September 20: Star Wars Trilogy

[Xeroc]

Hooray for Return of the Jedi!

Another awesome fiver!

Favorite Parts:

Solo: So, what's been going on in between movies, Chewie?
Chewbacca: Rooowwoorrrr!
Solo: Lando's a Jedi? Leia's not a traitor? Luke's here to rescue me?
Chewbacca: Rooowwoorrrr!
Solo: Oh, like you'd have sharp hearing after getting frozen in carbonite.

Jabba: What do you want, Jedi?
Luke: You will bring Captain Solo and WHOA! That is one smoking outfit you've got on Leia! Um, what was I saying?
Jabba: I was about to feed you to the Rancor.
Luke: Right. No, wait a min--AAAAAA!

Jabba: Any last words, Jedi?
Luke: Yes. (ahem) Get ready to toss me my lightsaber, R2.
R2D2: beep dedoop blip?
Luke: What do you mean, what lightsaber? The one I gave you when I explained my daring rescue plan!
R2D2: blip zoop dedoop?
Luke: No, I'm not going to go over it again.

Leia: Take this, you slimy ball of slime!
Jabba: I never thought I'd go this way, being strangled by a hot babe in a bikini... but I'd always really hoped so. GAK!

Lando: Aaaa! The Sarlacc's got me!
Solo: Chewie, did you hear something?
Lando: Han, you idiot, it's your sight that hasn't returned yet, not your hearing!
Solo: What's that, Lando? You want me to shoot the blaster in your general direction?

Luke: Are you all right, Master Yoda? You look a little green. Heheheh.
Yoda: Impudent padawan... funny think you are. There is something you must know -- there is another ss... sssky... skyw...
Luke: Skyway? Skywinch?
Yoda: Gak!
Luke: Great, now I'll never know what he was trying to say!

Leia: Luke, you're back! Is something wrong?
Luke: What makes you say that?
Leia: That's the first time you've hugged me and not tried to cop a feel.

Lando: Well, I'm in command of what could be the most important mission in the history of the galaxy. If only I had a ship....
Solo: All right, all right! You can take the Falcon, if it will stop your pathetic attempts at subtle hints. I'll need some collateral, though. What are your assets?
Lando: Hm. Well, I do have this ship I just borrowed.
Solo: Done.

Solo: Hello, giant Imperial Cruiser. I am a real Imperial Soldier, flying a real Imperial Shuttle on real Imperial Business. I'll transmit you my real Imperial Access Codes right now. They're real, I swear.
Imperial Soldier: (over the comm) Shield deactivation is commencing. Hold your present course.
Solo: They bought it!
Leia: Han, the comm is still open.

Ewoks: (brandishing spears) Ee-cha! Oo-took cha!
Luke: Threepio, tell them who we are.
C3PO: Oo-cha Luke Skywalker, bok-cha ee-tak Princess Leia, took-cha tee Captain Solo, oo-tee-cha Chewbacca.
Ewoks: Ee-cha!
Solo: HEY! They're trying to cook me!
Luke: Threepio, what did you tell them?
C3PO: I'm terribly sorry, sir, I seem to have translated improperly. It would appear I told them that Captain Solo tastes like chicken.

Leia: Luke, tell me what's wrong.
Luke: Vader is my father.
Leia: Ha! Boy, does it ever suck to be you.
Luke: There's more. You're my twin sister.
Leia: Oh... well, I kind of figured that.
Luke: What? How?
Leia: It was the only explanation I could think of for your being one of the only two people in the trilogy who doesn't want to make out with me.
Luke: Oh. Wait, who's the other one?
Leia: Threepio. But I think he's gay.

Palpatine: You will join us or die, young Skywalker.
Luke: Drat, I hate multiple choice. Um, I choose "c."
Palpatine: There were only two choices, idiot... but that's okay, I'll make choice "c" "slaughter the Rebels."
Luke: Crap.

Solo: (knock knock) Open up in there!
Stormtroopers: Who's there?
Solo: Um... pizza delivery.
Stormtroopers: Sweet! Safeguarding this generator from those Rebels is hard work. We're starving.
Solo: The door's opening! Quick, pass me the portable salsa generator!
Leia: Or we could just hold them at gunpoint when they rush out.
Solo: Would it kill you to leave one of my plans alone?
Leia: I'd rather not find out.

Solo: I'm sure Luke's all right.
Leia: You can feel it too?
Solo: No, my luck's just not that good.
R2D2: beep zoop blip!
C3PO: But R2, shouldn't you be happy Master Luke survived?
Leia: All right, I've got to ask -- R2, what have you got against Luke?
R2D2: zoop bedoop blip blip
C3PO: He says Master Luke reminds him of a former master that he detested.

Luke: Um, hi guys. What are you doing here? And who are you?
Anakin: Don't you recognize your old man?
Obi-Wan: (I still don't see why he gets to look so good in the afterlife.)
Yoda: (Told you to suck up to George Lucas, I did.)
Anakin: Anyways, now that you got me all redeemed and stuff, I decided to hang out with these two, just like old times.
Obi-Wan: Old times, my a-- Anakin: We thought we'd follow you around until the next sequel.
Luke: But... this is the last installment of the trilogy. There isn't another sequel.
Yoda: Sucks to be you, it does.
(Luke screams for mercy at Ludicrous Speed)

As always, excellent work!

And the blurb...

The droids get stuck doing Jabba-worky. Bad guys get thrown into the Sarlacc's maw Fett first. Yoda Jedies like a muppet. Luke finds out that Obi-Wan was Bending the truth. All good things come to an Endor, and find a few bad things there. The tension between Luke and Vader is Palpable. Han's team does some AT-STomping. Vader finally becomes a good manakin. If you got through this blurb alive, you just might survive the Ewoks too.

What can I possibly say?