Cliffhangers: The Saga Continues

[Tate]

I was thinking, recently, and I remembered that part 7 of Cliffhangers ended in (what else?) a cliffhanger and a "To Be Continued." I realize, of course, that it is supposed to end that way; it's a cliffhanger and is intended to leave the reader hanging. But I also realized that it would be an opportunity for me to write something funny.
So, in the tradition of Bored at Work/Home fivers (if anyone remembers those), and with apologies to Zeke and anyone else I may have portrayed, referenced, or plagiarized, I give you:

Cliffhangers, Part 8
By Tate
Previously on Cliffhangers....
IJD: We've gotta get out of here!
Marc: Zeke! Think of something!
Zeke: Okay! Here goes!
Derek: Well, it's a cliffhanger.
IJD: Maybe. On the other hand, we are all dangling from a cliff.
Zeke: Ehh, we'll be fine. We just need to keep level heads and, above all, not look down.
Zeke, Kira, Marc, IJD, and Derek: AAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Sa’ar Chasm: (Dangling near the top of the rope) Ow! Stop yelling!
IJD: Well excuse me if I’m hanging on for—HEY! Marc! You have hair!
Sa’ar: Ahem.
IJD: Marc! You have hair and your clothes are different!
Sa’ar: AHEM!
IJD: Marc! You have hair, your clothes are different, and you seem to have changed your name again!
Sa’ar: Never speak to me again.
Scooter: Will you two please be quiet? I’m trying to save us.
(Scooter pulls out a sonic screwdriver, with which he somehow manages to hoist himself, Sa’ar, Derek, IJD, and Zeke up to the top of the cliff. Kira and Marc have strangely vanished.)
Zeke: Thanks for the rescue, guys. But I think you owe us an explanation.
IJD: At five-percent interest.
Scooter: How can we owe interest on an explanation?
Derek: Well I’m certainly interested in hearing an explanation.
Sa’ar: Fair enough. What do you want to know?
Zeke: For starters, where are Marc and Kira?
Sa’ar: I’m sorry to say they are no longer with us.
Zeke: You mean, they’re…
Scooter: Yeah.
IJD: Alas, poor Marc and Kira; I knew them well.
Derek: How did they die?
Sa’ar: Huh? What are you talking about?
Zeke: You just said…
Sa’ar: I said that they are no longer with us. Meaning that they’ve gone back home.
Scooter: See, Sa’ar and I decided we wanted to join you guys in your adventure. When we realized you were dangling from a rope on the edge of a cliff, we figured it was about time for us to take over narration.
Sa’ar: And when we talked with Kira and Marc a couple of days ago, they told us they were getting tired of this adventure and should be getting back to their homes. After all, they’re busy people; they can’t spend weeks at a time in some silly adventure.
Derek: What are you implying?
Sa’ar: Oh, nothing. Anyway, we decided to narrate those two out of the adventure when we took over the narration.
Zeke: So you want us to continue our adventures without them?
Scooter: Sure. Think of it as a retcon, if you prefer. From now on, it has always been the five of us on this adventure.
IJD: Or we could consider it to be a re-imagining of the original Cliffhangers. The adventures would have the same setting, but would have a different plot, better special effects, and somewhat different characters, including a character whose gender is different than one in the original. You know, kind of like—
Zeke: Are you going to compare us to BattleStar Galactica?
IJD: Um…
Zeke: ARE YOU GOING TO COMPARE US TO BATTLESTAR GALACTICA?
IJD: …No! Of course not!
Zeke: Good. I’d hate to have to use the hammer of smiting.
Derek: Of course, if you did use it, then you’d be a basher, wouldn’t you?
Zeke: …Changing the subject, I think we should be getting back to our homes now.
Scooter: What? Now wait just a minute here. We didn’t save you just to have you leave. We want in.
Sa’ar: Yeah, we want to have an adventure.
Zeke: Fine, if you insist. I suppose we can have a quick adventure before going home. What did you two have in mind?
Scooter: Uh…
Sa’ar: Er…
Scooter: See, we hadn’t quite gotten to that point in our plans yet.
Sa’ar: I really don’t have any ideas.
Derek: Great, so we’re right back where we started.
IJD: We’re starting at the beginning again? The case for my re-imagining theory grows.
Scooter: Hey! Here’s an idea; we ask our loyal fanbase for suggestions.
Zeke: Good idea. They’ve already demonstrated that they have excellent tastes by liking the site.
Derek: So where are we going to find some fans to ask?
Sa’ar: At the forum, of course. Let’s go.
(Colors swirl around our heroes, gradually congealing into solid forms.)