects of Data. At least Ira Graves created his own stuff. And blind ignorance of what?

MADDOX: Let me put it another way. Would you permit the computer of the Enterprise to refuse a refit?
PHILLIPA: That's an interesting point. But the Enterprise computer is property. Is Data?

It's not an interesting point because the Enterprise computer isn't alive and wouldn't refuse refit because it doesn't have the capacity to say yes or no to anything.

PHILLIPA: Captain, that would be exceedingly difficult. This is a new base. I have no staff.

So take the case to the nearest starbase that does have a complete legal staff! Seems pretty obvious. And how is Phillipa's office considered in active service if it's one person?
PICARD: We will put to rest this question of your legal status once and for all. Now, I have been asked to represent you, but if there is some other officer with which you would feel more happy?
DATA: Captain, I have complete confidence in your ability to represent my interests.

As I said on TV Tropes, this is heartwarming.

RIKER: Access all available technical schematics on Lieutenant Commander Data.
COMPUTER: Working.
(Then up pops 'emergency manual control' and Data's off-switch location is displayed. Riker is fascinated at this new information, then realises the implication)

As I said on TV Tropes, this is a tearjerker. Duty compels him to destroy one of his closest friends.

[Nate the Great]

(Data goes to the witness chair and puts his hand on a scanner on the table)
COMPUTER: Verify. Lieutenant Commander Data.

Again, we're acting like Data's Starfleet rights exist even if we're not sure he's alive.
RIKER: What is the capacity of your memory, and how fast can you access information?

How is this relevant to whether or not Data is sentient?

RIKER: Your Honour, I offer in evidence prosecution's exhibit A, a rod of par-steel. Tensile strength, forty kilobars. Commander, would you bend that?
PICARD: Objection. There are many life forms possessed of mega strength. These issues are not relevant to this hearing.

Exactly! What is this proving, that Data is a machine? We already knew that.

PICARD: You're talking about slavery.
GUINAN: I think that's a little harsh.
PICARD: I don't think that's a little harsh. I think that's the truth.

While very powerful emotionally, logically this slavery thing doesn't make sense. Declaring something to be a slave is also automatically implying that it's a sentient person, just one of lesser worth.
PICARD: Commander Riker has also reminded us that Lieutenant Commander Data was created by a human. Do we deny that? No. Again it is not relevant. Children are created from the building blocks of their parents' DNA.

The problem here is that humans can reproduce themselves by converting food into babies. No external mechanism required.

PICARD: Do you like Commander Data?
MADDOX: I don't know it well enough to like or dislike it.
Um, if Data is a toaster you can't like it. It sure sounds like Maddox was acknowledging that Data is a person here.

PICARD: A single Data, and forgive me, Commander, is a curiosity. A wonder, even. But thousands of Datas. Isn't that becoming a race? And won't we be judged by how we treat that race?
If Data isn't a sentient person, multiple Datas can't form a race, it's just a bunch of robots. Picard skipped a step here.

DATA: Sir, there is a celebration on the Holodeck.
RIKER: I have no right to be there.
DATA: Because you failed in your task?
RIKER: No, God, no. I came that close to winning, Data.
DATA: Yes, sir.
RIKER: I almost cost you your life!
DATA: Is it not true that had you refused to prosecute, Captain Louvois would have ruled summarily against me?
RIKER: Yes.
DATA: That action injured you, and saved me. I will not forget it.
RIKER: You're a wise man, my friend.
DATA: Not yet, sir. But with your help, I am learning.
Great scene.

The Fiver

Captain's Log: The Enterprise has docked at a magnificent but unfinished starbase. I'm to meet with Admiral Schubert in the morning.

Schubert's Symphony No. 8 is unfinished. Talk about an obscure joke.

Riker: I'll see your five and raise forty-two.

As the wise man said, 47 is 42 adjusted for inflation.

Picard: I need your help.
Louvois: Oh, did you blow up another ship?
Picard: No. Not... yet.

Not yet? The destruction of the E-D isn't his fault, the E-E is sort of his fault but it didn't blow up.

Worf: What kind of goodbye party is this? Where's the jazz music? Where's the death inflicted by me on the people playing the jazz music?
Riker: (in the doorway with his trombone) Um... I'll just be turning around then.

I hope this is a reference to "The Next Phase."

Guinan: You know, if Maddox wins, they'll eventually make more Datas. Soon there could be thousands, all intelligent but legally bound to obey their human masters. It would be like....
Picard: Tribbles! Guinan, you're so right! This is just like the tribble trade!

Since when do tribbles obey humans?

Memory Alpha

* Melissa Snodgrass: "As to the issue of law in Gene's vision. He nearly killed 'The Measure of a Man' because according to Gene there were no lawyers in the 24th century because if people had criminal intentions they 'had their minds made right'. I found that chilling." Yeah, brrrr. Brainwashing criminals. The case of Garth implies that there can be medication to cure insanity, but I doubt you can chemically eliminate criminal behavior entirely.
* First mention of the Daystrom Institute. As Phil mentions in the Nitpicker's Guide, why would you name anything after Richard Daystrom, the guy was out of his mind!

Nitpickers Guide

* Given what we know of Data's age, Maddox is too young to evaluate Data at the appropriate time.
* Phil wonders why the computer states that Data's current assignment is the Enterprise when he's been transferred to the Starbase. I argue that the transfer is in flux until this hearing is over. I'm reminded of Miracle on 34th Street when Kris answers the question "Where do you live?" with "That's what this hearing will decide."
* In Datalore the off switch was on the right side, in this episode the off switch is on the left side. I argue that Riker could easily reach across Data's back.
* Phil points out that by letting Data into the Academy and overruling Maddox, Data's sentience was already acknowledged if unofficially.
* Phil wonders why "toaster" would be a known quantity in the 24th century, enough for people to coin a phrase based on it. I argue that we use lots of quotes that use obsolete words in the present day.

YouTube

The extended ending, Data comforts Riker
Poker
Guinan, Picard, and slavery

[Nate the Great]

Time for another TNG Companion catchup session!

“The Schizoid Man”

Dr. Selar is the first female Vulcan Starfleet officer in Trek; I guess Larry follows fanon by considering Saavik to be half-Romulan. Torme wanted a romance between Selar and Worf; I doubt that would have worked.

“Loud as a Whisper”

Deaf actor Howie Seago proposed this episode and starred as Riva. Burton wanted a way to get rid of the VISOR and so a scene leaving that door open was made (worst possible choice for that, as SF Debris pointed out). At one point Riva’s sign language includes the Vulcan salute tipped sideways as a sort of Easter egg for the fans. Some were confused as to how Riva could be a mediator on a similar level to Sarek despite being so young; my immediate response is that who is to say how old he is or how Ramatisians (his race) age.

“Unnatural Selection”

The near-miraculous use of the transporter in this episode led to stricter limits on what future writers could do with it.

“A Matter of Honor”

This episode got the highest rating up to this point. Despite kellicams previously being established in The Search for Spock, the Klingons here use kilometers. Finally O’Brien gets a last name, and it only took seven episodes. John Putch has the distinction of being the first Trek guest star to appear twice as two different characters of the same race, Mendon and Mordock.

“The Measure of a Man”

Data’s file includes NFN NMI (No First Name, No Middle Initial). His storage capacity is 800 quadrillion bits, or 12.5 terabytes. You can get a 12 terabyte internal drive for $450 these days. Moore’s Law stikes again, oops. Shoulda thrown a “quad” in there somewhere, guys! Worf mentions Klingon love poetry for the first time, echoing earlier Russian and French jokes from Chekov and Picard.

[Nate the Great]

February 20th, 1989, "The Dauphin"

No fiver (is this one reserved, Zeke? I actually enjoy this episode!)
Transcript
Memory Alpha

The Episode

PICARD: Hardly an inviting planet, even for a research establishment.

I've watched this episode many times, but never noticed this line. It would've been nice to have Salia mention having friends there, it would've been nice characterization. This also would've been a nice place to mention that most humanoid races can't survive there very long, to serve as a Chekov's gun for the big reveal later.

ANYA [OC]: What species are you?
PICARD: Human.
ANYA [OC]: Excellent.

I get the desire to blend in, but this does raise additional questions. What if Picard was the only human on board, surrounded by Horta or something? Why wouldn't she know that most Federation races (especially in Starfleet) are humanoid?

RIKER: Friendly, isn't she?
PICARD: Friendly or not, Salia has the rank of head of state, so we will treat her and Anya accordingly.

The logic seems a bit disjointed. Anya doesn't have the rank of head of state, so her brusqueness can't be forgiven by that. Furthermore, Anya is a bit curt, but hardly rude. I've seen many Trek guest stars that would qualify as nonfriendly and rude more easily than her, Maddox comes to mind immediately.

(O'Brien beams a young woman and her older chaperone aboard. No luggage)

This is a fan transcript, but I have to ask what Chakotea was implying here. It's very seldom that people beaming aboard bring their luggage with them. Lwaxana Troi only did so to provide for a gag. No doubt most people arrange for their luggage to be beamed directly to their quarters offscreen, cargo transporters being less energy-consuming. If Chakotea was trying to insinuate that this is an ominous Chekov's Gun, it doesn't really work.

