Ocarina of Time Fiver ver. 2.0

[Nate the Great]

So I've been working on a new version of my OOT fiver. It's unfinished, but I'd like to post it for you guys for review. It's way too long for a fiver, but I think the jokes are better than my first one. I'm not expecting it to replace the original, but the universe can always use more altvers, right? Anyway, reviews are appreciated, especially regarding jokes that should be cut to make this thing a bit more svelte. Oh, and apparently this thing is too long, so I'll have to cut it up.

Five-Minute The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time Version 2.0

Part One: The Kokiri Emerald

Deku Tree: Navi, I summon thee!
Navi: Hey, you don’t have to shout, and for the last time, I’m not a Pokemon!
Deku Tree: Close enough. Anyway, go get Link for me.
Navi: Great, I’ve been waiting years for this. Shall I poison him, slit his throat, or just drive him insane with my incessant ringing?
Deku Tree: Not that kind of getting, just bring him here.
Navi: Spoilsport.

Navi: Hey, lazypants! Wake up!
Link: Whoa, I had such a strange dream. You were there, and…oh, I guess you’re the only one here.
Navi: Whatever. Come on, you have to go see the Great Deku Tree.
Link: I can see him now, his pictograph’s over there on the wall.
Navi (sighs): I can see this is going to be a long game.

Mido: Hey, why isn’t my speakertag “The Great Mido?”
Link: The fivist hates you. Anything else?
Mido: Yeah. Ahem. “None shall pass!”
Link: But you have a shrubbery right next to you.
Mido: Yeah, but you don’t have a herring. That’s why I hate you.
Link: Because I’m hard up on a herring?
Mido: That pun just bought you a useless side quest.
Link: Rats.

Link: Finally. Okay, Great Deku Tree, I’m here!
Deku Tree: Great. I summoned you to end my curse by killing a giant spider.
Link: Spiders. Why’d it have to be spiders?
Navi: That’s lame.
Link: But it was so obvious!

Queen Gohma: Aaargh!
Link: What, did Timmy fall down a well again?
Queen Gohma: Hiss!
Link: I can save money on my car insurance by switching to Geiko? Okay, you’re making no sense. Time to die now.
Queen Gohma: Gak!

Deku Tree: Hey, good job. Too bad I’m dying anyway.
Link: Bummer.
Deku Tree: But as a nice consolation prize, here’s the Kokiri Emerald.
Link: Oooooh, sparkly!
Deku Tree: Good luck, Navi. Gak!