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Written late at night by someone who should be sleeping:

The Top ten rejected actors for Aragorn
(Dedicated to Stuart Townsend; with notes from Peter Jackson's confidential memoranda)

10. Emeril Agasse - Can't stop shouting BAM! whenever he stabs a bad guy
9. Leo DiCaprio - Need someone taller than Liv (Fran, retest him for Pippin)
8. Keanu Reeves - Keeps shooting Elrond for some reason
7. Bruce Willis - His Elvish sounds suspiciously like Pig Latin
6. Kevin Kline - Demands clarification over moustache/no moustache issue; completely confused by stubble
5. Laurence Olivier - Apparently unware he's dead
4. Jim Carrey - Bugging eyes and lolling tongue out of mouth like a cartoon character wrong reaction to death of Gandalf
3. Andy Serkis - Can't understand a word he's saying (Note to Fran - maybe we can palm off some some voice work on him?)
2. William Shatner - Thought he was playing Ar, a Gorn; did nothing but bare his teeth and growl into a microphone

And the Number One Rejected Actor for Aragorn:

1. Renee Zellweger - Too eager to be licked by Brego the horse



Next:
Top Ten Rejected Actors for Samwise Gamgee