SALIA: Those must be the matter energy conversion controls. May I take a look?

I'm reminded of Kamala, having to be trained in everything just in case.

PICARD: We're accommodating you in quarters normally reserved for Starfleet admiralty. I'm sure you'll find them quite comfortable.

I suddenly wonder how many super-VIP quarters the Enterprise has. Kirk's ship didn't seem to have any, if Elaan was put in Uhura's quarters. "There are none better", anyone?

WESLEY: Commander, who is she?
RIKER: I think she's a governess.
WESLEY: No! The girl.
RIKER: I don't know if she'll have time for you, Wes. She's destined to rule an entire world.

As I mentioned on the TV Tropes Heartwarming page for the show many years ago: "When Wesley first notices Salia, Will doesn't do what many adults would do: tell Wesley that pursuing Salia is silly at best and a potential diplomatic disaster at worst. As long as Salia isn't rejecting Wesley (harassment wouldn't be okay) Will will help his friend if asked." I stand by it.

DATA: You wanted to see me?
WESLEY: Yes. Data, the girl who came on board.
DATA: Salia of Daled Four.
WESLEY: Who is she?

I wonder why this information wouldn't be in the computer. Is there a special database of information for senior officers only that Wesley doesn't have access to yet?

TROI: Captain, I'm concerned our new passengers. Their emotions do not fit who they are and what they're doing.
PICARD: Are you suggesting they're not who they say they are?
TROI: Actually no, it's more like they're not what they say they are.

If Salia is telling the truth when she said they have the same emotions, this must mean that their nonhumanoid emotions have a different "texture" that Troi's abilities can notice. Which makes me wonder: wouldn't Troi's training on Betazed include more precise detection techniques than simply humanoid vs. nonhumanoid?

PICARD: What do we know about the cause of these wars?
DATA: Only that it is the difference between night and day.
RIKER: Data, you used a colloquialism.
DATA: Did I? What I meant, sir, is that Daled Four rotates only once per revolution. Therefore one side is constantly dark, and the other side constantly light. One might surmise that the two hemispheres have developed disparate cultures, which is a major cause of most wars.

I thought Data was supposed to not fully grasp metaphors yet. Even if Data's analysis is correct, I fail to see how he would reduce that to "the difference between night and day."

PICARD: This child is supposed to bring them together.
RIKER: She seems too delicate for such a task.
WORF: Do not be fooled by her looks. The body is just a shell.

Nice use of Klingon philosophy here. People like Jadzia and especially Ezri are recognized as Klingons even though they aren't warriors on the same level as a Klingon. And then there's Jeremy Aster, ugh.

GIRL: Salia, you must arrive with an open mind, without preconceived ideas of the worlds you will find or the people on either side.

I can understand the logic behind this, but I think they took things too far. Salia can know things about her planet and still be shielded from the current political issues. Wherever you place the start of the current political environment, I'm sure kids could be taught everything up to World War II without be swayed to the side of the Democrats or the Republicans, right?

LAFORGE: Look, Wes, I don't have time for this. You're going to have to ask somebody else.

"Plus, have you seen my dating record so far? You'd be better off asking Data for dating advice!" Hehe.

WORF: That is how the Klingon lures a mate.
WESLEY: Are you telling me to go yell at Salia?
WORF: No. Men do not roar. Women roar. Then they hurl heavy objects. And claw at you.
WESLEY: What does the man do?
WORF: He reads love poetry. He ducks a lot.

One wonders if he ever read love poetry to K'ehleyr.

WESLEY: Worf, sounds like it works great for the Klingons, but I think I need to try something a little less dangerous.
WORF: Then go to her door. Beg like a human.
DATA: It should be that simple, Wesley. Judging by her appearance it is likely you and Salia are biologically compatible. Of course, there could be a difference in the histocompatibility complex in the cell membrane, but.
WESLEY: Data, I want to meet her, not dissect her.

Now that's an interesting idea: Data thinks the only reason to engage in romantic behavior is reproduction. One hopes he eventually grew out of this. I guess given his relationship with Jenna he did.

WESLEY: What should I say? How do I act? What do I do?
RIKER: Guinan, I need your help. Could you step over here a minute?
GUINAN: Sounds simple enough.

The whole scene will be in a YouTube link later. You really do have to wonder how much of Riker and Guinan's interaction is sincere instruction and how much is just them having fun.

WESLEY: On Thalos Seven they age the beans four hundred years.

That raises some questions. I'm okay with an alien race having "beans" that taste like chocolate to humans. The problem is that humans haven't been warp-capable for four hundred years, so what's the deal? Is it just that they independently invented hot chocolate (Hodgkin's Law for the win!) and coffee wasn't available, so they take their hot chocolate really seriously?

[Nate the Great]

ANYA: I cannot rely on your primitive technologies. Kill the patient!

Here's the thing: if the patient was going to infect others, he would have done so by now. Killing him only reduces the risk of infection by a marginal amount, not a hundred percent. And of course you gotta ask: what happened to the transporter biofilters?


PULASKI: There is mention in the galactic zoological catalogue of a species called allasomorph, which is supposed to possess the power to alter their molecular structure into other life forms.

There are umpteen shapeshifter races on record, even if you limit it to humanoid forms. I do wonder why we couldn't namedrop Garth of Izar and the Antosians, the Organians, Q, etc. Or maybe Ian Troi from six months ago!

SALIA: Your language has no word for the position I'll hold.

I find this doubtful. I'd think "queen" is perfectly adequate.

PICARD: Number One, get us to Daled as quickly as possible.
RIKER: Ensign Gibson, take us to warp eight point eight.

Is there a reason why warp nine isn't possible?

DATA: The troposphere appears to be distorting our signals. It is fascinating, Captain. Klavdia Three and Daled Four have almost identical atmospheres.
PICARD: Magnify. Times twenty.
RIKER: How could anyone exist in an environment so totally hostile toward human life?

Cue Azetbur quote again!

DATA: Sir, sensors indicate the communication originated from a terawatt source on the planet.
RIKER: That's more power than our entire ship can generate.

Uh-oh. Usage of real units asking us to Do The Math! One site uses how long it takes to achieve impulse speeds (i.e. conventional propulsion and real inertia) and comes up with 8 yottawatts AKA 8 trillion terawatts of power needed. Oops. Probably should've tossed an "iso" in there...

ANYA: You will be happy to see me leave.
WORF: No. You are a worthy opponent.
ANYA: Thank you. At heart, we are very much alike.
WORF: Yes, we are.
ANYA: Perhaps we shall fight again. On the same side.
WORF: It would be an honour. Shall we go?

Good scene, I also mentioned this on the heartwarming page mentioned above.

WESLEY: I'm never going to feel this way about anyone else.
GUINAN: You're right.
WESLEY: I didn't expect you to say that.
GUINAN: There'll be others, but every time you feel love it'll will be different. Every time, it's different.
WESLEY: Knowing that doesn't make it any easier.
GUINAN: It's not supposed to.

I've never felt full-blown love, but every crush I've had has certainly been different.

Memory Alpha

* Wil Wheaton's first onscreen kiss.
* "Dauphin" is for a boy, why didn't they use "Dauphine"?

Memory Beta

They seem to think that the allasomorphs had to permanently change into the light form to beam down. Where'd they get that idea?

Nitpicker's Guide

* In "Where No One Has Gone Before" it's stated that humanity has only charted eleven percent of the galaxy, creating a supposed conflict with the nineteen percent here. I think the simplest solution is that humanity has charted eleven percent and other Federation races (probably mostly the Vulcans) have charted the rest.
* Clavdia III and Daled IV have almost identical atmospheres, yet the ship can create an audio-only commlink with the former but not the latter. I think the simplest solution is that the planets are different sizes, with atmospheres of different thicknesses.
* How can a transporter go through an atmosphere that communications can't? I really do have to ask what the point of the lack of communication is. It doesn't accomplish anything except creating a plot hole!
* In "Hide and Q" Worf claims that the illusionary Klingon woman comes from a world now alien to him, and now he knows all about Klingon mating practices.
* In "The Masterpiece Society" Geordi says that the warp core can make plasma in the terawatt range. Oops.

YouTube

* Riker and Guinan demonstrate romantic conversation

* Dating tips with Worf
* The ending, every time you feel love is different

[Nate the Great]

March 20th, 1989, "Contagion"

Fiver (by Marc)
Transcript
Memory Alpha

The Episode

Captain's log, stardate 42609.1. In response to a desperate plea for aid by my old friend, Captain Donald Varley of the USS Yamato, I am running a grave risk by taking the Enterprise into the Neutral Zone. Varley's request was prompted by dangerous malfunctions which have been plaguing our sister ship. Perhaps with both crews working together we can able to eliminate the problems before our presence is detected by the Romulans.

What does Varley being a friend have to do with this mission? Merely being a Starfleet ship in distress in the Neutral Zone is enough. At least for official log purposes. Surely he could discuss the friend part with Riker and Troi after the log ends?

RIKER: Have you nailed down our little hiccup yet?
DATA: Sir?
RIKER: The odd reading?

