Most desired Sci-Fi Invention

[Nate the Great]

Uh, yeah. Maybe we should move away from what's the "correct" way to speak English. At least for me, there are really three categories of English speakers (native English speakers, I guess I should clarify):

"Correct" speakers=those people who not only never use slang, they never even use contractions unless it's absolutely necessary. Oh, and when they say Kleenix, you know they mean KLEENIX, and not any old generic knockoff.
"Normal" speakers=the majority of people who use the language. Kleenix means any facial tissue. Contractions are a must, but you'll still find 95% of the words they say in the dictionary. Also "talk right" is just as valid as "speak correctly."
"Casual" speakers=the ones who can say "dude" with a zillion different connotations to indicate a zillion different meanings. Duuuuuuddddeee, DUDE, deude, ad nauseum. They can also insert words like "um," or "like" next to any imaginary comma in their speech, or every four words, whichever comes first.

To save you guys the effort; these are humorous categories. If they don't evoke a laugh, then I must go off and live in a state of utter disgrace: New Jersey. (Bonus points for identifiers of the inventor of this joke)