Cue usual dictionary rant, stupid joke etc., moving on...

RIKER: I'm not sure, sir. Are we alone out here, Worf?
WORF: Yes, sir. There are no other vessels in the area except the Yamato.

I thought they couldn't detect cloaked Romulan ships until the tachyon detection grid was set up in "Redemption."

VARLEY [on viewscreen]: None. They are affecting every system simultaneously. It's like the ship has suddenly decided to fall apart. It's beginning to make me think we should have run these Galaxy Class ships across a few more drawing boards before we built one.

If you feel a sudden chill that's Leah Brahms bristling that anyone would dare insult her ship design, anime-style.

RIKER: Do you wish to evacuate any non-essential personnel to the Enterprise, sir?
VARLEY [on viewscreen]: No. No, that would be premature.

Why? You've got a serious problem that you don't have an answer for, a problem that has already killed people. Cue usual families-at-risk ranting. Even if Varley thought that this mission was worth it, he could've left the saucer in Federation space, right?

VARLEY [on viewscreen]: The risk would be in allowing the Romulans to locate Iconia. Fortunately, I got there first. It's a virtually dead planet, but enough technology remains to give the Romulans an edge if they should find it.

It occurs to me that Picard will only destroy one complex later. What about the rest of the planet? Did Picard leave the leftovers for the Romulans to scavenge?

TARIS [on viewscreen]: But believe me, Captain, had we chosen to exercise our right to defend the Neutral Zone, we would not have stopped with one starship.

Since when do the Romulans have a right to defend the Neutral Zone and the Federation doesn't?

LAFORGE: Okay. In the event of a breach of seal integrity there's an emergency release system which dumps the antimatter.
DATA: Apparently such a dump began, was then halted, and the containment seals were dropped. There was still sufficient antimatter present to lead to an explosion.

Why was the dump able to be stopped? The emergency release system should be as simple as possible and idiot-proof right?

LAFORGE: I think Captain Varley may have been right. There may be a design flaw.
RIKER: In a Galaxy Class starship?
LAFORGE: Yes, sir. It's the most sophisticated piece of machinery ever built. Something could have been overlooked.

The problem here is the idea that Galaxy-class ships are designed from nothing, an absurd notion. The design of the Excelsior-class must be an evolution of the Constitution-class refit (what I still call the Enterprise-class even though it's noncanon), the Ambassador-class was an evolution of the Excelsior-class, etc. Any changes to the Ambassador-class specs must've been tested in detail at the design stage!

TROI: If we have established that the Romulans were not responsible for the destruction of the Yamato, would it not be prudent to withdraw?
PICARD: If it is a design flaw, we're better to stay where we are and give Geordi time to work on it. Or what happened to the Yamato could happen to us.

This is ludicrous. The warp core is operational no matter what speed the ship is going, and the problems seen so far are with the interaction between the computer and the antimatter, which will happen whether or not the ship is at warp. Get out of the Neutral Zone, you idiots! Even if they have to violate the Zone to visit Iconia later, that's a different problem.

VARLEY [on monitor]: Personal log. We've been spotted by a Romulan cruiser, but after playing hide and seek through several solar systems, I think I've managed to elude them.

I've always wondered about this one. How can you "hide" in a solar system? Using nebulae and such would make more sense, it's not like space is short on spacial anomalies, right?

WORF: Sir, that would put us substantially close to the Romulan side of the Neutral Zone.

So? Violating the Neutral Zone is violating the Neutral Zone, it doesn't matter where in the Zone they are.

PICARD: Why don't we talk about what really brought you here?
WESLEY: It's the Yamato, Captain. I can't stop thinking about her. All those people dead. I don't know how you and Commander Riker and Geordi, how you handle it so easily.
PICARD: Easily? Oh no, not easily. We handle it because we're trained to, as you will be. Tea, Earl Grey, hot. But if the time ever comes when the death of a single individual fails to move us...

A nice moral, and a nice bit of defiance against Gene's "humans are perfect, they don't grieve" nonsense. "The Bonding", grrr....

DATA: Doctor Pulaski is unwilling to trust the turbolifts. She is sending medical teams through the access tunnels.

How cute, all season she's railed against technology, and for once she was proven right. Although I do wonder about the lack of "Jeffrie's Tubes". Furthermore, with a ship this big you gotta wonder why there aren't any ramps between decks to allow for emergency teams, fend off invasion, etc...

PULASKI: Try a splint.
MEDIC: Doctor?
PULASKI: Splint. It's a very ancient concept. You take two flat pieces of wood or plastic, a bandage. The broken limb is kept immobile.
DOCTOR: That's crazy, that's not practicing medicine.
PULASKI: Oh yes, it is. It's a time honoured way to practice medicine, with your head and your heart and your hands.

Are Starfleet officers trained in survival techniques or not? Splits are a basic idea, and to be frank this hardly seems the time for Pulaski to rail against technology again. There are too many other plot points as it is.

RIKER: Sir, we've had this conversation a hundred times.
PICARD: And we will have it again, Number One. I have been studying the Iconians since I was a cadet. I have to be the one to go.

How well Riker would've done on the planet this time is worth talking about, but I won't be doing so.

RIKER: Fate protects fools, little children and ships named Enterprise.

A classic line.

WESLEY: Sir, the shields are back up.
RIKER: Impeccable timing.
WESLEY: Sir, the shields are back down.
WILLIAMS: Phaser banks are down.
WESLEY: Shields are back up.
TROI: In another time and place this could be funny.

I'd still laugh, the situation is so tense a little levity is necessary.

RIKER: Status of torpedo banks?
WILLIAMS: They're down, too.
RIKER: In case it should become necessary to fight, could you arrange to find me some rocks to throw at them?

Another classic line, although it should be a matter of a few minutes to configure a torpedo for manual launch and aiming.

DATA: Scanners show no other life forms on the planet, sir.
PICARD: I would not expect any. Judging from the severity of bombardment, I doubt any Iconians survived.

Are they equating "life form" with "humanoid" again, because this seems like your proverbial "nothing left except cockroaches and Twinkies" scenario. There should be lifeforms left, just nothing sentient.

PICARD: A gateway?
WORF: These scenes could be holographic images.
(Data goes towards it)
PICARD: Be careful.
(Data sticks his arm into the image. Picard pulls him back)
PICARD: Data! That was very foolish.

Exactly. This seems like a "poke a stick into the mysterious portal" situation to me.

PICARD: Well, Number One, I can see why you want to keep the away missions to yourself. That's where the excitement is. So, what's been happening here? Same old routine, I suppose?

You almost expect the bridge crew to laugh along to a freeze frame like TOS.

[Nate the Great]

April 24th, 1989, "The Icarus Factor"

Fiver (by Kira)
Transcript
Memory Alpha

The Episode

RIKER: I don't recall Starbase Montgomery on the mission itinerary
PICARD: I think we could all use a twelve hour layover.

This twelve hour thing seems to only exist to service Worf's plotline. I suppose it wouldn't look good if Worf was grumpy for days at a time without having a larger plot. Then again, Riker's plotline doesn't seem twelve-hour compatible.

PICARD: Well, you have twelve hours to think it over. And if it's not too premature, congratulations, Captain.

They just said that it'll take months at high warp just to get to Vega-Omicron. So Riker has twelve hours to decide the next few years of his life? That doesn't seem fair.

RIKER: When you've settled in, we can complete our briefing.

Why will Kyle need quarters if he's only going to be here twelve hours? Come aboard, give the briefing, hang out for a bit if Will is receptive, go back.

WESLEY: Can you imagine if it was your father?
WORF: I never knew my father.

We'll later learn that Mogh died when Worf was six and they managed to go on a targ hunt. Oops.

O'BRIEN: Female?
RIKER: No.
O'BRIEN: Career? Career?
RIKER: Family.
O'BRIEN: That is trouble. You choose your enemies, you choose your friends, but family? That's in the stars.
RIKER: So I've heard.

O'Brien's line has stuck with me since I was young. It's one of those lines that gains meaning as you age.

KYLE: How about a drink?
PULASKI: How about a kiss?
(A quick peck and a hug)
RIKER: They know each other.
O'BRIEN: No kidding. I know her too, but we don't do that.

O'Brien gets the best lines this episode.

DATA: Excuse me, Lieutenant. You seem to have lost the will to communicate with others. You have friends here. We, we care about you. Why, just recently, Geordi, Wesley and I were saying
WORF: With all due respect, be gone! Sir.
(The blast jolts Data backwards. He returns to Geordi)
DATA: He seems quite sincere in his desire for solitude.

Has "with all due respect" ever been used before saying something the other person wants to hear?

WORF: That is a fish you are holding.

We know Worf went on camping trips with the Roshenkos, why wouldn't he try fishing?

PULASKI: Poor guy. Picked up a flu virus on our last stop at Nasreldine.
KYLE: Sounds nasty. What's the therapy?
PULASKI: Tryptophan-lysine distillates with generous doses of PCS.
KYLE: PCS?
PULASKI: Pulaski's chicken soup.

In doing this I looked up "tryptophan-lysine distillates." I think it was supposed to be an oblique reference to oatmeal or porridge to go with the chicken soup. Talk about obscure.

PULASKI: This is Deanna Troi, ship's Counsellor.
KYLE: Kyle Riker.
PULASKI: I thought you two should meet. Deanna's job is to keep us from deluding ourselves.
KYLE: Let me guess. Betazoid?

Okay, let's go with the idea that Riker's service record wouldn't include a list of his girlfriends (although if you're a fan of Imzadi that book includes a few instances where Riker and Troi's names would be linked in official records), let's move on to how you distinguish a Betazoid from a human. In other words, the special contact lenses for completely black irises. While I doubt I ever noticed this factor as a child, I remember it being mentioned in a book or two, specifically Guises of the Mind. Any Federation negotiator should be able to identify the major species within species, no matter how minor the physical distinction. I expect they could even tell the difference between the spots of a Trill and a Kriosian.

KYLE: But I've come here to help Will prepare for his first task as captain.
TROI: Are you sure he'll accept such a dangerous assignment?
KYLE: He'll accept it just because it is dangerous.
TROI: How can you be so sure?
KYLE: Because I would. And we aren't so different, Will and I.

Why is this assignment so dangerous? Troi thinks it is, Worf thinks it is, ugh.

PICARD: The last time I saw Commander Flaherty, he spoke forty languages. As I recall, among the more exotic were Romulan, Klingon, Giamon, Stroyerian.

Romulan and Klingon should not be considered "exotic" in the twenty-fourth century. We know nothing of Giamon or Stroyerian. I wish that the Sheliak existed at this point, as this would've been a great place for a reference. Maybe they could've mentioned the Binars here?

PULASKI: Twelve years ago, Kyle Riker was a civilian strategist advising Starfleet in its conflict with the Tholians.

The more I hear about the period between Khitomer and Farpoint, the more I want to know about it. It's a shame Paramount will never make a show set in this period. I'll just namedrop the Vulcan's Soul trilogy of novels.

Do you think there was an arms race between the advancement of shield and Tholian Web technology?

LAFORGE: You mean in order for Worf to celebrate the anniversary of his Ascension, he has to be hurt? And we have to witness this?
DATA: We are his family.

Okay, so Troi doesn't want to watch this and Riker has other things to think about, but why wasn't Picard there?

DATA: If I were not a consummate professional, and an android, I would find this entire procedure insulting.

Always liked this quote.

KYLE: You know, it's a shame there's no anbo-jyutsu ring nearby.

It does seem odd that this sport needs a physical ring. I'd think the holodeck could handle something this simple.

PULASKI: Haven't we grown beyond the point where we resolve our problems with physical conflict?

I don't think it's so much the physical conflict as much as it's the desire to engage in an activity with a clear beginning, middle, and end. Plus the conflict will introduce hormones and such that will loosen lips and let us say what we wouldn't otherwise. Clear the air, so to speak.

O'BRIEN: Those are Klingon painstiks. I once saw one of them used against a two-ton Rectyne Monopod. Poor creature jumped five metres at the slightest touch.

I doubt that a two-ton anything can jump five meters under any circumstances, and if a lower gravity is meant it wouldn't have the impact that O'Brien is implying.

WORF: You're not coming in?
TROI: No.

Another failing of the basic transcript. I still remember how Troi took a pause to consider her reply before settling on "no" as the most diplomatic.

The Fiver

Riker: I don't know -- my own command...that's a big decision.
Picard: There aren't any kids on the Aries.
Riker: I'll take it.

Riker doesn't have a problem with kids, Picard does.

Worf: I'm having angst, and Wesley's annoying me. Can I come with you on your new ship?
Riker: It's dangerous.
Worf: Exactly -- there's room for advancement. I could be Captain inside a week.

I feel that a punchline from Riker is needed here. I'm not sure what, but something.

Memory Alpha

* Given TNG-era Gene's feelings about conflict, one wonders how this one got through.
* Second ship offered to Riker. He won't get another chance until "Best of Both Worlds."

Nitpicker's Guide

* Phil wonders why being multilingual is so important, what with the Universal Translator and all. My response is that some languages have more nuances that need second-by-second organic intervention. One wonders if Voyager's gelpacks help make translation better.
* In the second edition of the Guide other readers put forth alternate hypotheses like "as a rare art it's an accomplishment" and "it shows respect for the other side that you're not using a machine."

YouTube

Worf's Ascension Ceremony Recreation
Anbo-jitsu

[Nate the Great]

May 1st, 1989, "Pen Pals"

Fiver (by Derek)
Transcript
Memory Alpha

The Episode

Captain's log, Stardate 42695.3. We are the first manned vessel to enter the Selcundi Drema sector. Unmanned probes have recorded unusual levels of geological activity in all five planetary systems. I am hoping the Enterprise will find the answer to this enigma.

One, only five planetary systems in a sector seems a little low, but that's just me. Two, I wonder how you define "unusual levels of geological activity."

DATA: Commander, I've been reviewing the unmanned probe scans.

"Unmanned" probe? Have we ever seen a manned probe? (Besides K'ehleyr, of course)

PICARD: The Arabs believed that Allah gathered the south wind and made the horse.
TROI: On the holodeck we've made that legend come true.
PICARD: I like that.

I get what they were going for, and it's a poetic thought, but wind=/=light.

TROI: I had a Betazoid kitten once. My mother and the cat reacted badly to one another.

This opens the door to a lot of questions, but I'll stick with one: do Betazoid pets have thoughts advanced enough to be read? There are definitely philosophical questions here to be discussed, but I won't be doing so.

TROI: No, I prefer a mode of transportation that doesn't have a mind of its own.
PICARD: Strange. I would expect Betazoids to be outstanding animal trainers.
TROI: We become too involved in the thoughts and shifting passions of the beast.

I thought we had moved past the era when Troi felt every emotion of the people around her. The idea that the thoughts and emotions of those around a telepath can affect them is terrifying.

RIKER: As you know, I've been given the responsibility of overseeing Wesley's education. To further that goal, I would like to put him in charge of the planetary mineral surveys.

One, "As you know" is just bad writing. "Since I'm responsible for Wesley's education, I'd like to put him in charge of the planetary mineral surveys." Two, this is too big of a job for Wesley, I expect a lieutenant to handle this job, if not Data himself.

PULASKI: Are we talking about a young officer on the fast track to the Academy, or are we talking about a young man that we are guiding through adolescence and into adulthood?

Fast track? He didn't get in last time because he was the second best of the candidates at an arbitrary location (and I already gave a whole lecture about that idiocy).

DATA: It is a personal project. I have reset the sensors to scan for frequencies outside their usual range.

You do have to wonder why Data is bothering with this in this episode particularly. The grammarian in me also takes umbrage at his use of "reset" instead of "modified" or "reconfigured."

SARJENKA [OC]: Is anybody out there?
DATA: Yes.

Oh boy, here we go. Some people have relied on Data's innocence and honesty to explain this blatant violation of the Prime Directive. I don't buy it. We'll be returning to this.

Captain's log, stardate 42737.3. It has been six weeks since our entrance into the Selcundi Drema sector. Each system has revealed the same disturbing geological upheavals on every planet.

It takes six weeks to scan every system in a sector? One could argue that the sensor modifications and desired thoroughness would slow down the ship, but SIX WEEKS? When Data reported that the ship would have to go much slower to to more thorough scans, Picard should've reported to Starfleet and gotten a dedicated science vessel out here to do the grunt work.

And of course, the six weeks isn't needed. One week would serve the story just as well. Grrr.....

PICARD: Her society is aware that there is interstellar life?
DATA: No, sir.
PICARD: Oops. Just where does she think you're calling from?
DATA: I have kept that somewhat vague, sir.

"Oops"? Understatement of the century.

RIKER: We'd be gods, which we're not. If there is a cosmic plan, is it not the height of hubris to think that we can, or should, interfere?

This is a point to consider: Are all humans atheists in the future? Deep Space Nine implies this, even when it's known that the Prophets exist. And yet this scene implies that the humans are agnostics.

I won't get too deep into my personal beliefs here, that's a risky road to go down for the purposes of this topic. Let's keep it simple and just say that I believe that "people have free will" and "people can be used as instruments for a higher plan" are not mutually exclusive.

TROI: If there is a cosmic plan, are we not a part of it? Our presence at this place at this moment in time could be a part of that fate.

What the Betazoids would think of the different aspects of religion are an interesting philosophical discussion for elsewhere.

PICARD: So we make an exception in the deaths of millions.
PULASKI: Yes.
PICARD: And is it the same situation if it's an epidemic, and not a geological calamity?
PULASKI: Absolutely.
PICARD: How about a war? If generations of conflict is killing millions, do we interfere? Ah, well, now we're all a little less secure in our moral certitude.

This is why the Prime Directive is so cut and dry; gray areas lead to confusion, frustration, and anger. No exceptions means no exceptions.

LAFORGE: What if the Dremans asked for our help?
DATA: Yes. Sarjenka's transmission could be viewed as a call for help.
PICARD: Sophistry.

FYI, "sophistry" means arguments that sound correct but really aren't. Sarjenka wasn't calling for help from aliens because she doesn't know that aliens exist. Even now she doesn't know who, what, or where Data is.

WESLEY: Drema Four has the largest deposit of dilithium ore ever recorded. It's also laid down in a very unusual pattern. The crystals are growing to form perfectly aligned lattices.
HILDEBRANDT: The ore is forming generator strata.
ALANS: Which creates a piezoelectric effect.
PICARD: In plain English, you're saying the dilithium is causing the geological catastrophe.
ALANS: Right, the crystals take the natural radiant heat of the planet
HILDEBRANDT: Focus it, and turn it into mechanical energy.
ALANS: Which increases tectonic stresses
HILDEBRANDT: That tear the planet apart.

If you didn't know already, "piezoelectric" means a material that can turn mechanical stress into an electric charge and vice-versa. One common application is used in quartz watches: the charge from the battery makes a quartz crystal vibrate back and forth at a frequency that turns a stepper motor. I don't think you can use heat as a substitute for electricity and still call it "piezoelectric."

DATA: Sarjenka, this is Data. Respond please.
COMPUTER: Unable to complete transmission.
DATA: Reason for failure?
COMPUTER: Atmospheric activity interfering with RF signal.

Oh yeah, radio. That means realtime transmissions aren't possible. Oops. It also raises the question on why the sensors aren't calibrated to detect the entire portion of the EM spectrum that could be used for communications anyway.

WORF: We're modifying class one probes so they become resonators. We will then use torpedo casings to protect them once they begin burrowing beneath the surface.

I'm still wondering how these probes can burrow beneath the surface or use a torpedo casing as a protective shell. I wonder why they didn't just use a class eight probe, the ones that already use torpedo cases.

DATA: Then what is the difference between sending the message and delivering it personally?
RIKER: A whopping big one, and you know it.
DATA: Sir, we have come this far.
PICARD: In for a penny, in for a pound, is that what you're saying, Mister Data?
DATA: Yes, sir.

Unreasonable. Sarjenka doesn't know Data is an alien or where he's from. I suddenly wonder if the cloaking suits from Insurrection would be an option so Data could check in on her without letting her know he's there.

RIKER: Data, you've got ten minutes. That's it. If you meet anybody but Sarjenka
DATA: I will signal for immediate beam out.

Yeah, we're totally not breaking the Prime Directive this way! Wafer-thin ice, Data!

(Constructed mainly of hexagons. There is a toy doll on a bed of pillows. He finds the radio. The door is a forcefield or hologram. Data touches it, it vanishes to reveal a red and sullen outside, lit by erupting volcanoes. The ground shakes so he goes back inside and closes the door.)

The sequence of technological advances just before the discovery of warp is always confusing. I'm reminded of how Angel One has disintegrator fields but not warp drive.

SARJENKA: What is this?
PULASKI: An Elanin singer stone. It sings a different song for each person.

I hope these things don't really just play one song for each person, but it's more like it responds to the individual biofields of each person to create individual songs, like a mood ring.

[Nate the Great]

The Fiver

Riker: All of those Ensigns' first names are Wesley.
Wesley: I know, I want to have team Wesley!

Missing first lines alert!

Davies: So here are the results from my tests.
Wesley: Hey, all the statistics are threes!
Davies: Maybe Data's malfunctioning again.

"Cause and Effect" hasn't happened yet, so you can't use "again", Derek!

Picard: What's wrong with the planet?
Alans: Well, the planet's core is pure dilithium with a thin layer of adamantium.
Davies: And the planet's heat causes tectonic sublimation until it regarbalizes the spheramental drive core.

Is there a reference here that I'm not getting?

O'Brien: Hey, why are you beaming Data down?
Riker: I have nothing to say to you, Chief. And I think you know why.
O'Brien: Would you stop saying that to me?

Odd place for a "Defiant" reference.

Data: Sarjenka, I came for you.
Sarjenka: Thanks. Unfortunately I think we're stuck here with the planet erupting all around us. But I'm glad to be with you, Data. Here at the end of all things.

Apparently this is an obscure Return of the King reference. The connection seems tangential at best.

Memory Alpha

* Melinda Snodgrass claims that Data's childlike innocence would allow for the reflexive reply to Sarjenka. I still don't buy it.
* First time Picard actually drinks Earl Grey, he failed in Contagion.

Nitpicker's Guide

* Why give Sarjenka a singer stone if her memory was erased to preserve the Prime Directive? She wouldn't know what it is!
* Amazingly Phil also brings up the vanishing door/Angel One thing. In the second edition he says that a reader replied that the appearance of a house doesn't necessarily reflect the full technological capacity of a society. I still don't buy it.

[NAHTMMM]

Good fivers both, but no standout lines for me.

[Nate the Great]

Sorry, yesterday was pretty hectic and the TNG Marathon wasn't a high priority.

May 8th, 1988, "Q Who"

Prelude: I wish the Borg had stayed like this. Incomprehensible, uncommunicative, focused on mechanical perfection. To be frank the Best of Both Worlds should've been their last appearance.

Fiver (by Marc)
Transcript
Memory Alpha

The Episode

SONYA: Have I been talking too much?
LAFORGE: No.
SONYA: Oh, I do tend to have a bit of a motor mouth, especially when I'm excited.

Sonya had possibilities, but she wasn't written very well. We'll be returning to her character in the Memory Alpha section.

LAFORGE: I don't think you want to be around these control stations with that hot chocolate, do you?
SONYA: Oh, I'm sorry. I shouldn't even have this in Engineering.

Why not? This isn't the first or last time we've seen coffee cups in proximity to people on duty. Tuvok was making custom teas for Captain Sulu on the bridge seventy years ago! Furthermore, why is there a replicator here if people shouldn't be eating in Engineering?

SONYA: I just want to say, sir, that I'm very excited about this assignment and I promise to serve you and my ship, your ship, this ship, to the best of my ability.

This is an interesting idea. I don't have a problem with any officer assigned to Enterprise calling her "my ship." Using "your ship" with Kirk might make sense, but I doubt Picard would like such a usage (at least until Generations, that is).

PICARD: We agreed you would never trouble my ship again!

As numerous nitpickers have pointed out, Q promised to stay out of humanity's path forever, not stay away from the Enterprise. I'd rather Q just say "I chose to give you a break, but you don't have the power to make me stay away." Then again, a fantastic story possibility suddenly occurs to me. What if Q kept his word and stayed away, but the Continuum just sent another Q2 in his place. Q2 would be even less bearable to Picard, who would lift his ban on Q. That would be an interesting episode!

LAFORGE: You know, you're awfully young to be so driven.
SONYA: Yes, I am. I had to be. I had to be the best because only the best get to be here.

This makes sense of course, and opens many other storytelling possibilities that weren't even considered. Similar to Reg Barclay, but taking it in a different direction. The difference between "best at your job" and "best at interpersonal relationships".

RIKER: Computer locate Captain Picard.
COMPUTER: The Captain is not on the ship.
WORF: Commander, there is a shuttle missing from bay two.

First, what's the point in the officers wearing commbadges if the computer isn't going to notify the security officer the instant one just vanishes? Second, a missing shuttle should also generation an instant alarm. Third, is there a reason why the shuttle Q used has to be from the Enterprise? Surely he could just whip up a facsimile for the purposes of meeting with Picard.

PICARD: You know him?
GUINAN: We have had some dealings.
Q: Those dealings were two centuries ago. This creature is not what she appears to be. She's an imp, and where she goes, trouble always follows.

One of the great untold stories in Trek, the dealings between Guinan and Q. Especially since we're never quite sure what powers Guinan has or not. One problem is that she is unquestionably humanoid, not a shapeshifter or energy being engaged in a masquerade. What danger is she to him?

Q: Ah, the redoubtable Commander Riker. And Micro-brain. Growl for me. Let me know you still care.

Another line that has stuck with me.

RIKER: The good times? The first time we met you, you put us on trial for the crimes of humanity.
Q: Of which you were exonerated.

It will be revealed later that the trial never ended. I do wish that this plot point had been made more clear at the end of Encounter at Farpoint.

Q: Oh. Well, you may not trust me, but you do need me. You're not prepared for what awaits you.
PICARD: How can we be prepared for that which we do not know? But I do know that we are ready to encounter it.
Q: Really?
PICARD: yes. Absolutely. That's why we're out here.
Q: Oh, the arrogance. They don't have a clue as to what's out here.
GUINAN: But they will learn, adapt. That is their greatest advantage.
Q: They're moving faster than expected, further than they should.

Q made remarks like this in Encounter at Farpoint, and I still don't know what business it is of the Q's. Don't they have an equivalent of the Prime Directive? Of course, my big problem is that on the whole the stuff TNG ran into isn't that more of a threat than the stuff in TOS, with the possibly exception of the Borg.

Q: You judge yourselves against the pitiful adversaries you have encountered so far. The Romulans, the Klingons. They are nothing compared to what's waiting. Picard, you are about to move into areas of the galaxy containing wonders more incredible than you can possibly imagine, and terrors to freeze your soul.

I'd hardly call the Romulans and Klingons "pitiful." "Conventional", perhaps. As for terrors to freeze the soul, I can't think of anything in TNG to match that. The Borg don't count, as it's made clear that regular Borg space was still a bit away at warp speeds.

DATA: According to these coordinates, we have travelled seven thousand light years and are located near the system J two five.
RIKER: Travel time to the nearest starbase?
DATA: At maximum warp, in two years, seven months, three days, eighteen hours we would reach Starbase one eight five.

Ugh, I'm not going into variable warp speeds again today. I'm just irked the writers still think that maximum warp can be sustained for more than a few days at a time.

DATA: There is a system of roads on this planet, which indicates a highly industrialised civilisation. But where there should be cities there are only great rips in the surface.
WORF: It is as though some great force just scooped all the machine elements off the face of the planet.
DATA: It is identical to what happened to the outposts along the Neutral Zone.

The whole Neutral Zone outpost thing from the end of Season One really wasn't handled well, even with the shift in direction from the bluegills to the Borg. A problem I have is that it's implied that the Borg literally assimilate the actual machinery of conquered people and not just the design of the technology itself. That's just dumb, with Borg nanoprobes all necessary technologies can be manufactured in a much more efficient manner than an angle grinder, welder, and soldering iron.

RIKER: Keep the shields down. We don't want to appear provocative.

I hate this sentiment. Keeping shields up in the presence of a stranger isn't provocative, locking weapons is.

RIKER: Life signs?
DATA: There is no indication of life.

The issue of Borg life signs is another lengthy essay I could write but won't. Suffice to say Data should've been more vague: "I detect biological matter, but no organized life forms as we know them."

TROI: We're not dealing with an individual mind. They don't have a single leader. It's the collective minds of all of them.
PICARD: That would have definite advantages.
TROI: Yes, A single leader can make mistakes. It's far less likely in the combined whole.

See, this is Trek. Asking questions about the human condition and making you think. This question of the real efficiency of the Borg Collective is quite interesting, it's a shame they didn't really do anything with it until Species 8472.

RIKER: If they pull down our shields, we're helpless.

Cue slap to forehead. Was someone really paid to write something this obvious?

(A circular cut is made in the hull, and a section of several decks is pulled out)
WORF: A type of laser beam is slicing into the saucer section.

But lasers can't even penetrate the navigational shields! "An unknown form of energy beam" is more than adequate!

SONYA: Eighteen people. Dead, just like that.
LAFORGE: I know. Just put it out of your head.
SONYA: No, I can't. I keep seeing them.
LAFORGE: Sonya, stop it.

Thank you! Some of the eighteen had to be civilians, possibly children. This would have an effect. Of course, back when this happened to Wesley Picard implies that Academy training takes care of this sort of thing.

GUINAN: They're made up of organic and artificial life which has been developing for thousands of centuries.

I wonder how Guinan knows this. It's clear that El Auriens aren't empathic or telepathic in the traditional sense. Did they have a military that managed to damage and salvage a Borg ship?

RIKER: Captain this is incredible. We've entered what appears to be the Borg nursery.
PICARD [OC]: Describe it.
RIKER: From the look of it the Borg are born as biological life form. It seems that almost immediately after birth they begin artificial implants. Apparently the Borg have developed the technology to link artificial intelligence directly into the humanoid brain.

Okay, assimilation as we will later know it hasn't been conceived of yet. The implication is that the Borg see the need for a biological component to their race and the drones are clones. Another interesting discussion that we don't have time for.

Q: If you can't take a little bloody nose, maybe you ought to go back home and crawl under your bed. It's not safe out here. It's wondrous, with treasures to satiate desires both subtle and gross, but it's not for the timid.

Another line that's stuck with me. Of course, you have to ask what happened to Q's desire to join the crew.

[Nate the Great]

The Fiver

La Forge: Why are you so polite to our replicators?
Gomez: I called one of these things an overgrown toaster once and it never forgave me.

It seems like a sentence is missing. It kept turning her orange juice blue (brownie points to the first to correctly identify which TOS novel I'm referencing!), it had to audacity to give her prune juice instead of bloodwine, it keeps serving her cold tea. Something.

Picard: Why did you send this shuttle to the other side of the galaxy?
Q: I'm warming up for my next prank.

I get the Voyager reference, but the Caretaker isn't really similar enough to Q to pull this off.

Guinan: Q, if I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times: DON'T PROVOKE THE BORG!

Ugh, "Q2", don't remind me.

Data: We are near system J-25.
Riker: How could this system have a name? This whole sector is unexplored.
Data: I just made it up, sir.

How many systems have we named that we've never been to? This joke doesn't make much sense.

Guinan: Because of Q, the Borg now know of your existence.
Picard: Perhaps what we needed was a kick in our complacency.
Guinan: Perhaps what Q needs is to be stabbed with a fork.

You're gonna have to wait a bit to get a chance to do that, Guinan!

[NAHTMMM]

This is a particularly good fiver.

Originally Posted by Nate the Great

The Fiver

La Forge: Why are you so polite to our replicators?
Gomez: I called one of these things an overgrown toaster once and it never forgave me.

It seems like a sentence is missing.

Yeah, I think there used to be one more line.

It kept turning her orange juice blue (brownie points to the first to correctly identify which TOS novel I'm referencing!)

Brownie?

Are you sure you don't mean banana cream pie?

Picard: Why did you send this shuttle to the other side of the galaxy?
Q: I'm warming up for my next prank.

I get the Voyager reference, but the Caretaker isn't really similar enough to Q to pull this off.

I like the idea that the TV show was Q playing a prank on us.

[Nate the Great]

June 19th, 1988, "Manhunt"

This is the first time one of my fivers has come up in these retrospectives, I'll try to keep the self-congratulatory comments to a minimum. In fact, I'm completely skipping the fiver section this time, you can go read about it in the dicer thread...

Fiver (by Nate the Great)
Script
Memory Alpha

The Episode

PICARD: Welcome. I'm Jean-Luc Picard, Captain of the Enterprise.

Greeting unconscious aliens seems rather odd. Surely the official greeting could wait until after they wake up and have breakfast.

WORF: What a handsome race.

There's a whole discussion to be had here about what the standards of beauty of alien races would be, but I'm not going to bother. The only thing I'm going to bring up is whether the same race would consider Antedeans and humans/Trill attractive.

DATA: Judging a being by its physical appearance is the last major human prejudice, Wesley.

I thought humans were perfect in these early seasons, thanks for the hypocrisy, Gene. Of course the real question is whether judging by appearance will really be the last prejudice. I expect something related to religion would take that "honor."

TROI: Oh, my God.
PICARD: What's the problem?
TROI: What's she doing here?

I don't have a problem with Troi sensing Lwaxana at this range, between their familial relationship and Lwaxana's stronger-than-normal telepathic ability this is only to be expected. My question is about the religious beliefs of Betazoids. Do they have gods? Or is this something that her father taught her?

DATA: Captain, we are receiving Starfleet orders granting a Lwaxana
LWAXANA: Lwaxana Troi, daughter of the Fifth House, Holder of the Sacred Chalice of Rixx, Heir to the Holy Rings of Betazed.
DATA: Full ambassadorial status, sir.

I get that this is necessary for the joke, but in real life this is absurd. Even if the ambassadorization of Lwaxana is a relatively recent event, subspace is very fast (except where it isn't, of course).

DATA: She is listed as representing the Betazed government at the conference.

First, that should either be "Betazoid government" or "government of Betazed". Second, while the Fifth House is definitely implied to at least be some sort of nobility on Betazed, I question her credentials in this field. Does the Fifth House govern a region on the planet a la a dukedom?

LWAXANA: You remember Mister Homn, of course.
PICARD: It would be hard to forget Mister Homn.
LWAXANA: I retain his services despite the outlandishly lustful thoughts he spews in my direction.

I thought it was Homn's predecessor Mr. Xelo who had erotic thoughts about her. It's easy enough to chalk this one up to a delusion on Lwaxana's part, since she persists in thinking that Picard is attracted to her.

LWAXANA [telepath]: He has nice legs too, Little One. Is he still yours?
TROI [telepath]: Humans no longer own each other that way, Mother.

Lwaxana's opinion of Riker is an interesting story too long to repeat here. I'll just refer you to the novel "Imzadi" and "Dark Page." And humans do "own" each other that way, they call it marriage. Remember that even Vulcan's use the word in reference to their spouse. Apparently two-way ownership makes it not icky. Apparently...

LWAXANA: I am be serving a Betazoid dinner of greeting tonight, Captain. It is an ambassadorial function.
PICARD: It sounds delightful.

The weird thing is that Picard doesn't ask the computer about this dinner of greeting thing and find out that Lwaxana outright lied.

LWAXANA: He's a fine man. Solid, reliable. He's a little on the stuffy side, but, all in all, he's not that bad.
TROI: I can't believe you, Mother. You sound like you're sizing up a commodity.
LWAXANA: But that's exactly what men are, darling. Especially human men. Was your father ever unhappy with me?
TROI: No. He worshipped you. But I don't think I'll ever learn to see men the way you do.

Another essay that I won't write here.

PICARD: Doctor? You're not attending the dinner with the rest of us this evening?
PULASKI: I've already eaten, but thanks, Captain.

I still feel that there was more to explore with this whole "Pulaski is not a bridge officer" thing. One thing I'll say that differentiates her from Crusher is that Pulaski seems content to be 100% medical. I won't comment on whether this is a good or bad thing. I'll just take a meaningless aside and mention that one of the Strange New Worlds compilations has a story about Kirk practically forcing McCoy to take command for a bit, with interesting results.

RIKER: Yes, it's something Troi warned me about when we first started to see each other. A Betazoid woman, when she goes through this phase, quadruples her sex drive.
TROI: Or more.
RIKER: Or more? You never told me that.
TROI: I didn't want to frighten you.

I think when we get up to multiplying by four, multiplying by five or six instead isn't really all that big of a deal. Troi is wonderfully embarrassed during this exchange.

TROI: She has decided to focus all of her sexual energy on one male, who will, of course, eventually become her husband. It seems, Captain, that you are the early favourite.
RIKER: Congratulations, sir!
PICARD: I'm not amused, Number One.

Riker is having such a great time, just wait until she turns her attention on him instead. You know what they say about karma.

[Nate the Great]

PICARD: Setting, San Francisco California, United States Of America. The year, 1945 A.D. The office of Dixon Hill, Private Investigator.
COMPUTER: Programme complete. You may enter when ready.

Ah, the early days of the holodeck when the scenario had to be constructed from the ground up each time. How I don't miss them...

MADELINE: Hi, Dix.
PICARD: Madeline. Good to see you again.
MADELINE: You're too much, Dix. You make it sound like you ain't seen me in a year.

Really, Picard hasn't been here since "The Big Goodbye"? I get that it's a joke for the viewers, but it doesn't make sense in-universe.

MADELINE: Are you kidding? The last time we had a new case, Hitler and Stalin were bosom buddies.

Given limited research, Madeline is referring to 1941, with it being 1945 now. I call four years to be stretching hyperbole a bit. I'd have used "the last time we had a new case, we weren't at war yet."

(Picard takes off his coat and hat, turns on the radio and looks around. The song is 'Let's Get Away From It All, sung by a group that sounds like the Beverly Sisters. He sits down, puts his feet up on the desk and relaxes)

The Beverly Sisters were sort of the British version of the Andrews Sisters, from the 1950s. Anachronistic. "Let's Get Away From It All" was written in 1941, but it didn't become a standard until the late '50s. Anachronistic.

LWAXANA: Unavailable? Ship's business? You mean ship's business takes precedence over me?
TROI: I'm afraid so, Mother.
LWAXANA: Oh, well, he was too old for me anyway.

Lwaxana's age was never established, but for the sake of argument let's say she was the same age as Majel Barrett at the time of this episode: 57. Picard is sixty at this point. Even if we push Lwaxana a bit younger, I don't really consider this age gap insurmountable, especially for the era of extended lifespans in the 24th century.

WORF: I am not a man.
LWAXANA: Which is in your favour, men so often being irrational and egotistical. But unfortunately, I've grown accustomed to human companionship. Pity. You'd have made a fine choice.

The use of "man" as an exclusive reference to humanity seems a bit odd here. Lwaxana preferring human companionship seems odd, given that she had a Betazoid husband before Ian ("Dark Page", which is after this, granted).

LWAXANA: Well, who's next, Mister Homn?
(Homn thinks, then puts his hand across his eyes)
LWAXANA: Ah yes.

Geordi? Really? The guy is terrible with women, he's way too young for her, being only a year older than Deanna, and doesn't have the skills to help lead the Fifth House. And is he likely to leave the ship, or did Lwaxana really get ambassadorial status only to give it up to be an officer's wife? Or does this "Phase" allow for living separately with occasional booty calls?

PICARD: Ah, now let me see. That would be Scotch, neat.

"I was drinking Scotch a hundred years before you were born and I can tell you that whatever this is, it is definitely not Scotch."

TROI: Mother, what are you doing here? You can't just stroll on to the Bridge whenever you feel like it.
LWAXANA: I didn't just stroll on, dear. I took the turbo tube, or whatever you call it.

This is a real question-why did the turbolift even let her on the Bridge? One would imagine that you'd either need a commbadge or your specific lifesigns programmed into the list of allowed users. Then again, I suppose Lwaxana's ambassadorial status allows her full access to secure areas. It's still rude of Lwaxana, of course.

REX: I'm as jumpy as Haircut Lapinski trying to land on a fraction.

You'd think there would be someone the studio could call about '40s-era colloquialisms. This one just sounds dumb, the New Math won't hit the scene for almost twenty years!

RIKER: Well, troubles. We've got some, Captain. It seems that a certain woman, both wealthy and beautiful, now thinks that that she's going to marry me.

It's the "wealthy" part that confuses me. Betazoid strikes me as a culture that may care about nobility and titles, but is still post-scarcity and moneyless. The Sacred Chalice of Rixx is just a moldy clay pot, after all, symbolic rather than commercial value.

LWAXANA: Hello, computer? Is Commander Riker still on the Bridge?
COMPUTER: Negative. Riker is currently in holodeck three.

You'd think she could've asked about the captain earlier, but it's amazing how many plotholes can be dismissed with the excuse of "the Phase is muddling her thinking."

LWAXANA: He's strong. I get no thoughts from him at all. Nothing. I've never known a man so able to keep his true feelings completely hidden.

The idea of a race immune to Betazoid telepathy is unknown to her? Chalk another plothole up to Phase-muddled thinking...

LWAXANA: Don't bother to deny it. Your minds are so unsophisticated I can read your thoughts in my sleep. Their robes are lined with ultritium, highly explosive, virtually undetectable by your transporter.

I don't like the idea of a substance that isn't covered by ordinary scans, but only shows up when you specifically tell the computer to look for it. I'd prefer it if each delegate had one part of a two-part explosive, each part totally benign unless you're in the presence of something available on the planet that could combine them.

Memory Alpha

* First appearance of Robert O'Reilley, as Scarface. We won't see him as a human again until "Badda-Bing, Badda-Bang."

Nitpicker's Guide

* It's odd that Picard wears a dress uniform a lot this episode, but Troi doesn't.
* Phil questions why Troi didn't detect any malicious intent on the part of the Antedians. Easy answer, she wasn't around them when they weren't in stasis until the end, and by then she was distracted by her mother.
* Phil also questions how Picard got so much more adept at smoking between "The Big Goodbye" and if the damage reverses itself. I can't dispute the first part, this seems like only his second time in the world of Dixon Hill. The second part is easy-the holodeck can duplicate every aspect of a cigarette except the damaging part.
* Phil claims that the Dixon Hill part takes place in 1941 when radios took time to warm up (although it would make the Hitler/Stalin reference more accurate). In "The Big Goodbye" 1941 is specified, but in this episode Picard clearly says 1945. While it's not weird to think that the literary adventures of Hill take place over four years, one wonders why they changed the year for this.

[NAHTMMM]

Originally Posted by Nate the Great

Brownie points are hardly that obscure of an expression.



I really want to tell the blue orange juice story, but I want to give you guys some time to guess.

I was referring to the other end of the novel. Maybe they weren't explicitly banana cream pies. It's been a while.


The "Manhunt" fiver is good all the way through, no standout bits to call out.

[Nate the Great]

Another late entry, sorry about that.

July 10th, 1989, "Peak Performance"

No fiver
Transcript
Memory Alpha

The Episode

WORF: Despite their reputations, this Zakdorn does not appear to be a very formidable warrior.

This raises the question: at this point (i.e. no Jem'Hadar yet) who besides the Klingons rigorously train in hand-to-hand combat? (If the novels are to believed, the Vulcans do. I refer you to the novel Sarek). And Zakdorn are as capable as anyone of using ship's controls to fire on another ship, right?

KOLRAMI: Captain Picard, it is my understanding that you initially resisted Starfleet's request for this simulation.
PICARD: Yes.
KOLRAMI: May I know why?
PICARD: Starfleet is not a military organisation. Its purpose is exploration.

Cue SF Debris rant. I'll just repeat one of Chuck's arguments: BEING READY FOR COMBAT IS STILL YOUR JOB!

RIKER: I think it's a waste of effort to test our combat skills. It's a minor province in the make-up of a starship captain.

IT'S STILL YOUR JOB!

(He seems to be building a matchstick ship, The door chime makes him break a stick.)
WORF: Enter!
RIKER: Am I disturbing you?
(Worf sweeps the wreckage off the desk)
WORF: Just finished.

Poor Worf. One wonders if he's built a ship in a bottle yet.

WORF: If there is nothing to lose, no sacrifice, then there is nothing to gain.
RIKER: You mean besides pride.

Exactly. While I can buy that Klingons don't believe in simulated or "safe" combat (they probably never invented laser tag), I can't buy that "pride" is the only thing to gain. I can't think of anything else at the moment, but there must be something...

RIKER: You're out-manned, you're out-gunned, you're out-equipped. What else have you got?
WORF: Guile.

The mind is the best weapon any of us will ever have. That's why the Borg keep losing, that's why the Dominion lost.

LAFORGE: So you're going to beat him?
RIKER: Nope.
LAFORGE: Well, then it's going to be a close one.
RIKER: No.
LAFORGE: But you have got a chance?
RIKER: Nah.
LAFORGE: Are you going to bother to show up?
RIKER: Sure, Kolrami is the best ever at Strategema. Just to get to play him is a privilege.

Understandable, but I feel this time Riker's priorities are a bit misplaced. Kolrami already doesn't like you, you don't want to give him more ammunition to use against you. At least challenging Spock to 3D chess won't result in him insulting you when he wins.

PULASKI: Against an opponent of approximate skill, Strategema can last well over one thousand moves.

Sheesh. Why do humans play this game? If Paul Stubbs is to be believed, BASEBALL is too slow to be enjoyed anymore!

WORF: I have wagered heavily in the ship's pool that you will take him past the sixth plateau.
RIKER: And if I don't?
WORF: I will be irritated.

When we have a game like Stratagema that the writers know will never be revisited, the number of made-up terms to be used should be limited. What is the "sixth plateau"? Just say X seconds or Y moves!

PULASKI: Maybe you should challenge Kolrami to Strategema.
DATA: Why, Doctor?
PULASKI: Because when someone is that smug, you occasionally have to deflate them just a little.

Oh yeah, these people are perfect alright. They don't believe in mourning, but the desire to crush a smug person's ego is perfectly alright. Money doesn't exist but gambling still does. It's a good thing I'm not a psychologist or I'd have a field day with this nonsense...

RIKER: (offers him the First Officer's seat) Mister Worf.
WORF: Sir, Lieutenant La Forge is a superior officer. The honour should be his.
RIKER: Worf, this is a battle simulation. You're my Tactical Officer. I've discussed this with Geordi and we agreed. You need to be at my side.

Why is this here? Worf should be at Tactical, and we don't need a First Officer in this case, nobody's going to be hurt!

RIKER [OC]: Now, what are the possibilities of warp drive?
LAFORGE: Not good. There are only a few dilithium fragments left in the holding clamps. Even if we had crystals that were intact, there's no anti-matter to fuel the drive.

It occurs to me that the warp core was designed to aim the matter and antimatter streams at a specific point which corresponds to a critical nexus point within the chunk of dilithium. If all you've got are chips, are they going to split the matter and antimatter streams into multiple smaller streamers, each aimed at a specific chip in a way that will ensure that the resulting plasma streams will coalesce into a proper stream to send to the nacelles? I'd want Data on hand to calculate that sort of thing!

RIKER [on viewscreen]: What's the Zakdornian word for mismatch?
KOLRAMI: Challenge. We do not whine about the inequities of life. And how you perform in a mismatch is precisely what is of interest to Starfleet. After all, when one is in the superior position, one is expected to win.

I have to agree with Kolrami on this one. The Borg are a big reason why we're doing this, and they proved that we need to learn how to improvise in battle conditions.

KOLRAMI: Play against a machine. Why should I wish to?

We've seen plenty of "android's aren't really sentient beings with rights" sentiments in TNG, but I'm surprised Kolrami would be among those voicing them. Wouldn't he have examined the combat records of the entire senior staff in preparation for this mission?

NAGEL: (a lady officer) But what about the viewscreen?
WORF: If I am successful, the computer will project a false image of the enemy ship on the main viewscreen.

The image on the viewscreen is already an image, Worf is just hacking it. Are there still people who think the thing is just a window?

KOLRAMI: I saw no sense in Riker choosing him anyway. Just a non-commissioned child.

While Wesley might not be a "senior officer" yet, he's definitely a bridge officer, and Kolrami should've read his record.

DATA: In the present context, what did she mean by bust him up?
TROI: In her own way, Doctor Pulaski was instructing you to take the shortest route to victory.
DATA: As opposed to what?

No, Pulaski was saying to decisively defeat Kolrami, humiliate him. Win by ten points instead of one. If we're going to act like Data doesn't have all metaphors memorized by now, we should at least use correct definitions when teaching him.

[Nate the Great]

KOLRAMI: Having studied William Riker's file prior to this assignment, I have found him wanting.
PICARD: In what regard?
KOLRAMI: His work record is exemplary, but, as you well know, a starship captain is not manufactured. He, or she, is born from inside. From the character of the individual. My interviews have revealed a man who displays circumstantially inappropriate joviality, belying the seriousness of his station.

Ugh. As we will see in "The Best of Both Worlds", Riker can act like a captain when the time comes to act like a captain. It's not his job to be as serious as a captain when he's not a captain.

RIKER: You went back to the Enterprise for that? Wes, you cheated.

I'm going to assume that the accusation of "cheating" wasn't in reference to Wes' lie, it's referring to the given scenario: only use what's on the Hathaway. And that is cheating.

Here's the real question: Why is the Hathaway here? It was stripped of important equipment and just left in a random star system? Why? I'd almost prefer it if the Enterprise got it from that Zakdorn depot from "Unification" and towed it to the star system next door for these war games.

LAFORGE: Ever driven a Grenthemen Water Hopper?
RIKER: Yes.
LAFORGE: Ever popped the clutch?
RIKER: You're saying we're going to stall the Hathaway?

This the only mention of a Grenthemen Water Hopper in all of Trek. Of course, I don't think "stalling" is the appropriate metaphor here. I see two major problems with this whole setup: the crystals and streams aren't aligned properly and the antimatter or plasma hits something it shouldn't, or the calculations are wrong and there still isn't enough energy to engage the warp coils. Either we're dead or the inside of the engine gets messed up and we don't move. Not a "stall."

PICARD: I am less than an hour away from a battle simulation, and I have to hand-hold an android.
PULASKI: The burdens of command.

As smug as Pulaski can be sometimes, I like this line. It goes a long way to explaining why she never became a bridge officer.

PICARD: It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life.

How often have we run into the reality of this truth?

DATA: I have several examples of Commander Riker's battle technique. At the Academy, he calculated a sensory blind spot on a Tholian vessel and hid within it during a battle simulation.

I hope it's a vessel that's not designed to make a Tholian Web, you don't want any blind spots on those ships!

(Kolrami laughs as the Hathaway lands multiple hits on the Enterprise)
PICARD: Warp three, evasive. Stand by. Disengage weapons and shields. Re-engage modified beam.
KOLRAMI: He's quite good.
PICARD: He's the best.

Aw, Kolrami has a sense of humor after all. I do like him better than most of the Insane Guest Star Officials of the Week.

PICARD: Where are my weapons?
BURKE: Unavailable, sir! We cannot disengage the modified beams. The connections have been fused.

So...they actually disconnected the phaser arrays from the source of the usual reticulated phased energy and connected them to fancy flashlights? I'd think foregoing the phaser arrays entirely and networking the computers of the two ships to "pretend" to fire would be enough.

KOLRAMI: As the Starfleet observer I am ordering you to withdraw!

We never got the implication that Kolrami was in Starfleet or had special dispensation to order Picard around. At least in TOS they had good reasons why the Insane Guest Star of the Week couldn't be told to shut up.

BRACTOR [on viewscreen]: I am Bractor, leader of the Ferengi attack vessel Kreechta. I shall have the secret of the other Federation ship. Surrender it to me, and I will allow your Enterprise to leave unharmed. You have ten of your minutes.

Hi Armin! I'm also reminded of the time on Stargate when Mitchell used "our Earth minutes". Daniel asks, "'Earth minutes'?" Mitchell replies, "Yeah, I always wanted to say that."

DATA: Premise. The Ferengi wish to capture the Hathaway believing it to be value. Therefore we must remove the ship from their field of interest.
KOLRAMI: And they will soon relocate it after a two second warp.
PICARD: There is a way.

Okay, here's the thing: ship's sensors have to keep track of everything within range whether they're told to look or not, or else something serious could happen. Two seconds at Warp One is six hundred thousand kilometers, fifteen times transporter range. The warp jump was meant to surprise, not escape. The Ferengi would find them almost immediately.

DATA: If the warp engines fail to function, the result could be unfortunate.

Understatement of the year, Data.

WORF: That only deceive them for a few minutes. Their sensors will soon locate us.

Ferengi sensors are so far behind Federation ones that they're that inefficient? They don't operate at the speed of light? Even if they operate at impulse speeds, it would only take ten seconds to find the Hathaway?

DATA: I simply altered my premise for playing the game.
RIKER: Explain.
DATA: Working under the assumption that Kolrami was attempting to win, it is reasonable to assume that he expected me to play for the same goal.
WESLEY: You didn't.
DATA: No. I was playing only for a standoff, a draw. While Kolrami was dedicated to winning, I was able to pass up obvious avenues of advancement and settle for a balance. Theoretically, I should be able to challenge him indefinitely.
PULASKI: Then you have beaten him.
DATA: It is a matter of perspective, Doctor. In the strictest sense, I did not win.
TROI + PULASKI: Data!
DATA: I busted him up.
ALL: Yes!

Great scene.

Nitpicker's Guide

* How can Worf hack the Ferengi's viewscreen? He doesn't know how they work! The second edition says that a reader replied that Starfleet's spies in the Romulan empire got the specs, I still don't buy it.
* Couldn't our crew have used holodecks for this scenario?